John Mayer Fucks And Tells
Ladies who make the decision to fuck on John Mayer should get him to sign a confidenitality agreement before he sticks the tip in. Unless you're okay with him vomiting up all the details to anybody who sticks a tape recorder in his face. And this is exactly what John Mayer did to Playboy (via UsWeekly) about Jessica Simpson's sex skills. According to John, Jessica's vagina should come with a prescription for methadone, because it had him foaming at all three of his mouths. Open up and get ready to gargle with a splash of lukewarm douchewater:
John on Jessica being his drug: "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.'"
John on Jennifer Aniston dumping his ass because he is a Tweet-ker: "There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"
John on how many girls he's screwed since Aniston: "I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."
John on how he's upping his famewhore game in 2010: "From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's fucked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even fucking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'fuck you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."
A John Mayer interview is like a cheesy dick. You know it's going to be painful, but you still plug your nose and give it a lick because the slut in you just can't resist. And once you're done with it, you're left with an awful taste in your mouth that not even Listerine can cure. But John still makes me laugh (Yes, I'll bash myself in the head with the Listerine bottle after I rinse my mouth out).
And you know Papa Joe is going to tape this interview to the wall in front of his favorite toilet. That's his Jess!
• 
mayer absolutely idiot. How can tell you?
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Hollywood Gossip
I don't think his remarks from the Playboy Interview make John Mayer racist. Never mind the fact that I think his music is lousy and terribly banal, but maybe he can write a song about he needs to keep his trap shut.
John Mayer is the white Kanye West.
I love the golden girls
rose for me thnx
"I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998."
as if she's some really old fart stuck in her ways lol
sorry but thats fucking hilarious
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alert the media! I'm uncool and a wasted youth because I don't listen to The Who!
Meh
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alert the media! I'm uncool and a wasted youth because I don't listen to The Who!
if john mayer only could shut his trap.
by emphasizing over and over to be supra-intellectual he just shows his low self esteem.
he has no style at all to say about jen: "I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998."
is he drunk, stoned or on mushrooms (or possibly all three) when he gets interviewed? what a catch!
"Mah Boo releasing his inner cunt is my porn." MK
The Dow closed today with Jessica Simpson's stock up a buck fifty.
Jen actually dated this absolute loser? Man...she MUST have been desperate because the moment he opens his mouth is the moment that his sexual appeal vanishes into the mists.
This guy has a serious problem with women. He talks bad about the women he dumps, god forbid you ditch him.
And I just get this feeling that he ain' that great in the sack. People who have to talk about it all the time...not usually that great.
angel_i, ohyes, how can I have been so stupid? Nobody hires her because her dazzling beauty strikes them blind and dumb, and they fear that she'll do the same to audiences.
Submitted by dementa on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 5:10pm.
What desperate pathetic Je do you think he'll fuck next? He's done Blandistan (twice), Chestica, and Size 2 Ass.
Lessee, Jessica Biel is a lesbian who hates that she's not given starring roles just cuz she can't act.
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Nuh uh! She doesn't get parts cuz she's too bootiful! She said so herself!
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
What desperate pathetic Je do you think he'll fuck next? He's done Blandistan (twice), Chestica, and Size 2 Ass.
Lessee, Jessica Biel is a lesbian who hates that she's not given starring roles just cuz she can't act. Maybe she'll get desperate enough to "date" this loser.
JeLo's career is dead in the water and she's getting old. Maybe she'll pull a Madonna with a younger dude.
Jessica Alba is perpetually pissed, her career is in a downslide and she's obviously sick of her hubby. Maybe she'll decide to stir up some attention for herself with an affair.
Who else?
He. Must. Die.
the reason why he thinks Jessica is an easy lay, she reeks of desperation and is stupid enough to allow a man to degrade her. She probably let him do all sorts of degrading freaky shit to her, so now, she's a "good lay" because she would fellate a shark or shit.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Daniel Craig looks like he'd angry sex you into a coma!--astute observation by ISprainedMyUvula
How can any woman seriously consider dating this insect? She wouldn't even get props from famewhores because ANYONE can get him!
ubmitted by chica robotica on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 4:08pm.
Eh, Jennifer should've known to skip this one from the very beginning. She was following Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson
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OY!!! Douchebag Meyer seems to have a thing for women whose names start with "Je."
*Shudders thinking of the inevitable fate awaiting Jemima - Aunt Jemima*
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Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
peaches:
"OMFG HE IS SO COOL I AM SO PROUD AND STUFF !!!!!!"
LMFAO! A chancla is very well needed. But he may like that stinging sensation.
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"Vadge looks like your drunk stepmom after coming back from a costume party where she dressed as a bordello version of Donnie Darko..." -- MK the Magnificent
Eh, Jennifer should've known to skip this one from the very beginning. She was following Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson -- and you can tell a lot from someone's history. They're pretty stupid women. Now it just makes me think Jen is, too. This guy's not good for a woman's reputation unless they want to be known for napalm quality sex, because who can't get enough of that napalm.
Men of the world, please please gang up and beat the crap out of this douchebag. Old ladies of the world, please please crochet his mouth shut so we don't have to hear his classless douchey BS.
