Hot Slut Of The Day!
Are the flatulence molecules from your partner's farts eating away at your marriage and causing you to reach for divorce papers? Well, you might as well draw up those papers, because your ass deserves to be alone if you can't handle a little heat under your nostrils. But before you do that, there might be answer to all your problems. It's The Better Marriage Blanket! From their "official" website:
The Better Marriage Blanket is made using the same kind of activated carbon fabric found in Military Chemical Suits.As a science teacher, I had used activated carbon in my laboratory lessons and was aware that chemicals and gasses are absorbed in millions of microscopic pores in each tiny particle of activated carbon. (See "The Blanket"). This principal is what makes The Blanket so effective! Activated Carbon is well known in Science and Industry for its odor absorbing properties. It is safe and non-allergenic.
Somebody throw a Better Marriage Blanket over that description, because it reeks like bullshit in a sauna. But let's play along anyways!
So basically, the BM Blanket is kind of like a Snuggie, but instead of keeping you warm, it hugs a fart and smothers that shit air until its dead. That way you won't murder your fuck partner's asshole in the middle of the night. If only they made a version for dogs, because that is the real dark-sided shit right there.
via Videogum (Thanks Nancy)
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The foul odor from that fish' stinkhole would cause us to become most ill!
hilarious! I say the couple that can handle each others farts/gas can handle anything together...I just blame the dog when I break wind...and the dog looks at me like...what??? I have been happily blaming the dog for six years now...and saved a big $40 in the process, now when the dog farts..it is a whole other ball game.
Funny, but no one talks about vagina farts when having sex. They sound so weird! Or those horrid wet spots in bed after doing sexy times.
but where can we buy underwear like this? *cuts up "BM Blanket," stitches inside Brooks Bros. boxers and throws some gold glitter on it*
"Makes a wonderful wedding or anniversary gift!"
Um, yeah. One of my friends is getting married in a month and I still need to get a gift for her, but I think I'll just keep looking. Thanks, anyway.
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hey "anonymous" if u are still on here, you have issues. please find the nearest bridge and take a flyin leap!
-- Says the slut from Full House with smelly feet :P
Submitted by El Bastardo on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 2:43pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:37am.
@Ziggy: I never fart. I consider it to be one of my best qualities:)
You lying scrote!
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I'm not lying! It's true! SOMETIMES I fart when i poop but I swear to GOD! I think I was shamed out of farting in public as a child and now my body just takes care of things for me so I don't have to think about it.
♥ Threadkilla!
BRING BACK THE BOOT MOVES!~:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Boot%20Moves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv3AvJtWuUA
Submitted by QueenieBK on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 2:54pm.
You know what else you could do with this blanket? You could stitch your constantly complaining old man in it while he's sleeping and beat him senseless with a broomstick because he just won't stop bitching about everything and anything FUCK GODDAMNIT SHUT UP ALREADY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahaha. Farts under a blanket really is the worst.
I love in the beginning how the wife is all "ew oh gahh!"
Submitted by sonne on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:59am.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:56am.
It just never gets old. :)
http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm
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My cat came over to investigate!! Can't stop laughing now. This is great!
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my two cats (who hate each other) both came over to the computer with their ears flat against their head and disgusted look on their face to investigate...
This does nothing to prevent Dutch Ovens.
I dont need one cos my farts smell like roses.
You know what else you could do with this blanket? You could stitch your constantly complaining old man in it while he's sleeping and beat him senseless with a broomstick because he just won't stop bitching about everything and anything FUCK GODDAMNIT SHUT UP ALREADY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks. I feel better now.
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Life's a jest, and all things show it/I thought so once, but now I know it.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:37am.
@Ziggy: I never fart. I consider it to be one of my best qualities:)
You lying scrote!
True story from me (v rare)
Years ago i lived with a girl....YES A GIRL! One night to my shame i farted so loud in bed i woke her up and i started laughing....which was short-lived as i received a perfect spring-loaded double footed bootasaurus from Hell into my back which shunted me into the wall opposite, which i managed to slow down with my noggin.
Awwwwwwwwwww memories *touching eyebrow dent*
ROFLMAO, priceless
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 1:51pm.
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awww...that's sweet, you miss the farting !!!! (seriously !) that is a true relationship !
have a good day ya hear me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks Kokos! I know it is stupid but really you miss the oddest things when people die suddenly. So much unfinished business.You have a good day too! : ) !!! I have to run to a kids party for clean-up and cocktails, AFTERWARDS!
My cousin once said that incense is the same as if flowers could fart. Just sayin'.
♥ Threadkilla!
BRING BACK THE BOOT MOVES!~:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Boot%20Moves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv3AvJtWuUA
Submitted by Mother Superior on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 1:13pm.
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:45am.
Ziggy, are we soul twins???
I don't have kids and don't want them and also I have no clue how to drive a car! :D
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I can't drive either! But I love kids.
