Open Post: Hosted By Soy Jizzum
Thanks to Rosanna Scotto of Fox5 in NYC, today's phrase that pays is: SOY JIZZUM! Try using it in a sentence today. Example: When your abuelita asks you how you're doing, simply say, "SOY JIZZUM!" Or don't. That might be awkward.
In other news, the open post is going up early today because I have to run my dog to the vet. Dude has got the ills. He didn't eat anything yesterday and that is saying everything. Unlike me, he will eat a vegetable if I put it under his mouth. But when I tried to give him a piece of turkey last night, he threw me shade. And he's been crying in pain all morning. I shouldn't have read him that story about the memaw fucking on her grandson. He will never be the same again.
Anyway, I'll be back!
UPDATE: Thanks to everyone's comments and concerns about my sick ass dog! 2 hours and $300 later, the vet didn't find shit! They ran x-rays, checked his blood and gave him fluids. They told me to bring him back if he doesn't eat by tomorrow. My dog acted totally normal at the vet too. Dude was just trying to make me look crazy in front of the vet. I threw him a "Do you have Münchausen syndrome?" side-eye the entire time! And then when we got home, he started screaming in pain again! Maybe it's his way of telling me that he's sick of my trick ass. Well, he's stuck with me. That's that.
(Thanks to everyone who sent this in)
• 
Aw. Hope your dog is okay, MK.
__________________________________________ Submitted by Jana on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 10:20pm.
"Fuck it, I graduated in Business at McGill University and have a current 90K salary, yet, I can't believe how you D listed hoes never cease to amaze me".
Our hamster Margot is nocturnal so I am staying up extra late so she can play in her hamster ball and run about the house.
Tonight my friend had people come over to transform her rec room at her condo into a 5 year old's birthday palace for a princess. The cake was 5 feet tall, like sleeping beauty's castle. We put lights, and tutu's, butterflies, flowers, glitter, candy and toys everywhere. The bad part, the 5 year old has come down with the stomach flu tonight! Vomiting everywhere upstairs and the nanny was a'freakin'! So, interesting day tomorrow for her! I left her a bottle of Vodka for after the party! 25 little kids, she's going to need it!
In other news, the baby chicks are all sleeping, the hamster is in her cage and it is 2:05 here. Time for some beauty sleep!
*tip toes in singing Tip Toe Through the Tulips while playing a mandolin*
I LOVE that it is DOG day on the D...glad to hear your pup is okay MK. Chihuahua's are notorious for having digestive upsets. My friends in Canada rescue chihuahua's and they are all on a raw food diet. You might try looking that up!? I have giant dogs who cause me no problems at all. Just a big food bill and lots of love!
*tip toes out*
Volunteers needed:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/30/impact.oil.spill/index.html
Hate disgusting oil.
Awwww poor little pup! Does he need to get out more maybe?? Sounds like he had fun on his vet rendezvous. Saying a lil prayer for him, but I'm sure he's ok as the doc said!<3 You both ROCK!!
Awww man, hope tomorrow finds him better! If not, bake him a couple of vagina cupcakes, they always do the trick.
* * * * I HEART CAVEMEN & DEXTER * * * *
Glad to hear it isn't serious MK! My chihuahua gets gas pains a lot, and since they're such wimpy babies (especially male chis) it's probably just something minor like that. I swear by slippery elm bark powder...it always makes everything all better! http://www.carnivora.ca/html/featured_products/supplements_and_health_ca... I hope he feels better soon. :)
Where is ESE?
*checks for ESE in liquor stores, bars, brothels*
CAPPY ♥♥♥♥
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYsTmIzjkw
i have this shit on REPEAT
Leenie, everyone knows only PEANUT can talk.
*throws side eye to Peanut*
*teaches Peanut new words: soy jizzum*
Um... hi *edited*
What does that mean? SEE, I AM SLOW, BITCHES!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
CAKE, YOU DO NOT KNOW THE MEMORIES YOU ARE CONJURING UP.
holy hell, my peeps n i ran that song silly til someone threatened jail-time if we kept on w/ that song during one house partay.
