Is Eric Johnson A Kept Piece?
Jessica Simpson's friends tell Star Magazine that her new man isn't with her, because he absolutely loves it when Papa Joe crawls into bed with them in the early morning hours for a warm spoon fest. He also isn't with her, because he finds it endearing that she still thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. (<----- Something I too have a hard time dealing with). Jessica's friends say that Eric Johnson, who used to play for the New Orleans Saints, is only dating her, because the inside of his checking account looks like this.
Apparently, Eric is living with Jessica in her multi-million dollar mansion and isn't paying for shit. On their recent trip to Italy to celebrate her 30th birthday, Jessica pulled out her wallet for everything. The $3,000 a night hotel suite? Jess paid. The $5,000 chartered yacht? Jess paid. The fancy meals? Jess paid. One friend said, "Jessica is so starved for love, she just doesn't see any of Eric's faults. She's been paying for everything in their relationship, and it doesn't seem like Eric intends to stop that anytime soon."
I really don't see the problem here. As my mentor in my head, Alexyss K. Tylor, says, "Sometimes dick is so good that you just wanna slap somebody." Or in Jessica's case, sometimes dick is so good that you just wanna slap down your credit card and buy your hooker something shiny.
The dick game Eric is laying down on Jessica is obviously getting an A+++ from her! I mean, it's got her so twisted in the brains that she doesn't care if she's walking around in one of Mrs. Roper's old ones. Although, Jessica would also get twisted in the brains if you told her that Uncle Ben isn't really her uncle, so....
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i don't care how good the dick is if u aren't man enough to support ur woman ur nothing but a pussy u don't even HAVE a dick so how can it be good
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She looks like an orange crocodile doing the death-roll after eating an extra large Wildebeast. He's hot though.
It is reported that her product line is worth five hundred million dollars.
N.Y...Jersey...Philly
she's an idiot but that's besides the point. just wanted to state that my checking account looks like that too -cries softly-
in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please "don't breed or buy while homeless animals die" and support animal shelters!
Oh, and bitch needs some yoga so she doesn't sink any further into Goddess Bunny posture territory.
Have you seen her sister lately. She is like a stick bug preying mantis. So fucking skinny. What happened with that?
Really Jessica that alligator suit is not you at all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APDr5BMSfsY&feature=related
That caftan is awesome but I would rock it hosting a rooftop pool party, not shopping in the streets. And she needs to lose those glasses that do nothing for her pudge face. The only accessories that outfit needs is a large cocktail ring and a fat scotch.
Chestica is 30...it's time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjJwqDa1QVI&feature=related
JS has to lose that mu mu. She is only 30, not 50. My ex's mother use to wear stuff like that and she was in her 70s. I still can't figure out why she left Nick. They were such a perfect couple.
He's cute enough and that caftan would be A-MAZ-ING on a taller girl. I'm completely ambivalent about JS. She's kind of like Beyonce to me. I want to hate her, but I just can't commit to full-on hating due her sucktastic stage parents. I feel sorry for her. Then again, I guess she dries her tears with her piles of money, but I do still feel a pang of sadness when I see her/Beyonce, other stage-parent spawn.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
He ain't bad looking. That dress is a bit over the top (esp next to his outfit), but I wouldn't say it looks bad.
I'm not getting a strong hetero vibe from him. But without him she would be as pathetic as Aniston. Give her that little shred of dignity, people.
Maybe they're the new Zsa Zsa and prince tinyman in a bikini.
Bet ya big-tittied frog misses the days when Nick Lachey put up with her chicken from the sea bullshit and the world bought her stupid-is-purty schtick. Bye-bye, Britney era by-product.
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Illuminati Monarch Slave, at your service.
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that is one fug woman wearing one fug dress.
Tear open those mom jeans and give it to her good. I don't see a problem with this...women do it to men all the time, and date rich guys for their money.
This.
Designers are going to run out of ideas if she keeps wearing mumus. They exhausted most of their creative ideas with Aretha.
She's chunky, untalented, and pathetic.
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"69ing while driving is only for professionals" --MK
Ha! I wore almost the exact same outfit when I went to visit my parents last weekend (right down to the flip flops).
I looked better in my opinion. :)
What the fuck kind of ass-fugly shrimp net is she wearing? Is she trying to attract someone from "Deadliest Catch"?
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"You're disssthphicable!!!!!"
Jess is doin the chunky dance again. Shit, she fluctuates as bad as Shitters.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP3Q1nOzgR0
Submitted by SpiceDong on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:40pm.
she has no real career. is all her money coming from the fake hair extensions she and her main gay sell? 'cause she can't sell records and she can't sell movies...is either that or Papa Joe's been able to invest her MTV reality show money very well.
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Her "fashion" line is apparently worth a lot of money. I see that shit everywhere. That's probably where most of her money comes from.
And yes, women do it all the time also, and I consider those women who intentionally target rich men or those women who don't even offer to pay to be morons also.
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"But I don't speak liarmouthcuntanese. So who the fuck knows."
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 7:40pm.
