This Cover Will Look Beautiful Over Jennifer Aniston's Mantle
Last week, InTouch's cover story was a remake of Mommie Dearest starring St. Angie Jo as an evil monstress who recharges her cunt gene by laughing at her children's cries. This week, InTouch's cover story is remaking Romeo & Juliet with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt as the star-crossed lovers who want to be together but can't because Maddox forbids it (you should always listen to Maddox).
The same bodyguard/fanfiction writer who painted Angie as a cold-hearted cuntress is also saying that Jennifer and Brad secretly meet up when St. Angie's private investigator (aka God) is not watching.
If you're feeling the need to punch a bunny this morning, channel your inner Brangeloonie (it helps if you put on mom jeans from Walmart and a Tomb Raider sweatshirt with suspicions stains on it) while reading this mess. From InTouch:
In an exclusive interview, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s former bodyguard reveals that since Brad and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston reconnected at the 2009 Academy Awards, they have hooked up four times — three times in LA and once in New York — and even recently shared a passionate kiss. “I know that he still loves her,” the ex-bodyguard Bill, who for security reasons chooses only to be identified by his first name, tells In Touch.In fact, there was one date that Bill says brought them closer than ever — and since then, their relationship has heated up even more. Brad and Jen arranged a secret meeting at the trails off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills on December 9, Bill says.
At 3:30p.m., Jen pulled up to the location in her Bentley, and Brad arrived on his motorcycle. After Brad climbed into Jen’s passenger seat, “They were very cozy, clearly embracing,” Bill reveals for the first time. “Several times, Brad and Jen were hugging and kissing.” After talking and nuzzling for about 30 to 40 minutes, Bill, who was on “paparazzi watch,” advised the pair that they should leave, as photographers were spotted just a few miles away. “Jennifer left first, flashing Brad a quick peace sign and a smile,” says Bill. “Brad jogged back to his motorcycle, drove off and went for an hour bike ride.”
Then Jen woke up when Gerard Buttlered her culo again.
Let's just say there's a sprinkle of truth to this, why would Jen fuck around with Brad now?! That bitch had Brad when he was at the height of his hotness. Just keep that taste on your tongue and move on. If Jen really wants to know what it feels like to be chin tickled by a goat, she should go to a damn petting zoo instead.
• 
Submitted by Salem on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 9:45am.
--------------------------
You are so right, Salem! It's an evil plot. I would even go as far as to say there may be some Illuminati involvement.
BWAHAHAHA!!!
Watch all the Loonifers come out of the woodwork to defend this obvious Huvaniston tabloid placement. Sluttifer's movie bombs, and all of a sudden this is in the tabloids, for the gullible spiteful Loonifers to drool over. Pathetic. Even if Brad and Angelina split up, there is no way he'd go back to Miss fat chunky-thigh/legged knobly-kneed s.lut. No man deserves a skanky evil and manipulative piece of sh1t like Sluttiston in their lives.
Our website is: http://www.shoes2.us/
We also sell a variety of brand-name items: The following is our best-selling items. I hope you like it
http://www.shoptrade.us/
jordan air max oakland raiders $38
Christan Audigier BIKINI JACKET $58
gstar coogi evisu true jeans $39
coach chanel gucci LV handbags $36
coogi DG edhardy gucci t-shirts $18
CA edhardy vests.paul smith shoes $40
jordan dunk af1 max gucci shoes $39
EDhardy gucci ny New Era cap $16
coach okely Adidas CHANEL DG Sunglass $18
===== http://www.shoes2.us/ ====
If I were Jen and Brad turned up telling me he'd made a mistake, I would go the fuck along with it and insist he break up with Angelina. And as soon as I'd helped him get custody of the kids, I would dump his lying ass.
Public service, yo.
Submitted by DeeleyM on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 10:55pm.
No, I don't believe for ONE second that Brad and J'adore have been having sneaky little tête à têtes....he's not THAT stupid!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He's not that stupid?? Have you looked at him lately? He IS the stupid one dear... and he's not looking too great either.
I don't believe this rumor at all because i truly believe JEN is not THAT stupid to go back to that loser!!!
LIES!
Eh. Jen's into hot dudes, and Billy Goat looks toe up. On another note, anyone notice that BG likes women who only wear black/boring clothes? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Submitted by DeeleyM on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 10:55pm.
