Oh, Look Who Actually Showed Up To Court Today
Dressed like a rest stop prostitute turned middle-aged office temp who is always asking you for cigarettes and never washes her hands after she pisses, Lindsay Lohan graciously showed up to court in Beverly Hills today to get reamed by Judge Marsha Revel. Don't worry, Judge Marsha duct-taped a dental dam over her mouth before she gave it to LiLo.
As expected, Judge Marsha ordered LiLo to wear a SCRAM anklet and told her that she must stay away from booze and drugs. LiLo will have to undergo random drug testing once a week and she also must continue to attend alcohol education classes. If she fucks up, she will be thrown in jail before she can snort up the last line.
LiLo's lawyer also tried to be slick by asking the judge if she can remove the SCRAM anklet while "working." Her lawyer said she's due to begin shooting a movie in Texas, and the anklet might get in the way. Judge Marsha shut that request down.
LiLo must start wearing the SCRAM anklet within 24 hours, so if you're in the L.A. area you better hope that you stocked up on the sweet nectar because there's about to be a drought! Bitch went straight from court to the nearest economy-sized bottle of vodka.
And oh, how I wish a SCRAM anklet on LiLo's ankle. Seriously, that SCRAM anklet is going to stay drunk, high and hollerin'. So don't be surprised if you see Pete Doherty curled around LiLo's ankle.