"Ding! I Made A Thought!"
Or maybe she just made a fart. The look is the same. Anyways, here's Jessica Simpson promoting her line of stuff and signing autographs at Macy's in NYC last night. While Chestica made that money, her leased piece Eric Johnson held her purse on the side and got lost in his own head thinking about all the purdy shiny things his sugar mama is going to buy him for his birthday.
Yeah, it was his birthday yesterday and I'm sure dude was like one of those brats who was more focused on tearing the wrapping paper off all his gifts than eating a piece of cake (Jessica has finally found her dream man). I was never one of those brats, surprisingly. I cared more about getting a piece of sheet cake from Gemco with a frosting rose on it. We used to tear each other's hair out for a frosting rose. That was special shit.
Here's more of Jessica NOT looking like the MVP of the National Drag Queen Football League while taking her bitch out last night. Spanx it till it fits!