Things That Make Sense: Keanu Reeves Is Really A Shape-Shifter Named Marty Spencer
Remember Karen Sala, the Crazy McCrazanadian who swore on her straitjacket that Keanu Reeves was the biological father of her four adult children? Even after Maury Povich gave Keanu the thumbs up and declared that he wasn't the father, Karen still shouted from the top of the trash heap in her kitchen (she strikes me as the Hoarders type) that his sperm and her egg made several baby omelets.
And Karen has a case for herself! Karen dragged Keanu's lawyers back to court and offered up these three AMAZING reasons for why his DNA didn't match up. It's like if Alan Ball wrote a storyline for Days of Our Lives.
From E! Online:
Claim No. 1: Keanu Reeves knows hypnosis.
Sala had a perfectly reasonable explanation for how Reeves managed to pass the DNA test: He used hypnosis to tamper with the results. So convinced is she of the cheating tactic, Sala requested that Reeves be made to undergo a second round of tests, to which the actor's lawyer unsurprisingly refused.Claim No. 2: Keanu Reeves is a master of disguise.
According to Sala, the actor has used both hypnosis and an apparent mastery of shape-shifting to pass himself off as different people, including Sala's ex-husband. As for why Reeves would do such a thing? Why, in order to secretly cohabitate with Sala and be present at the births of her children, of course.Sala, however, refuses to accept the possibility that it may actually have been her ex-husband, not the A-list actor, with whom she shared a home. She also refuses to produce her children's birth certificates or have her ex, who is listed as the kids' father in their divorce proceedings, undergo a DNA test to prove his paternity.
Claim No. 3: Keanu Reeves is not Keanu Reeves.
Sala claims she has known the actor since she was 4 years old, alleging that he grew up just down the street from her. The hitch was, according to Sala, that back then Reeves was going by the name Marty Spencer (he wasn't). She claimed it was only years later that she connected them as the same man (they aren't)."I didn't know he was Keanu Reeves," she said. "To me he was Marty Spencer."
It is with Spencer/Reeves that she claims she carried on a sexual relationship before, during and after her marriage.
WE'LL ALL HAVE WHAT KAREN SALA IS HAVING! TWO SERVINGS! Seriously, everyone put on your crazy suits and board the crazy train express bound for Crazyville!
I need to stop myself. Karen Sala is not crazy. Karen Sala is also not a money-grubbing famewhore. Karen Sala is more famous than Keanu Reeves, so why would she be after his fame or money? I mean, Karen Sala was the breakout star of one of the biggest movies in history: Lady and the Tramp:
Would Peg, the skanky dog who stole our hearts, ever tell a lie? I rest my case.
P.S. - The judge sided with Keanu and threw the case out. Boo on him. But this won't be the last of Karen/Peg!
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Poor Keanu & that woman's kids.
I can't look at Keanu with a straight face after seeing this on web soup:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0BqClHuPE
Um, wow. Her poor children.
I'm lost for words
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
He looks fuckin sexy with long hair.
@urmomma
The real Marty Spencer is probably in this broad's basement, under concrete.
This woman shows all the classic signs of psychotic delusions and disordered thinking. She has fixated on a celebrity, and she has woven her whole reality to somehow make the idea that she has been with him 'real' to her, in a desperate attempt to be 'important' to him, as he is to her.
It's very, VERY sad, and while we can all laugh, it's CLEAR that this woman is, if not a physical danger, at least capable of harming herself in other ways (like a frivolous court battle), and causing harm to Mr. Reeves, and should be committed and evaluated, and most likely medicated with some form of anti-psychotic.
It would not be outside the realm of possibility for her to become unstable or violent if he rejects her over and over, and it starts to shatter her so carefully constructed delusions and threaten to tumble her psychological house-of-cards.
She is a potential DANGER and needs HELP.
Damn Keanu is still handsome
I find it really surprising that the whole "Marty Spencer" doesn't help her clue in at all...
♥ Threadkilla!
