Oh, Look Who Actually Showed Up To Court Today
Dressed like a rest stop prostitute turned middle-aged office temp who is always asking you for cigarettes and never washes her hands after she pisses, Lindsay Lohan graciously showed up to court in Beverly Hills today to get reamed by Judge Marsha Revel. Don't worry, Judge Marsha duct-taped a dental dam over her mouth before she gave it to LiLo.
As expected, Judge Marsha ordered LiLo to wear a SCRAM anklet and told her that she must stay away from booze and drugs. LiLo will have to undergo random drug testing once a week and she also must continue to attend alcohol education classes. If she fucks up, she will be thrown in jail before she can snort up the last line.
LiLo's lawyer also tried to be slick by asking the judge if she can remove the SCRAM anklet while "working." Her lawyer said she's due to begin shooting a movie in Texas, and the anklet might get in the way. Judge Marsha shut that request down.
LiLo must start wearing the SCRAM anklet within 24 hours, so if you're in the L.A. area you better hope that you stocked up on the sweet nectar because there's about to be a drought! Bitch went straight from court to the nearest economy-sized bottle of vodka.
And oh, how I wish a SCRAM anklet on LiLo's ankle. Seriously, that SCRAM anklet is going to stay drunk, high and hollerin'. So don't be surprised if you see Pete Doherty curled around LiLo's ankle.
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Just a bit of advice Lindsay, when answering any questions stick with the tried and tested responses of either yes, no ,or I don't recall and preferably not all at the same time in the same answer. Otherwise you could try answering the question by prefacing it with "To the best of my knowledge and recollection, there were no drugs on the table." That way if there is evidence showing there was then you can always blame your response on a lapse of memory rather than telling a lie. Always willing to help.
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Abraham Lincoln once said that you cannot fool all the people all the time. Apparently LiLo and White Oprah never read or believed the adage cause they continue to lie with impunity and hubris, demanding that you believe them.
The judge isn't buying their BS and others are not buying it, either. Not everyone is as stupid or vapid as they may think.
The lies emerge regularly now. WO hung up on RadarOnLine cause she was caught in a lie. LiLo's lies are on video. You know the judge checked up on LiLo's antics via the gossip sites. LiLo is going to finally get the punishment she so richly deserves! She may end up in rehab and/or jail. Now only if she'll act up so the coppers can tase her or spray her! That will be some great footage for the gossip sites.
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OK, I SWEAR I'm turning off CNN and going to bed, but Hohan is totally mesmerizing me....
I have two more observations to make:
1. Hohan's lawyer was standing up talking to the judge, while Hohan was sitting down. Her lawyer had on an orangey blazer, and Hohan was more orange than the blazer.
2. Her lawyer was African-American, and when they put their heads together to confer, Hohan was darker than the lawyer.
That's it!
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
She's not only a cokewhore, but judging by the bizarre tweaked facial expressions she's making in court (and the idiotic idea to "show off them boobies" to a female judge; good call lindsay), I'm guessing she's got a meth problem as well...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 7:55pm.
I LOVE the plunging neckline in court! Nothing shows respect for the judge or the court or yourself like a 'MOTOR BOAT THESE" boobie shirt unbottoned to your belly button...WAY 2 GO BLO!!! Did she think Judge Not the One was a gayelle or sumpin? That's some 'sexy secretary' shit you wear in a Van Halen video, not what you ACTUALLY WEAR TO COURT!!! What were her lawyers thinking????? Oh, wait....yeah, it was distract from the meth face at any cost, right? That's why her lawyer slutted it up with her, huh?
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So true! She looks like she is wearing the secretary Halloween costume from Frederick's of Hollywood. Ever seen their "day" outfits? Love the shoe polish black hair on her too.
What the hell?! She's not filming Machete right now! We just saw the trailer. You can't have a trailer if you haven't filmed yet.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it." ~Professor Whoreface
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
Does anybody know if the girl in these pictures has downs syndrome? And why does she look like she was kicked in the mouth by a mull?
She's so "Squeaky Fromme". In fact if they had a public vote to replace Charlie with her, he'd dance right out a free man.
