Oh, I See
At a Gotham Magazine party in NYC last night, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats stepped out together as a couple for the first time. In case you haven't heard the whispers on the playground, Swizz is currently going through a messy divorce from his wife Mashonda. Shit got dirtier after Mashonda wrote an open letter accusing Alicia Keys of Sienna Miller-ing her marriage. And here we are now.
But on to more important matters, did Alicia replace her bottle of Proactiv with Swizz's pencil peen (you know that's what it looks like), because her skin looks like Tommy Girl's ass cheeks if he gets too close to a bottle of anti-depressants.
And I know Swizz looks like a perma stoner with a bad case of the farts, but I still would. I can't help it, but his Adrien Brody nose is making my b-hole want to scoot on over.
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I still think Keys is a lesbo. She gives off that lesbo vibe.
I like (some) of her music. Really love the song Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart. But that's just messed up what she did to Swizz's wife. And it's not even like he's a good looking man. He must be hung like a horse.
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I don't so much think her singing voice sucks, just that her music is usually so fucking dull. I don't think she has a single "catchy" song and there never seems to be a climax in any of her music.
It is really simple, sluts.
If Clive Davis anoints your ass, you will sell.
Alicia I can take or leave. But I would prefer India or Jill or Erykah over her ass any day!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
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I really don't "get" Alicia. Aside from the video of "Fallin", I've never found anything she does remotely interesting. I could never figure out why she, of all the great female soul singers of 2000-2001, became a household name. Sunshine Anderson, Res, Blu Cantrell and India.Arie all surpass her talent-wise.
Submitted by Provolone on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:15am.
alicia keys is a waste of a hot face. her body sucks dick.
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You've got to be kidding me. That's the only thing about her I like, that milkshake thick booty wit cankles on the side.
Not everybody likes french fries, son.
Submitted by Squash Posh on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 10:49am.
Am I the only one who thinks her music and singing voice is extremely mediocre? Borderline boring and trite. I don't get this chick.
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Fuuuck no, I will take your hand and walk with you down the "this bitch is overrated" aisle.
That fucker Clive Davis owes me some money. When I think singer/songwriter a lot of great talents come to mind. When it's singer/songwriter/plays piano well damn, the people from my heyday include Stevie Wonder, Sly Stone, Elton John, Billy Joel and Prince.
The way she was hyped made me think she was the next big thing. Next big bullshitter maybe.
Well look at this shit AKEYS is officially on her way out. She is so damn phony and it shows big time.
I can't stand Alicia Keys. Whenever she's at an urban event she sounds all ghetto but when she's at a mainstream event, she sounds as middle class as she can be, which is how she grew up. I freaking hate people who do that crap. Be yourself whichever you are!
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I'm not a coke addict - I just like the way it smells.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Alicia is a big dyke who tries to hide the fact in any way possible....
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
She has got one HUGE forehead!!! Looks like a black version of Nicole Kidman.
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
I saw that hook-nosed fool at a birthday bash. He is absolutely tiny and not really that attractive. I guess he must be loaded.
I also thought that Keys was a carpet muncher.
Wonk eye and Gonzo.
Sluts are at least consistent.
Is Alicia Keys a lesbian or a homewrecker?!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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She's got beautiful eyes but her nose job is all kinds of crooked.
And that dude...he is the kind of man, like R Kelly, who should wear sunglasses ALL the time to combat the fug.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:07am.
Yeah...Mashoda's a little passive aggressive...sure, she wants to make nice but she certainly wants to get her shots in first.
( I have no choice but to call him my husband, until he is not anymore)
Sure you do - you could call him by his name. He was a person all unto himself before he married you.
Or you could call him douchebag, asshole, fuckwad...SO many choices.
And the interesting thing is he was in a relationship when Mashonda met him so now she's shocked he cheated on HER? Like some have said before me, if he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you!
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 10:43am.
What is his lineage? Seriously. That proboscis is entirely throwing me off.
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i don't know his parents, but he's probably Black.
we don't all look alike, you know
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Danny: [slaps Bandy]
Archie: No, no, no, NO. Come on, do it properly, with the back of the right hand.
Maybe she's still a dyke. He just might be a lot like a woman, u never know.
Why him? Weird. A pretty lady like her and she goes after a taken, average at best, dude.
I have one word to sum up Swizz .... YEESH !
This is another "romance" I won't give a shit about. I will say this tho, dude is all sorts of fugly and a complete Mr. Nobody to me.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Yes, historically Alicia is a lesbian. But that's not to say people can't change teams every now and then. But I think it's a PR thing, anyway.