I've seen pics of J'alone looking wanton, in her skimpy little bikinis (better suited to a 20 year old, I might add!), in her cutsie little mini skirts (better suited to a 15! year old, I might add!), and in her slinky, figure hugging, suggestively cut evening attire (better suited to a common street walker, I might add)
- but the most LASTING and sweetly delicious image I have of her, is that rear view one of her posing for pics, with the Scots finger fair up her self-adored and cherished, pampered and powdered, overly worked-on, oh-so-'precious' arse'ole.....CLASSIC!
No, I don't believe for ONE second that Brad and J'adore have been having sneaky little tête à têtes....he's not THAT stupid!!
--------------------------------------
The problem I have with Brangaloonies is that they lack a sense of humour. J'alone? J'adore? DO you even know what the latter means? Do you know what latter means? (clue: i do, on both counts)
And something tells me you'd be quite happy to have a body like Jen. Plus if you compare her outfits to a streetwalker then I will just assume you yourself have tucked your white I WENT TO ORLANDO FLORIDA tshirt into your oversized stonewashed mom jeans and are sporting some fine cornrows.
Oh poor Jen I hope she can sleep knowing that you find her cheap.
Submitted by DeeleyM on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 10:55pm.
HATERRRRRRR!!!!11!!!!!!!
************
I like living this way. I like loving this way.
I've seen pics of J'alone looking wanton, in her skimpy little bikinis (better suited to a 20 year old, I might add!), in her cutsie little mini skirts (better suited to a 15! year old, I might add!), and in her slinky, figure hugging, suggestively cut evening attire (better suited to a common street walker, I might add)
- but the most LASTING and sweetly delicious image I have of her, is that rear view one of her posing for pics, with the Scots finger fair up her self-adored and cherished, pampered and powdered, overly worked-on, oh-so-'precious' arse'ole.....CLASSIC!
No, I don't believe for ONE second that Brad and J'adore have been having sneaky little tête à têtes....he's not THAT stupid!!
HuffPo says her movie is a nuclear bomb at the box office.
National Enquirer now says Jesse James is involved in dog fighting. Someone is sure letting their secrets out now.
That cover will look stunning framed on her mantel. Her stuffed animal collection can have a tea party around it.
He is no doubt tired of sleeping w/ Angie the corpse bag of bones.
...channel your inner Brangeloonie (it helps if you put on mom jeans from Walmart and a Tomb Raider sweatshirt with suspicions stains on it)...
HA! Beautiful. As far as this story goes, I don't buy it. Although, it would be pretty fuckin' sweet.
________________________
Ever see a man's stump? Guy's like, "Go on, man. I want you to know how it feels. Touch it. Touch my stump." Disgusting! So don't tell us that Bucky Haight wasn't shot, 'cause we were there. We touched his stump."
So, Brad & Jen are the living version of that Alec Baldwin - Meryl Streep vehicle, It's Complicated? I never saw the movie but sort of wanted to.
The only detail I find believable about the story, however is, Jen flashing him a smile and a peace sign! If honestly they ever met, that *so* would've happened!
Oh and stefystef, the word LOL really only gets used by people that either cut themselves because Edward Cullen will never be theirs or who think Miley Cyrus' new flick is the new Gone with the Wind. Jusss sayin'
Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:28pm.
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
Now pitiful are you when no one talks about your acting career and only talk about you pinning for an ex-husband or having some Scotsman put his finger up your ass.
Aniston is beyond pitiful now. She's not an actress anymore. She's a magazine salesperson.
--------------------------
How well are Angie's movies doing? Not exactly setting the box office alight are they? I think Aniston's movies are all the same stuff and she should really try and move away from rom coms, but it is not like her movies don't make any money. Plus easy as it is to blame her for being on the magazines, manipulating the media, you don't seriously think Brad and Angelina don't do the exact same thing? You think they didn't invite an army of paps to see them save Bosnia? Purlease.
Besides, Bras (typo and it stays) stopped being hot around the time he left Aniston and tbh, he is no one's hearthrob anymore these days. If I were Aniston I'd be happy that Angelina took him off my hands when the hot stage was coming to an end (I never rated Brad after Thelma and Louise anyway, okay maybe Fight Club). So Brabgaloonies, it is not like Angelina snatched Johnny Depp or someone. She is stuck with Brad who is not a great actor nor a great looker anymore.
