The Lohan Family Continues To Be A Mess

Noted bagina basher Michael Lohan must temporarily put his "Prayer Circle 4 Lindsay" media tour on hold, because the cunt plug has problems of his own to deal with. Michael's fiance Kate Major went to the police earlier this week after he allegedly Mel Gibson-ed her ass by calling her a cunt before kicking her in the face. The Southampton Police Department in New York has charged Michael with second degree harassment. A judge also threw an Order of Protection at Michael barring him from trying to get at Kate in any way.

In the police report, Kate states that Michael flipped out at her, because he's afraid she's going to leave him: "My fiance Michael Lohan came home while I was sleeping in a sofa chair. He woke me up, yelling, 'Why didn't you pick up your cell phone, you stupid cunt.' He then turned over the chair while I was still in it, tossing me to the floor. I crawled to the other side of the room to get away from him. He walked over to me, took his shoe off and kicked me in my face while I was still on the ground. He stood over me and said, 'I'm going to go back to jail cause of you, cause I will kill you.'"

The cop who took Kate's complaint wrote on the report that she had swelling on her upper lip.

The section 8 Mel Gibson admits to TMZ that he did have a fight with Kate, but he swears on his favorite black tank top that he never brought the violence on her. Michael said that Kate was drunk at the time of the fight.

Lindsay is in a jail room, and Michael Lohan might be headed towards checking into one... Hmm.... There has to be something the cops can nab White Oprah for. Delusioning in the first degree? Running a child famewhore ring? Being mean to ice cream (that has to be illegal)? Assaulting her pores with the diarrhea from a fake tanner bottle?

QUICK! Put Nana Lohan under the light and get her to talk! Actually, Nana Lohan is probably sick of White Oprah stealing her meds, so she'll sing if you give her a caramel square.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by atl2010 on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 5:03pm.

Lilo does not stand a snowball's chance in hell unless she totally disconnects from her current group of enablers. She needs to disappear in the dessert for like a year and find herself. Her family is NOT a support system for her. She really, really needs somebody in her life that can tell her the truth.

Submitted by Pamela on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 7:14am.

@caprica lmao yeah you are fucked up but thats what i love about ya, you crack me up! ;P

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 6:59am.

I'd rather insert the ancient dildo from Sweden then this assholes peen.

This guy is a sick fuck.

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She's a fameasexual. Bitch will lick on anything if it gets her a blurb in Star Magazine. -- Michael K.

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 6:28am.

@Pamela,

No srrsly, that is exactly how she comes off. She was probs 3 grade-levels behind by 2nd grade LOLOLLL I'm SO FUCKED UP!!

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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

Submitted by Pamela on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 6:19am.

I wonder what this chick is like personality wise. Ill bet she is one of those chicks who has no personality and just sits there with an empty head, twirling her hair and giggling about everything people say.

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 6:14am.

Lohans are all so fking stupid it's embarrassing.

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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

Submitted by KT on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 11:30pm.

"the section 8 mel gibson" HAHAHAHA MK i love you. i'm sick of hearing about these trash lohans though, they should all be put into a rocket and launched into the sun.

in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please "don't breed or buy while homeless animals die" and support animal shelters!

Submitted by z-listed on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 9:04pm.

All I can think of when I see him in a tank top is how awful a boys locker room smells!

Submitted by HaikuYou on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 8:55pm.

my fist and your face
I am showing you my love
and my hollow soul

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5
7
5

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 7:39pm.

Kate Major clearly doesn't have one iota of self esteem in her entire being. It's difficult to trade down from Jon Grosselin, but she somehow managed to do it. At least Jon isn't violent like this douchetard.

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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK

Submitted by Sugartits on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 6:14pm.

Whatever happened to the Hogans? Did they all crawl back under the refrigerator or am I out of the loop?

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"You gonna give me my car, or do I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet?" Repo Man

Submitted by get serious on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 5:39pm.

I finally figured it out. All the blowhans crave attention, even bad attention. So, if the world starts looking away from them, they immediately pull some bad shit to get their ugly faces in the news. What a bunch of dumbass assholes...

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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits

Submitted by howdareyou on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:48pm.

