Courtney Love's Vagina Will Tear John Mayer Apart
If John Mayer thinks that Jessica Simpson is sexual napalm, then he has obviously never tried to tame Courtney Love's nuclear snatch. Because according to the Renaissance Faire reject, not even Jeremy Renner in his Hurt Locker bomb suit can diffuse Court's cooch.
Crazy Courtney just got around to reading John Mayer's Playboy interview and she ranted all about it on Twitter the other day. Courtney has come to the conclusion that she wants to hate fuck John Mayer and punch him in the face.
This is kind of funny, because anybody who has sex with Courtney and/or John immediately punches themselves in the face afterwards. If Court and John ever get nekkid together, there's going to be a whole lot of fucking, punching, and vomiting going on. Fight Club: THE HORROR MOVIE!
Court also said that John's dickkk is really no match for her vagina since she regularly does her Kegals (aka vaginarobics).
Here's some of Court's Tweets about John. They might make sense to you if you....No, fuck it. They won't make sense to you no matter what. Before you go in, you should know that the safe word is "RIBBIT."
do you ever feel like spite hate fucking @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !
5:49 PM Feb 23rd via webbut like say your fucking @johncmayer totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times
5:58 PM Feb 23rd via webive said far stupider shit than @johncmayer about my alist bfs tho ive been discreet. but about rockers i spill the beans.
6:00 PM Feb 23rd via weboh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me
6:02 PM Feb 23rd via webhate fucking is an art like "the pit" meaning you rape each other and then beat the shit our of each other so u can feel shit.
6:04 PM Feb 23rd via webmy genealogist and my gynocplogist know i do my Kegals like a snatch the cig off the table thai sex worker.
6:08 PM Feb 23rd via web
RIIIIIIBIT!
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This is shockingly coherent writing for Ms. Love.
She's looking quite festooned in the photo.
True story: My great friend is a dominatrix and guess who she ball gags and hog ties and treats like crap? Lots of famous people in her repertoire... we have a great time over wine and girl talk. Not mentioning names... just saying. These celebs are twisted sisters!
"hate fucking is an art like "the pit" meaning you rape each other and then beat the shit our of each other so u can feel shit."
Love Cokeney...she is so fucked up!!
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No reply necessary.
...visions of CLove buttfucking John Meyer with broken beer bottles dancing in my head, so lovely...
What? I'm sorry...what??
Her genealogist knows she does her Kegels?? Help me understand, Jesus. I'm so confused. Courtney's mind is a scary place.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
This post is making me feel a bit nostalgic. Ano cum here and tell me a goodnight story...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Courtney always looks like some senile old lady's Christmas Tree that she's owned since 1963, complete with ratty garland and ornaments that were probably cute at one time, but paper plates glued with glitter and macaroni don't really stand the test of time that well. Anyway. I say don't cry for Frances Bean, Argentina - Miss Girl done escaped C.Lo's kegel clutches a while back, didn't she?
CourtneyLoveUK:
no further comment , haterade is not my drink, i dont like jealousy , vindcitiveness, stalkers, selfishness and dishonesty, thats just me! about 20 hours ago via web
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Oh my...LOL!
CourtneyLoveUK:
@EdwardNorton i finally have an FBI agent whose raring to speak to yo& a UK accountant who deals with the top echelons only, insurance about 2 hours ago via web
@EdwardNorton so Brad ( pitt) doesnt have to find out you let a client for yr funds 300k get stolen or that C Blair Assetts allowed over 6m about 2 hours ago via web
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I know this Fight Club scene!
CLove is drunk-tweeting a reenactment of The Narrator beating his inner Tyler Durden!
Fight Club: THE HORROR MOVIE!
do you ever feel like spite hate fucking @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed ! 5:49 PM Feb 23rd via web
Oh shit! RIBBIT...RIBBIT...RIBBIT...RIBBIT...RIBBIT...RIBBIT...RIBBIT...!
The visual imaginary of CLove vainly trying to prove she's better in bed that JMayer is enough to give Tyler Durden a shrinking tad pole! So no. Just hell no!
LMAO@Geneaologist knowing she does Kegels! Camon! Let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps her geneaologist is also a close friend. Right?
And this:
"hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !" And that makes sense. Becuz John, douchey as he is, is not a professional groupie.
♥ Threadkilla!
Taking slang to a HO. NUDDA. LEBEL!~ For real, eh?
i peed in a horse once.
How does her geneologist know she does kegels?
I guess she used that snatch the cig off the table trick to get into YaleOxfordHarvard?
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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Something VERY bizarre about this post, and it's comment that she would fuck Mayer then punch him on the face: A great friend of mine dated Courtney before she became famous (circa 1989). At the time he used to tell me about having sex with her (and please keep in mind this account is from before she became notorious, so he had nothing to gain by gossiping about her): apparently, she would climb on top, and in the midst of coitus, begin punching him. When he first told me this, I gently laughed, and was immediately admonished. "No, you don't understand," my friend said, "she beats the shit out of me. While fucking."
And why does she need a personal genealogist? Courtney=funny as hell.
Her genealogist AND her gynocologist know about her Kegels. I don't know what kinda shit she's on, but I needs to try it. Total reality break!
I'm guessing "Yale Harvard Oxford" is a reference to Edward Norton, who is a Yale grad. I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that they were together, but I love him anyway. She is clearly batshit insane.
