Cookie Puss vs. White Oprah
(start of fictional dramatization) Yesterday afternoon, White Oprah was passed out in the bushes of her front yard from drinking too many Sea Breezes when Nana Lohan woke her up by spraying her in the face with the garden hose. Nana Lohan threw Ali's Carvel Black Card (more on that mess later) at White Oprah and told her to go get her son Cody a birthday cake. White Oprah knows not to question Nana Lohan so she washed the mysterious substances out of her mouth with the garden hose, pulled up her pants, got in the car and headed over to Carvel to get her boy a cake! (end of fictional dramatization)
White Oprah picked out a cake at Carvel and handed the employee Ali's fancy Carvel Black Card. The Carvel Black Card is for VIPs only and it gives them free ice cream for 75 years. Well, the employee knows all about White Oprah's low-budget tricks, so he asked her for an ID. That's when the Fudgie the Whale hit the fan.
While holding back tears, White Oprah gave Radar all the emotional details of her trying ordeal:
“The shop assistant said, ‘Do you have I.D.?’ Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldn’t give me the cake! This guy was crazy! I couldn’t believe this guy... it’s a family card, it just didn’t have my name on it. Next minute, four cop cars showed up, there’s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that I’m trying to use a stolen credit card -- and for what? Over a free ice cream?! He wouldn’t give it back... not even to the cops! Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, ‘You can have the card, but you can’t have the cake!’ It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people. Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this. When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store -- and you can print that!”
Oh, boo hoo in your big nostrils, you dumb bitch! You can print that out on paper, roll it up and then shove it up your ass. I swear. At least that horrible family has a Carvel Black Card. They should be thankful for that. Every time I want to lick on Cookie Puss or give fellatio to Fudgie the Whale, I have to pull out my Body Glove wallet like a common john!
"We get treated so much worse than regular people." Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes. How dare that hag. She has yet to earn the right to sit next to such beautiful creations as Cookie Puss and Fudgie.
If I was that employee I would've snatched that card, snorted up the coke residue White Oprah left on it, sprayed whipped cream on top and then shoved it down her froat! Without a cherry, thankyouverymuch.
And yes, I always get this angry when dumb bitches fuck with Cookie Puss.
• 
Poor Dina, Millions of Milkshakes would never have let this happen. They know how to treat irregular people.
NO COOKIE PUSS! NO JUSTICE!
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 1:22pm.
The Lowhans don't eat! She sells those free cakes for profit on craigslist. The scam is up Dina.
Lol
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Exactly! She goes back and forth between selling amazing Carvel ice cream cakes and hocking her organic electric toothbrushes. You better believe White Oprah has a plan for world domination.
Now i am in the mood for one of their vanilla ice cream sandwiches. I LOVED those as a kid.
Dina should try being one of many unemployed people in the US right now praying to God that their benefits don't get cut off. I swear, don't ever let me see a Lohan in the street...
The Lowhans don't eat! She sells those free cakes for profit on craigslist. The scam is up Dina.
Lol
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 1:18pm.
Dina is under the impression that Lindsay still has power.
And when the fuck did Ali EVER have any?
In the right situation, an AARP card can mean a lot.
This bitch is ridiculous. You want to hear about pain, White Oprah? We don't even HAVE Carvel out here, bitch! What I wouldn't give for the taste of that sweet nectar and to hear Tom Carvel's dulcet tones (RIP, Tom)!
What a self important bitch.
He got a cake. so whatever. some kids don't even get cakes for their birthday.
Check out the Web's Sexiest Channel!
http://www.therougenetwork.com
Dina is under the impression that Lindsay still has power.
And when the fuck did Ali EVER have any?
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"Bitch, you- me - bridge, ain't never gonna motherfuckin happen"
-Lafayette "True Blood"
lolololol
ok which one of you sluts works at Carvel?
That should have tazed that entitled self-important bitch.
I'm sure in Dina's mind this is an epic disaster worse than the BP oil spill.
I'm sure in Dina's mind this is an epic disaster worse than the BP oil spill.
Poor Cookie Puss and Fudgie are in for a frivilous lawsuit!
This post is a perfect illustration of why I love Dlisted. You are a comic genius, MK.
WO needs to shut her entitled piehole and go help her addict daughter.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...
Wow MK sure gets butch when someone messes with Cookiepuss!
I think the point of going there every day is that Ali will be using the black card and get free ice cream and it will wind up costing the store a lot. Now THAT is a Lohan reality show I would watch--Ali eating Carvel out of spite and getting super fat!
"Every time I want to lick on Cookie Puss or give fellatio to Fudgie the Whale, I have to pull out my Body Glove wallet like a common john!"
OH FUCKIGN LOL this is all awesome.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Cookie Puss's eyes look disturbingly bewb-ish.
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
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I'm a winner. I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?
http://www.modestneeds.org/
"we get treated worse than regular people"
Piece of shit.
Bitch also looks like Kathy Lee Gifford in this pic which makes me loathe her all the more.
I keep expecting her to belt out the "Figurines" jingle.
@RichBitch: I totally agree; who gets back at a business by going there everyday? What an idiot... and yeah, why couldn't she just pay for the damn thing?
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
I can just hear Dina when she was being manhandled. DON'T TASE ME, BRO!
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
~~~~~~~~
I'm a winner. I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Dina to employee "Don't you know who I think I am?"
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Shiitake happens...
Cheap bitch wont BUY her son a birthday cake???? LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we're all missing the point here...
THERE'S A CARVEL BLACK CARD THAT GIVES YOU FREE ICE CREAM!
Is that the payment when you sell your soul to the devil as the Lohan's have done?