Didn't some other fiancee of D'ohan just file charges against him a few months ago for kicking her? Does this ass get engaged to any skank who doesn't run away screaming the minute they meet?

Submitted by cadebra1961 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:43pm.

Section 8 Mel Gibson, good line, MK.

Yankees are currently behind 1-0 against the KC Royals... but g.d. it, they better stay ahead. And how! Go Jeter, he is so hot!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Berra →←

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:33pm.

*yawn*

Can we just send the entire Blohan clan to Area 51 and nuke em?

Submitted by Albatross on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:26pm.

Lindsay needs to get into a car with her sister and parents and drive off a fucking cliff. Nana and the two brothers can live, because they're not fame whores.

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"69ing while driving is only for professionals" --MK

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:20pm.

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 5:47pm.

He looks like he's about to poke her eyes out!

Isn't there one other Lohan that we never hear about...a boy?

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Two. Cody and Michael, Jr.

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Home. Home again. I like to be here when I can. When I come home cold and tired, it's good to warm my bones beside the fire.

http://www.modestneeds.org/

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:17pm.

He looks like he's about to poke her eyes out!

Isn't there one other Lohan that we never hear about...a boy? Must suck to be the only non-extremely-fucked-up person in your entire family. I'd imagine he wants to jump off the Throgs Neck Bridge right about now.

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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK

Submitted by Kerfuffles on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 4:16pm.

And Michael Lohan says SamRo is a bad person. Bitch, she is no saint but you got NOTHING on her, you dumbass asshole.

And about Kate Major, girlfriend needs to look at her life and quit dating losers right this moment - first Jon Grosselin, and then this asshole? It has passed pathetic and is now downright insane for her to have such low self-esteem she would famefuck these jerks who are barely famous to begin with, and violent on top of that.

I wonder if he ever hit White Oprah. Somehow I doubt it but if he did, it would be the only thing that'd make me side with her, even if she utterly unlikeable and useless.

Submitted by elmo533 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:56pm.

"He walked over to me, took his shoe off and kicked me in my face". So she got high fives in the face by his corn covered feet ( you know he has corns). That is cold.

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"Whoever it is needs to come down to the subways in NYC in August. With every ho wearing flip-flops, it sometimes smells like a family of horseflies died in a 2-week-old pot of fondue." MK

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:55pm.

I wonder if his dick is as short and stubby as his fingers. No wonder he and Jon Grosselin are pals.

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Home. Home again. I like to be here when I can. When I come home cold and tired, it's good to warm my bones beside the fire.

http://www.modestneeds.org/

Submitted by madam ex on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:44pm.

Oh shit everyone has gone completely fucking bonkers....WTF is going on w/the hitting and shit??

Submitted by babybunny on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:35pm.

Section 8 Mel Gibson....pure gold again MK!!! LOL TO THE 9'S....dayum, you are funny...Kate Major has no upper lip and seeing she is so majorly fugly...it may have looked o.k. on her...they are both disgusting...and need to exit stage left, Michael you horses ass, your 15 minutes are long up...Dina, you can go with him...and take this fugly tramp with you...and Curious Case too...this family make me hurl...Lindsay, girl, enjoy jail, cause your family is a terrible punishment to go through...makes jail look like a walk in the park...Hohan's go to Hell!!

Submitted by teayza31 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:29pm.

how nice of him to take his shoe off before kicking her in the face with his hoof...at least he is no shoe abuser.

Submitted by Rockwell on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:24pm.

I call bullshit on "The cop who took Kate's complaint wrote on the report that she had swelling on her upper lip." BITCH HAS NO UPPER LIP!

How can anyone rub no nos with a man who is permanently.....red?!? Well, I guess he IS a version of Hellboy.....the Lohans are Hellfamily!

Submitted by honeychile on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:19pm.

When Nene Leakes finds out about this, she's gonna kick LindayLohanDaddy's ASS!

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:16pm.

Looks like she has swelling on her lower lip already.

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:15pm.

Mother Superior, I LOVE your avvie. That thing made me laugh so hard!

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:10pm.

UGH, that picture gives me the gross-shudders everytime I scroll past it. I DO NOT want to think about having that man's fingers that close to my mouth! BARF!!!!!!!

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Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK

Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:05pm.