Did you have a nice time last night, WHORE?
Keanu had to hire actual lawyers to entertain 5 minutes of this raging psycho and her bullshit? I hope Keanu sues her ass for ALL court costs and legal fees.
Submitted by MoP on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 2:32pm.
Yes, is this weirding you out? Lol?
I love this Keanu story. Sometimes you just want to read something strange.
Why are they letting this lunitic waste the courts time? Keanu wouldn't touch this thing with a 500 ft pole.
I sat here all day thinking about it, and it finally dawned on me - is that Woody Harrelson?
http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/mb/seven_pounds_premiere_171208/woody_h...
I think I just figured out who "teriann" is.....
Psychotic.
I too think she should be locked the fuck up! Considering the streets her crazy ass are walking around in are the same bloody streets I walk around in.
I hope her kids inherit their mental stability from their father's genepool.
Poor Keanu, he's scruffyhawt!
Is this woman representing herself in court? I can't see any lawyer participating in this craziness. And given this type of behavior , I expect Karen will be meeting the padded room of her dreams very soon.
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"Tis a fucking pity.”
While I have no background in psychology..aside from a basic law enforcment understanding of it....very clearly this woman has had a total psychological break with reality and a very unhealthy fixation on Mr. Reeves(i.e. she built a castle in the clouds and moved on in). I'm suprised no one has shuttled her off to the local mental hospital for a full evaluation.
I've been mistaken for a responsible adult
Yes she does look like Michael Jackson's baby incubator Debbie Rowe. She must be a shapeshifter too!
Isn't the fact that he never hypnotized us into believing he was a good actor proof enough that this chic is lying?
Poor Keanu, indeed! This bitch is CRA-CRA! As someone said below, he tries so hard to avoid Hollywood drama. Sads.
On a better note, the resemblence between Karen and Peg is stunning. Excellent detective work, MK/LaToya!
How sucky does your life have to be to convince yourself that you've had a relationship with Keanu Reeves all along and not the douchebags you dated and got married to...
Oh wait.. I want what she's smoking.
This explains everything! If it wasn't for that darn shape shifting Marty taking over I'm sure Keanu would be getting those Oscar worhty roles and the acting recognition he so rightly deserves.
i would love to see this woman and Courtney Love hanging out and playing scrabble.
Bitch has some crazy eyes!
I truly feel sorry for Keanu. The man goes out of his way to keep his personal life private and this nutbag drags him into the spotlight.
Thanks, Centy. Oh yeah, life is way better now. Just a lot of bad things kept building up, so it was a horrible trip there for awhile. Of course, the damn Powers That Be didn't seem to care that I was also fighting a losing battle with a stalker who kept breaking into my house even though I got a restraining order against his ass. Can I get a collective WTF here, people?
Charlie: I don't the first thing about ratpackers like your bro. Sorry to hear about it & I wish you the best of luck in getting him help.
Sweet Babu,
Jesus! I would think the CA laws would be more liberal...can you imagine if you were in TX, or some other police state!
Anyway, sorry for your troubles. I read about them before. I hope you're feeling better.
I've had a few psychiatic issues in my life, and it ain't no picnic, so I can relate to a certain extent!
Be well...
Centy xo
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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Jesus, poor Keanu. He seems like a private guy and definitely doesn't deserve the craziness. Why couldn't she do the right thing and focus this attention and story line on Brad Pitt?
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FIST PUMP!!
Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 11:00am.
I WANNA POP HER MOLE
Cybil should learn from this woman so that she can get the fucking spotlight she deserves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ykLhCAWHx4
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What's with these crazy bitches & moles?
Leave Keanu alone you crazy bitch! Hasn't he been through enough. She shouldn't even be allowed to go anywhere near a court unless it's to commit her crazy ass. Obviously Keanu can't act but he lays low and I've never heard him say a bad word about anyone so he's okay in my book. And why is it that the craziest crazies always seem to be able to pop out babies but it took me 13 long years to have my daughter. Sorry y'all, it's my birthday and I'm feeling so old and hormonal. Off to take a xanax.