Isn't this a showmance?? I'm pretty sure she prefers to lez it up. This dude's ex is also a singer who needed some press bad. Swizz looks like Ramses the Great's mummy. Seriously.
Anywho, Alicia is taking a lot of bad advice (damn you, Clive Davis) and her music has fallen off considerably. She needs to get her focus back and forget the showbiz bull. Maybe that's why she's breaking out. Stress from lying will do that to you.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:28am.
: P(|)
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"One Shot, One Shot!"
Ronnie 2, Townies 0
Submitted by Provolone on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:22am.
And it's men like you that make me want me to become a lesbian. heh heh ;)
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Alicia Keys is almost old news. She doesn't seem to be as popular as she once was and her music is so blah.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:18am.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:10am.
OH, I agree...in fact I blame him much more than her. I just don't get why women are so stupid sometimes
Women are in constant competition with eachother. I'll tell a girl that im "kinda seeing somebody" before telling them im single. It gets ya'll competitive bagina juices flowing.
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"One Shot, One Shot!"
Ronnie 2, Townies 0
I thought AK was a gayelle? No? I swear I read that somewhere.
I always get a Kanye vibe from her. Even if we all worshipped her, we would still never reach her level of self-adoration!
She's an ARTISTE, ya'll.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:10am.
OH, I agree...in fact I blame him much more than her. I just don't get why women are so stupid sometimes....if he cheats with you he will cheat on you!!!!!!!!! dumbass.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
alicia keys is a waste of a hot face. her body sucks dick.
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"One Shot, One Shot!"
Ronnie 2, Townies 0
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:03am.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:01am.
It was completely classy and heartwrenching. I don't understand how as a woman you could do that to another woman.
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I hear you but it takes 2 to tango...He is the one who owes fidelity and respect to his wife and children...the ho would not give a shit about them...if she did, she would not have taken up with the fugly scumbag to begin with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvgUdrzGNys&feature=related
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damn! i always thought she was gay.
Seriously, there are a lot of men in the world, right? Why don't these whores try to find a nice, hot one that ISN'T married?
*adds Alicia Keyes to list of celebrities that are dirty, detestable tramps, making her the 4,567,342nd person on the list*
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
Yeah...Mashoda's a little passive aggressive...sure, she wants to make nice but she certainly wants to get her shots in first.
( I have no choice but to call him my husband, until he is not anymore)
Sure you do - you could call him by his name. He was a person all unto himself before he married you.
Or you could call him douchebag, asshole, fuckwad...SO many choices.
♥ Threadkilla!
Heterosexuality is not normal. It's just common.
~ Dorothy Parker
TEAM CAMEL DICK!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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LawDog on Mon, 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most importanant person ever.
LOL. You're right. Those brows need a STYLING HAIRBRUSH!
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Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
From the first time she was on Oprah, I have always thought there was something about her that I did not care for. Husband thief!
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:01am.
It was completely classy and heartwrenching. I don't understand how as a woman you could do that to another woman.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
His eyebrows have that fashionable 'just-out-of-bed' look.
Ok, read the open letter from the ex-wife and now believe Alicia's skin is nast and she is a durty ho.
Why do women do this to one another over men that aren't even attractive?! Is our gender that desperate?! Sad.
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
oh yeah MJT I read that before, made me a little sick
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
@ MissJaneTexas
that open letter was very classy...I was expecting something entirely different.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvgUdrzGNys&feature=related
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phew...good! I'm not the only one who doesn't like her craptacular music -at.fucking.all.
I just hate hearing how wonderful/talented/original she is. It makes me wonder if we're listening to the same music?!
Squash Posh, count me in as someone who thinks she's overrated.
Seems like her musical abilities have been 'fallin' since the first single... SHABAM.
No seriously, she bores me. As does this story.
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard
here's the link to the letter from MAshonda"
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cope44.com/images/Swizz%25...
Submitted by Squash Posh on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 10:49am.
Am I the only one who thinks her music and singing voice is extremely mediocre? Borderline boring and trite. I don't get this chick.
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all her songs sound the same to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvgUdrzGNys&feature=related
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You guys should read the open letter from his wife to Alicia Keys. All kinds of wrong. MEN!
http://allhiphop.com/stories/editorial/archive/2009/09/26/21955360.aspx
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
she's a ho and how you can fall head over heels with Swizz Beats when you are a respected singer, IDK gross, I think the camel dick must be the right answer
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
She has shit-poor fashion sense (always has), but at least she still eats.
I don't mind looking at her ham-hocks.
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"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus