Tuesday, March 9th 2010
The Real Sexual Napalm
Here we have Mah Boo Anderson Cooper throwing Jessica Simpson a "So you think your no-no makes dicks go boom?" look at Vanity Fair's Oscar party on Sunday night.
Seriously, if John Mayer thinks Jessica has the stuff to cause crotch explosions, then he obviously doesn't know about the Silver Fox's powers. Don't let Mah Boo's size fool you. He might look like a baby Whippet next to Jessica's bull dog body, but he just has to purse his mouth lips to make b-holes detonate.*
*I'm speaking from experience. It looks like Chernobyl down there.
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Her face looks strange too...Wrong makeup or something, and her hairs darker too..
Submitted by sonah22 on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 1:59am.
Awesome, thanks for the advice!
I've never done yoga, to be honest. I usually just do cardio, because I don't want to have bulky muscles. I'm glad that helps though.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
Khensu- If you want some waist definition, try some yoga spine twists. It definitely helped me get a bit waist. And belly dance class helped me once also. My belly is still there, but the waist is a lot better. Now if only I could lay off the fucking cookies!
Submitted by sonah22 on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 1:29am.
I'm the same way. I'm short and thick around the waist. Even before I gained weight, I still had a slight stomach pooch which probably wouldn't ever vanish unless I become anorexic.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
And I think she'll age pretty well. The extra weight will look good in the future. She looks so much like the traditional Dallas trophy wife, and that ain't a bad thing. Those women look pretty good, and they don't go too skinny.
Forreals. Where are all the feminists at on DListed? The girl looks good, and is probably a size 4-6, which on a short person doesn't look small. And she's talking about waist size. Totally different story everywhere else. I'm a size 6-8 at the waist but for younger people clothes I have to go up to 8 to 10. Not a big deal. And I'm short, so i can look fat even with a normal waist. Geez, layoff people. And fat people hate is often self-hate or fear of not being beautiful yourself, according to studies (don't ask me to find them, but I've read this). The girl looks good. Not the best dress, but she is NOT fat.
*deleted for typos*
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
Wow, this is what I mean. THIS is what I fucking mean, people:
Submitted by knowwhatimsayin on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 6:30pm.
All of these people screaming about some model or actress being too thin or having no curves are the same exact brood who rant and rave the very SECOND someone gains weight.
It's when people spew this kind of ignorant and entitled fucking garbage that remind me why I skip eating for days.
Have her good looks enabled her career? Yeah, they did, I'm not denying that, but to take a good number of the female fucking population along with her, is low.
This is proof that popular culture is not only unrealistic, but also spoonfeeds to its constituents a conflicted and contradictory message about how "all" women are to look. If she's too thin, she's masculine, but if she's even virtually ten pounds overweight and not appearing to have gained any weight in her hips or ass, then let's fry the bitch.
And to every person who turns his or her nose to any girl for being "too thin" and save their hate-speech for Jessica Simpson for not gaining weight in all the right places: go fuck yourselves too.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
"...next to Jessica's bull dog body.:"
HARSH.
LoL.
Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Send this text to at least 10 friends or you will gain ten pounds and then have to be shot by a Dlisted firing squad.
To the person below me, I think it's because she isn't anti or pro plus size. She's one of the person who's all about being happy with yourself at WHATEVER size. She's said that in the past many times. Just because someone is happy being skinny and then happy being larger does not make them fickled. WTH would give you such an idea? That's crazy!
She looks really nice in her black dress, btw.
Squiggles: You made a typo, but your typo is correct. Jessica is extremely pretentious. And she is well known to get fall down drunk in clubs and needs people to hold her up. This is why she is picked on a lot. The weight thing is not the real reason. And that too is because she is wishy washy on her position. When she is skinny its I like being this way. When she's larger, Oh, I like being this way. Well, which is it? She's just very very annoying.
To think there was a time when I would have sex with either of them. That was a long time ago.
http://tinyurl.com/2xxhto
I bet PePaw Simpson loved that dress....and felt her up too...to make sure her tits were on straight of course.
"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast????" Happy~
Poor, fat Jessica Simpson.
This poor horsey-looking hunched back bitch deserves every horrible fat girl comment out there and any other disparaging remarks 'cause she ASKED for it by wanting to become famous BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
Shit, if I made as much money as she did by doing...what is it again that she does-(oh yeah, says country-cutesy stupid things and flashes her giant nipple here and there on "accident") I'd be hiring a personal trainer and staying on top of the arm/back fat.
Poor bitch has NO curves and no neck, so essentially she looks like the apple in the Fruit of the Loom commercials. And it ain't gonna get better, she's almost 30. For bitches shaped like that they all end up looking like Jabba the Hut if they keep hitting the IHOP at 3 in the morn.