Charlie, that is rough. If it was my brother, I would put my boot up his arse, but easier said than done. But what do I know? People have their demons, and I am no one to give advice.
Nice to see you, by the way. ♥♥
Centy: For sure this chick needs to be 5150'd. Wish the Cal laws were looser when my ass was fucking 5250'd just cuz i was going thru a bad patch in life.
To add insult to injury, when my lawyer tried to get my 5150 tossed out, the hospital slapped me with a lifelong prohibition from owning firearms along with a brand spanking new 5250. I've never touched a gun in my life & have never wanted to. Fuck US psych laws!
Somebody is in need for some serious EST..."Don't taze me Bro..
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Exceeding the sum of my parts since 5:30 this morning...
She's growing her fringe to hide her CRAZY EYES
Seriously why haven't they locked this broad up in a padded cell yet??
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All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.
-Ted "Theodore" Logan
Submitted by Auntie Mame on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 10:57am.
Keanu should shape shift into Michael Lohan and kick her in the pussy bone.
Mwahahahahahahaha!
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"I'm not an asshole. I'm just drawn that way." --BK
*licks mole juice*
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Sweet Babu, Bitch has some seriously crazy eyes and looks like Debbie Rowe's twin.
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I think in Canada, you have to pretty much be a serial killer to get 5150'd (or whatever they call it there.)
They have more human rights, which is good.
Most of the time! :)
I wonder if the US judge could have her committed, hmmm, I know nothing about law so I could never say.
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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Meanwhile the real Marty Spencer is hiding in a fucking dark cave, under a big 'ol rock, thanking his lucky stars for Keanu.
Run, Marty, RUUUUUUUUN!
Time flies when you're a drunken whore.~MK
I WANNA POP HER MOLE
Cybil should learn from this woman so that she can get the fucking spotlight she deserves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ykLhCAWHx4
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Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 11/12/2009 - 1:59pm.
suckandfuck you are by far the most vile person here
MY BROTHER LIVES IN AN OVER THE TOP ENORMOUSELY DIRTY AND VERY PACKED HOME AND WE DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR HIM. NO ONES BEEN IN HIS HOUSE FOR OVER TEN YEARS. ITS A WEIRD THING BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS SO FUCKING NEAT AND TIDY. ITS LIKE WHAT DO YOU DO. IVE HAD SEVERAL SIT DOWN KITCHEN TABLE TALKS WITH THIS FUCKING MORON AND TOLD HIM ON SEVERAL FUCKING OCCASIONS HE CAN LIVE WITH ME LONG TERM AND MY FOLKS COMMITED THEMSELVES TO PAYING FOR RAISING AND REBUILDING A NEW HOUSE. BUT HE WONT BIT. WHAT A SICK SHIT
Centy: I cosign that comment. Bitch has some seriously crazy eyes and looks like Debbie Rowe's twin.
AAAAAAGGGHHH!! the molllllllllllllllllllle!!!!!! NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
Keanu should shape shift into Michael Lohan and kick her in the pussy bone.
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
Mental illness is a bitch...I hope if she is truly this sick her kids are safe...She looks totally wacked in that photo.
I nominate her mole for HSOTW.
I love this loon. What a shame the case was thrown out of court, I'd love to see what evidence she had to back these claims up!
BIONIC. The new album by Christina Aguilera. March 2010
http://www.last.fm/user/SpiritDreaming
lol@"if Alan Ball wrote a storyline for Days of Our Lives"
I'm really stunned she's (presumably) got custody of her children. If I were that judge, I'd be introducing a social services investigation somewhere into this equation.
"Sala" = "hospital ward" in Spanish!
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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Speaking of leaving well enough alone.. Balloon Boys dad was on the today show this morning proclaiming his innocence and saying the sheriff was a liar and that he never did anything wrong.
Rah-tard.
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"I guess all you do, is lie back and think of England" Bear Grylls