There's A New Spider-Man!
No, not Tom Sturridge or RPattz. The dandy dandelion in the middle who is making RPattz's magical follicles feel inadequate (Why do you think he's wearing a hat?) has been cast in the title role in Sony's reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. Sony announced last night that 26-year-old Andrew Garfield will stuff his bits into Tobey Maguire's old leotard for the next Spider-Man 3D movie, which will start playing in theaters on July 3, 2012. HA! Like we'll all be around then.
Sony reportedly broke up with Tobey and Kiki Dunst, because they didn't want to leave a giant stack of cash on their nightstands anymore. So Sony decided to put out a totally brand new set of Spider-Man movies with a cheaper cast led by the fancy lion up there. Marc Webb, the director of this shit, had this to say about Andrew:
"Though his name may be new to many, those who know this young actor's work understand his extraordinary talents. He has a rare combination of intelligence, wit, and humanity. Mark my words, you will love Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker."
Andrew's credits include The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Lion for Lambs, Boy A and The Social Network.
Unfortunately for all of us, that picture of Andrew is kind of old so he no longer has a luscious mane that makes him look like a European hair dresser who drives a 1980s Ferrari convertible and sleeps on a waterbed covered with satin leopard print sheets.
That Spidey shit doesn't shoot until December so that gives Andrew enough time to grow his lush waterfall of hair out again, because the world needs a Spider-Man who looks like he just stepped out of a salon (salon glooooooow).
via Coming Soon
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OMG he is getting gayest by the hour..seriously, WTF directors!@! Peter Parker is a geek icon, how the hell you cast an english metrosexual who is part of the RpAtzz unicorn kingdom??
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See what crap we are handed when the studios won't fairly compensate the writers? Movies without a good story are CRAP! Movies number 3 through 10 are CRAP (except Harry Potter)
HOLLYWOOD. HAS. NO. CREATIVITY.
These stupid studio dumbasses are rebooting a 7 year old franchise???? Further proof that the studio suits have absolutely NO CREATIVITY & would show a tape of themselves taking a dump if they thought it would make them $100 Million.
"... He has a rare combination of intelligence, wit, and humanity." - Mark Webb, Director
Uh, Mr. Z list director, spiderman is a role all about PHYSICALITY. This skinny little poofter looks like he'd fall over if the wind blew. This reboot idea is a MAJOR FAIL.
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Damn, that Spidey-guy needs a stylist.
Do any of these guys even have pubes? I'm 27 myself and it's vaguely depressing that this is what my generation manages to offer :(
Off to daydream about John Cusack, now there's a man.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
I knew I recognized him. I saw "Boy A" about a year ago and in that movie he didn't look even remotely as gay as he does here. Almost-buzzed head rather than a bouffant. But speaking as someone in her 20's, this shit is positively unattractive. I HATE the kind of haircuts that are popular these days. And hipsters grate me. Rob looks positively masculine in comparison. I honestly don't mind Rob's off-camera style that much.
I feel bad for this generation of women, because most men nowadays look like sissy boys. The haircuts especially are very off-putting, but then again it could be that I'm just getting too old for this shit.
They all look so gay here...
OMG
you know is wrong when RPattz looks like the alpha male in a group picture..
This Spiderman-guy looks gayest than TomSTu,the way he is strutting his hips and his bouffant hair..FCK ME! Toby Mc Geeky looks so much better now..I hope they hired RPAttz make-up artist 'cause the bitch is not looking good..
Submitted by Cara on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 8:16pm.
Well, RPattz did "Little Ashes" - not exactly gritty per se, but still had some explicit man-on-man action. Of course, nobody watched that movie so his fangirls probably don't know about it.
Submitted by Die gelangweilt... on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 2:43pm.
DO TELL.
Jerseygirl, totally agree. It's a really bizarre phenomenon. They're all effeminate, non-sexual, "safe" males. I mean, River Phoenix was pretty to look at, but at least he had substance. I can't imagine Shia or Zac Efron doing something gritty like My Own Private Idaho, for example.
THIS is what Hollywood has to offer in the way of male stars. My gawd. No wonder I haven't watched TV or been to a movie in a long time...
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
I'm not going to lie and say I didn't love the Coreys, the New Kids on the Block, Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, etc back in the 80s/90s. But I don't get the "teen idols" today. The Twilghts, that Bieber kid (it's Pat!), the Jonas Bros, Zac Efron. I don't even get the fuss over Shia LaBouef. It's like today's little girls all grew up with Doug and Pokemon/anime cartoons and want boys who look like live action versions of those characters.
Never did see any of the Toby/Kirsten Spiderman flicks. She always seemed like such an asshole during interviews complaining about having to do sequels.
It must suck to make that much money in the first place.. and then to have them want to throw even more at you?? Poor fucking thing.