She is the epitome of lazy. Her sister on the other hand (saw her in person many times) is a fucking praying-mantis looking bitch in comparison. She truly looks like a troll who lives under a bridge and devours billy goats. But when she photographs looks normal. In reality she is a size 0. The truth is if you can't commit to not being a fat ass in Hwood, get the fuck out of here. It's just a reality. All the actresses are a bag of bones out here.
I think it's the combination of hair and dress. She might've been able to pull off one or the other without looking fat, but together they make her head look smaller and her body look bigger.
One-shoulder = bad for top-heavy girls, draws attention to your shoulders. She needs something to cut that up and make her look more petite.
Sigh, I would love to drag that girl out on a shopping trip and make her buy stuff that flatters her body, because she isn't able to do it herself it seems. A common ailment, but really a problem if you're photographed a lot.
As a short, appleish woman I can understand Jess' situation. I have to keep myself really slim to avoid that top heavy look and to have a vauely feminine shape. Like 102 lb slim. At 115 I already get the stumpy "fat arms/waist" look even if my lower half is freakin skinny. I hate being a short stack!! grr... Wish my fat would go to ass instead--then you're suddenly "voluptuous" and "a real woman" and not a fuckin linebacker!
MK, you know yore boo is probably safe. Still, you may have to "Bitch Don't" than train wreck of a woman.
As someone who has seen this girl up close, within the last 30 days, she is not fat.
Not even close to it.
It is unfortunate that she got labeled FAT over a very bad choice in clothes. But she is tiny in person.
She has a classic curvy look. And at 5'2 does not photograph well when dressed in oddly fitting clothes.
What bugs me so much about the whole fat debate... is NOT one person ever takes issue with all the FAT FAT FAT men in LA. The ones with TV shows or doing movies. The ones with a gut hanging over their small peckers.
But somehow it is perfectly fine to attack what is a slightly dim but perfectly nice girl. For having the nerve to look normal. And refusing to starve herself to look like a 10 year old boy.
I don't think she's "fat" per se, but her frame does nothing to help a girl out. Adding to the earlier observation that at being 5'2 any weight gain will show up more than on a taller frame, true. But remembering that awful mom jean/leopard print belt catastrophe, she had no waist whatsoever and all the boob meat up top makes her look a lot heavier than she is. Even in these pics, the dress is nice, but she hardly has a waist at all and then she's so big on top. If she is a size 4, she doesn't really look it.
I may vomıt after I say thıs but ıt ıs true...
this ıs the best I have seen thıs country-fied skankbıscuıt look ın more than a hot mınute.
Who fınally HOsed her down?
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ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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hekki, that sounds gross! "boneless"....hahhaha, but I know exactly the body type!
I am bony- I am not underweight, but you can see my clavicle bones and my ribs....it is just how my body is.
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If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out, cocaine
If you wanna get down, down on the ground, cocaine
Submitted by Anonymous Q: "...I don't know how but that dress makes her look too wide and broad shouldered."
Agreed.
One of my SILs is like that. I call it "boneless": you can't see a single bone in her body - not a clavicle or an ankle or knee. It's all covered in a smooth layer of muscle/fat. She doesn't have cellulite and she doesn't jiggle. Reminds me of a dolphin. Very broad-shouldered and wide, too.
Anyhoo. She likes to dress up in strapless mini-dresses or dresses like Jessica's which do nothing for her shapelessness. She looks much better in jeans and a blazer, which have som structure. But she likes to look glamorous and the end result is something like a bull in high heels.
john mayer, i hate you. first the crappy music. and now everytime i see JS, i can't help but think how she is in bed. thanks a lot, asshole.
She looks like a linebacker.
She needs a new stylist bad. She's not big at all, but some of her clothes make her that way. I don't know how but that dress makes her look too wide and broad shouldered.
I have something I really really need to put in her mouth.
like-wow on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:37am.
That panty-waste Andy Cooper wouldn't know what to do with a woman. He'd have to turn her around and pretend she's a man.
- And the problem with this is?
As far as Jessucka is concerned, whomever is running her damage control with the media is earning their $$$. She is a few years away from turning into Pam Anderson 2.0. Now if some think that's fine so be it, I do not find her anything more than an over exposed, mildly entertaining target for all things related to the dumbassery that she does represent.
You can cover up a lot of her crazy but this skank is a looney toon and more than desperate.
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I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
You all wish you looked as good as Jessica. Ever been called sexual napalm? I doubt it haha.
Submitted by Chinkish on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:23am.