I consider them the best people on earth, pretty much.
♥ Threadkilla!
BRING BACK THE BOOT MOVES!~:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Boot%20Moves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv3AvJtWuUA
$120 for this blanket? You could get your spouse a little bottle of Beano for $6.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by buddhistgirl69 on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 1:19pm.
I miss my husband! He used to start laughing like a maniac and I knew what was drifting over to my side of the King mattress... yes, you even miss that when they go! : (
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awww...that's sweet, you miss the farting !!!! (seriously !) that is a true relationship !
have a good day ya hear me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by QueenieBK on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:56pm.
Can they make boxer briefs out of that material?
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LOl My boyfriend was talking about this very idea a few years ago - making underwear with a carbon filter. :D
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Larry King: "What is the secret to a lasting marriage?"
Paul Newman: "Lust, respect, patience and determination."
and why they gotta refer to this as a 'better marriage' blanket. do you know anybody who put 'farts' on their divorce/separation papers as the reason for dissolution?? i don't. just call this mess something more realistic, like 'ass gas absorbing carbon blanket of lies' or whatever.
"activated carbon"?? fucking sleep in a coal mine if the farting is 'killing' the marriage. i am cracking up at this lame device upon closer inspection of claims. please.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
My mom rips out the SMELLIEST, NASTIEST ones only when we're all the car, lift or when I'm lying on her lap.
Singaporean men NEVER fart in front of their women, till they're good and married. NO dutch ovens either.
@motherS and ziggy
I don't drive (phobia) and don't really want kids either. I think I like them, but I could literally murder them when they start crying.
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"We're all in the gutter, but atleast some of us are looking up at the stars..."
Submitted by Carl B on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:47am.
Give me a blanket that cancels drunken moaning all night. I sleep through her farts, but cannot abide the drunken moaning!
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Submitted by muffintops on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:44am.
i dont care about the farting, give me one that muffles out the snoring.
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FOR DAMN REAL. whoever can successfully design the ultimate drunk moan/snore eliminator slanket will most certainly be a multi-billionaire and lord of the universe.
farts are child's play compaired to consistent decible 10 snores/moans n shit (DISCLAIMER: except dog farts and tex-mex farts; yall are on your own with that mess). you can at least open a damn door or window, thus providing some olfactory escape. snores/moans, all night, leave me with murderous intent. ugh
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
I miss my husband! He used to start laughing like a maniac and I knew what was drifting over to my side of the King mattress... yes, you even miss that when they go! : (
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:45am.
Ziggy, are we soul twins???
I don't have kids and don't want them and also I have no clue how to drive a car! :D
Can they make boxer briefs out of that material?
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Life's a jest, and all things show it/I thought so once, but now I know it.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:31pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:27pm.
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I did that at the wang restaurant, it went over like a fart in church. :P
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Yeah, the only difference is when you're in the wang restaurant you can't tell who fahted.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:27pm.
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I did that at the wang restaurant, it went over like a fart in church. :P
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:20pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:13pm.
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Jaysus, Mary and Joseph with the eels. You know how those Danes are--- one Schnapps too many and the next thing you know, you got an eel up your arse.
*expresses flatus like a lay-dee*
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Perhaps you should order him an eel to go with his next plate of crap!
*waves blanky and acts as if she doesn't notice thing*
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:13pm.
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Jaysus, Mary and Joseph with the eels. You know how those Danes are--- one Schnapps too many and the next thing you know, you got an eel up your arse.
*expresses flatus like a lay-dee*
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:09pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:03pm.
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NITS!! Yes, I are still here for a minute. 9e&%#$&E#
*face plant*
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*gently wipes the drool from your lips before slipping an eel under your "Better Marriage Blankie."* Sweet dreams, lovah!
Bowchickawawa, Dominican men are KNOWN for cheating. I've had Dominican boyfriends that cheated before. I have never caught the Mr. cheating on me or have seen clues (and trust me, I'm sneaky) so I'm not really worried about that. He is very very romantic and just so different than American guys. I love that about him.
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Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 12:03pm.
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NITS!! Yes, I are still here for a minute. 9e&%#$&E#
*face plant*
lol. This is a product I can get behind. If it doesn't work the way it's supposed to I can always smother my husband after he lets go one of his "classics" as he so affectionately calls them. "Oh yeah, that was a classic right there". Gah!
Submitted by sonne on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:59am
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Hahaha!! Here, kitty kitty!! I've only posted that link on here about 431 times--- there is something wrong with me! :)
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:56am.
It just never gets old. :)
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I was so hoping you were still here. But I have the sads that my gift for you is now ruined!!!! Ahahahahahaha!!
You know you came to mind IMMEDIATELY when I saw this..*still lmaooooo*
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:56am.
It just never gets old. :)
http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm
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My cat came over to investigate!! Can't stop laughing now. This is great!