Sandbitch, if I ever put together a band, I am going to name it Scram Pants. :-)
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
LASux's picture
Submitted by LASux on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 8:41pm.
So why didn't the Judge do a Drug Test right there?
It'd save her the time & trouble.
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I bet her first random weekly test has already happened. The courts may not care where she ingested the drugs, should it come up positive *cough, cough* because in accepting her probationary period for the DUI, she likely agreed to remain drug free and proof positive of drug use will violate her terms. I believe that is a pretty common stipulation in cases like hers. It doesn't really matter where she does the partying, it is the fact that it happened.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:36pm.
Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:22pm.
Prescribed amount of adderall wont do shit for a high I know that for a fact
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Exactly. I am sure she gets multiple scripts and takes more than prescribed...much more. The weekly random drug test will say positive for amphetimines, for example, but all that is necessary to get a passing grade is to show one of your scripts for Adderall. The blood plasma test will look to see if the level of adderall in your bloodstream makes sense and is within the therapeutic range and not the recreational range.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
This bitch wasn't jailed? My money is she'll be in violation of something by Wednesday.
Foxnews has a series of photos of Linds through the years. It looks like she got hooked on meth by the change in her appearance from May 2009 - Oct 2009.
It's very freaky how her appearance changed during that short period of time. God help her -- it seems like no one else will or can.
I actually choked on the cig.....never going back again. What was my problem?
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http://www.facebook.com/people/Jana-Stastny/636511281
Submitted by Jana on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 9:22pm.
I am smoking a Marlobo I begged off a good Samaritan, after having quit for 6 months, in the name of.
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is that a Marlboro? them cigs are rough, 2nd only to camels (unfiltered).
i quit 12 years ago. but, aint gonna lie, if i feel like a puff or two (after class or after sex), im gonna have it.
everything in moderation. unless one is an addictive/seeking type, then, discipline over moderation. only you know what you can deal w/.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
I swear, CNN's been on mute all day while I've been cleaning my apt., I can't escape Hohan's belligerent little face, and it's been driving me nuts...she LOOKS like someone, but WHO?
It finally hit me:
EDDIE MUNSTER!
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
I am smoking a Marlobo I begged off a good Samaritan, after having quit for 6 months, in the name of.
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http://www.facebook.com/people/Jana-Stastny/636511281
read post, lolling so hard MUAH MK, u never disappoint!
BOOYAH BITCH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
... whew!!! Been waiting all day to let this OUT AAHAHAHAHA bitch got SERVED! FINALLY!
UUUGGGHHHH DAAYYAAAAMMMMM. WITHIN 24 HOURS??!! SHIT, THAT GIVES A BITCH ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF ALL THAT IS LAW ABIDING; CRIME!!!!! TRAVESTY!!!!! is the cali law saying she can whoop it up til 9 am tomorrow???!!! WHAT-THE-F***?!!!! (it is monday and im trying to be pious and not say or write the f bomb) (dbl lol)
im not happy til she has to wear a SCRAM BRA, HEADBAND, BELT, ANKLET, BRACES, TAMPON AND BRACELETS YO. DAMN.
make her wear a dunce hat for making that stupid face in the main pic. she should serve food in the mess hall at penitentiary as part of probation.
i don't want to hear that shit about her stupid parents being part of this mess AT THIS AGE THAT SHE IS; she's damn old enough to STOP HER DUMB SHIT. PERIOD. it is bitches (and lenient sentences like these) that send the wrong message to the rest of society.
now i DON'T give a damn about her; it's the principle at this point. ENOUGH.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
Submitted by LASux on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 8:41pm.
So why didn't the Judge do a Drug Test right there?
It'd save her the time & trouble.
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That's an interesting question and my guess would be that because she had been in a foreign country there are jurisdiction issues (i.e., American courts cannot control what she does in another counry). Because alcohol (which is legal) and cocaine (which is not) are metabolized pretty quickly it would not have been worth the time and expense particularly because this possibly opens up the sitch to international law. E.g., where did she consume and/or possess the cocaine? That's just my guess.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
So why didn't the Judge do a Drug Test right there?
It'd save her the time & trouble.
Man, Lindsay really is morphing into Lara Flynn Boyle. Her face is like a poached fish. Where's the lemon butter?
