Abbie Cornish Quit That Bitch
The story goes that Ryan Phillipe's marriage to Reese Witherspoon died along with his career after he started having an affair with his Stop-Loss co-star Abbie Cornish Game Hen back in 2006. So it's really not surprising to read that Abbie has dropped Ryan's dick from her life, because she's sick of dating a dirty filthy slut who is trying to dethrone Gerard Butler as the biggest manwhore on the West Coast. Abbie's rep confirmed the split to People:
"Abbie ended the relationship with Ryan and she moved out of their home."
When People asked if the break-up had anything to do with the rumors that Ryan has been (see what I did there) cheating on Abbie for the past year, her rep simply farted: "No comment." In bullshitanese, "no comment" means "fuck yes."
I know that everyone and their dog is barking, "What goes around comes around, whore," but it's hard to see the light when you're getting dicked in a special way. Which I'm assuming is why Abbie's vag stuck around so long, because let's be honest here, a cream-less Twinkie could tickle your brain more than Ryan Phillipe can. Well, unless Ryan does you in the ear.