The Breakout Star Of Tiger Wood's Apology Performance
Tiger Woods' wife Elin was not present at his apology sermon (read that as "apology semen") this morning, but his mother was and thank the Ambien gods for that. Tiger's mom was the most entertaining part of that bore fest.
Whenever they would cut to a shot of her, I imagined her internal monologue going a little something like this: "There goes my timeshare in Bermuda. There's goes my new Lexus every year. There goes my charge account at Chico's. Hell, there goes my weekly shopping trip to Chico's with Debbie Phelps. I wonder if Mimi's Cafe is still serving breakfast?"
You can click here to see Tiger's apology if you care, but all he did was read off a paper and look at the camera when he was supposed to. At one point, I thought the camera was going to zoom into his face to catch a single tear trickling down his cheek right before he recited the lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" while his mother performed an interpretive dance behind him. That should've happened.
Oh, and you know what SHOULDN'T have happened? The press conference one of Tiger's mistresses Peter Pan gave with Gloria Allred during his apology:
Gloria proved that she has the gag-reflex of her porn-star client when she didn't choke on the irony of this statement that came out of her mouth: "Today, this was not an apology. It was a staged public relations stunt."
• 
His mom is super fugly. That little speech was ridiculous. It was fake & I felt like a robot was reading it. Obviously Elin is staying for the money.
Am I the only one who finds themselves filled with disgust when they see Tiger and his mom? I'm not talking about what Tiger did. It's just that their beauty is so mesmerizing, I can't take it. Tiger looks just like his mom. Furthermore, he always looked like a complete douche to me. It was written all over him. Guys that ugly feel compelled to cheat.
I don't usually judge people so harshly based on their genetic looks, but these two just make me angry, just their features.
And for shizzle, people, he was a GOLFER. He was not a god. I don't understand why so many looked up to a fuckin' golfer. I don't care if he was the first-whatever-golfer, the game is not a "sport".
Unbelievable. Why is there a press conference for this ? Who the hell cares if Tiger screwed a bunch of whores on his wife ?? Gloria Allred is a money grubbing whore lawyer, Tiger is a whore athlete, and Elin is going to make out like a bandit after the smoke clears. Amazing.
You do realize we are watching life performed by a bunch of fucking robots right?
I mean the way Tiger read his little script...good little robot.
The porn star crying on que as she watches the video fo tiger apologizing to everyone but her...waaayyyggghhhh...good little porn robot
Gloria Allred "comforting" the devastated porn star.....good little lawyer robot.
it's ALL total bullshit....the only thing real was Tigers mom's anger.....that little lady was REALLY pissed!!!!
SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK!
I just read this morning's Post. This whore has the balls to say Tiger should apologize to her and the rest of the whores???? Is she freaking kidding me????? Did he ever hide the fact that he was married? No. Did ever make promises he couldn't keep? No. And except for Whore Number 1, did he ever say he was going to leave Elin? No! This shit is too much. Where does this skank get off??? Asshole, you had an affair with a married man - what did you expect would happen? And she says he dragged their names through the mud? Bitch, YOU came forward! If you had kept your over-used blow hole shut, no one would have ever known you let him use you! One of the whores doesn't use birth control and gets pregnant TWICE, makes it public, gets called out as the whore she is by her own stepmother, yet she thinks she "doesn't deserve this"??????? And one of them is writing a book that will probably make Tiger look like even more colossal idiot than he already does. How does this mean he owes her an apology??????
Tiger owes his wife and kids apologies. He possibly owes his fans and sponsors and the PGA an apology. But the whores who slept with him knowing who he was and what his situation was? No way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything I need to know is in my head.......or it isn't.
I almost broke my TV when Gloria came on & wanted an apology for her whore
-----
Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
At this point I'm just wondering what SNL's sketch will be like!
i agree w, the majority of you. Tiger is a promiscuous douchebag athlete who was married and cheated on his wife but he doesn't owe me anything.
unlike police, politicians, clergy, and maybe dr.s his job does not imply an expectation of morality. he is a person just like us whose talent made him famous
i can see his employees, investors, business partners being upset because his actions affect them too. he broke a vow to his wife. he never claimed to be pure or perfect to the public, in fact he aggressively avoided the media.
he is not the wholesome guy u assumed him to be. its ur own fault for assuming famous people are perfect. they r famous because being good at their job yields that. they still shit, smell, cry, fall just like us. if they were insecure, cling, addicted to drugs, unfaithful, spoiled, cheap, wasteful, rude etc. chances are they will be the same or more after they get famous
His moms "probably" pissed because she knew she should have left his father when he was cheating on her....and now he's just repeated the cycle and she feels to blame.
maybe..