Hey were are the designer nazis on here to complain that she is wearing an evening gown with POCKETS in it.
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I have to admit, I noticed that and it bothered me. :P
I think Jessica looks pretty and I don't think she is fat. She is a normal size and probably skinner than most people here. But I am tired of seeing her everywhere and I wish John Dickhead would stop talking about her so she can't go on Oprah.
Can he be any more handsome?!?!
"boomchickawawa"
due to a medication i am taking (insulin) and the fact that i love food and eat like a w-horse, i gained 30 lbs in a little over a year!
HA! now, who's gonna check me, boo?
TEAM SEXUAL NAPALM!!
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Danny: [slaps Bandy]
Archie: No, no, no, NO. Come on, do it properly, with the back of the right hand.
LMAO at Kanderso!
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
Ugh, some of these comments are out of control (and yes, I know I shouldn't be reading them if they piss me off). She looks fine. Bigger than she has been, but seriously who cares? Unflattering first two pics, but she looks good in the last one....and um, she looks 10x better than most non-Hollywood people.
I just do not get the crap she gets over her weight. She may be dumb, but she's pretentious and doesn't act like she's all that. I'd rather save my critiques for the many other idiots who flap their gums and pass out drunk in the street. And no, I'm not fat! LOL.
And she's at the Oscar party because . . . ?!?!
I guess she got the invite and not Carrot Top because no one has compared having sex with him to a sexual napalm (yet!).
I am sure she gained more than 2 lbs., I was just using that as an example when short people gain weight, it is more evident.
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Baby said he's mine, you know
He tells me all the time, you know
He said so
I'm in love with him and I feel fine
-Beatles (changed for sexual orientation)
*gets on soap box with megaphone to defend J Simp*
Hey you bastards, Jess is like 5'2 or something and I TOTALLY believe she is a 4-6. Also, okay, her arms look...not fit. However, while her arms look big-gish, and she's probably gained weight again, she does not look fat, people! If you took her out of ano-land, and plopped her down in the middle of normal people, nobody would call her fat. No, she is not living up to the entertainment industry standard, but she is not *fat* - I would assume she is in a healthy weight range.
Stop fucking being mean to Jess, all you fuckfaces, I will defend her dumb ass to the end because I think she's sweet and I don't like sweet dumb girls getting picked on. Assholes!!!
*shakes fist at dlisters while tomatoes and garbage are tossed at face*
*gets called fat by Stoney*
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
Thanks, urmomma!!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Yay!Stoney! gold and looks 19, huh?
*secretly really jealous*
I miss all the make up, sequins, my small ass...damn I am old, but good for you, dear!
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:15am.
I believe she is a 4-6. She is short- a 2 lb weight gain shows up more on her than someone who is 5'6".
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2 sizes, you mean? She's gained more than 2 lbs or are we talking in Brit speak now . . . 2 stone (28 lbs).
Either way, she's thick, in the head all the way down to her fatty fat toes.
Mah Boo....soo sexay. Who let in the big tittied frog???????
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
The competition was fun! My routine got a gold and I didn't screw up! And I passed for 19! LOL
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by like-wow on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:37am.
That panty-waste Andy Cooper wouldn't know what to do with a woman. He'd have to turn her around and pretend she's a man.
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Duh.
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
That panty-waste Andy Cooper wouldn't know what to do with a woman. He'd have to turn her around and pretend she's a man.
Maybe she is a size 4 in all those designer clothes. In normal people clothes the same size on the tag would read a 10. Gotta love marketing schemes to trick us into thinking we are skinnier than we are.
She's definitely not fat. She *is* surely thicker than she used to be but it might not take that much, depending on her height. And if at "Daisy Duke" size she was supposedly a zero, then I really doubt this is a size ten. I don't think she actually looks that big (not that, in my opinion, a size ten is "huge")--she just has a somewhat stumpy neck and thick shoulder muscles/arms. The one-shoulder dress is definitely not doing her any favors, and some people just wear weight better than others.
And I think she's pretty, but she looks much more attractive in normal clothes with little-to-no makeup.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:23am.
*roots around in Jack's eye socket, looking for change*
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oh.shit.that is just wow! Ahahahahahahahaha!
(sorry, jack, that shit is funny)
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
M.E.!*jumps up and starts waving arms about*
Helllooooo? What about me? All I care about is the boobs DAMN IT! I like a big titty frog face girl, too! ;)
*motorboats self*
LMAO at cakey...*throws a bitch a football*
Stoney how was the recital or was competition?
*slathers on grease to wait for answer...likes the way it feels*
jack if you ever do me wrong I will soooo tell all your mens friends that you know who Ken Paves is!
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14