Bitch, Who Ate Your Neck?
At a party for Good Housekeeping in NYC last night, Chestica Simpson left the Ken Paves wig at the hotel along with her damn neck! Did bitch's neck skedaddle (yes, I'm 80), because it was afraid her giant uni-chichi would attack it? Without a neck, Jessica looks like the Tasmanian Devil dressed in drag as a Real Housewife. Ken Paves needs to be a better main gay, because he should've told Chestica to pose as though someone was dangling a bacon-wrapped hot dog above her. Or something! Lift the head, part the titties, and everything will be okay!
And in other Jess news, she still swears on Ken Paves' glistening ass lips that she really went SANS FARDS on the cover of Marie Claire. Jess told UsWeekly last night, "Look at the cover -- you can tell! My nose has been broken a couple of times. If you look at a retouched cover of me and you look at the Marie Claire cover, you can see there's a big difference. I take the pictures. I don't know what the magazine is going to do with it after that. I don’t know what the photographer is going to do with it after that, so it was important for me to make sure that they absolutely did not retouch. I just wanted people to see how I really am."
"I don't know what the photographer is going to do with it after...." = "Touched by an army of Photoshopping angels"
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i'm sure hers are real and they are nice!!!!!!!!
...when a neck disappears they become a lesbian...FACT! I am a scientist....I seen it in the bio-lab! Oh yeah, I witnessed them scurrying on that exercise wheel...NECKLESS!!!
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"Escandalo! Okay, I'm totally making shit up." ~ M.K. 08/31/09
She looks like a ten pound sausage in a two pound bag. The underarm jizz is not hot, and the boobage needs to be contained. She has never looked worse. Fo'realz.
She looks more and more like Stifler's mother every time I see her.
Prolly been said already, don't give a shit....she looks like a barbie doll with a broken neck & then some kid tried to stuff it back on her neck stump.
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Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 12:11am.
Ya think Ken Paves secretly hates her ass?
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Haha, good question! I always thought he wanted to BE her. I picture him prancing around in her stilettos when her back is turned.
Ya think Ken Paves secretly hates her ass?
It's the gumwrapper prom dress! http://www.kimt.com/content/localnews/story/Gum-Wrapper-Prom-Dress/hw2uL...
"Women are so addicted to attention that if prostitution were legal, it would also be free."
- Dick Masterson
Its like her boobs are looking to the left. Or she's got a strong wind blowing in from the right.
I don't know if it makes her neck look squat, but she is obviously trying to keep her dress up, in the one picture of her with Ken, her chest all but flopping out! She is not an unattractive person, but she looks terrible in that dress and these pics. She never seems to get it right!
She looks like a younger version of Sean Connery's wife.
What mean giant (ahem, Khloe Kardashian) stepped on their heads?
Who ate her neck?
that 4th little pic shows the culprit in action
Her hair is really flat in the roots and the roots are dark. The neck...I have no idea about that shit.
She has really wide shoulders and should never bare them like that. It makes her look like a linebacker WITH the padding on!
And since her best girlfriend and constant companion is her hairdresser, there is no excuse for her hair to look that bad.
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Get the ads out of the comment section!!!
Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 04/13/2010 - 2:03pm.
I've been watching Chestica's show on VH1 (hangs head in shame) but she is really actually cute and likeable on that show..but in pictures....sheesh...run for the hills time!
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Thank you, bb. I have seen it too *shameface* and she's endearing (and a little embarrassing at times).
Whoa. Sucking it in much?
Looks like her neck dropped down and is now filling in her boobs.
PuppyJuice.com
Please tell me that photoshop was involved in this madness.
Medusa is a snake-headed beauty!
THIS is so true!!! spot on!
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Submitted by Datura on Tue, 04/13/2010 - 1:53pm.
Jessica looks like some of my 2-year-old niece's Barbies. Sometimes when my niece is playing, she'll snap the heads off accidentally. You can't really fix the little twisty piece inside the neck, so instead she'll push the heads back down over the neck producing this fabulous fat-head, no-neck Barbie.
She looks like she's desperately trying to suck it in. I wonder how much her industrial-strength Spanx cost.
she is looking so hot...but not hotter than this bikini pic
http://bit.ly/jessica_hot
Tyra would not like these photos.
I am not going to say anything mean about Jessica, because I like her but her pose is weird! In reality Jessica isn't fat, it's the fact that she's in the entertainment industry that people measure her to other skinny bitches. Also, if she wore clothes that fitted and complimented her body she would like nice.
I like her dress - tho it looks like they hemmed it at the last minute and then forgot to press it.
