Swizz Beatz And Alicia Keys Are Married
A shot rang out in Corsica yesterday! No, it wasn't an intentional act of symbolism. It was the sound Mashonda's inflatiable boat made when it popped right after she arrived on shore to crash the wedding. Mashonda was too late, because Alicia Keys did indeed marry Gonzo Swizz Beatz on the French Island of Corsica last night. E! Online says that Bono and Queen Latifah watched as Swiss Beatz promised to love and honor the woman he's probably going to cheat on in a couple of months.
This is Swizz Beatz' second time wrapping a wedding ring around his finger and it's Alicia's first. The two are going to be parents to a brand new baby later this year.
Miss JIA already has some pretty hilarious pictures of their wedding. Swizz is dressed up like a busser/piano player at a lounge in Reno circa 1978. And the side-eye that little boy is throwing at Alicia's rhinestone headband has made my everything. Who does Alicia think she is? Empress Moon Child?
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This is some sad shit. Apparently dude has commitment issues, why the fuck marry him at this point in the game. I would have at least faked sent his ass to counselling. I guess she doesn't want to have his third bastard child.
♫Money can't buy you class♫
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Why doesn't anybody think of the sluts?!!!" MK
Wow! It was weddings galore this weekend!
I'm not gonna say nothing about the white dress cause my friend just got married this weekend too and she has two kids with the present hubby, and three kids by two other men and she married in white!!!
I'm not swinging no white bullshit come August 27. I'm looking for a beige suit cause I'm a mom of three.. so I'm NOT fooling anyone..including myself!!! LOL!!
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She's a fameasexual. Bitch will lick on anything if it gets her a blurb in Star Magazine. -- Michael K.
That baby is gonna have a ginormous nose, coupled with a huge forehead and small eyes.
NOT a good combo.
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If a white dress is meant to symbolize virginity and purity, than maybe she shouldn't have worn it over her pregnant belly. However talented she may be, somehow this woman always strikes me as silly. An idiot savant, perhaps?
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 1:09am.
Goodnight Centy - best of luck south of the border! Keep us posted on how things are going if you get the chance.
I'm out too, sweet dreams dlisters. Monday morning just comes too soon.
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You're such a sweetie, doll. I'll give a full report when I return.
I always need to watch TV before bed.
You know, the idiot box.
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"Chi la fa l'aspetti."
Goodnight Centy - best of luck south of the border! Keep us posted on how things are going if you get the chance.
I'm out too, sweet dreams dlisters. Monday morning just comes too soon.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:33am.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:29am
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Very true...I suggest we start a pool on how long this marriage will last. I'm predicting rumors of it unravelling will start about 6 months after the baby's born, with divorce papers filed 6 months after that.
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Agreed!
Christ, I am so tired, I'm off to bed.
I had pizza with my sister-in-law tonight so I could see my little nephew and she's obsessed with cop shows. Criminal Minds, Law and Order, etc.
Naturally, she has them all taped.
I'm convinced if I see two cops in Mexico I'm going to be like, Hola Polizia, Fuck You, Polizia!
I mean, you just never know! :)
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"Chi la fa l'aspetti."
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:33am.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:29am
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Very true...I suggest we start a pool on how long this marriage will last. I'm predicting rumors of it unravelling will start about 6 months after the baby's born, with divorce papers filed 6 months after that.
--I give it 3 months. Before birth of baby. Divorce in 6-8.
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In my neck of the woods, men who will do ANYONE are known as Donkey Dicks.
He-WHORE,he'WHORE.” -A.cotw, DListed
"Swiss Beatz promised to love and honor the woman he's probably going to cheat on in a couple of months."
LOL-True.
Pregnant brides always look weird to me. I think waiting till after the birth to do the public ceremony is classier, but I might just be old school.
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In my neck of the woods, men who will do ANYONE are known as Donkey Dicks.
He-WHORE,he'WHORE.” -A.cotw, DListed
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:29am
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Very true...I suggest we start a pool on how long this marriage will last. I'm predicting rumors of it unravelling will start about 6 months after the baby's born, with divorce papers filed 6 months after that.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:19am.
CSG!
Okay, I usually work hard to cover my stupidity, but Imma let it all hang out, PHEW:
Chelsea is PREGNANT?!?!
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LOL - I'm not talking about Chelsea (whose dress I thought was gorgeous BTW), but the pictures of Alicia at her wedding. If you click on the Ms. JIA reference in MK's post above, there's several photos of this wonderful affair. It's amazing to me that she gets herself knocked up by a married man, has the audacity to wear white down the aisle, and (I think) had her parents walk her down said aisle. Class all the way around!
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Lol...I'm an idiot. Tell me something I don't know! :)
Too many weddings this weekend.