Did anyone ever see Pirate Radio? Tom Sturridge was panty creaming material in that movie. Looking a little scruffy here though.
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I just want to run my fingers through his hair (dude in the middle).
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Submitted by johnnysgirl on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 4:11pm.
Submitted by 2Di4 on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 4:04pm.
Who wants some wiggly worm skeezin around your bedroom, looking like he's got tuberculosis?
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LOL!!!!!
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I second that LOL !!!! tooo funny :D
and seriously, the dainty dandelion in the middle of this dick cheese sandwich. WTF?
SUPER gay much?
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All three are OBVIOUS homosexuals.
Any nude pics?
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Pakistani Suicide Hotline:
Caller: " I'm so depressed, I feel like committing suicide"
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you had me at suspenders...
"But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?"
"Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby..."
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pale, scruffy, skinny, big hair thing
flippin hipsters. look at us we go against the grain, all 65 million of us, in the exact same way. we are such individuals.
Submitted by 2Di4 on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 4:04pm.
Who wants some wiggly worm skeezin around your bedroom, looking like he's got tuberculosis?
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LOL!!!!!
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Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
but he is so scrawny is photoshop powerful enough to give him the muscle definition required, he is just as fruity as toby they got that right. as long as they don't try to do another tobey, walking down the street with no rhythm to a song and pretending like he is even remotely interested in passing pussy a la Spidey 3, that was an epic fail. and yes, his hair is the truth. i just want to spend the rest of my days frolicking in it.
Maybe I'm getting old but none of these boys make my ovaries flicker.
Honestly, I don't get the pale, scruffy, skinny, big hair thing. Who wants some wiggly worm skeezin around your bedroom, looking like he's got tuberculosis?
And while I'm on the subject, I have to complain about the cheap white pancake makeup they slap on that Edward kid. I can't make myself see Twilight because he's too effing fakely white in the commercials. The books describe him as looking like an alabaster Calvin Klein model. The trailers make him look like he fell into a flour bin at White Oprah's house. Ridiculous.
Submitted by Cara on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 3:40pm.
He looks like a leprechaun crossed with Grizzly Adams. Maybe a little bit of hobbit and a dash of Paul Bunyan in the gene pool too.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
He looks like a leprechaun crossed with Grizzly Adams. Maybe a little bit of hobbit and a dash of Paul Bunyan in the gene pool too.
Theresa Giudice has a son?
soo spider man jumped the shark too huh. i mean there are literally millions of wonderful books out there dying to made into stories and all we keep getting is remade and washed up fucking sequels. wtf. and i hate how hollywood switches actors out and they really think we won't notice or care how the character suddenly space shot in time to a place where we can grow whole different faces and bodies and be someone FUCKING ELSE. shit. like on roseanne hello we all noticed when that blonde girl changed they weren't fooling anyone. and batman did it too. if u can't keep the original actors or they get too old to do a sequel it's time to quit that bitch and make a new movie
Submitted by Ashton Cruz on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 2:38pm.
OK since when is a 27 year old considered a twink??
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When he looks like jailbait
I couldn't give a shit about Spider Man but I will say this to those 3 dudes in the picture: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Old timey dirty fuckery.
Hipsters need to be taken out back behind the dumpster and shot.
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Isn't the guy on the left Pattinson's alleged boyfriend?
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OK since when is a 27 year old considered a twink??
Who the Fuck?
WHO?
they're fucking rebooting Spider Man already?
stupid
Why the hell can't ANYONE who works in Hollywood make a fucking movie that has not already been done? BTW that kid looks like a real jackass.
That's one hell of an ugly group of men right there..and please someone hose them down and throw some soap their way..and some decent clothes while you're at it...wtf.
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For your health.
The new twink Spider-man is making RPatz look butch.
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"Diego is my best friend and I don't care what he looks like, to me his face makes him special." - 6 yr old Maddison Biddlecombe
meh. my spidey sense isn't tingling over this twink.
My gaydar, however, is going through the roof.
Hollywood sucks these days. It's over.
Since The End Of The World comes in December according to the Mayans, and shopaholic, we have another 2 and a half years to discuss it. I think we should just start calling it TEOTW for short.
-Einah
I had to look on IMDb for the credits to Doctor Parnassus because I couldn't remember the guy being in the film. But then in was a rather forgettable movie.
doing a Ramona now. "oh you gotta be effin kidding me"
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I have never seen any Spiderman movie. And yes I do live in a 1950's bomb shelter.
Twinkie factory indeed. I used to think that the Brits were hot.
...has Hollywood run completely out of water or what?...the filth and the grease that we can see must pale in comparison to the smell of ass, stink head, sweaty balls and layer after layer of make-up and fake tan....no wonder they all come out with their own perfume - to cover their own brand, as Fat Bastard would say...
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