Cookie Puss vs. White Oprah
(start of fictional dramatization) Yesterday afternoon, White Oprah was passed out in the bushes of her front yard from drinking too many Sea Breezes when Nana Lohan woke her up by spraying her in the face with the garden hose. Nana Lohan threw Ali's Carvel Black Card (more on that mess later) at White Oprah and told her to go get her son Cody a birthday cake. White Oprah knows not to question Nana Lohan so she washed the mysterious substances out of her mouth with the garden hose, pulled up her pants, got in the car and headed over to Carvel to get her boy a cake! (end of fictional dramatization)
White Oprah picked out a cake at Carvel and handed the employee Ali's fancy Carvel Black Card. The Carvel Black Card is for VIPs only and it gives them free ice cream for 75 years. Well, the employee knows all about White Oprah's low-budget tricks, so he asked her for an ID. That's when the Fudgie the Whale hit the fan.
While holding back tears, White Oprah gave Radar all the emotional details of her trying ordeal:
“The shop assistant said, ‘Do you have I.D.?’ Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldn’t give me the cake! This guy was crazy! I couldn’t believe this guy... it’s a family card, it just didn’t have my name on it. Next minute, four cop cars showed up, there’s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that I’m trying to use a stolen credit card -- and for what? Over a free ice cream?! He wouldn’t give it back... not even to the cops! Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, ‘You can have the card, but you can’t have the cake!’ It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people. Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this. When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store -- and you can print that!”
Oh, boo hoo in your big nostrils, you dumb bitch! You can print that out on paper, roll it up and then shove it up your ass. I swear. At least that horrible family has a Carvel Black Card. They should be thankful for that. Every time I want to lick on Cookie Puss or give fellatio to Fudgie the Whale, I have to pull out my Body Glove wallet like a common john!
"We get treated so much worse than regular people." Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes. How dare that hag. She has yet to earn the right to sit next to such beautiful creations as Cookie Puss and Fudgie.
If I was that employee I would've snatched that card, snorted up the coke residue White Oprah left on it, sprayed whipped cream on top and then shoved it down her froat! Without a cherry, thankyouverymuch.
And yes, I always get this angry when dumb bitches fuck with Cookie Puss.
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Question... Who would you rather f*ck, Dina or the cake???
I'm team f*ck the cake
I've been an avid reader of Dlisted for a couple of years now and was anxiously waiting for MK's response to this ridiculous piece of shit.
I've never left a comment here, but I'm compelled to leave my two cents because of the pure hatred I have for this fucking moronic excuse of a mother. This chick is such a fucking douchebag on so many levels...I absolutely HATE her, and I pray for the day when I can hear about the entire outfit of Lohans living underneath an interstate overpass, wondering why they squandered and took advantage of the numerous opportunities that were presented to them when us 'regular people' are forced to suffer and (God forbid) PAY for our own ice cream cakes with our good, hard-earned money. These fucktards wouldn't know an honest day's work if it beat them over the head with an eight ball of coke, a prescription bottle full of oxycontins, and an IV drip of Vodka/Red Bull. It just fucking infuriates me to no fucking end.
Anyway, enough of my rant...thank you to MK for always lightening up my day with his brilliant writing ability and to the rest of you for leaving such entertaining comments. I'm happy to be on the Dlisted board now.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
I'm loving the fact that an ice cream store has a credit card.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
WO is a hoot. She constantly caught lying and cannot believe it when she's called out on them. How did she respond to the Rockettes' reply to her claim to have been a Rockette?
Carvel would be better off canceling LiLo's card for the way LiLo let others misuse it. It shows that she feels entitled and that no one will deny her. Just wait until da judge sees her in July!
Lawdy, LiLo is looking beefy and high strung. Withdrawal must be a bitch, eh, LiLo?
Great to learn that "True Blood" said no to LiLo's request to be a guest star on the show. Somebody remembered how she ruined her stay on "Ugly Betty." No one should ever hire LiLo in the entertainment media.
I always make my own birthdaycakes for my children. With flour, eggs, sugar, cocoa, milk and butter. And with delicious homemade icing on the top.
Ever heard of putting an efford in that parenting-thing, Dina..?
Dina Lohan and Kate Gosselin are pretty much the same person.
Oh, and by the way, Cookie Puss has more class in one sprinkle on his nose than those two dames combined. Cookie Puss for Hot Slut of The Day!
