Tameka Did It
Usher is crying to the police in Atlanta, because he claims someone snatched $1 million worth of jooree, furs and electronic shit from the back of his SUV. This is exactly why my mother always made us throw jackets and blankets over our bags from Mervyn's.
According to the police report, Usher says that while he was shopping inside of an AT&T store, a Chevy Impala pulled up next to his SUV in the parking lot. The report goes on to say that a young dude jumped out of the Impala, broke open one of the SUV's doors and grabbed all of Usher's expensive shit. Usher added that most of the stuff the thieves took were supposed to be Christmas pressies.
If you're reading this story with an "Is that the best story you can come up with?" side-eye, then you're not alone. This story is the dirt flake in a tall glass of milk.
Usher thinks he's so slick. When Usher sadly announced to Tameka that Christmas was canceled due to grinchy thieves stealing all the presents, she pretended to be disappointed but she was secretly smiling inside knowing that the player got played. You can't trick a gold digger!
And why in the hell did Usher buy Tameka a fur coat? Tameka spends of thousands of dollars on getting fur waxed off her back! Why would she want to add more?