Let's Try This Again...
During a court hearing this morning, Judge Elden Fox nailed a set of rules to Lindsay Lohan's forehead following her early release from rehab. We all know how well this trick followed the last set of rules Judge Marsha threw at her, so start the countdown clock! Here's the rules courtesy of TMZ:
1. Stay in California. Don't don't even think about visiting la farmacias in Ensenada.
2. Keep a balloon filled with Nana Lohan's sober piss in your crotch at all times, because you must submit to random drug and booze testing twice a week.
3. See your shrink at least 4 days a week.
4. Go to behavior therapy sessions twice a week.
5. Go to a 12-step program at least 5 times a week.
6. Give White Oprah the access code to the safe where you keep blank prescription pads and wads of cash.
Okay, sneaky White Oprah wrote that last one when LiLo was passed out on her bed.
If the crackie gets a major F on her drug and booze test, she will have to spend 30 days back in the chokey. And by 30 days in jail, Judge Fox really means that she'll just have to sit in a private room at Lynwood until she rolls doubles.
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You need goddamn prescriptions for drugs in Mexico now, WTF?!
I will consider her cured if she goes back to her natural ginge and stops dyeing her hair all sorts of awful colors.
Accept yourself, Lilo!!!!!!
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“Change in a trice. The lilies and languors of virtue. For the raptures and roses of vice;”
Her roots must be horrendously awful-looking by now (not that they weren't before). They don't allow industrial hair-frying strength peroxide in rehab, do they?
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Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.
She only has to be good until November 1st...this is a joke...oooooooh maybe they'll put her on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION.
I just pictured Naomi Campbell beating the living daylights out of Lindsay Lohan with a cell phone, and Ellin What'shermaidenname attacking Mark Wahlberg with a golf club. Am I going mad from the heat?
Submitted by Snarkley on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 5:48pm.
There is no way in hell she'll comply with all this. She might as well stay in rehab.
One of the reasons she went to jail was for missing some of her ONCE a week AA classes...I agree she's not going to be able to do this.
In my field of work, I have seen behaviour therapy truly do WONDERS for young people with concurrent disorders (including complying to meds of course), but it has to be for a long stretch. Several weeks will not do it ....and the cycle begins again in that case.
I wish her the best here. Most folks have to do this living in some moldy dump, but she has financial resources. Then again, perhaps that's a detterent, I dunno.
Drs. Moe,Larry and Curly at UCLA otherwise known as U can leave anytime hospital thinks Hohan is responsible enough for outpatient?...put that scram back on at least!!!
UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital is a fucking disgrace to the medical profession. The judge is a disgrace to jurisprudence.Judge Not The One SENTENCED her to 90 days in a secure facility,not 30.
Lohan was arrested twice for driving under the influence-she's a menace to public safety. I don't have any sympathy left for her.
M.E. and Dirty Whore Mouth,can you spare a vomit bag?
Several decades ago, scientists trained earthworms to use another tunnel, rather than continue to use ones that gave them an electric shock from a buzzer placed inside.
Those worms are smarter than this eternally-enabled fuck-up could ever hope to be.
There is no way in hell she'll comply with all this. She might as well stay in rehab.
Submitted by mike on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 5:24pm.
I fully support numbers 1-4 (especially numbers 2-4), but number 5 irks me. They've said she's not an addict, so why does she need a goddamn 12-step program?
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Most Judges will issue that stipulation here in CA for DUI's. Not only once getting a DUI, in order to comply with the completion of the DUI classes, you must also attend "x" amount of AA/NA meetings and show proof before "graduating" the DUI course. Sometimes a judge will order more than what is already called for in the DUI Education courses.
gawd, there really is one set of rules for the hollywood fuckups and another set for us.
fucking bitch. I cannot wait for her to drop off the radar.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
I fully support numbers 1-4 (especially numbers 2-4), but number 5 irks me. They've said she's not an addict, so why does she need a goddamn 12-step program?
And for those of you thinking her release is a death sentence, mark my words, her antics will still be a regular feature on dlisted a year hence. She and Amy Winehouse both have the "cockroach in the nuclear holocaust" will to survive.
Submitted by Pamela on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 4:16pm.
Wheres that little piece of shit Glambert? Hes all I need to complete my awesomely fucked day
Here he is! LOL
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"Strut for me, and show me what you're workin' with." --Glambert!
Snideychick sez:
Let her party up. At some point she'll piss off the wrong drug dealer and get what's coming to her.
What the fuck did humanity do to deserve this shit?
seriously, WTF!
How many dicks did she and WO suck?
Wheres that little piece of shit Glambert? Hes all I need to complete my awesomely fucked day
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN!
