This Is Why I Hate April Fool's Day
Satan's soul-killing cackle can be heard all over NYC this morning after his evil minions tortured the city by handing out fake fliers for a fake In-N-Out that is never going to open in Manhattan. Way to fuck with my emotions animal-style. FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!11!!!!!!
Gothamist reports that a bunch of assholian cuntoids put up signs at several empty storefronts announcing that Manhattan is about to get a piece of heaven this Summer. They even dressed up as In-N-Out employees and everything. Whores of propaganda!
A rep for In-N-Out confirms this is all just an April Fool's prank, and they have no plans to open in NYC anytime soon. The rep went on to explain, "We're a small, family-owned business out here on the West Coast. We grind all our own all beef patties and deliver them to our locations every day, so because of the logistics it's just not something we're considering."
If leaving my house before 8pm didn't make me break out into hives, I would run down there and issue a CITIZEN'S ARREST! This act of torturous fuckery has to be illegal in all states.
And stop laughing at me while holding a Double Double in your greedy claw! How would you like it if someone dangled a 9-inch dick in your face and then yanked it away?! Actually, it would probably turn you on. You sucio ass!
(Thanks, Emily. Yeah, THANKS for nothing!)