Pimp daddy must be so proud of his Jessica. He looks like Liberace in this picture.
i get the feeling his mom is mortified from all this , cuz no way i can believe a mother reading this shit and say OMFG HE IS SO COOL I AM SO PROUD AND STUFF !!!!!!
he needs a few bitch slaps from an abuelita's chancla ASAP
jeeeez back to work
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SERIOUSLY PAGODA THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU STAB ME !!!!
Dear John Mayer,
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! Shut UP and DIE IN A FIRE!!!
Sincerely,
Kikichanelconspiracy
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
John Mayer is asking for something bad to happen to him making comments like that.
Jessica is uneducated and unintelligent, but at least she doesn't run her mouth. She does show class in her own way.
I would be scrubbing my pootang with a Brillo pad, and on the phone to a hit man, if I was Jessica Simpson now.
(I am sure you are reading this, you loser. I hope she goes through with it.)
Fear not. KANYE is a big girl and wouldn't be afraid to engage in a little hair-pulling incident with this pretender to his Asslips Talking throne.
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Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
John Mayer needs a beating. I picture a loooong line of people waiting patiently to get a piece of him a la "Airplane".
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
dear john, fuck all you want, but please stay the hell out of the gene pool. and ps, don't kid yourself, you ARE a douchebag.
JM needs to STFU
She’s a very sensitive lady
She’s always at the breaking point
She’s always on her guard
She’s the fairest of them all
She loves her adderall
She’s kicking out the windows in your car
'The Felice Brothers'
Where is his character and what does he have to offer as a man? And his music sucks.
The only words that ever come out of his mouth are self-involved, pigish, and always disrespectful to the women he was with under the guise of being self aware, ironic and amusing. He always has to throw some random bs statement in about them. Praising Jessica Simpson's sexual prowess is somehow complimenting her. Coming from him it's somehow high regard. Constantly reminding the world he banged her, Jen and any other unfortunate. Pitiful. Scum. I hate this dude.
YousayyougotmybabybutIknowitainttrue
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 2:07pm.
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OOp, sorry!
Does this mean you won't crash the Oscars with me anymore?
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Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
@Plecto: Yes, yes - that's been thrown in my face already, thankuverymuch.
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
What do you call people who hang around musicians?
Drummers!
Awwwwww!
(unfortunately in my case it is true!)
Submitted by Caramel on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 1:50pm.
Bowy~
No, a drummer!
And sadly, not a very good one.
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Anytime a band member tells a joke about their band (or any band), the butt of the joke or the punchline is always (or about) the drummer which I never thought is fair!
I play alto sax, very poorly. We should start a DListed band.
Submitted by okay on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 1:55pm.
"Sexual napalm"-now there's a visual. I wonder if he even knows what napalm is. Just talking out his ass again, I see
**
That's a really good point. He just offended 500 million people in Vietnam.
Napalm burns your clothes off and leaves you screaming in pain. He really is a half-wit.
http://quakeragitator.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/napalm-vietnam.jpg
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 1:56pm.
Whatever happened to "Please - let's talk about my music ?"
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You mean like Lady Gaga in Singapore?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc2-CG1tsQU
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Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
Whatever happened to "Please - let's talk about my music." ?
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
"Sexual napalm"-now there's a visual. I wonder if he even knows what napalm is. Just talking out his ass again, I see.
PLAYBOY: What if you were to google the phrase John Mayer is a douche bag?
MAYER: You’d get a lot of hits. It’s this whole perception thing about tabloids, where 85 percent of the stories are not true. If you align yourself to be exactly who you know you are and to have dignity, maybe through that distorted lens you look askew to everyone else. I’ve done away with feeling aloof and trying to seem suave and bulletproof. I’ve resigned myself to being slightly awkward and goofballish.
TEAM DRUMMERS!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
Bowy~
No, a drummer!
And sadly, not a very good one.
"This beauty had him multiple times. Even after he publicly humiliated her, she just kept begging for more."
Exactly. That's why I laugh at the people who scream about aniston loving being single, because she went back to this pig for seconds after being mocked. How much more desperate could you be? She doesn't want to be single, she has to sink to this guys level.
...thus proving once and for all that he is, in fact, a douche.
Submitted by Caramel on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 1:26pm.
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Fair enough! I understand what you're saying and agree.
You're not a bass player by any chance, are ya? ;-)
POS
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
Moosh - Ewww, but true.
Any truth to rumor with him and Taylor Swifty? Please don't let her join the skank parade or we're all doomed........
John Mayer is such a tool! I can't find why girls, especially female celebrities find him attractive?
Ughhh- he's like a bad case of Yeast infection- doesn't go away
puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh
http://www.twolia.com/blogs/teacups-and-couture/
http://www.twolia.com/shop
@yepyepyep:
He's hot and I think you might be right. He DID used to be a fatty tho *giggle*:
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/snooki_boyfriend_emilo_antonio_jersey_sh...
I wonder if he's gonna put her in training...
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
FKU YOU JOHN MAYER I DONT PLAY YOUR SHIT ON MY STATION SO SUCK IT