We've All Had An Affair With Tiger Woods
When it rains whores, it pours whores. Rachel Uchitel can kindly step out of the spotlight now, because there's a new trick on the scene. A 24-year-old Los Angeles cocktail waitress (aren't they all?) has run off to UsWeekly to queef to them about her 31-month long affair with Tiger Woods.
Before you laugh at her, you should know that she was a part of Vh1's Tool Academy (her boyfriend was the one who looked like Blake Lewis on growth hormones). She is educated! Educated people do not tell lies!
The aptly named Jaimee Grubbs swears that she has over 300 sexy texts, voicemails and pictures from Tiger which proves that they did it on the down low. Jaimee says they started boning in April 2007 and they did it exactly 20 times. See, Jaimee really is educated, because she can count.
If this is true, then Tiger gets an F minus in cheating. You never leave a paper trail! You just get in, get off and go to confession to say sorry to Jesus. There's no texting in cheating!
And somewhere in Florida, Elin Nordegren is polishing her favorite club to get it ready for round two. Tiger better sleep in full body armor tonight.
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Submitted by Oceannia420 on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 3:12am.
♪ If Tiger is cheating on his "hottie" wife and his 2 kids,, then I hope his wife takes as much $$$$$ as she can. WTF is he thinking, IF this is true? Dumb asses ```` always get caught!!! as they should.
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I hope this teaches men a lesson that women are conniving cunts who will bring you down if it brings them attention, money and fame. These bitches kept every text message, voice mail and dirty limmericks on napkins. Is anyone fuckin' discreet anymore???
And Tiger's wife isn't that hot. She's just blonde, nothing special.
As I always say, show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man tired of her.
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There's no crying in butt sex!- Michael K
Ladies and gents...a confession.. I guess:
http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/02/tiger-woods-statement-i-let-my-family-down...
Tiger Woods is getting ready to do a "David Letterman" and confess big time.
Hahahahahahahahaha, which goes to show you, you can marry a rich guy, but he will still look for strange pussy.
Tiger didn't need to get married. He should have done the Jeter thing, stay single and fuck a lot, get married in late 40s when you are ready to start a family.
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There's no crying in butt sex!- Michael K
♪ If Tiger is cheating on his "hottie" wife and his 2 kids,, then I hope his wife takes as much $$$$$ as she can. WTF is he thinking, IF this is true? Dumb asses ```` always get caught!!! as they should.
The skank floodgates have been opened.
At play in the fields of the whores!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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Ok Fine...I humped him too
It has to be asked:
Can a sista' get a break?
"And somewhere in Florida, Elin Nordegren is polishing her favorite club to get it ready for round two. Tiger better sleep in full body armor tonight."-MK
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*dead*
Team Elin!
Bwah. His image will never be the same again. he'll be known as the moron who got his ass beat by his wife with a golf club :/. Shit after the Chinese Sims simulation how can he bounce back?
I was just watching CNN on mute, and checking out the ticker, and it said something like the first Tiger bitch said, "I feel like an a**hole...
I didn't have my glasses on, and I thought she said she felt like a HOLF!!!
More fitting, methinks.
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"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
I gotta admit she's smarter than that other girl who's denying the whole thing...she might as well make some money now before Elin kicks her azz like she did Tiger's for the holidays. Ho Ho Ho
i think i went to high school with him
a major tool
He needs a female fuckbuddy. Dose that exist?
Dag Tiger keep it in your pants....ho ho ho
Submitted by Aunt Bea on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 7:24pm.
Just proves that there are plenty of women out there that can close their eyes and pretend the fug is Johnny Depp. I am one of the less fortunate that have never been able to do it. But hats off to any bitch that can be with this howdy doody and not throw up.
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This literally had me LOL.
Elin has Viking blood in her...something to be reckoned with LOL
@lora and DVZ..."Brendan! Brendan! Look what I did to the card catalogue." Brilliant. Love how he's never seen without his whistle.
I'm willing to bet that Tiger just hangs around with women to dip into their lip gloss
He is looking pudgy and bald lately. What a way to end a career. From good looking golden boy to a schlubby hooker buying bum knee loser who was chased into a fire hydrant and tree by his 90lb golf club wielding wife.
good thing he has money...he wouldn't no what a woman looked like otherwise
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 7:33pm.
Must be someone that lives inside your complex. I would keep my eyes open and take extra measures when you aren't home or home alone.
I am always suspicious of everything....
I"m here too!!
@ Chirio,
I'm here! ;-)
I have to confess something. I'm kinda scared. I've just got an email from my Homeowners Association, there were 3 house breaks this month in my small gated community. People were robbed. The last break-in was on Thanksgiving day!
I'm very WORRIED.
I live in a gated community with a guard house with 24-hour guard with a gun, and we have a very high stone wall around our community.
I'm nervous.