Maybe she was at the graduation? Did anyone ever see the living lohan reality show? Dina obviously didn't give a fuck about her son and he was bored and lonely. I felt bad for him. Also for Ali because she was put in completley inappropriate situations for her age.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
I still want to know WHERES MOMMY? She didnt show up to court with her cash cow. Ill bet her lawyer told her to fuck off after her dumbass interview with radar telling everyone we told Blowie to saty in France.
IMDB says that Machette was completed already.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
Her entire outfit kills me--the pants look like they'll burst at the seams if she bends over.
In re: to that tweet about her brother graduating and how great Dina is, does anyone else think she sounds brainwashed and robotic anytime her mom is mentioned? I mean, who else would even think of turning a tweet about their brother's accomplishment into a tribute to their mommy?
Also, I wonder what his real class standing was when "top of his class" in Lohanguage is translated into reality-speak. It has the same ring of credibility as "in total compliance," "I have always taken responsibility for all my actions," "I'm not doing drugs," "Those aren't my pants," "The black kid did it," "My passport was stolen," "They were just fans who wanted me to take a picture with them," "I didn't party in Cannes," ad nauseum.
Submitted by CholaMom on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 7:22pm.
I thought she was supposed to film Machete LAST SUMMER???
She did film one scene, but I heard that they added aditional scenes for her part in Machete.
True that Texas is hot as hell. I drove through Texas in the Northern part...the panhandle, I guess, it was 105 fuckin' degrees.
One can only imagine the stench of hooha from Lindsay's film shoot.
I LOVE the plunging neckline in court! Nothing shows respect for the judge or the court or yourself like a 'MOTOR BOAT THESE" boobie shirt unbottoned to your belly button...WAY 2 GO BLO!!! Did she think Judge Not the One was a gayelle or sumpin? That's some 'sexy secretary' shit you wear in a Van Halen video, not what you ACTUALLY WEAR TO COURT!!! What were her lawyers thinking????? Oh, wait....yeah, it was distract from the meth face at any cost, right? That's why her lawyer slutted it up with her, huh?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
She will pass off her own hair for the "extensions" she has...if they dont catch that they're fucked. Im glad the judge made her come in every few days...she was coming in every day for three days or so, and and staying clean for a day or so in between tests. Now that the judge chooses the days, she wont have a clue.
I call rehab within three days...trust. AND They need a new celebrity rehab! She will have to take it shes broke...hahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**Time flies when you're a drunken whore.** Michael K
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 7:37pm.
Submitted by CholaMom on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 7:26pm.
OMG I dont know why Im surprised but lie after lie after lie. That judge needs to look at some wiki!
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True dat. I can tell you with great certainty, LiLoLiar was there (and I was there) at the end of August last year. It was literally 110 degrees in the shade for, like, a week straight and everything in that part of texas was dry as a bone. (I h-a-t-e-d it.) It was stifling. When I saw pix of LiLo running around in some kind of skimpy tube top, I could understand why. Everybody was dressed that way, except yours truly, a true NY girl in black tops and long blue jeans. Half of downtown was blocked off for shooting. It was in the papers every day so people could make sure they direct traffic around the shooting location. I drove by the site, but I couldn't see anybody famous - the shooting location was too far from where I was.
Lilo's either baldface lying, or somehow they're reshooting some of the scenes. But, wouldn't they have done that already if the movie comes out in September?
Submitted by CholaMom on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 7:26pm.
OMG I dont know why Im surprised but lie after lie after lie. That judge needs to look at some wiki!
I heard film for a movie and I was like bitch please, movie my tubby ass!
What's sad is this girl has a reputation to fuck anyone who has an 8-ball. So a picture is worth a thousand words that don't need to be said, hooker shorts, lines on the table, 5 inch black heels, um yeah she obviously has hit rock bottom.
Okay, I wasn't dreaming. If you can believe Wikipedia, this is what they said: "On August 27, 2009, Rodriguez filmed a pseudo political rally at the Capitol building in Austin, Texas. Lindsay Lohan filmed her role in three days, two in August and one in September."
This coincides with the time I was in Austin. So if LiLo Liarliarpantsonfire says she's filming Machete now, uh... what was she there last year for then?