If I make to Chico age and God I hope so, I will be proud and chicofab.
..........................................
islandgirl on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 2:40am.
FUCK OFF YOU DUMB, FAT, PEREZ-READING SMELLY-COOTCHED LOON. GOD BLESS THE JOLIE-PITTS!!!!
Bwahahaha!!
OH MAN...they look grim! This photo should have been a caption contest. LOL!
My nightmare is that I will die before my mother and she will pick out an outfit from Chico's to bury me in.
What the hell is that hoe in the bottom pic crying for!? You're not a victim, skank. All you had to do Tiger, was come clean earlier, apologize to your wife and family, and go back to slamming them golf balls. Simple as that. You didn't cheat on me, so why should I care about your apologies? Most people knew you weren't perfect anyway, what pro athlete is?
Gee, Yoko, why the long face?
***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
the whore has feelings. who knew.
Submitted by super-ette on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 10:32pm.
I will never be old enough to shop at Chico's
*****************************************
You hope that's the case, like you hope you'll never drive 35 mph on the highway, or yell at neighborhood kids to get off your lawn or need adult diapers, but if you live long enough...YOU WILL... It just happens, there's not a damn thing you can do about it and Chico's knows this....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I will never be old enough to shop at Chico's
When he said: "...especially my staff.." there was a little chuckle in the back.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 9:18pm.
Wait til Allred gets a gander at her own double chin! I wonder if she'll sue the camera man for a bad angle.
*****************************
Yeah those mock turtle necks do her no favors. I got a neighbor sportin a deuce (at least) under the (original) chinny chin chin that Mother Nature gave her (then regifted that shit back to her in her mid 40's). Anywho, this chick ain't fat, but bitch make the mistake of those mock turtle neck and that just push MotherFucker Nature's bitch gift forward for everyone to gawk at.
Ho's: If you got more chins than Tiger Woods got dick pustules...LEAVE THE MOCK TURTLE NECKS ALOOOOOONE!
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I'm sorry...so so sorry!! I really need to keep my balls in my bag and my driver in a sock.
************************************************
Ladies and Gentleman, rest assured Le Tigre, is back!! Personally, if his wife accepts his apology, the rest of us should just get in line and watch his ass play golf..if you're into golf and all.. I couldn't care less. My whole point is that most sport pros are doing what ever the fuck they want to do. It isn't the player that pushes the "persona" on us...it's the endorsers, don't even be naieve.... They sell this "wholesome product" that cereal eating moms buy and they want someone else to give their kids a role model. Well, ladies and gentleman, moms and dads, that's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF RAISING A GOOD KID - you give a kid boundries and guidelines and a feeling of accomplishment and pride!! Tiger owes his apology to his family, not to me. Those whores need a big smack in the face for showing their arses. I wonder if any of their mothers were actually proud of this moment in their daughters lives?? I kind of think he's as sincere as he can be at this moment. He has everyone around him saying "you better do this or that". And it doesn't look like the typical hollywood marriage, where the wife is driving a new car and sporting new diamonds jewelry with a big fat smile as she's heading into the club. I think his ass is in the doghouse and he just might give a shit! I could be wrong.....
__________________________________________________________
I'm your huckleberry...
Wait til Allred gets a gander at her own double chin! I wonder if she'll sue the camera man for a bad angle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything I need to know is in my head.......or it isn't.
What in the hell has Gloria Allred turned into? A one time legit lawyer... now a certified ambulance chaser. She will do what ever it takes to get her ass on TV. Even faking the drama with some sleazy porn flake.
The one and only female he owes anything to is his wife. And she already got even with him by chasing his sorry ass down the driveway with his favorite 5 iron.
He needs to officially shut up and just play golf. As soon as he wins some dumb ass tournament all will be forgiven.
And lets face facts... the men he influences to buy Nike products don't care that he shagged half of Vegas.
I couldn't believe they carried this mother fucking bullshit on all the news stations live as if he were announcing we've just gone to war. what the fuck?
I love how he was so adamant about Elin not opening up a can of whoop-ass on him. Suuuuuuure she didn't.
I can't decide if I think he was sincere because he meant it or sincere because he got caught. He is so stupid. Had he come clean right away, so much bad publicity could have been avoided. Did we not learn anything from Bill "I Did Not Smoke That Cigar" Clinton, people???????? DO NOT DENY! VALIDATE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything I need to know is in my head.......or it isn't.
this whole thing sums up the farce that is humanity.