Just proves that there are plenty of women out there that can close their eyes and pretend the fug is Johnny Depp. I am one of the less fortunate that have never been able to do it. But hats off to any bitch that can be with this howdy doody and not throw up.
Fuck 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon!!! I am gonna start playing 6 Skanks Away from Tiger's Golf Club!!! Uchitel gets him close to alot of people!!!
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 7:16pm.
Two boys, I thought you had just one, but hooray that they are coming back soon.
BTW, you can't be on this thread unless you admit to one of the following rules in my earlier comment; read the Dlisted manual, chapter 49, article 6, paragraph 4.
♥♥♥
Well Tiger certainly has a type-slutty,lots of hair and a face like a back of a bus....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
@ Sluttsville
My Thanksgiving was awesome, my 2 boys came home from college to spend it with me. They left , but are coming back in 2-3 weeks for the winter break. :-)
Hope you had a happy and yummy Thanksgiving!
On topic : I swear I haven't have sex with Tiger Woods!
Oh Sluttsville fine let's see...hmmm
I had an affair with Tiger, and also with someone that had an affair with Tiger on prom night on the golf course. After that...I drank too much and got aroused again thinking about tigerlilly.
ROFL! when are we teaming up to go to JJs??!! LIL RAS ARE YOU HERE??
Coma Caca!!
Chirio, that doesn't count, you have to say:
a. you've had an affair with Tiger.
b. had an affair w/someone that had an affair with Tiger.
c. had sex on prom night on the golf course.
d. was drunk one night and become aroused thinking about Tigerlily.
That bitch didn't fuck Tiger. She just fucked some guy that said he was Tiger. You know some shady ass mother fucker lied to her when she was fucked up on vodka/red bulls
By the by; I've never been Team anybody but I'm all about being on Team ELIN!
Who knew Scandanavian bitches could get ghetto like that?!
"Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about my self," said writer Jane Wagner
Tiger Woods has really aged recently
Hey Lil' Rascal, what's new?
I had an affair ...with myself!!
Coma Caca!!
@ Sluttsville
Slutty, you're back ! Whoo hoo! ♥ ♥ ♥
*hugs*
Is that champagne in that glass or Chimay?
Whatever.
Perhaps he should lay off the sauce til' this blows over...
________________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
Submitted by Sluttsville on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 6:48pm.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 6:32pm.
Pfffft, as if you haven't let Tiger sink one in your hole too.
hey, hey, hey!!!.... the pay's good!... don't judge!... alright, i gotta go!
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"Amidst the grass,
fresh air at last.
Wining, dining, biding his time."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 6:32pm.
Pfffft, as if you haven't let Tiger sink one in your hole too.
"She is edumicated! Edumicated people do not tell lies! She gradumicated & everything!"
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Fixed for little miss "I gots to get me some "caish" from US Weekly".
Q - How come all the women who are coming forward for a payday all look like strippers? Is it because Tiger likes the skanks, or is it because they're just lying skanks & that's their uniform?
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
The two "EE's" in her name alone are grounds for divorce.
_______________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
Hey, y'all!,
Man, those skanks are scary.
I've always wondered...if your husband is cheating, would you rather have him cheat on you with an ugly girl or a pretty one?
I remember I once found a pic of my old boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, and she was a fucking dog's dinner!
When he came out of the shower, I was screaming, "What, what, so this is your type! What does that make me, huh, huh??"
I wasn't pleased, to say the very least! :)
_______________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
Submitted by Sluttsville on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 6:30pm.
I KNEW IT!!!... *cashes in bet*
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"Amidst the grass,
fresh air at last.
Wining, dining, biding his time."
Sorry I've been gone, but shhhhh...listen up closely and promise to not tell anyone, *whispers* I've been having sex with Tiger, we're in love and he told me that I was his one and only.
I'm starting to believe that Rachel Uchitel did not in fact have an affair with Tiger but she is definitely one interesting lady.
Just seen a pic of her and Stephan Dorff (remember him that rescued Britney from the bath) sporting what is probably the best CAMEL TOE I have ever seen!!
To funny!!!
http://www.rumermills.com/rachel-uchitel/
Michael: Could you have possibly found a dorkier picture of Tiger? I just can't picture him having sex.
Why are so many chicks with 'creatively' spelled names (JAIMEEE?) gutter whores? There's a correlation there.
Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 5:52pm.
Don't get married people.
LOL MK: " Tiger better sleep in full body armor tonight." yeah no shit
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
word
I got married in Feb
Divorced in Aug
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snowy...T.I's behind the music is on VH1!
I didn't even know they still made that shit♥
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 4:30pm.
But don’t expect either of these habits to come to the forefront in the coming months. Everyone is getting paid off to lie or to keep their trap shut.
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What I don't get is the prepay. So word gets leaked, does he ask for a refund?
Is it just me or does she have the crazy eyes and nose of a Jackson?
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"Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's over 75%. And the other 25% end in drunk driving deaths."