You KNOW she thought she was homefree! God, I would love to have seen her expression of horror when she read these stipulations!
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Ill believe it when I see it!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
Haha, Lilo needs to Lay-low.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 3:05pm.
Her lips are ducky already!?!?
---lady prison/parts.
@snowy and ME: and OY! Her lips are ducky already!?!?
♥ Threadkilla!
We didn't start the Flame War:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907543
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
~ Jeph Jacques
LiLo is the hot topic of the day! She will not endure the conditions stated by the judge. She will fail. Hopefully, she will overdose and end the charade. WO will get all the attention she wants. Hell, she may even try being a Rockette again! Anyway, the key is that LiLo simply cannot,will not, and does not want to stay clean and sober. So be it! Guard the agaves!
also wondering who did her eyebrowns.....
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
yes, M.E. thats the picture I'm talking about. I never had a beauty salon in rehab? Hmmmmm
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
Snowy - did you see the picture TMZ has of her from this morning and her hair is reddish again.
WTF?
I would like to know how she got her roots did in lockup
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
M.E.:
You forgot to include Hohan's sensible dinner of snortables and rank twat!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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*shares bag of white cheddar popcorn wiff DWM*
Deb, true. God Damned resposibility!
Well, M.E., since you broke it down that way, it's not so bad. It's just not as fun as doing blow and partying all the time, dangit! ;)~
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
It is M.E. You can sit next to me on the bus and we'll share snacks and vom bags.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
could u imagine if these fucked up rules were applied to real ppl with real jobs. that shit is like a full time job itself. it's sort of ridiculous. i would request to just do the goddamn jail time and be done with it. moving on
Deb, it's not like she's got a job to where she has to try and fit this all into her schedule!
1 therapy appt in the morning = 1 hour
1 AA/NA/12 step meeting in the afternoon = 1 hour
1 behaviour therapy appt in the mid afternoon = 1 hour.
Pfffffffffft. I could even squeeze that shit into my strapped as fuck schedule!
LMAO!
Let her start driving again, so we can run over her and end this soap opera once and for all.
She's basically Dana Plato for the new millenium.
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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Not that she doesn't deserve it, but just LOOKING at that schedule made me want to drink and do drugs myself.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 1:05pm.
Wow. The entire state of California is really hell-bent on Lindsay getting better. I guess when she's done it'll bring about world peace or some shit. Right?
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The entire state of California depends on Lindsay to:
1. stop wildfires
2. bring rain to the state
3. keep our streets safe
4. keep earthquake activity to a minimum
5. Keep jails in Los Angeles freckle free
So I guess she's officially off the Linda Lovelace movie since I believe that was filming in Texas.
ricky, your posts are rather sparkley. i agree with your words, if not your vitrol.
respect.
*raises glass*
HA...there is NO effing way she will be able to stick to all those rules. She couldn't handle going to one damn class a week...let alone this smorgasborg of stipulations.
Can't wait to see her FAIL.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
When are these prueblooded American Tools going to let this creative, artistic soul be free to live her life? What exactly does anybody have against Miss Lohan? That "rehab" program is nuts. Judge Elder Foxy is WAY into fascist land. The Psycho Docs have already said there is nothing unscrewed about Lindsay, so why does Foxy make her go 6 times a week to make her better? Get a clue Foxy, AA doesn't help 95% of the people who try the 12-step. This ain't a miscarriage, it's a late term abortion. As long as L.L. doesn't drive, the court should have no more control over her.
MK you forgot the counts of cocaine she had were dismissed. So the people who were held hostage and the black guy she blamed for it are just shit out of luck. I guess she spent her last few dollars paying all these people off. Whatever. Forget the drug testing and just let the bitch od. I'm sick to death of her. And to top it all off she'll get more millions for her "comeback" story.
DWM - is that in regards to my letter to miss Blohan?
Submitted by Libressa on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 1:55pm.
She should be released into Dr. Conrad Murray's custody at once
Brilliant, i just spit my lunch all over the puter screen.
Can we just tell her there's a super hot photographer in North Korea that is just DYING to take her picture and wants to pay her HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars?
♥ Threadkilla!
We didn't start the Flame War:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907543
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
~ Jeph Jacques
*laminates M.E.'s bus ticket to hell along with my own*
SEe you there slizzut.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
Submitted by Soultonic on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 1:28pm.
...and yes Lindsey was framed. She would never ever ever touch drugs or alcohol.
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And, she has been repeatedly kidnapped by Jeremy London's abductors and forced to consume drugs/alcohol.
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I never that it was your fault.
I said that I was going to blame you.
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She should be released into Dr. Conrad Murray's custody at once!