Vienna Sausage & Bachelor Jake Weren't Boning
Vienna Sausage and Jake Pavelka of The Bachelor are going to ride this attention whore Winnebago all the way to the edge and even after they crash and burn at the bottom, they are going to keep hitting the gas (don't call AAA when that happens), because this is probably the most attention they are ever going to get. So that's why hours after it was announced that Vienna and Jake quit each other, she was already on the cover of Star Magazine farting about why she dumped him. According to Vienna, even though they lived together for months their genitals never touched. Vienna says that every time she batted one of her cock eyes at him, Jake's peen crawled into his thighs to escape her. And even when she offered to eat his tuck area out, he still made excuses.
Vienna tells Star, "We haven't been intimate in months now. More than four months. At first his excuse was that he was fasting. The second excuse was that he didn’t feel like it. And the third excuse was that he said that he felt that I wouldn’t understand that he wants to wait until marriage, even though I told him I’d support him. Then the last excuse was that we fight so much that I push him away. I was like, really — which excuse is it? I literally have been living six months with this guy who won’t be intimate with me! He kisses me only if we’re on a red carpet or if cameras are there. Besides that, I have to ask for a kiss — and if I do he’ll pucker his lips and just peck me. I’m like, that’s how I kiss my grandmother!”
Excuse #5: He has working eyes and a weak stomach. Excuse #6: He's GAY, bitch!
Okay, the truth is that I'm probably the only one standing in the "I don't think Jake's asshole barks for dick" section while most of you are sitting in the "Yes, it does" section. Actually, I think more of you are in the "I'm really trying to care, but nothing is coming out" section.
If Jake really was a peen lover, he would've picked one of those other girls who look like they've never seen a real-life dick let alone touched one. Jake wasn't dicking Vienna, because he was too busy jacking off to himself in front of a mirror in the bathroom. Bitch loves himself too much. If Vienna wore a Jake mask, maybe she would've got a piece from him.
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Gay or straight, he's a Shar Pei-faced hobbit, and she is a clingy psycho. I am so loving this story. Ahh, schadenfreude, my favorite emotion.
WOW her face is jacked up! I looked her up on google and it's not good. She looks like a really bad version of Haylie Duff. I'm guessing he didn't want to do it with her because he was out of paper bags to cover that butterface.
But seriously, she must have been annoying or something. Contrary to popular belief, not all men will have sex with any/everyone. He didn't like her but he kept it up because of the press that came with having been on the show. He couldn't dump her immediately after so he stalled.
He looks like Jen Aniston in drag...
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...the end
Gotta be gay, he has zero taste in women plus he can dance...*raises eyebrow*
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LMAO! Michael K! the name 'Vienna Sausage' always cracks me up.
Maybe, just maybe she is a horrible screw. I dated a guy once who was a lousy lay.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/11/09
oops. wtf
right, why pick the more whorish looking one if you are gay? but you would pick the whore face if you are a famewhore cause she would get you the most press.
right, why pick the more whorish looking one if you are gay?
right, why pick the more whorish looking one if you are gay?
Maybe she is bad in bed or vice versa
I think he already has a tiny little vienna sausage, and more than one is just being a pig!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SX2KzqM3qU
He COULD be gay--I hope he is cause mofo IS hot! But I have to agree with MK, he is probably too much of a narcicist. But then why did he pick her? Who knows? Maybe his feelings changed after they moved in together or maybe she is nasty, like stinks and shit!
Who are these assholes
she hit the ugly tree pretty hard, I wouldn't stick it to her either.
I just don't like seeing either of these useless famewhores' faces, especially wonky. She's in the running for THE butterface of 2010.
REALLY WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THESE TWO FUCKING IDIOTS? IT IS ACTUALLY SAD THIS IS FUCKING NEWS!
Submitted by Picasso1 on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 11:54am.
He's Gay! what kind of man refuses a hot cup of Vag? I mean really being the Hetrosexual being that I am, I'll stick my dick in to just about any pussy that comes along, i'm a whore I know.
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I call bullshit on that statement dude, just google "blue waffle" and after you'r done tell me if you still would bone everything, that included! :)
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"I want to give you a hand job with my mouth" - Korean Abdul-Jabbar.
Why does a man always have to be gay if he turns a woman down? He could simply be not attracted to her, and boning somebody else on the side.
No way he's straight
He's not gay. I think he just does not love her and the more she sinks her claws in the more he pulls away. The question is why did he move in with her. That was mean.
He's Gay! what kind of man refuses a hot cup of Vag? I mean really being the Hetrosexual being that I am, I'll stick my dick in to just about any pussy that comes along, i'm a whore I know.
Sorry to say but we've all been had by ABC and The Bachelor. The thing is a sham, maaybe next year Network TV can have the Gay Bachelor, looking for his wonder boy soulmate.
"I'm really trying to care, but nothing is coming out."
You nailed it, MK...that is EXACTLY where I am.
"Excuse #5: He has working eyes and a weak stomach. Excuse #6: He's GAY, bitch!"
Ha, ha, ha!!!!! I love you, M.K.
