Tuesday, March 30th 2010

Lady Gaga Mindfucks Herself

This week's issue of New York Magazine features a cover story on the making and manufacturing of Lady Gaga.

This didn't need to be several pages long. If you want to make a Lady Gaga, just add half-a-can of Spotted Dick, the fake tears of an over-dramatic community college theater teacher, a handful of Dale Bozzio's pubic hairs, a drop of used glitter lube, a warped cassette copy of Madonna's first album, a melted Pizzazz Doll and the wet fart from a Freddie Mercury impersonator. Mix with a disco stick and VOILA! One serving of a Lady Gaga! But I digress.

In the interview, Lady Gaga talks about her high school years. She said that her chichis were more voluptuous back then, so the kids used to call her, "Big Boobs McGee." For Lady Gaga's sake, I hope there's NO RELATION.

Lady Gaga also confessed that she can make her bits tingle until they dry heave without touching herself. She learned this little trick while taking drama in college. Well, she is one big jack-off. She said, "I remember the first time that I drank out of an imaginary coffee cup. That's the very first thing they teach you. I can feel the rain, too, when it's not raining. I don't know if this is too much, but I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm. You know, sense memory is quite powerful."

That is some Jean Grey shit right there. Lady Gaga should join the X-Men. Not only can she masturbate with her mind, but she can also make my eyeballs bust into an atonic seizure. The trick has powers.

But seriously, I can mentally give myself an orgasm too. It's not hard. I just have to turn on CNN at 10pm. Or I just have to stare at a Pintos 'N Cheese from Taco Bell for a few seconds.

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cholitas_fourevah's picture

Heart Pintos and Cheese. Always.

Drop in a bucket, motherfuck it.

mercury_rising's picture

I give myself a mental orgasim by thinking of freddie Mercury, but I guess all of you already knew that.

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She's not even trying to hide her "influences" now, is she? Didn't Nina Hagen do the Ilsa-The-She-Wolf-dyke-in-leather routine back in 1982, when it really *was* controversial and groundbreaking? And do it better?

coca's picture

But seriously, I can mentally give myself an orgasm too. It's not hard. I just have to turn on CNN at 10pm. Or I just have to stare at a Pintos 'N Cheese from Taco Bell for a few seconds.
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I just laughed for 10 minutes

kylimayrow's picture

Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 10:13am.

Sigh. More tarted-up Nazi S-M 1970s gay leather drag for La GaGa. If she's supposed to be a performance artist as well as a pop singer, she needs better visual material than this tired shit. Honey, been there done that and seen it a million times before you "thought" of it. Your look is only edgy to sullen suburban teens who run to Hot Topic on the weekends during mall cruising.

"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"
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Agree 100%.....BTW give me Tori Amos on a piano any day, now that is love for your art

The Mad Catter's picture

I would love to see Britney gore this bitch like a bull as well. That sounds lovely. At least Britney's meat curtains don't have a nasty surprise dangling between them. Soo tired of seeing this herm's bathing suit region.

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19 Cats and Counting!

onthefringe's picture

Submitted by TheBrazilliant on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 12:22pm.
Or as if Madonna wasn't the very one who made "whoring up to the cameras to cover the lack of talent" into a billion-dollar music trade, helped, of course, by the rise of MTV. When the fuck did Madonna become such a respected artist, and more importantly, why?
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Yes! I could never stand that phony, pretentious bitch. Gee, selling sex to make money - how original.

Madonna was/is an "Emperor has no clothes" scenario. Just part of the dumbing down of the culture

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"Number 12 Looks Just Like You"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaVo2xifmSw

ZiggyStardust's picture

I'm sure that Caca can imagine herself being as successful as Britney.

It will forever remain a fantasy though.

I would love to see Britney gore this ugly scab like a bull.

Look at that stomach. Eurgh.

CRUNCHES BITCH!

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@ZiggyStardust:

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i

ZiggyStardust's picture

Britney is a very accomplished musician.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPSBEO77AE0

Stephanie Guantanamo is a piece of shit who isn't fit to wipe Brit's under-titty sweat.

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@ZiggyStardust:

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i

Hysteria's picture

BRITNeY SPeARS CAN PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO?!!

Jesus Christ. That knowledge just shifted my entire world.

But can she play the piano AND SING at the same time? Riddle me that.

I still like the Gaga.

.
.

"The kids used to call her, "Big Boobs McGee." lmfao!
.
.

mikidais's picture

She bores the shit out of me.

Stop trying so hard you fugly chick.

Annoying to the nth degree.

YES! she's a genious because she can play a fucking piano.
Even Britney motherfucking Spears can play piano.

What bothers me about these Caca discussions is that people often mention Madonna as if Vadge's music wasn't superficial, disposable and absolutely brainless when she began (and now), exactly like Caca's.

