Monday, May 10th 2010

We All Wish We Were Andy Rooney


Andy Rooney is the luckiest wheezy old goat "alive"!!!! Andy doesn't have to bother with an annoying toilet, because he can easily just go caca in his pappy pampers whenever he wants. Andy doesn't have to overwork his jaw by chewing on solid foods, because he only swallows pureed pumpkin from a Steamboat Willy sippy cup. Andy doesn't have to deal with annoying ass bitches in the outside world, because he never EVER leaves his desk. Andy doesn't have to fantasize about softly stroking Anderson Cooper's silvery landing strip, because he's got two of them over his eyes!

But what really makes Andy the luckiest geezer alive is that he has no idea what a Lady Gaga or a Justin Bieber is! Why can't we all be 550-years-old like Andy!

Posted by: Michael K


AprilReign's picture

MK: "Andy Rooney is the luckiest wheezy old goat "alive"!!!! Andy doesn't have to bother with an annoying toilet, because he can easily just go caca in his pappy pampers whenever he wants."

Dayum... (sigh) there MK goes again - i have to be REAL careful where I read his stuff. That last line had me burst out laughing so hard I lost it. And when people ask me what the hell's so fukkkin' funnnee, I'm like, arrgh, I can't tell 'em that!! ohhh, geeez.

a decent dose of MK, every day... always good for what ails you :)

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phoenix's picture

He's still alive? Wow.

I used to watch him on 60 minutes forever ago.
And I'M old.

I probably wouldn't know who some of these peeps were either if it wasn't for Michael K, you all or my kid.
I suppose there are perks to having your kid later in life...but I feel for my son.
I'm shocked he doesn't hide my old fat ass in the closet when he has his buddies over for Xbox gaming and crap...but than again I might not FIT in the closet...HA!

www.facebook.com/ebaron

gucci's picture

chewba:

chewba on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:27am.

Ugh! Old Ass Andy Rooney has been using this same shtick for YEARS, I remember watching 60 minutes with my parents during the 80's and he talked about the same shit every week. It was weak then and it is a billion times weaker now. Dear Andy, you don't know who these people are because you are an OLD FUCKING GEEZER!
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you are aware that you'll be old one day to right?

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"If a lady treats other people as she'd like to be treated, she's allowed to roll in the grass if she wants to ..."

Lena Horne

He's lucky he's never heard the chick with the d!ck.. she is the worst thing to come out of pop music since Paula Abdul

It doesn't bother me that Andy is a geezer, it bothers me that he's also a pussy. He missed an opportunity to rip a new asshole on these so-called music acts. He could have pointed out that Ella Fatzgerld could actually sing and that Lady Ca-Ca relies on production. That Justin Gerber doesn't know shit about music. but that Sting played bass, wrote and sang pretty well. (all incorrect spelling stays). And I'm not just talking about geezer rock; Atreyu from Cali, Sevendust from Atl and the brand new Canucks- "Hail The Villain" will rock your bolls. And don't get me started on all the great Metal out there. Fuck pop music.

Andy Rooney probably still uses words like gewgaws

maadbeacon's picture

Andy rocks

ImpertinentVixen's picture

HEY YOU KIDS -- GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You, sir, have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk."

copacabanagirl's picture

He's smart enough to know how disposable most music is today. Very few songs created these days have any kind of staying power. They get overplayed and become annoying almost immediately. I moonlight as a club remix DJ and I know just how quickly some of the music created today fades away to non-relevance. After listening to about 30 different dj remixes of "Not Myself Tonight", I still won't want to hear this song tomorrow...or next week...or next year by choice because I like the song - I'm just curious what dj's are doing with it. But Sting will always create thoughtful, quality music, Ella will always sound pitch perfect to me...so this guy's no dummy about what to bother with.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDMwO6axHag

Won't you please join me for drinks in Hell's Tavern On The Barren Green?

LOL at the Steamboat Willie sippy cup!

i wish they'd used a better picture of Ella Fitgerald!!!!

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And the thing that you're hearing is only the sound
Of the low spark of high-heeled boys

Whatever's picture

He is one very lucky old man!

Das ist ein Dreck's picture

Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 1:28pm.

I wish I didn't know who Lady GaGa, Justin Bieber or Usher were. Current music sucks.

