And Twitter Will Explode In.....
Star Magazine is really trying to make the "Ashton Kutcher is the new Vanilla Gorilla" thing happen. A couple of weeks ago, Star tried to expose Ashton's wayward wang by publishing a story about him making out with some blonde at a restaurant in L.A. Ashton responded via his official rep, the Twitter Bird, by threatening to sue the dick out of Star. Demi Moore backed her husband up and later channeled her inner 18-year-old MySpace slut by Tweeting pictures of her bikini body.
Well, Demi better get her builders grade body in front of the nearest bathroom mirror, because Star has stepped it up. In this week's cover story, Star has a first-ho account from a 21-year-old who claims she met Ashton at a bowling alley in L.A. and later licked dried douche water off his peen.
The trick tells Star that Ashton picked her up at Lucky Strike Lanes while he was with Demi and Tater Head. Ashton and the trick started talking and she eventually slipped him her number. Ashton invited her to his house a few days later when Demi was out of town. Since Ashton is a devoted husband, he didn't bone his temporary side-piece in the bed he shares with Demi. No, he took his acts of illegal sluttery to the couch! The girl went on to say, “I felt totally comfortable in his arms. It was tender and nice — not some random sex act.”
Comfortable in his arms?! BITCH, you weren't slow dancing to a Michael Bolton song at your prom. You were straight up getting down-low dicked by a married asshole on his couch. If you went up to "Random Sex" on a street corner, handed it an Etch-A-Sketch and asked it to draw a picture that best describes it, it would sketch Ashton fucking this girl on his sofa. Ridiculous.
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this was part of some ingenious viral marketing campaign from Twitter. Ashton is a cheat headlines = hundreds of Tweets from Demi & Ashton = more followers = more hits. Well played, Twitter Whale!
And if this is true, then at least Demi knows why her sofa always smells like egg burritos.
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Submitted by TrashyWilma on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 6:34pm.
Who the fuck is "Teen Mom Catelynn" and why do I want to see her damn family photos? I don't even look at my parents' photo albums.
lmao! i see a different teen mom on the newstand everytime i go to the store. i watched the shows before but why are they on the cover of a mag. and to make it worse they talk about struggling to take care of their babies and pay bills, yet they're on the cover of a magazine. fuck outta here.
as for demi and ashton, i'm sure demi has had that vaginal tightening surgery to keep him around and he's stayed this long. i don't think he wud cheat, especially w/ a plain jane like this girl who obviously doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut, but who knows. men do crazy things sometimes.
WOO!
And after reading this thread, even though I'm only 22, I'm now afraid of age! Hooray!
*Adds "fear of aging" to list of emotional complexes*
YAY.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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Submitted by torpedo on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 1:30pm.
Dude, he's like in his early thirties. Many people have settled down by that age. He isn't a kid anymore. Is Hollyweird that immature that their thirty-somethings can only relate to college kids?
Just because he's a man, and he has testicles, and lots of money and blah blah blah doesn't entitle him to cheat on his wife, and if he wasn't a COMPLETE pussy, Demi Moore wouldn't have to "set him free". He's a big boy. He could always man the fuck up and leave on his own, but naturally this won't happen until he's forced to leave, because he's a pansy.
Sorry, but most people have the option to remain single if they really want to. If you aren't monogamous, whatfuckingever. Great for you. Then don't make promises with someone YOU KNOW doesn't share your values.
He's just proving how much of a little bitch he really is if he can't leave on his own terms NOR make his own decisions, not that it's a surprise to anyone.
The 21 year old slut is a double bagger, BTW, and I don't even like Demi Moore. I think she's a stereotypical flake C-list celebrity, on a good day...but there's someone out there for everyone, even this New Aged loon. It's Hollyweird; flaky, zen, washed up has-beens and C-Listers are a dime a dozen.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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sidepiece chick has serious pan-slam face, and L.M.A.O. @Demi
Optimism is a political act. Those who benefit from the status quo are perfectly happy for us to think nothing is going to get any better. In fact,these days cynicism is obedience. - Alex Steff
I dont beleive this I think Demi has Ashton pussy whipped! He aint going nowhere!
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Who the fuck is "Teen Mom Catelynn" and why do I want to see her damn family photos? I don't even look at my parents' photo albums.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
MK is definitely on to something. It's the Twitter Whale's doing.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
And what's wrong with random sex acts????LOL
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 1:14pm.
She looks like the ass end of that human mule on a GOOD day.
Submitted by wll663 on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 4:13pm.
How unspeakably vulgar.