{{{SPECIAL HUGS FOR THE MEMORIES, you slut you, Cakey ♥♥♥♥}}}
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
Cake, Skip CAN FUCKING TALK and he KNOWS EVERY FUCKING WORD I SAY. WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS, BITCHES?
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
Maybe your dog was bawlin' for bagina.
bambam dont pass out, i have an EEL somewhere around here that is going up that ASS if you PASS OUT
Um... hi *edited*
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
bb, real talk, make a note on ANCESTRY.COM, those two bitches are RELATED
Submitted by bambam on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:58pm.
*sniff*
PLEASE...no *sniff*...ya'll get my drift, right?
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
CAPPYYYYYYYYYYY
♫ I WAS GONNA CLEAN MAH ROOM UNTIL I GOT HIGH ♫
♫ I WAS GONNA GIT UP AND FIND THA BROOM BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♫
♫ MY ROOM IS STILL MESSED UP AND I KNOW WHY (why man) BECAUSE I GOT HIGH BECAUSE I GOT HIGHHHHH ♫
STORY OF MY LIFE LOLOLOL
@Bam
"She's as sweet as she can be and she keeps the world safe from the vileness that is squirrels."
______________________________
i cracked up @ "the vileness that is squirrels"... you must be kindred, cause i frakin hate squirrels too(and i like most of earth's creatures). there's an ADD one in the broke-down tree near my apt. it has an orange tail. it runs around like its rabid. just fucking crazy. everytime i see it when heading out for work, i get my mace ready. lol.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
*grabs Cake's stash and pipe to get HIYAH*
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
*sniff*
Thanks cappy, you get first dibs on mah nipplez when I pass out from the JD. That's not my pup pup but that is her breed, Wheaten Terrier. She's as sweet as she can be and she keeps the world safe from the vileness that is squirrels.
*********
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqnD11rjrtc
Cakey, I can't get over how much your poochie looks like mine only darker.
CAKEY OH SHIT OH NO YOU DIDNT WITH THE ♫♫AND THEN I GOT HIGH; I GOT HIGH, I GOT HIGH♫ !!!
oh no. this tops off the damn night y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
BamBam, I meant to comment on how cute your puppeh is. ♫ BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♫
Awww, bambam, your doggy is so cute! Glad they didn't find anything wrong with MK's little poochie. Hopefully he'll be okay soon. My poopsie puked a few weeks ago and when I was cleaning it up I found a rubber band in it, lol. Little shit.
YCM, count me in! Can't remember the sparring part, but I DO CALL THEM AS I SEE THEM!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
REDEEM yourselves.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
Cappy LMAO!! Belle was a str8 up HUSTLA!!!
For real though, real talk, dogs are fuckin smart. Mine outsmarts me at least once a day.
BAMBAM LOVE {{{{SPECIAL HUGS N SHOTS OF JD}}}}}
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
*bidding on my own minuscule stuff at EBay while pondering how Belle booted up PC and created EBay account* i feel stupid now, thanks Cake.
Cake n Eileenie, though, for real...here's the kicker...right when i was about to wash Belle's (chihuahua's given name) bed, he would look all 'guilty' and shifty eyed and kinda hang his head low. LAUGH OUT FUCKING LOUD, DOGS ARE HELLA SMART. FOR REAL.
one day, he 'stole' my spare house key (dont' know where Belle got it from) and as i get his bed for washing, i let it fall, and stay, purposely on the floor. i walked away. watched him from the corner and i FUCKING SWEAR IT, HE SLOWLY BEE-LINED STRAIGHT FOR IT WHILE WATCHING OUT FOR ME. he then 'suddenly' plopped down on it when i 'suddenly' walked into his area. it was like a damn delusional dance we had going on. i swore one day he'd eat something in spite of me possibly finding it. ugh.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
What am I, invisible to people? Well, except for Leenie but she's a whore for mah nipplez. Is it mah breath, do I have B.O. or is it mah open fly? Cuz the fly is a new fashion trend I'm pioneering so don't hate, imitate.
