Mr. Goldberg Is Too Beautiful For This Shit Anyway
Since Lindsay Lohan wants to continue her streak of fucking things up, she has decided to not hire the dazzling legal showman that is Stuart V. Goldberg (aka the sole reason why rhinestones sparkle). Over the weekend, Mr. Goldberg flew into my life on a tanned Pegasus when it was reported that he was LiLo's newest attorney. Well, TMZ farted on my dream bubble that holds an image of Mr. Goldberg waltzing with White Oprah in the court room by reporting that he is not LiLo's main legal bitch after all. LiLo is going to give Robert Shapiro the job instead.
Sources close to Mr. Goldberg (*cough*Oompa Loompas*cough*) claim that LiLo simply couldn't afford his services and he refused to work for free. Mr. Goldberg was probably highly offended when LiLo offered to pay him with boxes of that Sevin Nyne shit! How dare that dumb bitch LiLo assume that Mr. Goldberg covers his precious skin with fake tan diarrhea! That can't be further from the truth. It's obvious that Mr. Goldberg achieves that George Hamilton glow by directly smiling at a mirror. The sunshiney rays from his teeth ricochet off the mirror and softly caress his skin.
However, sources close to LiLo say that she didn't go with Mr. Goldberg, because she thinks he's just a little too "eccentric." Yes, TOO ECCENTRIC! Can you believe that shit? Actually, I can believe it, because LiLo is a piece of garbage that not even Trash Heap would hump on. The same goes for White Oprah. Those two gutter hags wouldn't know elegance and class if it was wrapped in slimy orange leather and topped with a dollop of whipped silver. They are just not culturally refined enough for Mr. Goldberg. So it's back to Chicago for Mr. Goldberg! And back to chasing ambulances in his Lamborghini (I'm not making that up).
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‘’‘Girls, find your man on TOTALLY FREE CLUB Men-Mart.c/o/m where women control the dating .
Hells no! I can't see the unbridled glamour? The high fashion? They '89 sports cars? I hate Lilo even more now!
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"It's hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock!"-Trish Suhr of Clean House
Submitted by Deb on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 9:58am.
I think Mr. Goldberg's stylistic muse is Robert DeNiro as Ace Rothstien in "Casino". Am I wrong?
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or RD in The King of Comedy....He's meshed the two timeless looks into his own signature style... Tom Ford is JELLY, JELLY, JELLY he didn't come up with this magnificence first...You snooze, you lose, TF...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
just when i was convincing my paul pulpo to take on a third...and poof! mr. goldberg is gone - back to the chi wilderness. i never knew you, stuart, or your magnificent pompador.
my heart is breaking. :(
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"my impression of lindsay is that she's a fragile lost child - with her head in the sand [read: her ass]...I'm concerned that she's not disciplined enough or tethered to the reality of adult conscequences," mr. stuart "the one who got away" goldiggerberg, known for his keen ability to state the extreme obvious, ruminated.
my first real quote! do i get to consider myself a real irregular dlisted regular yet? huh? huh? do i?
Submitted by onthefringe on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:35am.
Poor Lindsey and her legal troubles.
She had a "setback" in her milkaholic lawsuit. It seems the judge didn't believe she lives in Nassau County. Gee, I wonder why.
http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2010/07/08/2010-07-08_lindsay_lohan_suf...
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EHHH that story was OK but what about this one featured:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2010/07/09/2010-07-09_coroner_says...
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
It was probably his comments about "we're going to get THEM" that freaked everyone out. Sounds like homeboy doesn't have a grip on how the probation violation sentencing process works...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Submitted by dramaqueen365247: "...if Blohan had applied this determination to being clean & having a career, imagine where she'd be."
Most excellent insight. That's what junkies do. They use their talent and imagination and other skills for evil instead of being standup citizens and helping people. I don't get it.
So THAT's what Kim Kardashian was doing having chinese food with LiLo.
Who in hell would want to hire someone who looks like this to defend them in court anyway????
Oh wait, we're talking about the Lohans.... makes perfect sense....
LOL I loved the Fraggle Rock reference, we don't get enough of that.
That said, WO knows in her heart that she is the only capable person of representing HoHan, why is she not accepting yet?
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
Retainer???? What's that????..... dumb bitch!
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 11:42am.
How bout this Carvel Black Card? You want this?
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This here is the THIRD time I let out a loud ass damn cackle at the office in the last hour reading you horz' shit. lmao "carvel black card"!!! bwaa shit don't even work and you know lilo offered it like it was hot and hip and coke laced and shit
lmaaaoooooooooooo i can't stop laugh at this circus pre-show. The real show starts the day she's gotta turn her dumb ass in. SICK DAY YO!
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"Mel needs to smoke a bowl out of a bong made of Valium while getting a Valerian enema..." - MK, 7/12
...I'd add, if I may, a horse tranquilizer to Mel's throat into that bong mix...
http://www.stuartvgoldberg.com/site.html
Best legal website--ever!!
CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL LAWYERS ARE THE BEST
ASK MY WHOREY EX WIFE
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"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken"
- Louis Black
He finally realized that she isn't worth taking the California Bar Exam, or paying the pro hac vice fees.
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Here There Be Dragons!
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It is so obvious that she is trying to turn this into the trial of the new millenium, for something that is slightly more important than excessive speeding tickets.
This ho deserves jail forEVER.
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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Yeah- he's eccentric. Cuz he wants cash money instead of sevyn-nine which he, OBVIOUSLY, would use in large supply. Some people are so crazy. How bout this Carvel Black Card? You want this?