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"This is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
" . . . the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN". (MK, c.2009)
I totally went to the Carvel website and wrote them a nasty-gram telling them that Lindsay Lohan is tainting their brand and that they should be rewarding real people like veterans and volunteers, not promiscuous ungrateful drug addicts like Lindsay Lohan.
I suggest you all do the same.
What a delusional turd. I'd like to take my regular person foot and kick WO right in her (professionally whitened with her crack-whore daughter's money) teefuses.
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
Carvel probably issued Lindsay a free ice cream card because they know bitch doesn't eat.
It is sickening that the store would offer such a perk to wealthy celebrities who can afford to buy their own fucking ice cream. Why not offer the card to merit scholars or something instead? That would bring good publicity and be a way they'd never have to see another Lohan in their stores.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
I nominate Cookie Puss for HSOTD
I wish we had the counter person's side, I know that Dina is a pathological liar so the real story must be the opposite. The part about heliocopter coming for this is really the product of a sick mind.
Yeah I find the giving the black cards to celebrities thing pretty obnoxious really. We can bitch about how celebrities (and the Lohans) are a bunch of entitled assholes, but is it really a shock they feel that way when they're constantly being given free shit?
Carvel having to deal with these assholes is a bit of a reap what you sow situation as far as I'm concerned. Maybe instead of kissing celebrity ass, they should do something nice for people who will actually *gasp* appreciate it.
What went unsaid: White Oprah tried to pull a "don't-you-know-who-I-am" kind of trick and the hot slut shop assistant hit her in the ass with it. So she called the cops because what's a celebrity to do when their undeniable superiority isn't recognized by the hoi polloi?
Submitted by RufusR on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 1:53pm.
Why does Carvel give celebrities free ice cream? Celebrities can afford to pay for their own ice cream (except for Lohans). Why not give free ice cream to unemployed people? Or homeless people? Why do celebrities deserve free anything? Is it a PR gimmick? If so, not working because I have never heard of a celebrity eating free Carvel's ice cream.
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I agree. Think of how much better publicity they might have gotten if they had instead given free ice cream to 75 iraqi war veterans or something.
At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing Dina in more "regular people" scenarios, like waiting in line at the post office, or trying to renew her vehicle registration at the DMV, or dealing with insurance companies. heheheh.
"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes. "
*SWOON*
Maybe she meant treated like regular people meaning regular and not a retarded delusional special ed type case. In which case the shop would not be inclined to treat her like regular people.
So bitch chose to make a scene rather than PAY for a fucking cake like us little people. And I agree, Carvel shouldn't be giving free ice cream to the likes of Benjamin Ali and other celebs(term used lightly).
I really do wish karma would bite her in the face so hard, and we all get to see it. I wouldn't doubt she's Kate Gosselin's mentor.
Good for Carvel's ! pay up bitch, ice cream cakes don't grow on trees. I <3 Carvels
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Good for Carvel's ! pay up bitch, ice cream cakes don't grow on trees. I <3 Carvels
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Daaaaaaaaaaamn, MK, YOU MAD HUH???
Ok, so my question is, did Cody get a birthday cake?
So, one question, did poor Cody end up getting a birthday cake, or does he have to wait until Ali gets back so they can all go to Carvel to use HER card?
Why does Carvel give celebrities free ice cream? Celebrities can afford to pay for their own ice cream (except for Lohans). Why not give free ice cream to unemployed people? Or homeless people? Why do celebrities deserve free anything? Is it a PR gimmick? If so, not working because I have never heard of a celebrity eating free Carvel's ice cream.
cookiepuss always is right. don't mess with cookiepuss PERIOD
Submitted by Viva Mexico on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 1:36pm.
Check out Carvel's response. Looks like it was DINA who called the cops, and the helicopter thing is all BS
HAHAHHAHAHA
It says there that the card is issued in Lindsay's name it's non-transferrable to other family members. That still doesn't make any sense then to threaten to bring Ali in everyday, lol. I'm picturing Dina storming in dragging Ali up to the counter. "Look at her! LOOK AT HER!!" And on the seventh day they storm in Carvel says, "okay.....uncle! We give up. Here's your stupid cake."
It's a sad state of affairs when she gives a bigger shit about a free frickin' ice cream cake than she does her drug-addicted alcoholic cutter of a daughter.
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"UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!"