*********
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqnD11rjrtc
Eileenie, we have always sparred. I want a full-frontal-titty buck-kicking fucken fondle-war NOW, you Slanket!
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
*bites bambam's awesome nipplez*
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
*places eel in Breaky's drawers*
It's Friday night and mah nipplez is friskaaaay.
Glad to hear MK's pup pup is okay but wtf is up wit de screaming? Maybe pup pup has had it with MK's fashion sense?
Is it constipation issues MK? Mine had her problems and was yalping everytime she tried. I slathered a tbsp. of olive oil over a small piece of chicken and fed her, soon she was pooping like nuthin happened at all..
*********
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqnD11rjrtc
(((((HUGS PD)))))
Thank you!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
Thank you, Cappy! I felt guilty forevah! He was on a tuna laxative(*PAGING LAWDOG*) for the first week until the screw came out. They vet said, "Let's just put it this way...he's got a very pissed off stomach*. Never been the same since. But if anything happens to that dawg, YOU ARE ALL GOING WITH ME!!!!!!!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
lifeislikecake:
That heaux, whore!
And the green sugar arrives tomorrow, I have just learned. There is ecstacy now but I don't want that. I could be IN that now, if I took off my 'draws!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Cappy, that is cute. He was prolly collecting your shit for his eBay store.
thx, PDavid, funny thing was i was gonna post a response to support yours re: eel thread reference, but didn't want to stir up junk on this fine Friday night
*separately, hugs to Eileenie. still thinking about your pup's tum n the sad screw-eating incident*
**************************************************
I thought about that as soon as I posted. I am hyper tonight and super stabby. My kid's have told me repeatedly to chill out. I apologize. Can I blame the full moon and lack of alcohol?
Aweee...thank you! Skip is the FUCKING SMARTEST DAWG IN THE FUCKING WORLD. One day, he will speak to me.
@Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:17pm.
BIATCH!!!!!!!!!! Couldn't follow what you were talking about. I am LAWST!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living" Sucky 12/14/2009
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
LawDog 04/15/2010 Who DOESN'T enjoy a gang bang? WTF
Breaky/Blohan, you can do no wrong in my book, you whore. ♥♥
Unless you have some green herbal remedies and do not share. That is an instant ass whooping right there.
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:04pm.
"TEAM WTF IS YCM TAWKIN ABOUT?"
________________________
Can I help you, whore?
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
lifeislikecake:
I tried to be a good heaux. I really did. I got back to the hotel, took a shower to wash away the glitter and other skankery, and then the wHOle team crashes in and drags me into the adjacent room, and here I am now, on the floor, as they drink Jack at 6am, and smoke enough cigarettes to give me instant lung cancer.
Plus, this could turn into a menage a ocho any moment now.
Stay tuned!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Submitted by poordavid on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:11pm.
Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:06pm.
LMAO @ ALL YOU smarties, power-button pup poopings, recession relievers, 9am scotch award-winners, barbie bit bets, pot brownie poop under the bed havers, teef kicking REAL BITCHES/PIMPS!! WOOOOOOOOTTTT!
for real. priceless memories and legends are made right here, on the DL.
*cheers to MK n pup making it all happen seamlessly*
*************************************************
I totally agree with your fabulous summation!
Too bad the poster "Matador" in the eel thread doesn't see it this way.
__________________________
thx, PDavid, funny thing was i was gonna post a response to support yours re: eel thread reference, but didn't want to stir up junk on this fine Friday night
*separately, hugs to Eileenie. still thinking about your pup's tum n the sad screw-eating incident*
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
@Eileeenie
dayam. that is sad, for real. there was nothing you could have done. had a chihuahua a few years ago - he would pick up pennies i dropped, backs of earrings, etc (find them all in his pup bed) he somehow didn't eat them. my friend said they do this cause our scent is on em and that familiar scent is like catnip to em.
sads for your pup.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
*Forgot I could remove that. Doh!*
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 04/30/2010 - 10:01pm.
Hi Ms. McMeanie!
Man, poor Skipper. I had a mutt that ate the walls and everything in sight. He ate a whole package of razors, blades and all and lived. He was awesome.