Oh and stop living your life vicariously through actors. It is pretty sad that you are a big fan of a bunch of mediocre actors and get angry with the ex wife on their behalf. Get angry with the people that spend money to buy the mags.
stefystef
I read your post many times. I never understood the whole "loon" thing. Then I read your post.
Now I get it. You are the Princess of the Loons. *LOL*
--------------------------------------------------
Huh? Well, ok, comprehension has never been a strong quality of a loon. Whatever floats your boat honey.
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...
jesus christ. I hope she only wants him back so she can kick him to the curb and humiliate him. Who would want that peen after it's been in skankie angie?
Submitted by K2 on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 2:24pm.
I am not a Jolie sycophant. I don't put Jen down to boost Angelina.
What I am saying is that having Aniston on the cover of every mag over and over with Brad is pathetic for her because all people want to talk about is her love life (or lack thereof). No one talks about her movies or her acting or what she brings to Hollywood.
When her movies flop, they talk about Brad. It is a disservice to her and Aniston will always be in Brad Pitt's shadow if she allows it.
Honestly, I don't give a fuck about none of these people, but it is fun to speculate.
____________________________________________________________
The notion offends me... as does your presence.- Spartacus, ep. 9, Spartacus to the slavegirl, Mira
Submitted by Pimpcessa on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 2:06pm.
I read your post many times. I never understood the whole "loon" thing. Then I read your post.
Now I get it. You are the Princess of the Loons. *LOL*
____________________________________________________________
The notion offends me... as does your presence.- Spartacus, ep. 9, Spartacus to the slavegirl, Mira
I wouldn't dismiss this so easily. Didn't this same magazine break the Jesse James mistress' scandal?
And it would be funny to see Angelina have a nervous breakdown over this HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:33pm.
Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:28pm.
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
****************
The same can also be said for Angie ho. Tabloids are calling her a wicked witch who laughs at her crying children and next thing you know ..... WE'VE GOT A PHOTO OP IN BOSNIA !!!! AND 3 DAYS OF BALCONY PICTURES WITH THE TWINS!! talk about transparent.
Submitted by YourClothesAreDead on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 2:22pm.
When I think of Brad Pitt, I always imagine him hurdled somewhere in the corner of a darkened empty room, sobbing over a bong.
*****************************************************************
I see that too. *LOL*
____________________________________________________________
The notion offends me... as does your presence.- Spartacus, ep. 9, Spartacus to the slavegirl, Mira
When I think of Brad Pitt, I always imagine him crouched somewhere in the corner of a darkened empty room, sobbing over a bong.
"That bitch had Brad when he was at the height of his hotness. Just keep that taste on your tongue and move on." <--- Co-sign on that. thanks. have a nice day. I'm going enjoy a nice club sandwhich now and I hope Tiger Woods doesn't pop out from under a table somewhere and choke and/or slap me.
____________________________________
Please get the fuck out ---->
stefystef on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:28pm.
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
Now pitiful are you when no one talks about your acting career and only talk about you pinning for an ex-husband or having some Scotsman put his finger up your ass.
----------------------------------------------
DING, let the loons begin........... Grow up stefy, it seems you loons are the ones giving a shit about this nonsense. And, FYI, it's the tabs that spin this shit, contrary to JJ loonies beliefs, not Jen. You've been too long over at JJ listening to Passing Gas and Cliniqua.
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...
Really, who gives a fucking shit??? Im so sick of Jen/Angelina/Brad/the guy w/the finger up Jens ass, all of them and it....RETIRE THIS SHIT ALREADY!!!
PLEASE!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@snowpiece
I didn't even know that whales washing up was a real thing. Do they shove them back? Or do they open a sushi buffet?
************************************************************
"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."
Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:28pm.
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
__________
I'm tired of the constant insinuation as well. That dead horse has been beaten so badly, its halfway to China.
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:33pm.
TITS, Jessica Simpson is a totally different class of nothingness. *LOL*
I'm sick of her too because she doesn't really have a career anymore. But she's better than Lindsay Lohan, who is more pitiful that pitiful can be.