Those shoes can skedaddle.
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it's Snappy Hour
I think she's trying to hide a zit/hickie on her neck. Something in the milk aint clean.
Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 04/13/2010 - 10:42am.
I cannot even stand the sight of this mouth-breathing troglodyte. Not even a glimmer of intelligence. I bet if physicians tested her the results would come back "full vegetative state".
OMFG - this post is full of awesome.
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I worship at the Church of Brian Kinney.
This dumb sow and her stupid facial expressions make me stabby.
LOL @ "uni-chichi"!
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I worship at the Church of Brian Kinney.
I've been watching Chestica's show on VH1 (hangs head in shame) but she is really actually cute and likeable on that show..but in pictures....sheesh...run for the hills time! I don't understand why someone in the spotlight as much as she is would not know that they are posing strange...and that stupid open mouth pose is so irritating. I mean you were in Paris for God's sake Jessica, getting tips on fashion, I have never had that experience but even I know you don't pose looking like a fat Barbie with no neck...dumbass...
She needs to consult with Mariah Carey as to the proper way to suck all that in because the way she is doing it is a fail.
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"You gonna give me my car, or do I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet?" Repo Man
Jessica looks like some of my 2-year-old niece's Barbies. Sometimes when my niece is playing, she'll snap the heads off accidentally. You can't really fix the little twisty piece inside the neck, so instead she'll push the heads back down over the neck producing this fabulous fat-head, no-neck Barbie.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Jess is a MESS here. I like her nailpolish color though.
She REALLY should think about getting her hair cut like the wig she was wearing...it would slim her down so much in the face. Her hair is doing NOTHING for her...how can her ghey DO THIS to her and pretend like everything's fine????
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19 Cats and Counting!
She should definitely go for a hair cut modeled after that wig she was wearing earlier. It would flatter her immensely in the neck area.
Rachel Ray is one who really has no neck. Not a good look.
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Jessica - honey - who told you your toenails and fingernails have to match your ensemble? One guess.
Ken Paves is a fucking joke. He has single-handedly destroyed this girl's image. His own Tinkerbell-Fucked-Peter-Pan haircut is a disaster in itself. She needs to bring color back to her lips and roots. WTF is she even wearing?!?! JESSICA!!! Strapless dresses look terrible on big-boobed chicks! Oy!!
Unless you're a 6' tall, 110 llb. supermodel, do not try this pose. And damn that hair looks greasy and needs a dye job...Ken needs to stop "candleing" her ear wax and get down to fixing that "do" on her head.
I've seen Khloe Kardashian look better. Note to Khloe, don't ever go blonde.
She seemed to have a longer, thinner neck the other day when MK posted the pics of her with the short wig on. WTF, is she part turtle or something???
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Nice to see that her normal hair is thin like so many "normal" people (albeit greasier than the normal person's). It still baffles me that she thinks wearing 10 pounds of yarn on her head actually fools us. Dumb cunt.
LMFAO, OMG I love the Title, where is the neck, and its like that in many pics, why is she posing like that?
Oh I know one of the tribes she visited taught her that doing it that was is glamorous.
ETA: >>>>>>>>>I loving some of LULU'S SHOES OVER THERE!!! DAMN FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING CREDIT CARDS!!!
And they are cheap too, even if they only last the season, the prices are really good....Im sure they are made shitty for those prices, but they look good for a season anyway. As long as there isnt glue showing and marks all over them, I will wear em.
ha ha Ulvy, totally La Pequena Jessica Simpson!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
"Pray for us Oranges" CHIRIO
her hair looks terrible... lank and dirty. The dress is not flattering, and her posture is... weird.... like she's trying to hold a fart in. Sad, after those cute pics of her yesterday with the short wigs on.
WTF is wrong w/ her nasty-ass hair??
Wrong dress, wrong hair. WTF is up with her hair anyways? That must be her hair without all the stupid extensions and shit Paves does to it. Horrible choices all around.
Nice La Paquena-esque posture, there.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
did she get boob implants, or have her boobs always ben that big? her tits look as big as pam anderson
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Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
so I took another look at the dress...you know, it really wouldn't be that bad if she had a better, sturdier bra on...maybe one of those one piece bra-girdle deals that sucks in the whole torso. If her fun bags were propped up better the dress, she wouldn't be trying so hard to throw her shoulders back (making her boobs look higher) and then her neck would come back.
That dress makes her look dumpy. She should never wear a strapless.
With her broad shoulders & no neck, if you put pads on her she could play linebacker for the Chicago Bears...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits