Reese Won't Give Jakey The Fairytale Wedding He's Always Dreamed Of
Yesterday afternoon, People Magazine sang from the mountain tops that Jakey had slipped on his favorite tutu (the purple one with pink butterflies on it) and pirouetted out of Reese's life forever. A few hours later, Reese's spokesbitch cursed People's name for fucking with his weekend and a denial was issued. Well, now People is saying that their source swore on a stack of Sexiest Man Alive covers that Reese told her friends they had broken up.
The source added that the two have broken up a few times over the years. The main issue is that Jakey is ready to walk down the aisle with a lace veil over his head and a fancy bouquet in his purdy hands, but Reese is farting on that idea. The source went on to say, "As much as everyone thinks they're right there, they're really not near the whole marriage thing. Jake would marry her tomorrow, but Reese doesn't want to go there yet, even though he would like to. There's a huge attraction between them, and they've becomes a team, partners, but Jake can be a little overbearing at times, and Reese is really happy with life right now. Why screw that up or change a good thing?"
Reese could buy a small country with just one of her paychecks, so my guess is that she's not about to let anyone creep in on her money. Smart move. And Jakey only wants to get married because he wants a reason for bitches to throw glitter (no rice or bird seed for him) at him while he makes his way out of the church. I have a solution.
One of my friends didn't have a quinceanera, because her mother was in jail at the time (it's okay to laugh). So when she was in her 20s, she threw herself a belated quinceanera complete with the big white dress, the rhinestone tiara and mariachis. It was a mess, but thankfully there was an open Corona bar.
So my solution is that Jakey should throw himself a belated quince, so he can get the white doves and the choreographed dances he's been dreaming of. And Reese won't have to put a wedding ring on her finger. Problem solved!
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How old are these two? My husband and I are young, but would never go out dressed the same! Even when we were dating! How annoying! (even though I still love Jake ♥)
Submitted by Dorothy Zbornak on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 1:33am.
mharker and others who wonder why people think Jake G is gay:
It's not because he played a gay character in a movie, it's because of the "Toothy Tile" blind items that Ted Casablanca has been running for years. I don't know whether Ted C. has any idea what he's talking about, or whether he is writing the blinds about someone else and just thinks it's hilarious that everyone thinks they're about Jake, or what -- but pretty much everyone who reads gossip regularly thinks Jake is gay thanks to Ted Casablanca.
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What's sad about that is if Ted has it "out" for someone he can hide behind his "blind items" and insinuate that someone is gay w/o repurcussions (sp?) and possible "ruin" the persons reputation.
Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Mon, 11/30/2009 - 6:46pm.
that clip is hilarious!!
Pathetic Humans- Prepare to write down the recipe!
JakeyG is gonna have to have a few more hits other his belt before Reese caves in to him. He cannot afford her beardship just yet!
She's been the breadwinner in one relationship already.
No need to beat that horse again.
And no, I am not talking about SJP!
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mharker and others who wonder why people think Jake G is gay:
It's not because he played a gay character in a movie, it's because of the "Toothy Tile" blind items that Ted Casablanca has been running for years. I don't know whether Ted C. has any idea what he's talking about, or whether he is writing the blinds about someone else and just thinks it's hilarious that everyone thinks they're about Jake, or what -- but pretty much everyone who reads gossip regularly thinks Jake is gay thanks to Ted Casablanca.
zzzzzzzz ... nevermind me, just resting my head between scrolls in this here sleepy post, carry on zzzzzzz ...
PS - Nice cameltoe Reese. Aren't the inside of your thighs chaffed from all the front bunching of your shorts?
The constant hand holding in front of the paps is a dead giveaway this is a fauxmance.
There is some bittersweet irony with these two, I bet even if they set each other on fire, literally, still wouldn't be a BREAKING ESCANDALO!
But good for her, at least her kids aren't subjected to the media like Skeletina's Skittles.
Boring is good and they still have legitimate careers not based on tabloid sales.
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
OH puh-lease. Everyone knows Jake is gay and she is his beard and he has a long term boyfriend.
I love how these 2 plates of boiled cabbage are wearing matching boring outfits....
Somehow I think considering she was married to Ryan Philippe she doesnt want to spend the rest of her life being bored to death....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Ha, exactly Husbands_and_Wives- BEST character and movie she did by far! Her and her chin can midget off to the bland canyon, otherwise.
There's something wrong with this country that she's probably one, if not THE, top actress of recent times.
I don't get where this rule came in where if a couple is together for two years then somebody's got to propose. I mean two years seems a kinda small amount of time. Not near enough time to dig up dirt in preparation for the divorce.