********************************************************
"LAST CALL!...Pammy, looking like the janitor just woke her up with his broom." ~MK 02182010
Gloria Allred and Al Sharpton need to be put in a cage and forced to fight to the death. Whoever is left standing has to listen to Paris Hilton's CD until they commit suicide or listen to Nancy Grace talk about her kids until they explode. Winner's choice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything I need to know is in my head.......or it isn't.
Check out the other two ho's. They look like nasty old bitches.
I can't believe these shameless sluts brag about having sex with a married man, claim they are victims, and expect money. IMO they should all be rounded up and shipped off to the nearest garbage dump where they can writhe around with all the other trash.
I kind of love when people completely blow huge PR moments... he seemed like a robot trying to cry... he also had a visible erection which didn't help much
www.lowbrowsophisticate.com
To Gloria and whore, quit your damn whining! If Tiger had to name all the hos he banged in his apology, do you know how long that shit would take?
He's been building a new house in Jupiter that is supposed to be ready in June. Local residents are suing to keep him out after this scandal broke because it is old money and no one wants the press around
"As Elin pointed out to me with the biggest club in my bag..."
I don't get it. The guy likes sex with people who are not his spouse. So do millions of Americans. The only person he needs to apologize to is her. Or not. He's famous for knocking a small white ball around on grass for chrissakes. It's not like he's the Pope.
I don't understand why he should apologize to anyone but his wife and family: oh, I forgot, he doesn't want to lose his endorsement contracts and fans.
Asshole.
I love his Mom's expression - she is freaking PISSED.
Tiger is pretty much screwed here in Orlando. The local press and even the Golf reporters are counting him out after this interview.
Oh whaa whaa, because anyone cares how the whore feels; where's her public apology for being just as damn guilty as him? *eyeroll*
Allred can go fuck a pinecone; defending some porn whore who was bangin' a man she KNEW was married is so far removed from woman's rights I can't even fit all the text from my counter argument in the little box MK provides us...
For the love of Pete, why do people really care where Tiger stuck his wang? The only person who should is Elin. He's not Jesus--he's a freakin' athlete!
Tiger's mom should be hot slut of the day. Love her
And the Oscar goes to (drum roll please)....Gloria Allred!
It's not like Tiger "Chris Brown-ed" his wife and put her in the hospital. damn,
I FUCKING LOL'D LOUD AT THE SECOND PIC.
************************************************
Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 2:17pm.
Sucky, I want to fuck your sick mind, you disgusting God.
I miss the good old days. Whores were whores sluts were sluts. Everyone kept their mouths' shut.
Who the fuckity fuck cares? The only way this is relevant is to show how NOT sacred the institution of hetero marriage is and how NOT threatened it is by granting gays the right to marriage.
barf
..................................................
If I wanted something covered in cum and gold eyeshadow I'd steal Adam Lambert's hoody. --Helen Killer @ Regretsy
While waiting for the 3rd furnace repair guy of the day ( that's how you get paid you silly red-headed girl faking the sads), I caught this mess. Ashamed for the Buddhist religion today...But on subject, this girl could have had a few big paydays by popping out 2 lil' tiger cubs and she did not! Whore = FAIL!
I like his mom. It isn't easy to have to sit through something like that, but like any good mom she is standing by her son and giving him support.
Oh, and as for Gloria Allred, I wish that vulturous bitch would get lost.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
I was hoping that the press conference would end with Tiger's mom slapping him upside his fat head...
**************************************
Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
Angel-i- I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their actions. Nobody forced this bitch to do anything. It was ultimately her choice to be bossed around by him. Pffft.
Dearest Mopa (cute lil hedgehog by the way):
It is o.k. to wish harm on useless skanks and assholes...esp. Tigers ho's and Gloria. They are not worthy of even breathing. I also include my detested dearly Tila slut whore skank from hell wish you would die today Tequila, Poopy Paltrow, Parasite, Douchebag Racist Mayer, AND ESPECIALLY ALL THE HO'S THAT THINK THEY SHOULD GET SOMETHING FOR BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AS TO SLEEP WITH A MANWHORE LIKE TIGER, WHO IN CASE THEY LIVE UNDER A ROCK KNOW HIS ASS WAS MARRIED, AND HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO DEMAND AN APOLOGY...OR ANYTHING..I AM TALKING ESP. TO UCANTELL SHES A WHORE UCHITEL AND THIS DUMB ASS SLUT BAG PORN STAR...and of course the slime bucket attorneys (thats you Gloria) that have the nerve to represent such trash. so wish away, trust me these skanks and idiots deserve harm....
I've never wished harm on anyone, but I'm coming really close with Tila Tiquila, John Mayer, Gloria Allred and all of Tiger's skanks. The hatred I feel for these people is unbearable.