Or as if Madonna wasn't the very one who made "whoring up to the cameras to cover the lack of talent" into a billion-dollar music trade, helped, of course, by the rise of MTV. When the fuck did Madonna become such a respected artist, and more importantly, why?

And yes, if you wanna compare Caca and Madonna, Madonna loses in many departments. She manages three or four notes in the fucking guitar and idiots believe she can actually play that shit, while it's obvious that Caca dominates the piano. And Caca definitely has a voice and vocal training, while Madonna never really had the patience for the vocal exercises and everyone can hear that.

I like them both, BTW.

rotten_egg's picture

Performance artist? bullshit, she's just a lame and pathetic POP singer. No more, no less.

I agree, her music is just a bunch of catchy cheesy pop songs... pretty much what people have done for Shitters. Playing a musical instrument will not give her any credit in my book because her "singing talent" is overshadowed by her stupid dumb antics AND again, her music pretty much sucks.

Why is CHANGE always cataloged as "BAD"??. So MK has a different writing style, so what?. Just read and enjoy. Why is it impossible for him to feel not inspired as usual? he's human too, you know?. Writer's block happens to everyone once in a while. He has the right to have a life, people. I didn't even notice something out of the ordinary.

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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

angel_i's picture

Submitted by Jana on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 10:00am.

this is a classic case of ''trying too hard''.
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And THAT is how I know she's only 24 - she's got Megan Foxitis.
Without the "fox".

♥ Threadkilla!
Why I love Daniel Tosh:"That skateboard hit him right in the vagina!"

The Mad Catter's picture

Speaking of fucked up genitals, did anyone catch "I Have Two Vaginas" or whatever on TV? I think it was TLC or maybe even a talk show. I totally missed it and I'm wondering what was going on with those plural vaginas.

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19 Cats and Counting!

hey wait did anyone even see ANDERSON COOPER 360 last night when he was giggling uncontrollably at a YOUTUBE of a cuddly little animal friend being tickled?

julesinSD's picture

Such a nasty, skanky, Lezzie, Dyke.

She's lost her “cross-over” appeal too.

Sorry Ho-Bag, I don't buy records of skank dykes.

Nasty, Skanky, Just fist yourself in your next video and break down ALL the barriers!

kittin's picture

I can actually do this. But with me, it's less about mind-fuckery, and more about pelvic floor exercises and dirty piercings.

Also, I don't have a dick, maybe that's her secret.

M.E.'s picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 10:14am.
I would SO fucking hit that shit..... BAM!
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Well then honey, make sure you push her dick to the left.

Cupid's picture

She bothers me a lot.

aliana.lohan's picture

Submitted by Chinkish on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:51am.
Submitted by aliana.lohan on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:40am.

do boy george or madonna play instruments live or sing live like she does?

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Fitting name. Dear, if you have not seen the BILLION disgusting photos of Madonna in fishnets playing her guitars and singing on her last tour... Do more homework in the pc lab. :D

...

:) i have seen madonna in her sticky and sweet tour live, no need for mac homework

her singing is horrendous and playing instruments is a joke...at least caca can play the fucking piano...

i understand that people hate her, but she does have things that madonna and the other pop bitches don't have

Why aren't people tired of her fake ass Vadge-esque pretence?
Oh I forgot, the whole world is just fucking stupid.

Sexy Pants's picture

That picture looks like an interview in Larry King's studio, gone sucio.

swarm-of-locusts's picture

@BBGemini:

Co-sign.
__________________________________________________
Coming soon to darken a sky near you.

jack-n-the-hat's picture

I would SO fucking hit that shit..... BAM!
_____________________________________________
"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

Sigh. More tarted-up Nazi S-M 1970s gay leather drag for La GaGa. If she's supposed to be a performance artist as well as a pop singer, she needs better visual material than this tired shit. Honey, been there done that and seen it a million times before you "thought" of it. Your look is only edgy to sullen suburban teens who run to Hot Topic on the weekends during mall cruising.

"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"

P.T.Bull's picture

If her music was half as interesting as her outfits, I would care what she said.

I still consider a lap dance to be a better dollar value than her cds.

Hekki's picture

Submitted by kanderso: "What is it about her that makes her seem like she's always kind of dirty ala Pig Pen?

Also, I didn't realize she was a crazy theater whore. Those people are always wacko...it explains a lot.
"

Yes and yes.

I'm usually pro-Gaga, but I have a thing against drama queens, so she falls in the middle somewhere.

LaChaylo's picture

I love La Caca - if only to see what ridiculous thing she says next. Orgasm with her mind - can you hear the Twilight Zone music in the background? She's already declared herself the messiah to the gays. Please.