Since Douche Dad Lohan loves wearing that stupid fucking backwards cap, I vote to have it nailed on permanently. We all know there's nothing in his head that could be harmed by this.

"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"

Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:58pm.

The day Michael realizes he still has problems is the day Lindsay realizes she has problems. He would never admit to being troubled so why should she?

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I Love You More
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Submitted by cadebra1961 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:57pm.

@ Pamela - Yes, I be a bit crazy for the moment, me likey my wacky weed, lol :D
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Berra →←

Submitted by Pamela on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:53pm.

Submitted by cadebra1961 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:21pm.
Am I crazy, or do I find Michael slightly hot? Also, I think he & Kevin Spacey were separated at birth, lol!
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Girl your CRAZY!!! Maybe your having some hallucinations!! :P

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by cadebra1961 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:51pm.

Am I crazy, or do I find Michael slightly hot? Also, I think he & Kevin Spacey were separated at birth, lol!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Berra →←

Submitted by Sexy Pants on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:49pm.

"The section 8 Mel Gibson admits to TMZ that he did have a fight with Kate, but he swears on his favorite black tank top that he never brought the violence on her."

says it all right there!

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"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes." -MK

Submitted by Joe Dabb Babbalucci on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:44pm.

Mikey is a fucking mess. Someone should whup his fucking ass to within an inch of his life. I wonder who'd show up at the ICU.

Kate Major is a fucking idiot when it comes to choosing men.

I recall a woman whose husband really whupped her ass. Later, he was fast asleep in his recliner when he felt a tap on his shoulder. There she stood, holding a large pot of boiling cooking oil. "Don't fall asleep again," was all she said. The fucker never touched her again. He knew she'd at least boil his nuts, if not kill him if he ever touched her again.

Submitted by Pamela on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:44pm.

Submitted by copacabanagirl on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:44pm.

Michael Lohan is so odious. Everybody's secretly wishing he'd mysteriously vanish without a trace
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Your 100% right but I dont think its a secret!

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:42pm.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:05pm.

http://tinypic.com/r/ae8bqq/3
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Ah... Mystery solved! Why the industry still pays attention to Lindsay Lohan!

♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg

Submitted by Whatever on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:41pm.

If the Lohans were all put in jail the world would be a much better place. The girl in the picture looks sort of slow. Maybe he poked in her in eyes with his fingers.

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:40pm.

Submitted by copacabanagirl on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 2:44pm.

Michael Lohan is so odious. Everybody's secretly wishing he'd mysteriously vanish without a trace. C'mon somebody out there, make it happen...
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It would be really cool how long it would be before we really noticed. LOL!...just one day, months later, somebody would be all: Hey...have you guys heard anything about Michael Lohan recently....? Cuz I forget about him every time until he gets noisy again.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:35pm.

http://tinypic.com/r/ae8bqq/3

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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover

Submitted by Lawrence on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:27pm.

Looks like he is going to stick those two fingers in her eyes.......

Submitted by oceanlover998 on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:25pm.

It sickens me to admit such a thing in this forum, but a few years ago I actually found this guy kinda hot...at least in photos...

And it's also pretty sad that when it comes to parenting, this guy tends to make way more sense than Orange Oprah...

'...Goodbye aging obscurity, and 'Hello' magazine!...'

Submitted by Pamela on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:21pm.

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:35pm.
Taking your shoe off before kicking someone... you're doing it wrong.
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No that just means he TRUELY loves her!

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by chicagokristi on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:18pm.

Not that I think a man should ever hit a woman, but any woman who consorts with the likes of Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin is bound to have a bit of bad karma come back and bite (or kick) them in the ass.

Submitted by Pamela on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:17pm.

Lindsay must have been stealing his limelight away. He had to top her ass. Why arent these to douchewad parents in jail yet?

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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm

damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

Submitted by copacabanagirl on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:14pm.

Michael Lohan is so odious. Everybody's secretly wishing he'd mysteriously vanish without a trace. C'mon somebody out there, make it happen...

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDxTiVAzv1U&playnext_from=TL&videos=Z6f4A...

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. " ~Carlos Castaneda~

Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 1:12pm.

Didn't Gosselin and him both start dating entertainment reporters initially covering them? This is one of them, I believe. So it's sort of sad he took off his shoe.