Ugh so sad. She is such a typical Dallas Christian girl (she went to my hs, actually). They die if they don't marry by 28. And then they do pathetic shit like this. I mean, by fucking 30, after one marriage and a couple of bf douche bags, shouldn't you know better??!
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"But I don't speak liarmouthcuntanese. So who the fuck knows."
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 7:40pm.
Tear open those mom jeans and give it to her good. I don't see a problem with this...women do it to men all the time, and date rich guys for their money.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
I forgot to add that Jessica has big boobs and nice legs, I guess, but not a great figure.
DATURA, Christina Hendricks has a nice ass too, though. A real hourglass figure. But I'm sure her stylist would do a great job w\ Jess.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:40pm.
she has no real career. is all her money coming from the fake hair extensions she and her main gay sell? 'cause she can't sell records and she can't sell movies...is either that or Papa Joe's been able to invest her MTV reality show money very well.
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I read somewhere that she makes a mint for her shoe line and beauty care products. The shoes are actually fairly cute and reasonably priced, so I could see them selling well. (slaps self for saying positive about Jessica Simpson)
Jessica should drop some of that cash on Christina Hendricks's stylist. I doubt those two women are far apart in the size department, but Christina always looks curvy and hot, and Jessica always looks like a big sausage in a small casing.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
And let's get real: fish do NOT pay for sex - they are too cheap and they think they are too hot.
And any fish under 50 - even this hideous fat sow - can get all the (sometimes even quality) pinga they want for free.
Only men pay for sex(thank God!)
These two look like a slightly higher-rent version of Tori and Dean.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
I knewwww it! I called this in my last post about them. I am somewhat repulsed by his actions because he is basically taking advantage of her lonely ass. I guess I shouldn't judge, but she has extremely low standards and I think it's sad that she doesn't think she can find someone she doesn't have to pay.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
I thought that the dimwitted skeez was pathetic letting herself be passed around the locker room like that - now that I hear she's actually paying for it, well, that defines a whole new dimension in sad.
why is this no talent, homely, uneducated, overweight, middle-aged woman in the papers every day? I really don't get it
of course he is a kept piece. thats what fat girls do. she is a lonely rich unmarried southern fat girl, so triple that
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Les Grossman is awesome!
Submitted by mslewis on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 3:03pm.
What's the problem?? Eric gets to live large and Jess gets a traveling companion. It works for everybody. Besides, in a few years, Eric will be entitled to his NFL pension and then he can start picking up the tabs, at least at McDonalds.
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I concur. No shame in picking up all the tabs for your hot piece. Men have been doing it for centuries. F the double standard. Cheers to you and your man-ho, Jess. Get it girl, GET IT!
I don't think she's fat, either. Hideously unflattering wardrobe, yes. But not fat. She just needs to learn how to dress herself properly.
her shoes are kinda pricey...100 bucks for meh lookin stilettos. i always see them for mad cheap at tjmaxx on clearance for 20 though ha.
she def had it good with nick...although he still hasn't proposed to whatsherface so maybe they could still get back together hahah
What's the problem?? Eric gets to live large and Jess gets a traveling companion. It works for everybody. Besides, in a few years, Eric will be entitled to his NFL pension and then he can start picking up the tabs, at least at McDonalds.
jessica has money to rent out yachts? i guess those chili cookoffs she's been warbling at must pay pretty well...
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conscience off...dick on...
He's pretty hot.
Come on, you know you would.
Has anyone seen her ads for her new jean line? They are not flattering-the usual opn mouth and jowls. She should have hired models to do it, hello!
Has anyone seen her ads for her new jean line? They are not flattering-the usual opn mouth and jowls. She should have hired models to do it, hello!
Wow. Nothing but nothing says sexy like an orange crocodile-patterned muu-muu.
"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"
Damn, she looks FAT. :o
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
I actually find him quite cute. I'll pay for him next when Jess is done.
If it was the other way around (which in many ways it is in Hollywood), no one would give a shit. So he's a mimbo... thats his problem. Hope she's getting her moneys worth and they don't get married.
How does she functionally move in that thing?
She has too many people handling her business to make a dumb fuck move. If it's staged, they both are getting something out of it. He gets special man-candy gifts, and she gets a "relationship" with a man that isn't Ken Paves. And hopefully some good peen. She is "Sexual Napalm", no?
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"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes." -MK
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:39pm.
Eric is a hot-looking homosexual.
Are there any nude photos?
Tight End????
More like LOOSE End! Am I right, am I right ?
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I say good for him! Let him milk this stupid hillbilly for all she's worth. I don't see him leaving anytime soon, and not because he's in luvvvv either. Dude's got a good thing going. If she's not smart enough to realize what's going on, too bad.
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Suck Yourself!
Bet he's earning every penny.
This bitch is so desperate and needy that she's going to make these mistakes. What a tool. You had it good with Nick Lachey, bitch!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
shamu wearing mrs roper's finest garb
travesty!
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"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken"
- Louis Black
Look at Jess...
already testing out her inevitable future in mumus.
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