Vienna Sausage & Bachelor Jake Weren't Boning
Vienna Sausage and Jake Pavelka of The Bachelor are going to ride this attention whore Winnebago all the way to the edge and even after they crash and burn at the bottom, they are going to keep hitting the gas (don't call AAA when that happens), because this is probably the most attention they are ever going to get. So that's why hours after it was announced that Vienna and Jake quit each other, she was already on the cover of Star Magazine farting about why she dumped him. According to Vienna, even though they lived together for months their genitals never touched. Vienna says that every time she batted one of her cock eyes at him, Jake's peen crawled into his thighs to escape her. And even when she offered to eat his tuck area out, he still made excuses.
Vienna tells Star, "We haven't been intimate in months now. More than four months. At first his excuse was that he was fasting. The second excuse was that he didn’t feel like it. And the third excuse was that he said that he felt that I wouldn’t understand that he wants to wait until marriage, even though I told him I’d support him. Then the last excuse was that we fight so much that I push him away. I was like, really — which excuse is it? I literally have been living six months with this guy who won’t be intimate with me! He kisses me only if we’re on a red carpet or if cameras are there. Besides that, I have to ask for a kiss — and if I do he’ll pucker his lips and just peck me. I’m like, that’s how I kiss my grandmother!”
Excuse #5: He has working eyes and a weak stomach. Excuse #6: He's GAY, bitch!
Okay, the truth is that I'm probably the only one standing in the "I don't think Jake's asshole barks for dick" section while most of you are sitting in the "Yes, it does" section. Actually, I think more of you are in the "I'm really trying to care, but nothing is coming out" section.
If Jake really was a peen lover, he would've picked one of those other girls who look like they've never seen a real-life dick let alone touched one. Jake wasn't dicking Vienna, because he was too busy jacking off to himself in front of a mirror in the bathroom. Bitch loves himself too much. If Vienna wore a Jake mask, maybe she would've got a piece from him.
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he didn't want to do her cuz he knew everyone hated her with him, so it turned him off too, and he had to finish all the PR stuff first
I have no idea who this losers are, but the guy is very pretty.
Why is she called Vienna Sausage?
What sane man would dare be intimate with her? He's probably afraid that her wonky eye will jump out of her head at night and devour his peen while he sleeps. But the real deal is that he just picked her for the sake of picking her, with the intention of dumping her later. And what happened to all that "respect their privacy at this time" garbage?
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"Draw a chalk outline of your vagina on the floor, because I'm going to murder it tonight! Cooch Scene Investigation!" MK
I don't get this Asexual you speak of.... jacko's motto:
Live like there is no tomorrow.
Laugh til you piss your fucking pants.
drink til you drown.
and MAKE LOVE like it's the last time ever!!!
oh - and never admit you KNEW she was married!!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
LMAO Jacko
this dude Jake seems Asexual to me anyway. Not even interesting enough to be ghey
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄
GAY!
And if this were some weird parrallel universe where he was actually straight, why didn't he just dump her ass? This is the first time I've ever heard of them so it can't be for the publicity.
@jack-n-the-hat:
Hey Jack! I was wondering where you were hiding, bro. Hope you're well! I'm tanned, rested and ready to snark!
*punches the air, wheezes and then collapses*
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"I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in."
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These people are multiple-post news?
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Then.....why did he pick her? Unless he realized he wasn't interested in any of the women and just chose Vienna? Maybe he felt she would be the easiest one to split with?
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 8:52am.
and vienna needs to give jacko a call.... she won't have to ASK for shit!
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She may ask you to stop... that shit hurts after a while.
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
LOL @ Jack. And yes I did laugh out loud. ____________________________________________
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
and vienna needs to give jacko a call.... she won't have to ASK for shit!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
I didn't put much effort into trying into care but I can tell you nothing came out.. not even a dribble.
I think the bachelor/bachelorette show is stupid. Kind alike Tila Tequila's show without all the alcohol. Such crap. Just make a show out of speed dating and let us bet on the couples.
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*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
i dunno, my gaydar is only slightly humming. i think it's plain old rejection, vienna. but i guess someone as drop dead gorgeous as her can't accept that. *eye roll*
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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because
it's safer to pick on rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 8:47am.
Submitted by KD
Maybe he is one of those people that just has no desire for sex. What do they call them? Androgynous? Asexual? I just know it starts with an A.
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Awasteoftime.
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fukkin lololllllooooolllllllool
how you been MB? good to see you you bro...