I expected her to say "I'm never shopping at Carval ever again and you shouldn't too" but noooo she's going to go there a lot! WTF?!?!!!!!
Delusional cunt.
I really hope she gets a nasty terminal illness that everyone else in her family catches by telepathy. Firecrotchcanklecancer would do.
"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! I love you MK!!
I'd never won anything or been VIP to anything until last week. I won a Playstation 3 through Cocoa Cola now I feel all VIP and shit... so I can relate to this bitch right now lmfao.
"Wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this."
Aaaaand what? What will they do? Not only are you all broke-ass bitches, you are just plain broke! And guess what? I bet if someone were to contact the police department where this took place, they would laugh like hell at the thought that they would deploy a helicopter for your lying ass. Remember The Rockettes? NYDN outed you so hard and so deep for that. And you think we believe you after that????
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
~~~~~~~~
I'm a winner. I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?
http://www.modestneeds.org/
This cannot be real, this some April's fool bullshit. If it is real...Bitch needs a 5150.
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"To those of you who didn't believe...
and with apologies to the ladies, suck my
cock! And keep on sucking!" Maradona to a roomful of journalists on qualifying for
the finals.
And one other thing...why on earth would she assume the traffic helicopter for the local news station, which happened to be traveling over Carvel at the time Dina was being humiliated and violated, was in any way related to her situation. Dumb bitch! No, Dina, not everything has to do with you! Only in your wildest fantasies would anyone give a big enough shit about your hot/fraudulent Carvel card to dispatch a helicopter.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
If I did not read Dlisted, I would have no idea who Dina is. I still don't know what the hell she does.
Lol
This is one of MK's best posts EVER!
Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 12:57pm
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YES!!! YES!!! a million times over!!
Well of COURSE the guy asked her for ID-- why wouldn't he? Does she really think that anyone outside of celebrity gossip blogs has any idea who she is?
She's right about one thing though- having to look at Ali's fug face when Dina brings her to Carvel every day will definitely be a punishment for those poor employees... I hope they are getting hazard pay!
DEFINITELY TEAM CARVEL!
The Lohans are broker than a muthafucka if Ma Lohan is trying to cop free ice cream for the kid's birthday instead of just bitching it up and whipping out some cash or a credit card to pay for it. I bet she asked Radar for a couple of hundred for the tale of sad. This is the third "fucked in the head" druggie drama story today, lol.
...regular people? Really? what a fuckin' bitch.
Well, here is part of the problem, coke whore: "regular people" actually take cash or some other form of payment (debit card, credit card, etc) and PAY FOR OUR REGULAR PEOPLE SHIT WITH OUR REGULAR PEOPLE FUCKIN' MONEY! GET A JOB AND TRY IT SOME TIME, YOU USED THE HELL UP CUM FARTING TRICK!
*goes to buy some icecream*
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
Oh, poor little persecuted Dina! She has it so much worse than ordinary people. I mean, really...come on now. Some people have cancer. Others have been victims of violent crimes. There is the very lucky Charla, who lost her entire face when she was attacked by her friend's chimp. None of these misfortunes could in any way hold a candle to the indignities that White Oprah and her kin must bear. I wish the world would just stop being so bitchy to Dina and just let her be great, at no charge.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
When I first read this I thought they carded her because you only get the ice cream for seventy-five years and she looks so damn old.
Unroll some of the bills your daughter used the night before to snort some shit and pay for the cake your damns self, twat!
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
I LOVE that my brain automatically processed the dramatization in Robert Stack's voice. Like Unsolved Mysteries, but for stupid, coke whores.
And Fuck Dina Lohan a thousand time over for even bringing ice cream up since I cant even eat that shit anymore!! Stupid cunt face!!!!!!!
~~Submitted by No Words on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 10:06pm.
People are tired of this shit night after night...we come here to escape from the minutiae of our daily lives...if I wanted to hear crazy people spout insanity, I would call my mother-
Actually, I think the best thing about this story is that Dina didn't just pay for the fucking cake.
Is she that dense/high/delusional that she thinks that sharing this story will garner her and her low-class clan sympathy instead of scorn?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
well, to be fair, the DID just spend all their money on Linday's bail bonds. who can afford cake now?
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"Bitch, you- me - bridge, ain't never gonna motherfuckin happen"
-Lafayette "True Blood"
She and Michael Lohan are locked in an epic battle to see who can be the worse parent. Not that it matters that much, BECAUSE LINDSAY IS NO LONGER A KID!!!!
I hope she does bring ALI everyday to Carvel then I will fucking laugh and laugh when she is as fat as Gilbert Grapes mother!!!! FUCK OFF AND DIE LOHAN FUCKTARDS!!!!!!!!!
~~Submitted by No Words on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 10:06pm.
People are tired of this shit night after night...we come here to escape from the minutiae of our daily lives...if I wanted to hear crazy people spout insanity, I would call my mother-
Submitted by mike on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 12:42pm.
Well at least he didn't kidnap her and make her smoke dope.
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That would be her DREAM scenario !!
I'll bet Dina can't even cook a box of Mac N Cheese.
LMFAO Im playing the worlds smallest violin for these assholes! They are treated sooo much worse then regular people! I like how she dosent classify herself as a regular fucking person to!! Who the fuck is she?? A mother of a has been and a never was?
Just wait till Lindsay hears! Give me a fucking break, drama queen! I really believe this bullshit!
Buy the fucking cake you fucking asshole, like everyone else!!! I wonder why the world hates your families fucking guts!!!!!!!!!!!
~~Submitted by No Words on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 10:06pm.
People are tired of this shit night after night...we come here to escape from the minutiae of our daily lives...if I wanted to hear crazy people spout insanity, I would call my mother-