I'd like to think that they are a real couple and will get married for some reason. Anyway, considering how vanilla Reese is these days, it's hard to believe that she played Vanessa Lutz in this movie---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guCePlNQM0U
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
I still don't understand why Resse left the cute blond boy for this scraggy guy? He is so unattractive and like whatever and he is forever with the that beard. I wonder if he let's cum juices moisturize his beard?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Looks like Jake lost all the buff from that Prince Of Persia flick (if it wasn't all CGI)...bitch looks plain and pasty as hell...these 2 are oatmeal gallore. Who cares if they marry or not.
It burrrrrrrns!!!! - Miss Coco Peru
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKNZICoKSdA
She likes to lick on a southern belle
thats why she wont marry him.
Beards for him and georgia peach fuzz for her
alright Im done being chi-z
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Gotta love the catfights and S&F!
Totally thought this relationship was fake until I saw them dressed alike. I now believe in love again. Sigh.
I've never gotten the gay vibe from Jake and my gaydar is pretty strong. There have been a lot of blind items about Jake being gay, though. I honestly don't care either way and I think a lot of people would feel the same way.
I don't really know where the whole gay rumors are coming from (I know they've been around for years) but I agree that something in the milk just ain't clean. There are always gay rumors about male actors, but sometimes where there is smoke, there is a fire...
Besides that, why do they always match? You're not allowed to do that until the both of you are seventy, and even then you MUST wear a fanny pack. Case closed.
I think Reese should just dump him if she wants to... I love her, even if she doesn't seem so talented.
Who the fuck goes, "Honey, let's wear our blue shorts today! I've laid out your clothes so that we're dressed in the exact same colours!! How awesome will we look"?!
Something aint right about this >: Real couples don't do this do they?
kitties <3
If I turned down a legitimate marriage proposal three times, I wouldn't expect him to stick around. And why are they so pasty?!?
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"Most of us walk away hating our exes in the heart, but still loving them in the genitals." -Michael K
"Jake would marry her tomorrow..."
Yeah, right, Jakey is crazy about his annoying beard.
Mharker - Ted Cassablanca and his Toothy Tile blind items would probably disagree with you.
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Shiitake happens...
Submitted by Sugaroo on Mon, 11/30/2009 - 5:30pm.
Someone get Beyonce on this stat! She'll get him to put a ring on it!
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'Tis true! She will hypnotize him with her b/w hip spasms and he will do whatever she says mwahahaha!
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
jake just needs to do the "single ladies" dance for her and she'll be sold.
gay or not he's hot she needs to marry him if he wants. idiot.
Okay, I could be totally wrong about this and if I am, I'll eat my words when the time comes, but I'm really tired of MK declaring Jake Gyenhaal gay. He played a gay guy in a movie once. Big deal. According to that logic, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Paul Newman, Matt Damon, Jared Leto, fuck, even Jack Black must be gay since he'd played a gay guy in Saving Silverman. It's one thing if a straight guy draws this conclusion, but it's a step backward for a gay man to say anyone who once played a gay role somehow needs to wear a butterfly tutu. Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to funny, but it really isn't considering all of the stereotypes gay men have to go through. Maybe you want him to be gay, MK, but all you're doing is confusing gay men with trannsexuals and making straight men squeamish about anything that might be less than masculine. You should be more open-minded that.
Rant over.
Someone get Beyonce on this stat! She'll get him to put a ring on it!
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George W. Bush has decided to become a motivational speaker, thereby putting his money where his foot usually is.
I don't think it's fair to punish a lover based on the actions of another...she wouldn't be like this if Ryan didn't do what he did. I understand we all learn from our past and try not to make the same mistakes, but if she really loved him I think she would make the commitment. You don't hold what your exs did against someone else.
Really? Reading the he's gay thing again gets old...they are an under the radar couple (boring too)
together or not, they are boring as hell.
O but she'll wear the matching clothes?
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
Anhyone who goes out in matching running outfits (gag) deserves each other.
And I'm really surprised Reese is the one shying away from marriage. She seems all down south and like she'd like to be married.
"There are three things I'm afraid of clowns, homeless people and drag queens" - Jeff Lewis
http://thebitchywaiter.com/
I will marry him.
You know what - he asked her three times (supposedly), and she's said no 3 times. Kick that bitch to the curb, Jakey! Time to get somebody else - male or female, who gives a shit. Live your life!
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"Watch the face, Asshole!" -BK
Pfffffft. I wouldn't remarry either.
THat's my favorite tutu too!
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"It's like I'm walking on sunshine." Ffftt ffftt
This is so funny!
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One of my friends didn't have a quinceanera, because her mother was in jail at the time (it's okay to laugh). So when she was in her 20s, she threw herself a belated quinceanera complete with the big white dress, the rhinestone tiara and mariachis. It was a mess, but thankfully there was an open Corona bar.
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There's nothing like a little black pussy!
Oh Jakey, come out comeout wherever you are! No one cares and everyone knows. Get yourself a hot BF