Honestly, I'm tired of them all. That's why I'm glad that a new scandal has come out with Tiki Barber dumping his 11 year marriage for a 23 year old blonde. *LOL*
Fresh meat...
____________________________________________________________
The notion offends me... as does your presence.- Spartacus, ep. 9, Spartacus to the slavegirl, Mira
Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 1:28pm.
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
*
the same thing can be said about most of the 'stars' that appear on magazine covers. scroll down to look at that simpson girl.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers:
http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m
http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
http://tinyurl.com/yeo4e9j
Can someone explain to me why is it when Aniston movies flop (like the last 3 movies), all her publicist can do is put her and Brad on yet ANOTHER mag cover????
Now pitiful are you when no one talks about your acting career and only talk about you pinning for an ex-husband or having some Scotsman put his finger up your ass.
Aniston is beyond pitiful now. She's not an actress anymore. She's a magazine salesperson.
____________________________________________________________
The notion offends me... as does your presence.- Spartacus, ep. 9, Spartacus to the slavegirl, Mira
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 12:20pm.
I won't believe it until I read it in the National Enquirer.
*
or see it on the Daily Show.
Strange times indeed.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers:
http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m
http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
http://tinyurl.com/yeo4e9j
I would like to see Aniston get with Clooney. Odds are against me. But boy, that would be delish.
Why the hell would Jen want Brad? Angelina sucked all the hotness right out of him.
I bet Brad could crawl across hot coals on his ass lips and Jen still wouldn't take him back.
That said, I'm waiting for Angie to take one last slurp and toss Brad's husk out the door.
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
Naaa, Jen had Brad when he was at his hottest. Now he's a washed up peepaw-goat-man. Skeletina can have him.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You sir, have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk."
You know when the no one gives a shit anymore? When the side stories are more interesting! Be normal Whitney, please.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 12:25pm.
She did it right before her threesome with Brad and Jen.
Ooooooooooookay. So that's what caused her recent "upper respiratory infection" blamed concert cancellation! Too much Brad & Jen and coke love!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Seriously, I would laugh my ass off all the way to JJ if this shit were really true. It's amazing how little I care about Jen and Brad getting back together but the thrill of drilling the loons with it would be priceless. BAWK BAWK!!
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...
Haven't they made this claim like a thousand times?
What is most shocking about this story is that Jen did the peace sign. Was this 1967?
Undercover Ho's know how to do this shit right. No paper trails, no witnesses, and no damn Bentleys in the friggin' canyon parking that scream "Look at ME!".
You drive a beat up 1999 Cavalier, no one looks at you twice.
Word.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 04/07/2010 - 12:11pm.
What's so shocking about Whitney Houston doing coke in public?
***************************************
She did it right before her threesome with Brad and Jen.
♥ Threadkilla!
Why I love Daniel Tosh:"That skateboard hit him right in the vagina!"
How the fuck is it Sandra's agony when it is HIS love child?
It's not like she has to fork over child support for Nazi spawn!
And Whitney's photo is screaming...
"crackstroke don't take me now!"
***************************************
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
I won't believe it until I read it in the National Enquirer.
motherfucker, I lick pits for a living Sucky 12/14/2009
************************************************
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
By Carrie D:
It appears that X's PR team is working hard to drown out all the positive stories about Angelina and her very committed man. I guess all of the adorable family photos and images of the most beautiful couple serving others in third world countries are too much for X. They must be reminding her of how empty and pathetic her life is. Poor, pathetic, sad X. She should take up a hobby instead of trying to ruin a beautiful relationship. It would probably make her feel like less of a loser.
*********************************************
I don't know. Does saying all this this about people you don't know personally make you feel like less of a loser?
*********************************************
ROFLMAAAAAAAO
Whenever I get into a gossip blog I feel I'm wasting my life with other people's crap and get all guilty and shit, but this Carrie D up there just made me feel, ta-da!!, less of a loser.
Thanks Carrie D.
Sure they hooked up, and no one got a picture, right.....
You know you aint so hot when Sandra Bullock is looking better than you on a mag cover.
Brad Pitiful and J'Alone, make sweet love if you wish, but by all means do so out of the limelight. Yawn.
I saw Benjamin Button last night, quite the borefest.