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 8:18am.
I can't believe these stupid shows are still on the air. who watches this shit?
For real. Any of those shows dealing in emotional connections are absolutely ludicrous. I know love is "cheap" for a lot of people, but it's not that cheap.
Jake has gay written all over him.... gay gay gay.
Submitted by KD
Maybe he is one of those people that just has no desire for sex. What do they call them? Androgynous? Asexual? I just know it starts with an A.
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Awasteoftime.
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"I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in."
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I believe her jilted poon refuses to be silenced!
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Facebook: Triston
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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Fasting? Fasting?
If Jake really was a peen lover, he would've picked one of those other girls who look like they've never seen a real-life dick let alone touched one.
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Don't be silly. He picked the one with the best fashion sense, I'm sure.
♥ Threadkilla!
"O - and stop writing mean comments on his YouTube page.
He doesn't like it." ~Daniel Tosh - he's back, babay!
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
Wait a second..wasn't she just asking for privacy when they announced the breakup umm yesterday?
Honestly and I thought my life was lame..these whores really need to get a life.
PS. This is SO embarrassing for her - why is she telling errbuddy? I would totally change that story into: "We weren't really clicking sexually" and leave it at that. um no...wait a second. I would say nothing becuz it's nobody's fucking business but my own!
♥ Threadkilla!
"O - and stop writing mean comments on his YouTube page.
He doesn't like it." ~Daniel Tosh - he's back, babay!
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
Asshole.
Wait - is this the guy who has the kid, or was that some other bachelor? I get all these people mixed up.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...
This guy is so Tommy Gay. I can see that from here!
♥ Threadkilla!
"O - and stop writing mean comments on his YouTube page.
He doesn't like it." ~Daniel Tosh - he's back, babay!
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
KD :
They're called A GODDAMN SHAME!
And hometrick should be clubbed upside the head with a judge's gavel for allowing that many months to go by before fleeing for peen!
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Facebook: Triston
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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Maybe he is one of those people that just has no desire for sex. What do they call them? Androgynous? Asexual? I just know it starts with an A.
I don't watch these shows and don't understand who would. I watch plenty of reality tv, but the Bachelor is not one of them. I see all I need to on these gossip sites.....Which I am addicted to.
He's just not that into you ~ Literally!
Yup, he's gay!
Which would explain why he did the dance in his underwear on DWTS ~ An homage to Tom C ~ His dream partner.....
I saw a clip of that on E and it made me sick. They guy is such a disgusting dork, and he thinks he is so cute.
Puke.
The "Who Cares?" News , EXCATLY!*********************************************************************************************** Love me some chicken! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhcOWmjSBlg
I don't understand why they were living together. Was it for the show? (But the show ended, right? Unless they were going to do a spinoff about their "wedding".)
Whatever. Any straight guy would probably dip it into Vienna if she was all wanting it.
But OMG, I sort of feel for Jake if this dumb broad hadn't figured it out yet and kept pestering. That would be annoying.
I'm with MK on really, really trying to care but nothing's coming out. This Jake is a sad sack indeed. He's like a closeted drama geek from Idaho who finally got his "big break" 20 years after he graduated.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764, in walking with my
If there was a camera crew in their bedroom, he would've been down with the program. Obviously, unless the act were going to be televised, he didn't see any point in doing it.
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"I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in."
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He's a famesexual.
She's a skank.
End of story.
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Shiitake happens...
He's gay, SWEETIE!
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
I don't think Jake is a gay faggy fey, I think he is in line with a type of very good looking guy that is realllllly dumb and boring and bllaannndddd, with no passion for anything in life, not even the puss.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Excuse #5: He has working eyes and a weak stomach. Excuse #6: He's GAY, bitch!
Hiliarious!
*puts on Jake mask*
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
You say Gaytaytoe, I say Gaytahtoe. Either way, he likes boys.
Well when a man in a women are in a relationship and they are both strictly dickly that tends to happen. Tough luck
~~Submitted by No Words on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 10:06pm.
People are tired of this shit night after night...we come here to escape from the minutiae of our daily lives...if I wanted to hear crazy people spout insanity, I would call my mother-
I can't believe these stupid shows are still on the air. who watches this shit?
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Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
the more you're slip slidin' away
- Paul Simon
Why say anything? Oh, that's right, you're an ATTENTION WHORE.
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The new year approaching, click in. Let's facelift bar!
He's just not that into you.
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"I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in."
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