Oh, Caca, remember you are just a jumble of things already done in the past.

As for the MK accusations, leave the hot bitch alone you whore pit vipers!

BBGemini's picture

This *ALWAYS* happens.

Someone who starts off legitimately, (playing tons of grungy bar gigs instead of simply being "voted" a singer), finds a shtick to draw attention to their actual talent. But after a while, they forget they're no better than anyone else, and actually start believing the shtick they created. That's always their down fall. People smell the b.s. and sneer at them.

The antidote is to get over yourself and realize your performances are just that - performances, and simply enjoy having a separate stage persona. But celebs pretty much never do, unless they hit rock bottom like MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. Those failures see themselves clearly in the mirror now. Most never do.

this is a classic case of ''trying too hard''. Everything she does and says is too much, and isn't unique. Although her songs are catchy, she's definitely not a catch.

parissucksliterally's picture

oh, GOOOOOOOOOD! Just shut the fuck up and sing. You embarrass yourself every time you fucking speak, you dumbass!

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See, what you give is just what you get
I know it hasn't hit you yet
Now I don't mean to get you upset
But every cause has an effect
-Lauryn Hill

Chinkish's picture

Submitted by aliana.lohan on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:40am.

do boy george or madonna play instruments live or sing live like she does?

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Fitting name. Dear, if you have not seen the BILLION disgusting photos of Madonna in fishnets playing her guitars and singing on her last tour... Do more homework in the pc lab. :D

>Mike's my Pusha'<

Whamo's picture

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

little_rascal's picture

Gross. The big hole in her pantyhose doesn't help.

ewe's picture

I'm bored with her. She's only a twitter account and a webcam away from becoming Tila Tequila. Wait until her next album flops. She'll say and do anything to get attention.

Oh and the suggestions that MK isn't writing all the posts tends to come up every few months. Sometimes the style of writing changes, like in this post. It's a Lady Gaga post, so I couldn't care less who wrote it.

aliana.lohan's picture

Submitted by tommyboy on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:28am.
I am still searching for some reason that Lady Gar Bage is so wildly popular..how many times have we seen this trick? My generation had Boy George he was a freaking DRAG QUEEN for Gods sake,,and of course,Madonna,,i dont even need to list any more beyond these two because Ca Ca still hasnt even scratched the surface compared to these two yet...OH lah oo lah lah lah ro ma mah ma ma mah gaga oo lah lah ,,i mean come on! Is this going to be your generations contribution to music history? No wonder the french think we are morons.

think of sunglasses as portable eyeshadow

..

do boy george or madonna play instruments live or sing live like she does?

Who is the douche with the bunch of alts who is stomping through the threads and suggesting MK is not writing these posts? (and I don't mean S&F's ghost)Feck Off!
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"gobble a bowl of dicks" submitted by HOTNEY

Submitted by kanderso on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:22am.
Ug, I am reading the GaGa interview and it is vomit-inducing. She is a pretentious twat.
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Probably pretentious and calculating at what she says and does....she targeting specific people with everything about her whole "makeup"...

Meeshie's picture

I just don't get why people like this twat so much. Her music is dull, she looks like Janice from "The Muppet Show" and she is extremely overrated. Who buys her shit music anyway?

Submitted by tommyboy on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 9:28am.
I am still searching for some reason that Lady Gar Bage is so wildly popular..how many times have we seen this trick? My generation had Boy George he was a freaking DRAG QUEEN for Gods sake,,and of course,Madonna,,i dont even need to list any more beyond these two because Ca Ca still hasnt even scratched the surface compared to these two yet...
~~~~~~
Back then the "older generations" didn't like Madonna and Boy George either...UNFORTUNATELY we are the "older" folks that don't like her. IMO

Although I don't care for her, I do respect the fact that she's out there busting her ass working hard at what she does....unlike the Paris' and those dumb ass "reality stars" that just show up and want attention

tommyboy's picture

I am still searching for some reason that Lady Gar Bage is so wildly popular..how many times have we seen this trick? My generation had Boy George he was a freaking DRAG QUEEN for Gods sake,,and of course,Madonna,,i dont even need to list any more beyond these two because Ca Ca still hasnt even scratched the surface compared to these two yet...OH lah oo lah lah lah ro ma mah ma ma mah gaga oo lah lah ,,i mean come on! Is this going to be your generations contribution to music history? No wonder the french think we are morons.

think of sunglasses as portable eyeshadow

kanderso's picture

Ug, I am reading the GaGa interview and it is vomit-inducing. She is a pretentious twat.

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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink

OHHH gaga...she just has to classify herself as soo different... check out her favorite piece of jewelry.. http://www.jewelry.com/piece.do?id=1113502