Dear Papa Joe, Please Step Away From Photoshop RIGHT NOW
At an Operation Smile event in NYC last night, Jessica Simpson gave a variety of interesting facial expressions that are just aching for the Photoshop treatment. If Papa Joe must put these pictures through the Photoshop wringer, I hope he keeps it clean. Literally. Seriously, drop a Sonicare or a Water Pik in her mouth. If bitch isn't going to brush her teefs in real life, she can at least brush them through the magic of Photoshop (soon to be renamed "SJPshop," trademark pending).
When Jessica wasn't using her face to reenact my nightly bong ritual, she answered questions from the likes of UsWeekly. They asked Jessica about the rumors that she's brushing her teefs with Jeremy Renner's peen. Jessica kept her lips shut and her publicist dragged her on to the next mic.
Of course, Jessica isn't going to say shit about that. She wants everyone to keep talking about it. It's the equivalent of sticking the tip in and promptly pulling out to leave them twitching for more. That's how Papa Joe explained it to her anyway.
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i'm recommenting from a previous post because her oral hygiene has been so suspect for so long now. I recall when mtv's "newlyweds" with Nick Lachey and he was trying to get her to make a trip to the dentist even back then. And she had like, 2 root canals that day and more fillings done. She admitted right then she hated dentists, hated brushing her teeth - any of it...
ewwwhh
i always thought she was really gross at that point - because I kinda have always had a thing about that -- my brushing is so important to me, that I have asked my dentist for advice, and icydk, the general rule is be careful not to erode your gums, some people "overbrush" and use harder bristles - so yea there's an art to it - otherwise nothing is wrong w/ brushing 2-3 times a day and... it feels great.
Papa Joe took what could have been a great premise, "The Price of Beauty" and putting his vapid daughter as host & that ruined what could have been one of the few good vh1 shows since Megan era.
Maybe she'll be wrinkly enough at 40 that the ET impressions she's doing now will look spot-on?
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
What is this poor thing going to do when she hits 40? Being dumb is not cute anymore.
She needs to stop with the wigs and clothing lines and just commission sex toys in her blowup doll likeness.
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
Ever since she lost her dog I feel bad for her. So what if she is not the sharpest crayon in the pack.
Argh... A loaf of Wonder bread has more dimension.
Jeez Louise MK, how many kinds of wrong are those last two sentences?! LOL!
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BRING BACK THE BOOT MOVES!~:
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two words.
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The funny thing about being a porn star is that everyone automatically assumes that they can sleep with you. This is what I do for a living. I don`t just let anyone get into my pants.
I can be Ur pussy adict Jessica.
Luv 2 fuc Ur Fe3mininity 2 pregnata.
Can U call me DADDY (deep cum if u order me dom u az PAPI "ooh fuc mi PAPI"!!!!!!!
will Baby aks me "Can I call you Dady?"
what an uneducated, untalented, overpublicized skank!
She makes me want to vomit and I'm not even in the same state as her nasty unbrushed mouth.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot summon the will to hate on Jess. I like the girl, farts and all.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
I cannot understand anyone who says they barely brush their teeth, unless they're homeless. She has to have terrible breath.
She needs to get rid of this gay...he is sucking the hot out of her. He obviously fails at giving fashion advice because she has been on a steady decline in that dept for the last few years. I'll agree with the poster below who says she used to make good fashion choices. Now it looks like she shops the Loehmann's clearance.
S"ubmitted by carefreea on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 11:59am.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 11:38am.
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I have her first 2 albums....
*reports self*"
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Yes, please do REPORT YOURSELF!
And Madam Ex...brushing 3 times a day can ruin the enamel, no? I used to do twice with this super whitening "natural" (my ass) and I started getting really sensitive teeth. Now I do once and mouthwash/xylitol gum after meals.
Well, she finally wore a cute outfit that fits and flatters her figure. Points for that. Negative points for her bad dental hygiene though.
"Jessica Simpson is a stupid ho and who cares if she is sucking on Jeremy Renner's peen?
Just as long as she does not procreate with him, because they both look like they have been tapped with a touch o'tard, which would not bode well for any offspring."
@TheBreakdown - I FUCKING CARE! Jeremy Renner's mine.
Jessica Simpson is a stupid ho and who cares if she is sucking on Jeremy Renner's peen?
Just as long as she does not procreate with him, because they both look like they have been tapped with a touch o'tard, which would not bode well for any offspring.
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Submitted by Pigsley on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 10:50am.
She seems like a nice enough girl, but she's so fucking stupid.
Brush your teeth, get on a treadmill, and read some books. Also, someone should teach her to think before she speaks.
Oh, get back to singing. Don't try acting any more, it just doesn't work.
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Co-sign. She needs to finish high school. Maybe read Reader's Digest, or at least an X-Man comic book.
I feel bad for the woman. Smothered by her pervert, SUPER inappropriate daddy. Married Nick Lachey, but she was a virgin, with NO experience being a single, independent woman. She prolly didn't even know how to do her own laundry.
I always felt she married to get the Hell away from daddy. He's got a major creep-O vibe.
Imagine how smelly John Mayer's cock was after she finished blowing him with her rancid, unbrushed hole.