♥ Threadkilla!
"How does one go from the Air Force to the Bunny Ranch?"
O - it's only, like, an hour away." ~Judge Jeanine Pirro and complainant.
Talk Yuh Talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEH-v5dxdhQ
If my lawyer showed up looking like this, I'd sneak out the back door.
HaHaHaaaa: Look in my eyes; I know how to win.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:44am.
Submitted by Ang on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:28am.
I thought he was really old too but he's only 68. I was thinking 80, at least.
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"If the birth certificate don't fit, I can't acquit!"
He was doddering at the OJ trial, so I am dubious. :)
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Yeah, he definitely seems much older!
I agree with M.E. that this is pro bono, getyoerfacein front of a camera legal work for Robert Shapiro. Lohan Trial of The Century, come and git it.
He's my friend!!
Coma Banana Caca!
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Cripes! Give that man a game show already!
~*~Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal....~*~
I love the coughOompaLoompacough part.
I have a nephew who does that all the time but he varies it between coughAssholecough or coughFuckOffcough.
Sometimes he just does the Fuck Off part like a rooster crowing.
They are trying to turn this into the trial of the century, for publicity, their drug of choice actually. So over the top. I hope she and her parents have pulled the celebrity chain too many times for her to be "rescued" from doing the time for the crime. We shall see.
Submitted by Ang on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:28am.
I thought he was really old too but he's only 68. I was thinking 80, at least.
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"If the birth certificate don't fit, I can't acquit!"
He was doddering at the OJ trial, so I am dubious. :)
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
Agreed, and even more so as its a done deal anyway.
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Submitted by SuperG. on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:34am.
It would cost squat if she just did the fucking time.
The time and energy spent trying to beat her sentence is ridiculous!
Look at all the free publicity he got himself before he 'learned' what everybody else already knew--she doesn't pay her lawyers. He must be truly ambivalent over losing the constant tabloid exposure versus working for free.
As soon as I saw the headline, I knew he quit over money--and it was confirmed in the text.
Poor Lindsey and her legal troubles.
She had a "setback" in her milkaholic lawsuit. It seems the judge didn't believe she lives in Nassau County. Gee, I wonder why.
http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2010/07/08/2010-07-08_lindsay_lohan_suf...
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“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There
It would cost squat if she just did the fucking time.
The time and energy spent trying to beat her sentence is ridiculous!
It's not as if she's got any work lined up within the next 90+ days, other than hauling a cup of coffee (booze) around.
Oh ya, and working with children in Morocco. ;-D
I thought he was really old too but he's only 68. I was thinking 80, at least.
Yay Bourgie! I didn't know the daughter was repping daddy leech, makes all kinds of sense!
IG: fabulouser than Robert Evans????????
That 'splains all the earthquakes this year.
And you nailed it:
Lilo & Vegas: Perfect together!
"Please sir, I want some more" Oliver Twist
Also, isn't Robert Shapiro like, 90, now?
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
I can't believe she didn't hire him.
Columbo would have solved the case.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 9:54am.
Submitted by Maria N on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 9:48am.
I'll pass this on to marvin.. he sounds fat.
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Marvin is starvin'. :D
On topic: I knew LiLow would drop lawyers one by one and I assumed that her former lawyer would have left her much earlier, but she might have had to wave her salary good-bye if she left just before the court hearing.
What sane lawyer (if they exist) would want to be associated with the Lohans anyway?
I was really looking forward to seeing him in court, and had him pictured getting all uppity and wearing a '70's velvet tux and frilly shirt.
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!"
Robert Shapiro's commercials for his legal biz are shady.
Shapiro is probably going to represent her pro bono just to be back in the public eye.
****dead****@ Verns "skank whisperer" comment
Allred's daughter, Lisa Bloom is represeting blohans dad so.....
Submitted by nunya_bizness on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:14am.
Lilo can afford Robert Shapiro?
That's the first thing that popped into my head, too.
Deb, I can't open your link, but he reminds me of Robert Evans, only more spectacular.
http://www.hollywoodtoday.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/sm2prec.jpg
And Vern, she WISHES she had a Colonel Tom in her life. She'd be in Vegas right now, working the strip. As it should be.
Lilo can afford Robert Shapiro?
Her appeal is going to get DENIED!
And did she really hire Robert Shapiro?
Glad to hear it IG!
*adjusts low-hanger*
Just seemed like Gloria could be Lilo's Colonel Parker, bitch gets it done.
"Please sir, I want some more" Oliver Twist
She doesn't deserve such ravishing beauty anyway, the dumb skank.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Well, this will more than likely complete the three death theory.
Johnny Cochran, Robert Kardashian, and now Robert Shapiro.
If this doesn't finish him off, nothing will.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
"the sole reason why rhinestones sparkle"
mk you SLAY me!
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
It's apparent that LiLo is still delusional. She cannot win an appeal. Her original lawyer dropped out. Gee, I wonder why? Perhaps cause LiLo is nuts?
Even if she can postpone her trip to jail via delays and appeals, she will still have to wear that SCRAM. Da Judge is not going to let LiLo free. Da Judge knows that LiLo must be punished severely for her transgressions if she's ever going to learn and evolve into a decent human being.
Jail and rehab are inevitable for LiLo, but the story continues ....
she can't afford anyone until after her post-jail interviews.
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I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then, c'mon, oh, c'mon -Let's get it on
- Marvin Gaye
Submitted by Vern on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 9:56am.
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*looks down* It's hanging just fine, thankyouverymuch. :)
And the skank whisperer? BWAHAHAHA!!