~~Tourettes Guy
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Ahahaha!! Let them eat cake! Except you, Nostrils, you need to sit the fuck down. omg, owned by a pimply faced ice cream store employee! *dies*
This stupid ass trick needs a humble pie slapped across her stupid face. Gah. I hate America sometimes.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Caught in a lie yet again!! Apparently they've warned her repeatedly not to use Lindsay's card lol.
stupid nasty slut of a mother...God, this family makes my stomach churn, and my heart burn...and my head AACCHHEE...somebody go to LOng Island and slap a bitch for me... I agree the Carvel guy needs to be named Hot Slut of the Decade...she thinks she's special, we she is special all right...as in mentally challenged and ego flated beyond recognition, btw, what has this woman EVER done in her life but birth bitches, complain and do drugs.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 1:38pm.
HAHAHAHAHA! This is like those complete losers who call 911 because the drive-thru is out of chicken strips or some counter bitch gives them attitude.
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They were out of special sauce. What else should I have done????? That's a crime!
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
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I'm a winner. I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Ahhh...so the card was Lindsey's...that makes more sense. Dina said everyone in the family had one....YEAH RIIIIIIIGHT!
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Many people don't realize that playing dead can work not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.
I don't know what Carvel's even is, but I'm sure the employee was just tryin' to have a little fun. WO should take it down a notch, or two or seven. And "I have to pull out my Body Glove wallet like a common john!" is why I'm good to go, MK, if you ever decide to marry a girl.
God is never the one.- MK
oh yeah and I TOTALLY believe that the Carvel employee just GRABBED her arm out of fucking nowhere. Girlfriend, PLEASE!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Ahahahaha. Kudos to the Carvel spokesbitch for keeping it real. Only 75 cards were issued, the card is meant to only be used by Lindsay, apparently Dina uses it all the time and they're sick of her shit.
When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store --
Th only "regular guest appearance" that non-acting Benjamin Button-bish is going to ever have in her professional career.
HAHAHAHAHA! This is like those complete losers who call 911 because the drive-thru is out of chicken strips or some counter bitch gives them attitude.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You're disssthphicable!!!!!"
Shouldn't she be glad that people checked for Id is for her own safety
sorry if someone else said this before
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Check out Carvel's response. Looks like it was DINA who called the cops, and the helicopter thing is all BS
HAHAHHAHAHA
http://mobile.newsday.com/inf/infomo?site=newsday&view=entertainment_ite...
Well it sure makes Carvel look bad that they would give those Lohan fuckers free ice cream for life.
GAH...the Lohans deserve nothing better than my old yucky popsicle stick that I dropped on the floor and my dog licked clean.
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Many people don't realize that playing dead can work not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.
Yes White Oprah is a dumb slag, but I just want to thank MK for my new signature!
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"We get treated so much worse than regular people." Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes. How dare that hag. She has yet to earn the right to sit next to such beautiful creations as Cookie Puss and Fudgie.-MK
She's looking a little like Kate Gosselin in that picture... no wonder she didn't get a freebie
Whore
This carvel worker needs to be Hot Slut of the Day!
White Oprah should be in a real life women's prison movie. You know the one where they rape her with the toilet plunger....
Parkerj,
:)
*loud sarcasm voice*
OH MY GAWDDDD R U SERIOUS DINA??? THEY WANTED YOU TO ACTUALLY PAY FOR THE CAKE??? THAT IS JUST TERRIBLE...YOU RUN NOW AND TELL ALI AND LINDSEY ALL ABOUT YOUR TROUBLES.......AND DON'T FORGET TO STOP AT YOUR DRUG DEALERS ON THE WAY!!!
dumb bitch.
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Many people don't realize that playing dead can work not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.
I'm guessing she doesn't tip... Good for the him
Why didn't the stupid cunt just pay for the fucking cake? I hate this woman with the passion of a thousand Kaynes!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
I don't believe a thing that comes out of this deluded bitch's piehole. Remember how she claimed she was a Rockette, and the Rockettes issued a press release saying they'd never heard of her? It's called LYING, and this whore does it all the time, if she thinks she can get something she wants. That she did it over a stupid $20 cake just shows that she has no judgement at all & doesn't deserve the 15% she's scamming from her daughter...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
This family is so....I don't have the words. Well maybe I do.....Is this really happening? I feel funny. Why is this happening to me?!! Is this going to be forever? Rahhhhhh.