I still cant get over that she would say something that stupid but then again we're talking Jessica here, so..............
But I dont enjoy brushing my teeth either, but I do it 3x a day, It just makes me gag maybe because I brush too long and brush my tounge like a psycho.
But it's funny cause I have an incredible gag reflex when it comes to other things. Hmmmm? Just wondering....thinking out loud.
She looked really pretty in that blue dress on Cinco DeMayo the other nite in NYC...her body looked nice and shapely and her tits were perfect, I like her a bit meatier.
I likd Jessica, but damn...what happened to the great clothes she used to wear? She was always stylish and looked great...most things she wears now are just hideous. Just don't get it...
i like jessica simpson and her vh1 show was good and had a great message. but damn if she isn't aging well. wuz up w/ the stump neck and linebacker shoulders look. and she kills me w/ those facial expressions, wtf could she possibly be talking about.
You mean this wasn't an event for Operation No Neck?!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YubbH2wa3DE
Queenie & Tex, try listen to her butchering Elvis' Love Me Tender. or a whole new world with Nick Lachey.
I liked "I Think I'm In Love" or something like that...
she is actually a decent singer if she stopped trying to sound sexy (annoying whispering mode..)
that said, I like her.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 11:38am.
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I have her first 2 albums....
*reports self*
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
"In the immortal words of The Doors, 'The time to hesitate is through'."
I actually think her expressions are interesting and at least she's not posing like some robotic alien (Victoria Beckham, the twin trolls). I kinda like this girl, she's been bashed back and forth yet not once she fell to the head shaving club or Lilo club.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 11:38am.
Is she the only singer who's has about a decade long career as a singer and 99.99 percent of the population couldn't name one of her song titles? I think I would fail even a multiple choice unless Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walkin" which I know she did was on there.
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She also butchered "Angels" by Robbie Williams and "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin.
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Life's a jest, and all things show it/I thought so once, but now I know it.
@TexnDoc, wow that is a really good point. I can't name one of her songs. How in the hell did she last this long in the spotlight? Media whorishness, I suppose.
Is she the only singer who's has about a decade long career as a singer and 99.99 percent of the population couldn't name one of her song titles? I think I would fail even a multiple choice unless Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walkin" which I know she did was on there.
Submitted by squiggles on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 11:13am.
Ok, she is dumb-ish but she does NOT look heavy here. Not by a long shot.
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Agreed. But bitch should dress her size, or she will look like shit every time.
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"You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children! I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want my money back! "
Her dress looks as if she's stuck her left arm through a child's Easter bonnet.
lol these faces pretty much sum her up...
and I need an open post...I have a question to pose to you guys, although it will probably open up a can of worms...
Homgirl really needs to stop hanging around her hairdresser and get herself some real friends and find a man. She looks frumpy and goofy. Lack of sex will do that to you though.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Ok, she is dumb-ish but she does NOT look heavy here. Not by a long shot. I'm no fan, but I'm sooo over people knocking her weight A) b/c she's not fat and B) it's played out. She doesn't seem phony or obnoxious, which describes about 99% of Hollywood. I'll save my vitriol for more deserving targets...and there are many!
I like dumb ol Jessica.
However I would love to kick Ken Paves in the balls for all his crappy hair styling.
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We smoke while we flip the bird.
LOL! Love that one pic on the lower right...eyes looking up, mouth open...what could she be waiting for?
Hey, at least she isn't rocking blue contact lenses!
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
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I still can't get past the toothbrushing comments. I mean, that was some true guttersnipe shit. Today's celebs are so trashy. Trailer fabulous.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH YOU BIG TITTIED FROG!
Didn't she say a few months ago that she never flosses and she brushes her teeth with her shirt? Oink.
She really does seem like a nice girl. A not so bright girl who has let the wrong people... Im talking to YOU Daddy Joe... make some really craptastic decisions for her career. Shame he convinced her to divorce whatshisface. That union is what made her and may have kept her 'famous'.
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Submitted by Wood Dragon on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 8:50am.
May is National Masturbation Month! Give yourself a hand girl!
Her neck/shoulder hunch situation is starting to bleed over into Goddess Bunny territory. It's freaking me OUT.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Submitted by Morbidosity on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 10:47am.
That dress looks like something she bought at Alexis Carrington's garage sale.
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Good one, only Alexis herself would slap you for inferring that she wore a size 12!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I'd rather my beloved Jeremy Renner be gay than doing it with this moron.
Submitted by KD on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 10:57am.
In the 4th thumbnail, she looks like she is sucking her gut in so hard, she's about to burst.
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LOL! I think she looks like someone asked her to spell "toothpaste".
P.S. Anyone else think that the clutch purse trend was created by someone with three hands?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Her face is too ugly for words. Bitch, drop some cleavage, please.
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"You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children! I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want my money back! "
In the 4th thumbnail, she looks like she is sucking her gut in so hard, she's about to burst.
That nose, those lips. How come someone who has had so much plastic surgery (and BAD plastic surgery at that) can claim to be qualified to make a show about finding true beauty or whatever?
Sorry, I've never thought she was very pretty and these pictures just prove she isn't.
And I can only imagine how her shit breath smells.