Yeah, I know the whole story on this SwizzCheat/Sleys wedding.
I don't know wtf these days, I mean, these ARE WEDDING VOWS, PEOPLE!
It's like they're reciting nursery rhymes.
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"Chi la fa l'aspetti."
CSG!
Okay, I usually work hard to cover my stupidity, but Imma let it all hang out, PHEW:
Chelsea is PREGNANT?!?!
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LOL - I'm not talking about Chelsea (whose dress I thought was gorgeous BTW), but the pictures of Alicia at her wedding. If you click on the Ms. JIA reference in MK's post above, there's several photos of this wonderful affair. It's amazing to me that she gets herself knocked up by a married man, has the audacity to wear white down the aisle, and (I think) had her parents walk her down said aisle. Class all the way around!
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 08/02/2010 - 12:10am.
To add to the fuckery of this ridiculous wedding, are those pictures of her PARENTS walking her clad-in-virginal white, pregnant, adulterous fat-ass down the aisle in thumbnails #7 and 8?
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CSG!
Okay, I usually work hard to cover my stupidity, but Imma let it all hang out, PHEW:
Chelsea is PREGNANT?!?!
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"Chi la fa l'aspetti."
To add to the fuckery of this ridiculous wedding, are those pictures of her PARENTS walking her clad-in-virginal white, pregnant, adulterous fat-ass down the aisle in thumbnails #7 and 8?
Gonzo motherfucker must have a horse-long wang, cuz DAMN. And pop some Orville's finest, crack open a cold one, and puts your tired feets up, Mashonda: Ms. Karma D. Bitch is fixing something deeelicious for you very soon.
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Illuminati Monarch Slave, at your service.
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What a tacky wedding. Sunglasses, the damn tiara, the tux, and thanks to Hockeyfan for pointing out the bikini tan line... Money can't buy you class, indeed. Money also can't buy you good genes. Hopefully that kid gets Alicia's nose, but not her bad skin. And whether or not this marriage is "doomed" will probably be dependent upon how much cheating Alicia can try to ignore.
This will last slightly longer than the union of Katy Perry and Russell Brand. 14 months, tops.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 5:05pm.
It's not so much about the mistake she made, but about her behaviour while she was banging a married man, quite publicly, as well. She kept flaunting it and tweeting that she was glad she had followed the heart rather than the head, while the wife had a newborn baby and Swizz was still living with her. Mashonda asked Alicia multiple times to at least, please, have some respect for her and the decency of being a little more discrete about it, pleas that Alicia ignored in favour of rubbing her pregnant belly on pianos everywhere. Ugh.
When the f did he get divorced? Did they even wait for the ink on those papers to dry before they got hitched?
Tacky. In so many ways.
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"69ing while driving is only for professionals" --MK
Submitted by JewJewBean on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 1:56pm.
This just proves what I have known all along: some women love drama
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True this. With all the red flags and warning signs ahead, Alicia refuses to see them. It will be more exciting for her to confront these situations one by one. It will make her feel "alive" . Having a baby in the middle of this hurricane will just add to the drama.
I used to love her. Not anymore. There's something to be said for discretion, but clearly no one passed that memo to Mrs. Beats here. She's totes going to lose the battle of the chunk-pregnancy does that to some people, and will do it to her full fucking force.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
Swizz and Alicia's wedding photos: just more proof to add the the mountainous pile that taste doesn't always accompany money...and that weddings sure do bring out the fug.
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Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
Sadly, today they announced their separation after Alicia woke up and realized she's a lesbian and Swizz woke up and realized he's a manwhore. Oh well, they gave it a shot...
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
He looks genetically incapable of fidelity.
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"Heinous fuckery most foul, lad. Heinous fuckery most foul." ~~Christopher Moore
Submitted by echobunny on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 2:20pm.
Submitted by JewJewBean on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 12:48pm.
**OK, so he was cheating on his wife with 2 women at the same time; one of them being Alicia Keyes?
NO, two that we know about. I am sure there are others. This has to be all for show. She can't be this fucking dumb. I know the lesbian rumors were starting up again, Alicia. But, you could have gotten a better beard than this. LOL.
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
I could (kind of) excuse her behavior if she was early 20's (we've all done stupid things) but isn't she 29, 30 ?
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
Oh please, Alicia Keys. You think you can change a man. Hm mm. That's what his former wife thought too. For some reason I expected more from this girl. Woman's worth, my ass. If this marriage lasts more than a year, it'll be because her foolish pride will allow her to put up with his antics so not to hear "I told you so" from the world. The baby is innocent so I will wish her/him well but that's all. You'll see, Alicia - karma is a bitch.
wasnt his divorce just finalized a few months ago?