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Fail!

This is not how an old fart would put it.

Current music is not music! It's computer generated ringtone discoshit music-surrogate, crapped out by musically impotent retards who couldn't play 3 notes on a music instrument.

See, that's how it's done. If you wanna be an old fart, fucking embrace it.

--
I'm not saying i had a drug problem
but i didn't have a drug solution turns out.

Bunnyman's picture

I wish to God I never heard about that scrawny little sissy Justin Bieber. He looks like the kid that got beat up every day in grade school.

I also wish I never heard about Andy Rooney. I think it's cruel that 60 Minutes props him up in a chair and takes away his Alzheimer's meds for a couple of hours every week.

Guess this means that stupidity and mediocrity are ageless.

I wish I didn't know who Lady GaGa, Justin Bieber or Usher were. Current music sucks.

ILovePapaSmurf's picture

I know who Ella Fitzgerald is. I know who a lot of the artists are which Andy Rooney listens to. Look, I know he's old and all, but as a journalist, he should be following the latest trends.

Hell, I work with an 80-year-old who knows who Justin Bieber is. Seriously. Stop making excuses, Andy.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Follow me on Twitter @t_rex_arms

Everyone gets old. Some of you are going to be that annoying one day, too, so get over it.

BUST-A-NUT's picture

He's always been annoying, but this isn't even clever, it's just embarrassing. They need to retire his ass.

freshfacestripper's picture

everyone get's old so SHUT THE FUCK UP,ASSHOLE's!

Das ist ein Dreck's picture

Well ... i don't know any of these people, plus that guy. And i guess it's because i just don't wanna.

--
I'm not saying i had a drug problem
but i didn't have a drug solution turns out.

Jane.Lane's picture

Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:54am.

I can not see the video but Andy Rooney is totally worthless. You ever see the 60 Minutes where he bitches about produce? "I don't want 6 bananas, I just want one!" Who could give a shit?
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That segment was beautiful, my favorite part was his bitching about all the "exotic" fruit like the papaya "what am I supposed to do with this?"

Albatross's picture

Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:34am.

*wipes away tear* That was just beautiful, Stoney.

**********
"Here comes the fiesta, bitch!"

de Cosmos's picture

If Ke$ha went over there and sat on his face he'd see it differently.

The comic strip character Ed Crankshaft is based upon Andrew J. Rooney. Thank goodness this Rooney is not a minority owner of the Steelers!

CBS needs to put Rooney and Myron "Mike" Wallace out to pasture. The latter blatantly lies about not dyeing his hair. The former won't let anyone trim his hair or eyebrows.

Stoney's picture

This man is a total fucking embarrassment and I have no idea why he is given a platform to speak. He humiliates himself every fucking Sunday when he rants about how much mail he gets and acts indignant that society has evolved past him. Sorry you are a fucking idiot, Andy Rooney, but the rest of the world communicates via the Internet and we listen to music made after 1942. You and the four seniors who nod their heads in agreement with you each week should sit on the porch with some goddamn Werthers and STFU.

_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

snowpiece's picture

Just checked Billboard. Really? Andy Rooney has never heard of Jimmy Buffet, Michael Buble or Sade? Suuuuuure, dude. Go take your Alzheimers meds.

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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄

Submitted by parkerj on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:21am.
Awww, Andy Rooney reminds me of my grandaddy..

LOL,, all old people remind me of my granparents that's why I never, ever talk shit about older people.

parkerj's picture

Awww, Andy Rooney reminds me of my grandaddy..

I like his comment and I am glad he does not know who Bieber is.

gelliott's picture

I'm 20 and I listen to Ella Fitzgerald...my dad is old and he is aware of Lady Gaga and her tuck situation....cbs needs to get rid of this corpse.

suckandfuck's picture

Submitted by Provolone on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:09am.

S&f can be our mr. roper. :D
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YES! THIS IS WHAT I WANT! :D

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

Momus the Sarcastic's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:03am.
Momus: this is me "they cannot refi the house at its lower value because the lienor won't take the loss (the mortgage debacle"

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And yet, they were willing to take that risk that the house would continue to increase in value.

What a mess.

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Happy Bealltainn.