They should have stayed together, in a cave, away from us, because they deserve each other.
Douche or not, i still think he's pretty hot
Maybe she had a std he wasn't fond of?
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
We called him "BILL" because he's as queer as a $3 dollar one....love Jane and Blanche Hudson
"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."
I think he's a virgin. This is virgin behavior. Why? Unfortunately I've been around a lot of mid 20-late 20's virgins lately. These people are freaked out.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 9:49am.
Submitted by NitWitty on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 9:39am.
Sorry MK. There's just know way
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I've been doing this too!
Is it a disease?!?
Ack!
ETA: ITA with the rest of that sentence too.
ETA PS(becuz it just occurred to me): And fuck this "At least you're not alone" shit! If there's more like me then something is spreading - that's not better!;p
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LOL!!! I saw it after I sent it..but I didn't want to edit it. Lately, I seem to have to edit every damn post I make. But I've been working heavily lately and my brain is pretty fried by the time I get a few minutes to check in over here.
xoxoxo
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Gay or not gay (but I think he is gay), if a guy like Jake is good looking and well employed as a pilot, there is no reason he cannot find a pretty, single flight attendant to marry, all on his own without the help of a tv show. No, Jake was never on the Bachelor looking for a pony to give a sugar cube to. He was looking for exposure and fame only. Picking Mr. Ed, aka Vienna Sausage as his betrothed was a sure fire way to generate the maximum amount of buzz because he knew she was so hated by the public. He liked the publicity and so did the producers. I am not shocked in any way that these too fame whores didn't "make it".
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
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if this is true, then this guy is a total doucebag. I would have nailed every ho on the show and how good they were in bed would definitely have impacted my decision. and she's not giving it up after she "won"... help me fucking understand this bulloney.
"But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?"
"Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby..."
pp: who do you like? Who do you think Ali will pick? My bf thinks she will pick that retail manager (LOL) and I'm afraid he may be right!
I like the wrestler, LOL he's the only one I find attractive. Do you watch Lost by any chance?
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄
Submitted by Master Blaster on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 9:09am.
You forgot one:
NEVER tell them your real name.
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ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
No clue who these people are.
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truth
Seriously I think the boy is ghey. Any hetero guy would have been having sex with Vienna...AND probably a side piece too. Nah...this guy is totally setting my gheydar off.
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Submitted by NitWitty on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 9:39am.
Sorry MK. There's just know way
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I've been doing this too!
Is it a disease?!?
Ack!
ETA: ITA with the rest of that sentence too.
ETA PS(becuz it just occurred to me): And fuck this "At least you're not alone" shit! If there's more like me then something is spreading - that's not better!;p
♥ Threadkilla!
"O - and stop writing mean comments on his YouTube page.
He doesn't like it." ~Daniel Tosh - he's back, babay!
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
Albatross,
No, this isn't the bachelor with the kid accessory. You're thinking of the bachelor before this one. I forget his name.
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www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
Sorry MK. There's just know way I'm letting you pass lil' Nancy here over to our team.
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
These too. Pfftt.
I was talking to someone when this show was on and I said "You know it isn't real, right?" She looked at me like I was insane and said, "Yes it is!". Lolololol, um no, it's not.
All "romances" from these shows are fake publicity stunts. Most of them never suck and fuck on each other. These people are actors. Shitty actors from the midwest, but actors ACTING nonetheless. It's all media politics.
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What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764, in walking with my
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/23/2010 - 9:09am.
who else is watching The Bachelorette?
*reports self*
*calls county on self*
*
*reports self too*
So apparently they were boning in the beginning but after 2 months or so, he quit that bitch. I recall he supposedly had a girlfriend that he dumped right before he did the show, who thought he was going to marry her. Maybe he still has feelings for her? Hard to say.
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
I knw something was up when he started bawling after getting eliminated off od Dancing with the Stars, then proceeded to tearfully thank everyone, BUT Vienna...he seemed like he was gonna miss his dancing partner more than anyone else. And sorry, MK...but homeboy is most def gay..even if you can't stand a ho, no man turns down free chocha.
"No One Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood!"
LOL rasc, I did it for Chirio! Since she loves it so. No, I don't think I have seen the dude
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄
Jake was a pussy for not being a man and taken care of his business. If he wasn't into her then he should of dumped her. She wants to let the world know what a dooche he is and embarrass him. What guy doesn't want to have sex for six months with his girlfriend?? That's unheard of. The only excuse is that he had a hot piece on the side and was having an affair...but I doubt it. I still think he's hot.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
@ Snowy
Every time I see your American Apparel avie I laugh. Did you see today's "classic guys" ad with that coy dude in very tight shorts, polo shirt and boat shoes? LOOOL!
This tool reminds me of E on Entourage.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat
I don't get this Asexual you speak of.... jacko's motto:
Live like there is no tomorrow.
Laugh til you piss your fucking pants.
drink til you drown.
and MAKE LOVE like it's the last time ever!!!
oh - and never admit you KNEW she was married!!!
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You forgot one:
NEVER tell them your real name.
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"I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in."
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who else is watching The Bachelorette?
*reports self*
*calls county on self*
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