Of Course: A Twit & Twat Sex Tape Is Coming Soon
On their "101 Ways to be a Famewhore" list, Twit and Twat have already crossed out "get fake married, "get fake everything installed into body, "get fake divorced," and now they are slowly taking a Sharpie to "release fuck tape." Even the broke down psychic cat in Santa Monica could've predicted this mess.
TMZ brings us the inevitable news that Spencer Pratt is trying to sell a sex tape starring him and Heidi Montag to the highest bidder. Spencer has already offered it up to Vivid Entertainment. Vivid's Steve Hirsch had this to say, "I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag. We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal."
Watching a half-melted Dollar Tree plastic doll lying on top of a patch of mangy butt hair from a blonde mutt is probably more exciting than Heidi and Spencer's fuck tape, but I'd still press play on that shit. There's been so many times that I've stared at the mound of fleshy hair growing on the giant penis head on top of Spencer's neck and wondered if the theme continues down below to his crotch area. FLESH PUBES!
And seriously, Heidi's probably not even in the tape. It's just Spencer and his anal crystals.
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He's a bigger queef than she is.
This could eliminate the world's need for ipecac and stomach pumps.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Heidi honey, would you like to borrow my gaydar? I've seen that face 1,000 times after I said something cunty to a gay friend about somebody across the room.
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If I have to come back here it's gonna get fuckin ugly.
I wanna see Heidi roger Spencer with her strap-on... I wanna see!
Jesus, those bulbous cheek implants on Heidi's face are scary.
The last celebrity sex tape I watched was Shauna Sands and her gigolo. Shauna kept smearing some lipgloss on her blown-up lips every 2 minutes, wearing her scary lucite heels with her legs up in the air, and constantly trying to strategically cover up her mutilated nipples with her hair, she was doing all that while fake moaning in fake ecstasy. And she dripped melting vanilla Haagen-Dazs on her flabby beef curtains.
what's after the tape?
please let this horrific 15 minutes end.
"But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?"
"Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby..."
"i'm a dyslexic devil worshipper, so I sold my soul to Santa..."
"do a service to humanity and remove yourself from the gene pool"
how do you download a blowup doll?
"But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?"
"Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby..."
"i'm a dyslexic devil worshipper, so I sold my soul to Santa..."
I would rather see them in a snuff film.
Obviously, their fifteen seconds of fame are up and they are desperate! They will be flipping meat at the In-N-Out Burger in LA by the end of the year. Oh no, make that McD's, don't want to despoil the wonderful In-N-Out!
throw in flava flav and I might watch.
"Hail NO!" MK as god
LOWEST OF THE LOW IF THIS IS TRUE! however, i think its not. i think heidi is in on this whoooole thing for the so called fame. and yes, i'm an idiot for even commenting on this fuckery!
in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please "don't breed or buy while homeless animals die" and support animal shelters!
Why the fuck do these celebtards film themselves having sex!? Ok, some of them do it on purpose for exposure (no pun intended) but I'm sure some of them don't. I'm sure Horsey Montag would be in the latter category. So why did you agree to film having sex with that psycho, why Heidi? You dumb, plastic, vacuous, delusional dipshit.
I hate these two so fucking much. When I see their faces it makes me grind my teeth, grrrrrr. Just go away you disgusting famewhores from the depths of famewhore hell.
FUCK OFF!
this is somewhat a preview of their sex tape:
http://dyn.ifilm.com/resize/image/blog/7/8/2/4/782422/200908/12496669115...
It wouldn't suprise me if he made the tape while Heidi was under anesthesia for her surgeries... perhaps a good, old fashioned, double teaming of Heidi between Spencer and Dr. Ryan while she was under... I know it's wrong that this was the first thing that popped into my head, but the timing of Dr. Ryan's death and this announcement just seems a little too suspicious...
Btw, the Eva Mendes S.EX. Tape parody at funnyordie.com is cute... she looks so unbelievably good in night vision... the words "in my bedroom with two dudes" never sounded better.