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:24am.
i have wondered the same thing ! i feel like i'm in third grade because i will protest mr.koko farting in the cat's face (come on !) and then giggle...i thought i outgrew that kind of "funny"...but no..
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LOL! Years ago, Mr. Bowchick let a super long, loud and smelly one out in my cat's face. I thought it no big deal since cats love to lick their own and other cats' assholes...what could be the harm? First it was funny in way because the cat's eyes got really big and then he cocked his head to one side with a look on his face like, "What in hell's creation is rotting in your asshole" but all of a sudden, not so funny because the cat instantly projectile vomited the contents of his very full stomach. That was the last time Mr. Bowchick tried that.
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Bwahahaha, poor kitty! And poor whoever had to clean up the puke. Nice to know I'm not the only one with such thoughts. :)
Thanks for the laughs!
It just never gets old. :)
http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm
Give me a blanket that cancels drunken moaning all night. I sleep through her farts, but cannot abide the drunken moaning!
i dont care about the farting, give me one that muffles out the snoring.
OMFG, I *so* need to get this! My husband stinks up the entire fucking room, almost every night.
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Always have, always will.
Submitted by poordavid on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:20am.
Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:10am.
Uncle Brain-fart, that's good to know! In my next life I shall look for a husband who spent his life as a total, lifelong, family-free orphan.
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That won't help. Men are genetically coded to do Dutch Ovens.
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What about Dutch men? Are they extraordinarily gifted at the Dutch Oven technique? Where's Mickey Holland when you need some important info regarding the Dutch??
I just love a good "fart comment thread"
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:24am.
Submitted by sonne on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:50am.
LOL, I was just wondering last night if cats are bothered by the smell of farts under the cover. :)
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i have wondered the same thing ! i feel like i'm in third grade because i will protest mr.koko farting in the cat's face (come on !) and then giggle...i thought i outgrew that kind of "funny"...but no..
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LOL! Years ago, Mr. Bowchick let a super long, loud and smelly one out in my cat's face. I thought it no big deal since cats love to lick their own and other cats' assholes...what could be the harm? First it was funny in way because the cat's eyes got really big and then he cocked his head to one side with a look on his face like, "What in hell's creation is rotting in your asshole" but all of a sudden, not so funny because the cat instantly projectile vomited the contents of his very full stomach. That was the last time Mr. Bowchick tried that.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Submitted by Mawy on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 11:09am.
My boyfriend is from the Dominican Republic (came here 3 years ago) and he NEVER farts or burps in front of me. I think it's a cultural thing, because most American men don't give a shit (pun intended). Then again, maybe it's not because he told me this story about how his crazy sister once farted in front of her entire class in school in the DR. But yea, it's weird. He's never farted or burped in front of me. The only one time I've heard him fart (and we've been together 2 years) was putting my ear against the bathroom door. I then yelled out, "Ha ha! I heard you fart!" Cuz I'm mature like that. But it's amazing, one has never slipped from between his adorable butt cheeks. I've never smelled one of his farts or heard them. The man must strain himself to not let them out. Or maybe he's just not gassy.
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Ha! Too funny! I would do the same exact ear to the door trick and comment you did. :-)
Mexican men are the same way. I dated/lived with one, in Cancun, way back before Mr. Bowchickawawa. It's definitely a Latino thing and personally, I liked it. There a lot of cultural differences in the way they act towards and around women...some good and some not so good. Very chivalrous and romantic as a rule but you run the risk that they have at least one other chica behind your back. Ok, not all Latinos are like this!! Don't rip me a new one everybody.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Submitted by sonne on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 10:50am.
LOL, I was just wondering last night if cats are bothered by the smell of farts under the cover. :)
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i have wondered the same thing ! i feel like i'm in third grade because i will protest mr.koko farting in the cat's face (come on !) and then giggle...i thought i outgrew that kind of "funny"...but no..
My boyfriend is from the Dominican Republic (came here 3 years ago) and he NEVER farts or burps in front of me. I think it's a cultural thing, because most American men don't give a shit (pun intended). Then again, maybe it's not because he told me this story about how his crazy sister once farted in front of her entire class in school in the DR. But yea, it's weird. He's never farted or burped in front of me. The only one time I've heard him fart (and we've been together 2 years) was putting my ear against the bathroom door. I then yelled out, "Ha ha! I heard you fart!" Cuz I'm mature like that. But it's amazing, one has never slipped from between his adorable butt cheeks. I've never smelled one of his farts or heard them. The man must strain himself to not let them out. Or maybe he's just not gassy.
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Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.
There's a great YouTube to look for called "Incredibly Incompetent People of the Informercial World" or something. About ten funny minutes of people who can't organize their closet, find their car, keep their blanket over their body, open a can, get up off the floor......
This product is more embarassing than farts themselves.
Advert is hhilarious, though - "made of the same material as the US army" LOL
What happens when it gets full, do you have to incinerate it? (yeah, I know, the stink molecules 'dissipate', but...