Sounds to me like that movie is gonna suck monkey balls if filming schedule is that fucked up.
I thought she was supposed to film Machete LAST SUMMER??? I was in Austin at the time and there were articles in the paper warning about avoiding downtown because they were shooting. And such big to-do about the fact that HoHan, et. al. were in town. Anybody else remember this?
Submitted by Norwaygirl on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 6:38pm.
Blohan should have started filming the movie "Machete" next week. With DeNiro and J. Alba. Believe it or not
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Yeah, Robert Rodriguez really believed in her, for some strange reason.
She needs to understand that actions have consequences, but I know she never will.
She'll blame that judge until the end of time for ruining her big "comeback."
Although I'm sure she will still do it....they can eitehr have her wear pants or they can erase it in post production, I'm sure that can be done...
She's just pissed she can't party with the crew.
Well, I'll have a margarita for you Hohan!
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
Blohan should have started filming the movie "Machete" next week. With DeNiro and J. Alba. Believe it or not..
|@dusted: I agree. I think it's fucked up that the state can call drinking legal and then forbid you to do it. It doesn't really sound like freedom. What's happening is that the state is paying for this little girl's rehabilitation. They could be punishing her but they're not - they're monitoring her and hoping for the best. It's not something I'm totally against, myself, but I do find it weird that a country that is so afraid of universal health care would turn around and do this for one of it's citizens who has brought danger to others.
Cuz it's not the substance abuse; that is not a "crime" perse. It's the effect of that abuse - our safety and security. Endangering that is what she still needs to be punished for.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it." ~Professor Whoreface
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
What's it gonna be? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXDtPswocs
Way to go wearing your shirt open LL. You make it so easy to be a joke!
Lol @ pro-bono. Maybe whoever paid for her bail will pay for her legal fees.
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*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
What movie in Texas is she going to do--"Dina Does Dallas?" "Lindsay Licks Lubbock?" "Ali Does AARP"?
KD: "...last thumbnail, looks like she's thinking about stealing her lawyers earrangs!"
lifeislikecake: "does the lawyer know she is working pro bono"
HAHAHAHA!!! OMG you bitches crack me up! I can always count on Dlisters for truth-telling!
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Just here for the fun
She has more wrinkles on her then my 42 year old cousin. Bet she is going to be higher then a kite on meds now that she can't drink anymore.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:59pm.
You've raised a good point, what kind of tests are they doing? It's California, so I imagine since they're broke they'll be doing the least expensive test, isn't that urine? I can see this POS paying someone to do a urine drop for her.
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Yeah they are far to busy spending money on shit like a million police to protect Blohan at her trial
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:47pm.
I know they are doing once a week random drug test, how they are doing them piss,blood hair not sure.
If they had brains they would do blood or hair. I know when I take meds such as adderall they take blood once and awhile to see how much is in my system (not because Im an addict) just as a precaution to make sure my heart dosent stop beating one day and I dont drop.
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You've raised a good point, what kind of tests are they doing? It's California, so I imagine since they're broke they'll be doing the least expensive test, isn't that urine? I can see this POS paying someone to do a urine drop for her.
catholicschoolgirl's picture
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:44pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:36pm.
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Pamela,
The impression I've gotten from all of this reading (thanks Blohan for teaching me so much about the legal consequences of being a mess), is that the bracelet only measures alcohol readings (somehow through the skin I think). For rx abuse, they would probably have to do a hair test.
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I know they are doing once a week random drug test, how they are doing them piss,blood hair not sure.
If they had brains they would do blood or hair. I know when I take meds such as adderall they take blood once and awhile to see how much is in my system (not because Im an addict) just as a precaution to make sure my heart dosent stop beating one day and I dont drop.
Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:37pm.
_________________
I'll be using the "first load to the face" quote as soon as I can work it into a conversation with friends. Do I owe you royalties on that?
Submitted by Pamela on Mon, 05/24/2010 - 5:36pm.
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Pamela,
The impression I've gotten from all of this reading (thanks Blohan for teaching me so much about the legal consequences of being a mess), is that the bracelet only measures alcohol readings (somehow through the skin I think). For rx abuse, they would probably have to do a hair test.