Just a note...but my parents were at the Iowa/IA. State football game last weekend (huge deal here) and since Ashton is an Iowa fan he and Demi were there. My mom was like 3 rows behind them and said they did nothing but make out and hang all over each other the entire game. She said it was sickening.
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What would an angel say, the devil wants to know
Demi is better looking then that stout fat face. Poor Demi still looks like Asston's mommy though.
Lies! Demi is breaking little Ashton's peter off something fierce. He has no reason to stray....
Everyone knows the real Demi died ages ago, this modern Demi is a cybernetic organism created in the mountains of Montana. Only the 2010 models come with actual vaginas so it doesn't care that Ashton sleeps with real live women because it has no feelings, per se.
"Satchels of Gold."
Demi could have avoided this embarrassment by NOT marrying the boy-child.
He should be dating one of her daughters.
No amount of stitching,taping,cutting,sculpting of her body will make her young...not even the plastic surgery on her knees...LOL!!!
Act your age,stop making a fool of yourself...and if you truly love Ashton,set him free,so he can live the way most guys his age do!!
I am so shocked!!
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
That ignorant little fucker deserves all the humiliation coming to him. Cue The Tiger woods Bimbo Cavalcade.
Men are ruled by the lizard part of their brains that tell them they must impregnate and pass on their DNA to as many offspring as they can. That's why you see man who trade in their old wives for younger ones every ten years or so...they must keep making babies. That's why you see the polygamists with 7 wives and 50 kids. And that's why you see men in their 40s and beyond cheating on their wives with young dumb and often ugly skanks. Even if they aren't consciously thinking it, their lizard brain is tell them to BREED. Most of us "mature" women (at least the ones not trying to hold onto a younger man) have the attitude....Having kids in my 40's? I'd rather contract flesh eating bacteria.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 8:49am.
Plus, Demi looks like she would be a hellcat in bed.... one of those "imma break yo dick off!!!" kinda ladies....
LMAO.
What's wrong with ladies who do Kegel exercises?
Really? I was thinking Ashton was into 21 year old boys. Wow! Gotta take the gaydar to the shop. Bwaaaaaa
Saludos everyone from Punta Cana!! On vacation and still hooked on my dlisted!!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 9:56am.
I am getting so sick of seeing all these "16 and pregnant" bitches splashed all over the rag's covers.
SINCE WHEN IS BEING A TEENAGED SLUT SOMETHING TO GLORIFY!?!?!?!?
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And I love how MTV tries to justify the show saying it "shows the hardships of teen pregnancy"...every time I watch the girls have parental help, nice(ish) cars, disposable income, time to party with friends, their own apartments...and the list goes on.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
I'm calling BULLSHIT on this one. That chick looks like a dumpy troll who eats stray goats that wander by her bridge...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
I smell bullshit. This girl is built (and probably smells) like a Mcdonald's burrito.
When Demi first got married to Ashton--you could tell she was getting it a lot! There is something that shows on someone who is getting so much action--it makes people look younger for sure..but lately she doesn't look so young and I know it's 5 years later. but STILL. the "glow" is gone.
"Comfortable in his arms?! BITCH, you weren't slow dancing to a Michael Bolton song at your prom. You were straight up getting down-low dicked by a married asshole on his couch. If you went up to "Random Sex" on a street corner, handed it an Etch-A-Sketch and asked it to draw a picture that best describes it, it would sketch Ashton fucking this girl on his sofa. Ridiculous."
Genius, MK
Would this be surprising? Not just because she's a desperate has-been who is trying to look 20, but also because she's been acting like a lunatic lately, posting pictures of herself in her underwear and grabbing boobs in public.
And it couldn't happen to a nicer, more talented couple. I hate them for their self-righteous preaching and snotty attitudes.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Although I highly doubt this is true, I also want to laugh. Not because I find happiness in others misfortune, not because Ashton isn't satisfied by Demi's million dollar plastic body, but because this trick is claiming she hit Ashton! Girl, you keep shit like that to yourself!
She deserves what she gets after marrying the asshole from "Punk'd". He popularized the TRUCKER hat for christsakes!
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"All of us are lying in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars."-Oscar Wilde
JAck: honest truth, say she wasn't Demi Moore but Debbie Mooer (or Maurer or something). Would you rather have her old perfect ass or the young kinda fug one, BE HONEST!?!?!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
You should never marry someone who is the same age range as your children. Its just creepy.
It's most likely a marriage of convenience for them...too bad the publicity is backfiring on them. Now Demi is am aging woman desperate to keep her young piece and Trashton is seen as a ho.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Oh, and teen mom up there has some major ten-head going on.
