Sexual Napalm Is Boning Another Football Player
Jessica Simpson, the wide receiver for Papa Joe's 69ers, and Eric Johnson, the former tight end for the 49ers, have reportedly been bumping fuck parts since May. TMZ has it on good authority (hint: Papa Joe slipped a note under Harvey Levin's protein shake at the gym) that Jessica and Eric are "very happy." Eric used to be married, but he filed for divorce from his wife this past February.
Ken Paves is probably sick of Chestica crashing his dates by showing up on his door with an Entenmann's cake and a SATC box set. So for the sake of Ken Paves' expertly bleached b-hole, I hope this new relationship works out for her so it gives that bitch someone to do. And it will work if Eric doesn't mind it too much when Papa Joe stares at Chestica's chichis while slowly licking the butter on a kaiser roll during dinner. Hopefully, Eric is okay with being the Marilyn of that crazy family.
Here's Chestica Spanxing for her life with creepy Papa Joe at the opening of the Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia on Friday.