Poor Frances Bean.
I want a gynocplogist! Oh please let me have one.
John Mayer will be crying himself to sleep and sucking his thumb after Courtney gets done with his douche ass.
Submitted by MyFingersHurt on Thu, 02/25/2010 - 3:56pm: "I hate Courtney Love, but this actually made sense to me (I think). I mean, I understood it. Is my brain melting?"
Yes, it is! What the hell is Court Court talking about? You know, I thought we hadn't heard anything from her (via M.K.) in awhile because I stupidly thought she'd lay off the cystal-meth style postings to show that she can be a legitimate administrator of her daughter's estate. WRONG.
I'm just going to remember that first album of Hole's (and maybe the second) and forget everything about Courtney after.
Snideychick sez:
Makes sense to me but I'm on my third drink.
And she looks like a reject from a Doctor & The Medics video.
since when did genealogists give a shit if you your kegals??? Don't they specialize in your family history...this bitch is beyond crazy. I almost wish her and Douchebag Mayer would get together, there type of crazy actually belongs together...that way they would not have to infect us with their stupid ass insane rants...they could rant to each other...which is there way of "talking"...aimless ramblings about racist penises and what there "genealogist and cynecologist" thinks of her skanky snatch. But nonetheless Douchebag offends me, Crazy Courtney just ends up making me laugh...her crazy is really out there, but at least her bagina is not racist...
Nah, Mayer would never go for her. She's not pathetically low in self-esteem (and thus easy to get in bed) and she's too deranged to realize she's a has-been (and thus be desperate enough to put up with his shit). He likes his women desperate, and she's too crazy to be desperate.
Submitted by MyFingersHurt on Thu, 02/25/2010 - 3:56pm.
No, it did make sense, although I doubt the "hate sex is an art" thing. Then again, given her relationships to Trent Reznor and Billy Corgan, she probably knows what she's talking about.
I had to play Courtney in a comedy sketch once and basically all I did was study her performance at Pam Anderson's Comedy Roast and have a couple drinks before the cameras rolled.
Her GENEALOGIST knows about her vadge excercises??? That is one Ancestry.com leaf I NEVER want to get.
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www.adorned4u.com
I hate Courtney Love, but this actually made sense to me (I think). I mean, I understood it. Is my brain melting?
Go Courtney Love's vagina!!!!!
Druggie vagina + natural-born douche, go play with each other crazy and don't come back.
justincase :) PHEW! LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Oh Snowy, I feel so much better about his chances now.
Cuntney is trying to look like Stevie Nicks Circa 1982.
she's white, John Mayer's peen has no problems with her
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
You know....I am betting that Mayer WOULD do her...and then we could see the aftermath pictures! A cut and bruised John telling the paps that he was in a "car accident".
HA!!!!
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
I cannot figure what is more intriguing, that she has a genealogist or that she thinks such a thing is connected to her bits. (Or is it that genealogist is one of the only things she spelled correctly)
Truly, deeply, mad.
I love Court's whole fashion-forward thang....she has perfected the "I just drank a bottle of Boone's Farm Apple Wine and downed a handful of Percosets, and then I accidently fell into the dumpster at Goodwill while searching for Woodland-Sprite accessories" look.
If this get-up isn't proof that Court is flat-busted BROKE, then I don't know what is....
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Is it 1910 again? She looks like a mouldy antique doll.
John Mayer might be a douche, but who is she kidding, dumb Bitch got her fucking kid taken away.
Like John Mayer would even consider having sex with that crazy old bat.
Raul bets he could git her to scream twice, fuck her in the ass then wipe it on the drapes. ***********************************************************************************************
My first purpose in life is bring joy and comfort to those I love, after that I'm just here to annoy folks.
http://www.steakandbjday.com/
I dig the Let it Bleed tat.
It must attest to her "gynopolgocial" problems.
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"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
LMAO Yale Harvard Oxford? Yet bitch consults her genealogist about her snatch?
Sometimes I wished I was as oblivious as her. There is a downside to deep thinking, she seems to be so content in her drug-infused haze.
Was hoping Pleccy would do the diva hotted slut, but now, I'm seeing George in a whole new way.
Submitted by PurpleNeon on Thu, 02/25/2010 - 3:05pm.
the part that confuses me most is what her "genealogist" said. that makes no sense. a genealogist studies ancestry....
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Maybe her ancestors were known for their powerful verginas?
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
COURTNEY. Don't pay it any attention, you're simply encouraging it and making it feel important.
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
I love the midsummer night's dream ensemble, but I need to know hy there is part of a Santa Hat peeking out from her neck?
Who IS this lovely lady?
www.lowbrowsophisticate.com
the part that confuses me most is what her "genealogist" said. that makes no sense. a genealogist studies ancestry....
I dont think John has to worry about fucking anyone anymore. Im sure after reading this and getting the visuals his dick retreated and wont be getting up, not even with the help of a forklift.
I can't completely hate her....she provides so much good material. As MK says - "The Jokes Write Themselves". It'll be sad when she finally kicks; then we'll just be down to Lohan.
Oh and BTW - Mayer shot himself in the foot with that Playboy Interview. He either did it deliberately for the buzz, or is just SO in love with the sound of his own verbal diarreah that he just kept running....
Personally - I'd like to see John and Court together - I'd give them 5 to 7 minutes....
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"