Her skin's scary, but so is Spencer Pratt's.
I imagine that whenever Heidi fucks, her joints make some awkward squeaks, like one of those stiff and cheap Barbie dolls that break the first time you play with them.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Didn't see this coming from a galaxy away. He's going broke and he's unemployable in H'wood because he's just too bizarre & crazy. I don't feel sorry for her, if she left that behind for Spencer it only proves she's got the brain function of mold.
Submitted by Whatever on Sat, 08/21/2010 - 1:12am.
I think mankind has suffered enough with the likes of these two useless asswipes.
The...horror...and I blame Hollywood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8oju509hwk
Gag.
I think mankind has suffered enough with the likes of these two useless asswipes.
Is video taping yourself during sex some intrical part of the whole experience nowadays? Whatever happened to women wanting to keep their cellulite out of sight for their partner, let alone the entire world? There are no certainties any more.
As to these two fucktards (I have never used this word before, but somehow it seems made for the occasion): not even D-listers are that hard up.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Can't someone just kill these attention whoring fuckers already?
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Do not want.
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Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.
Also coming soon: A Tsunami of Vomit.
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Have an open mind - but not so open that your brain falls out.
Give me a Betty White sex tape over this shit ANYDAY.
Oh, and they're such great "Christians" & god-loving people... Remember how much they loved to talk about their faith when "campaigning" for McCain/Palin?
CHAMPAGNE PUBES! Lighter fluid would give it a distinquished Touch of Gray?
Congratulations Heidi! You have mutilated yourself into the twin sister of Lisa, the puppet from Team America. Glad the guy who did this to a moron like you is burning in hell.
I'd rather listen to a Best of Mime CD.
If the sex tape is as lame as her Playboy spread...it's going to be a tough sell.
Whoa! christine the FREAKING hoff?! Welcome back woman!! I sorely missed you!
I'd rather watch that scene from "The Fly" with Jeff Goldblum where the baboon gets turned inside out. On a loop.
Oh good lordy no!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
WHY?? WHY????
God, I'm old. Who ARE these people?
(and why should I care?)
Dog! LMFAOooo!!
She looks Asian in that photo.
Put. It. AWAY!!! I'd rather watch a Beth Ditto sex tape.
Rule 34 ... hell, we already know God hates us ... next
Gross...think I'll pass
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
I think Spencer's jumped on the cosmetic procedure bangwagon. His face is seeming uniformly plumper, and that usually doesn't happen just by gaining weight.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 6:15pm.
Spencer looks like the type who cums before he gets it all the way in.
^^^^^
Truer words were never typed. lol
This porno is sure to replace my sounds of nature cd that usually lulls me to sleep. *yawn*
Seriously though who would pay money to watch these two twats coddle each others egos while trying to remain aroused?
WinnieT's picture
Submitted by WinnieT on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 6:09pm.
UGH. I'd rather eat shit and die then watch Spencer Pratt trying desperately to burn his way into Heidi's plastic vagina.
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Best line ever!
Submitted by Secret Original on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 5:37pm.
I'm afraid, if enough people stop paying attention to these two, twat is going to kill twit and then himself.
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Yeah I'm not seeing a problem with that.
Hmmmmm, a gerbil humping an inflatable doll?? Two thumbs down.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Spencer said this sex tape would blow Kim K's outta the water.
So what does that mean? Scat play?? Gross...two blonde butt nuggets with poo all over them.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
Spencer looks like the type who cums before he gets it all the way in.
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
UGH. I'd rather eat shit and die then watch Spencer Pratt trying desperately to burn his way into Heidi's plastic vagina.
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard
ashamed to admit but I'd watch that too..I wanna see if she actually has a slit down there unlike the real barbie and wondering about his dick size,butt hair and pubes too,
ugh... talking ads... really? :(
When will these 2 just go away? I've never watched The Hills, but I can imagine that anyone who was a fan is a social retard.
Thank you Jen Aniston for bringing back "the tard".