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madam s.'s picture

I wouldn't know of Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga if it wasn't for Dlisted, so I don't think it's so much an age thing. I listen to music all day almost every day and I wouldn't know 99.9% of the names on the Top 40 list I bet.

Although I know the name Usher for some reason even though I've never heard his music.

angel_i's picture

Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:07am.

I love Ella Fitzgerald and I wish I never heard of Gaga and Bieber..and I'm about to be 25. Old soul perhaps?

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I'm guessing it's becuz you know how to work the internet. Something else I think Andy no longer has in common with the average American.

♥ Threadkilla!
Follow me and my YouTube addiction induced insane trivial ramblings: http://twitter.com/angel_i

Provolone's picture

*sings*

cum and knock on my door...

S&f can be our mr. roper. :D

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"Golf fans are the biggest fucking idiots in the world"- Scott Ferrall

WWJDFAKB's picture

I love Ella Fitzgerald and I wish I never heard of Gaga and Bieber..and I'm about to be 25. Old soul perhaps?

snowpiece's picture

provy: It'll be like Three's Company without Janet......

****************************
►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄

angel_i's picture

Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:54am.

I can not see the video but Andy Rooney is totally worthless. You ever see the 60 Minutes where he bitches about produce? "I don't want 6 bananas, I just want one!"
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LOL! What idjit. So just take one!

And as for your loan woes over there. I think the American people should declare bankruptcy en masse. It's the only way to get close to balancing out those bail-outs that the big-time bitches danced away with...

Seriously - if you guys ALL declared bankruptcy at once, things would change. They would just have to.

♥ Threadkilla!
Follow me and my YouTube addiction induced insane trivial ramblings: http://twitter.com/angel_i

snowpiece's picture

Momus: this is me "they cannot refi the house at its lower value because the lienor won't take the loss (the mortgage debacle"

****************************
►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄

angel_i's picture

I have a feeling the average American is not 4 million years old, for one. And for two, how can you go on and on about being average and then say you don't like music? That's not average for a HUMAN BEING! LOL!

♥ Threadkilla!
Follow me and my YouTube addiction induced insane trivial ramblings: http://twitter.com/angel_i

Provolone's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:50am.

Fuck the bank. Beat them at their own game. Keep trying to get them to help you. No means yes!!!!

Plus if you leave, that means you can move into my apt. It'll be like that movie Step-brothers but with handjobs.

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"Golf fans are the biggest fucking idiots in the world"- Scott Ferrall

I like Andy Rooney too. & I guess I'm old as the hills as well, because I'd never heard of Bieber, Caca, or Kesha 'til MK either. Unfortunately, I have heard Caca "sing." If I've heard the other 2, I was not aware of it.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."

Vermithrax's picture

He may be all these negative things people are listing and frankly I never watch 60 Minutes... but that was bitchin' :)

KD's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:56am.

KD on 60 Minutes last night they were practically recommending it
__________________________

I didn't see it, but you have to be careful about things you see on the "news" sometimes. They make it sound like it works for everyone, when they had found just a few people.

Ophelias evil twin's picture

I'd love to go at him with a weedwacker. Those brows are out of control.

He's a old rambling hack. I don't even bother watching the last 5 minutes anymore.

parkerj's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:50am.

I didn't see the segment but there are also loan modification programs out there which could also be a good option. You could go over it with an expert from a HUD approved Housing counseling agency.

http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/sfh/hcc/hcs.cfm

snowpiece's picture

KD on 60 Minutes last night they were practically recommending it

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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄

Momus the Sarcastic's picture

@Snowy & Provy

The folks who decide to walk away from their mortgages either have crappy credit (the mortgage debacle?) or they cannot refi the house at its lower value because the lienor won't take the loss (the mortgage debacle!). Either way, the homebuyer loses.

If you think that you can get another house in about five years because you'll have enough $$$ for a sizeable down payment, walk.

************************************************

Happy Bealltainn.

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suckandfuck's picture

I can not see the video but Andy Rooney is totally worthless. You ever see the 60 Minutes where he bitches about produce? "I don't want 6 bananas, I just want one!" Who could give a shit?

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

KD's picture

I love Autotune! I mean, not really in songs, but if you get an app on your phone, it can provide hours of entertainment.