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
My mom got married heavily pregnant (she was pregnant with me), but she wore pink because it was her second marriage and she was pregnant. She told me, "They all know I'm not a virgin anyway!" Plus it was the 80s, so pink was the natural choice.
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Submitted by Soultonic on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 3:06pm.
Lame, lame, lame. Alicia will regret this. Red flag number one: You don't marry a man who has multiple children with multiple women (I think it was 3 or 4 women). Red flag number two: He cheated on his wife to be with you and he will do it to you too. Girl, someone needs to slap some sense into you. This marriage will fail....guarantee.
Like Antoine Dodson said, "You are so dumb, you are really dumb...for real."
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True... I guess she'll have to burn to learn. Whatevs...
Submitted by LaChaylo on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 1:15pm.
I want to hate on that dress, but I caint! If I were knocked up and getting married, that's the way to go.
-I totally agree. I was going to say that the whole thing looked a mess, but that dress was actually pretty and classy for a shot-gun wedding, though I kinda L'dMAO at the fact that it was white. The tiara (if it can be called that) is tacky as hell though.
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This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
Boring couple, tacky wedding.
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I will not be ignored Dan! The musical interlude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv9Zf4EYP18
Why was she holding the flowers like that? It looks stupid. Get a nosegay if you don't know what to do with a cascade. I never heard of either of these people but they seem to be out of their element in the fancy duds with the fancy flahrs.
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My heels are broken! I can't move!
*stares blankly; farts*
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"One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time." - Carl Sagan
Just saw her wedding dress and tiara. Of course, she's gonna wear a tacky Greek goddess gown and tiara. Why wouldn't she? She's Alicia Keys.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Lame, lame, lame. Alicia will regret this. Red flag number one: You don't marry a man who has multiple children with multiple women (I think it was 3 or 4 women). Red flag number two: He cheated on his wife to be with you and he will do it to you too. Girl, someone needs to slap some sense into you. This marriage will fail....guarantee.
Like Antoine Dodson said, "You are so dumb, you are really dumb...for real."
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
She looks preposterous in that tiara
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It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious
Congrats, AK! I hope that prenup is airtight!
Why would you let your soon to be husband wear sunglasses during your wedding? If he wore his glasses while saying the vows then their tackiness is confirmed. How long ago was it that he got divorced? I'm sure he is ready for a screaming baby in the next few months. And she looks like she is going to blow up even bigger. She always had lezzy bipolar eyes to me. Jus Sayin!
Submitted by SqueazyCheeze on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 2:32pm.
Look at the smirky bemused expression on Daddy of the Year's face. I'm surprised there's room for anything but that nose, LOL! I give this 3 years, tops.
LOL...sweety you're being to generous...let's shoot for this same time next year. This will be but a beautiful distant memory in the wake of a sidepieces, he-said-she-said,baby daddy-mama drama,divorce and custody hearings. Trust.
"No One Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood!"
Look at the smirky bemused expression on Daddy of the Year's face. I'm surprised there's room for anything but that nose, LOL! I give this 3 years, tops.
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Everybody wants to grab it, but nobody wants to pay for it.
This will last.
it's called low self-esteem. Someone forgot to tell her she's beautiful and talented.
Submitted by JewJewBean on Sun, 08/01/2010 - 12:48pm.
When you leave the hood, you need to leave the hood rat behavior behind as well. Alicia is acting like a straight hood rat living in the projects. Having a kid by a man with a bunch of baby mama's? WTF is she thinking? This dumb broad went with him to a DNA testing to prove this woman's(another chick he was cheating on his wife with) daughter was his, and it was. The woman is now in the process of taking him to court for (**edit)child support. So, he was not only cheating on his wife with Alicia, he was cheating with this woman in the UK. LMAO. You can't make this shit up. Money doesn't buy class or common sense.
**OK, so he was cheating on his wife with 2 women at the same time; one of them being Alicia Keyes? No-name woman in the UK got preggers and now AK is preggers? UGH, why won't these people use protection? Think of all the nastiness he was spreading around. He ain't even a hot piece. Puhleeze...
Corsica? Bougie!
Oh, please. How desperate is this woman for a man?
Hurrah, Alicia. Now you can happily tell your kid you were legally married to the sperm donor before he bones some other twat. Good luck with that fidelity bullshit.
This just proves what I have known all along: some women love drama. Alicia is rich, beautiful and successful...she can have her pick of the litter. But, what does she do? She settles for this low rent, bottom of the barrel deadbeat. It is the potential drama with him and his baby momma's that is attracting Alicia. It is not a coincident that some women keep ending up with dogs. They purposely pursue them because they love the drama. You will never catch them with somebody decent who treats them right. Nope. That is boring. This mess right here exciting.
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
Best wishes for many years of wedded bliss to AK and Swizz Beatz!
It's a future episode of "Maury" in the making.