MAN DOWN CODE 10: Frankie Lons Will Be On Celebrity Rehab
Vh1 has announced the cast for Dr. Drew's Hour of Crackheaded Foolery and it looks like season four will be filled with zero celebrities and zero rehab, but a whole lot of potent fuckery to the tenth degree! And you can trust me when I say that most of the fuckery will be flowing out of the lemur goblin known as Frankie Lons.
Everything you need to know about Frankie can be found here. Dr. Drew better tighten his tie, because Frankie will be swinging around that shit like it was a stripper pole by episode two! I also can't wait for the episode when Dr. Drew finds out what happens when you feed Frankie after dark.
Even though Celebrity Rehab can shoot an entire season with just Frankie, she will have some company. Sadly, the Empress of Lucite is not in the cast, but this is for the best. Shauna really doesn't want to break the hearts of a bunch of crackheads when they fall in love with her at first sight, which they will. Shauna cares too much to put someone through that.
Frankie's supporting cast will include: Janice Dickinson, Jason "They Forced Me To Smoke Crack" London, Gummi Bear, Jason Wahler from Laguna Beach, Leif Garrett and Tiger Woods' #1 mistress whore Rachel Uchitel.
Yes, Janice and Frankie in the same house together. This is probably not going to end well. A few weeks into shooting, the police will receive a 911 call from the clinic. The cops will arrive at the clinic and find it completely empty except for a camcorder on the floor. When they push play on the camcorder, they'll see Dr. Drew facing a corner with his back to them. Then they will hear Janice and Frankie cackling together before the tape goes to black. Blair Witch doesn't have shit on Frankie or Janice.
(Frankie's beautiful portrait via FreddYo)