"I've had spots on my butt forever - it's a leopard booty."-Chippy D
Although Demi appears to be a desperate 45 year old lady who probably wears tacky denim jean mini skirts (the choice of desperate old bags in my geographical location), this nasty famewhore is fug. Cheating down for sure. She gives me a little "Runaway Bride eyes" fevah!
"I've had spots on my butt forever - it's a leopard booty."-Chippy D
Ashton wanted a career so he married his mommy so she could pave the way. It worked.
I went away on vacation for two weeks and come back to this fuckery????
Can't married, famous men fuck around on their wives without these little bitches looking for their 15 minutes of whoredom???? Of course Ashton is fucking around on Demi. Duh.
But Demi should just think like a European and accept her YOUNG husband is going to get some young puss from time to time. Don't care how good your body looks... having the body of a 25 year old and actually BEING 25 years old is 2 different things.
I was in the south of France last week and met one of the most gorgeous guys I've ever seen. And he actually approached my fat tired ass to talk. My so-called friend I was traveling with cock-blocked me and would not hang with this sexy French beast and his friend. Bitch. *LOL* I never got his contact information and I really regret that. Wish I could find him with just a first name and where he lives. Anyway...
Why do I tell this story? Because even if I was drunk on French wine and cheese, I would never think that a young guy like that would be into an old bag like me for too long. And Demi should think the same. Keep Ashton, Demi. Right now, he's all you got, babe.
Oh, P.S.... brilliant post, as usual, Michael K *s*
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"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."- The Deliciously Insane Mel Gibson- 7/1/10
Demi should have married someone her OWN AGE. I always thought this match was weird. I think this was a sick thing to do to her daughters who are close in age in age to Ashton. The sickest thing is that he is cheating now that Demi is starting to show her age. He wanted a mother. What the hell do they talk about? An older man would be much more interesting to be around.
Submitted by Happy Hour on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 9:57am.
ahh, yes. and isn't that a pussy motherfucking way to break up with someone?
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
Kate and sexy does not compute...
TeenMom's private album.. ahem who wants to see that shit??
Cheaters truly suck, but having said that...I can't help but think it couldn't happen to a more smug hag. She is kidding NOBODY with her 'no' plastic surgery and seems desperate (to me anyway) to hold on to this twat.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 9:54am.
fuck, I co-sign with however said, home alone my ass. that's why I don't buy it. bitches this rich are NEVER home alone, i.e., nannies, cleaners cooks, maids, the poolboy, etc, etc.
plus, as dumb as ashton may be, even he knows if he's gonna cheat and get away with it, he needs to do it in lower slobovia or somewhere all bumfuck egypt.
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Unless he wants to be caught... like Triston said He wants to quit that bitch......
I am getting so sick of seeing all these "16 and pregnant" bitches splashed all over the rag's covers.
SINCE WHEN IS BEING A TEENAGED SLUT SOMETHING TO GLORIFY!?!?!?!?
*kicks kittens*
fuck, I co-sign with however said, home alone my ass. that's why I don't buy it. bitches this rich are NEVER home alone, i.e., nannies, cleaners cooks, maids, the poolboy, etc, etc.
plus, as dumb as ashton may be, even he knows if he's gonna cheat and get away with it, he needs to do it in lower slobovia or somewhere all bumfuck egypt.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 9:32am.
All right.. what Dlisted slut is in LA. We could really cash in on something like this.. take one for the team, sleep with the douche, blackmail him.. and share the wealth.. it was my idea after all.
hahaha I am in LA but under different circumstances I would take one for the team..this douche I shall pass.
Is that Angelina from Jersey Shore?
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"Leavin', on a southern train
Only yesterday, you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watch the time go by
All of these things you said to me"
Every time a trick sells her story about fucking on a married celeb or celeb spouse it's always the same shit, "he was such a great lover", "he was so tender and caring", "he held me in his arms". He picked you up in a bowling alley for fuck's sakes. Tell it like it probably was, "I was disappointed that he was hung like my pinky" and "after 30 seconds of grunting, it was all over".
A guy friend explained to me that guys always cheat down because they married the best they could get.
Although, I don't think this rule applies to famous men. I can't explain this mess.
As much as I would love for this to be true, I have my doubts; What about the "staff"...maids, cooks, etc... would have been home. And a skank like this would have taken photos somewhere inside the house for proof. (I always thought Ashton might have been ridin' Bruce Willis on the down low)Can't wait to read their "Twitter's"
Ashton got his nose from the same plastic surgeon who operated Kristen Davis'.
I think SpiceyDick nailed it... they do look like swingers.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
HA! Better get out an even skimpier bikini for twitter to hold on to your man Demi...
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard
whoa. I totally read that as "12 year old" Maybe I'm lysdexic. She DOES look young.