Monday, November 16th 2009

Adriana Lima Is A Mother

Adriana Lima and her husband, basketball player Marko Jaric, have a brand new baby friend (of the female variety). Adriana's spokeswhore confirmed to People that she gave birth to a girl in NYC last night, "Adriana and Marko are thrilled to announce they had a baby girl, Valentina Lima Jaric. Mother, father and baby are all doing well."

I'm sure that as soon as she popped out her baby, her stomach went flat, her titties jumped for heaven and she let out a long butt hum (models don't fart) that caused her ass to shrink. Bitch will be back in a bikini by this weekend.

And I think we're all wondering the same thing: Does Valentina look like her mother, or does she have her father's marble eyes? If it's the latter, let's just tell her that her lil' eyes love her nose so much that they always want to be together. And if that doesn't work, we can tell her that when she grows up she can play the real-life Doug in a movie.

We're all awful people.

Posted by: Michael K


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Big Bertha's picture

i bet he fucks her like a caveman.

but, good lord, i hope the kid looks like her.

MizRo's picture

He's so ugly. I'm sorry but she could have done way better.

Frybread's picture

Sure he's fug, but she's just doing what supermodels do, which is being cum buckets for wealthy/famous men.

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lizardo911's picture

He looks like a retard. He must have a big dick; that is all I can say...

elmo533's picture

"And I think we're all wondering the same thing: Does Valentina look like her mother, or does she have her father's marble eyes?"

LMFAO!!! That was my exact first thought!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW. --MK 8/31/09

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23

Valentina is super ugly name. I bet the poor kid will be ugly.

Stock Broker's picture

He needs to get kicked in the head by a mule so his eyes will uncross.

_______________________________________________
"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone

moomarse's picture

that poor, poor child......

****************************************************
pussies going spastic usually make me feel queasy - MK

Uh-oh. Now supermodels are on the shitlist around here. Or are we focusing on the "douche"? Nothing is sacred. I guess that's what makes this site so damn addictive.

I love the term "spokeswhore".

Bjork You's picture

Oh god, I was just thinking, "I hope the baby looks like her mom" and then I read M.K.'s comment about the "marble eyes"! Wow, that guy is pretty gruesome.

Granny Frump's picture

Very beautiful woman. I sincerely have the utmost respect for models because as long as a dude is rich he's fuckable. I was never a tenth as attractive yet I had the guts to have standards! Broke-ass me. To rebuff a dude just because he had strabismus, was stank, or wore a jheri curl! Who the hell did I think I was?

KeyLimePie's picture

On the plus side, they can sell the baby pictures for a fortune. Everyone will want to see whose eyes the baby has!

labellavienna's picture

she is gorgeous...wth is she thinking???

Please mate with james marsden or chris evans....anything but your current husband. blah!

www.myspace.com/vienna_rossi

KD's picture

Unfortunately, the first kid usually is the spitting image of the father.

One thing that REALLY bugs me about people who do the abstinsance thing is that they almost always have a kid in their first year of marriage!

i didn't read mk's whole post b4 i was already thinking of how to explain how UGLY the father's eyes are. thank u mk.
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Provolone's picture

Submitted by impacted waste on Mon, 11/16/2009 - 5:52pm.
" Milhouse , take off your glasses so the world can see your beautiful eyes " Lou Ann Van Houten

lulz!

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"A man with crushed or cut-off testicles shall not enter into the assembly of the Lord"-Deuteronomy 23:1

TheBreakdown's picture

Beverly Johnson was a supermodel and not only ıs she stıll hot...

so ıs her daughter.

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nunya_bizness's picture

Cindy Crawford and Iman seem to be the exceptions, but model mommy = ugly baby--see Alessandra Ambrosio's daughter.

I sure hope the kid looks like her. She is hot. Like if I was gonna go lesbian, I'd do her hot. Or damn, why couldn't I have been born with a face like that hot.

impacted waste's picture

" Milhouse , take off your glasses so the world can see your beautiful eyes " Lou Ann Van Houten

Jackie_Sparrow's picture

i just laughed so hard my butt hummed.

Skinnymalinky's picture

Kid's going to look like SweetPea.

urmomma's picture

Wow.
Just...wow.

This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.

StickaCockinWoodyAllensMouth's picture

This guy is ugly. When she hooked up with this guy did she say she wanted her kids to have those eyes and face? His cock can't be that serious.

Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

He looks like a retarded pirate.

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Uvula/vulva.....hell, it's all pink on the inside anyway. - Sweet Babu

peaches80's picture

maybe she'll be cute .................. hmmmmmm maybe
___________________________________________________
“They admired my beauty and intelligence, I was only a woman with the heart of a man. A warrior.” María Félix

jack-n-the-hat's picture

you said it... marble eyes. And the closeness of them are making my head hurt.
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MOTHERFUCKER WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? KEEP IT COMING. 10/27/09, the great philosopher, Dr. suckandfuck

TheBreakdown's picture

She ıs SO much hotter than Gısele and I hope for her sake that baby looks nothıng lıke that father or I may have to scream 'ugly baby alert'!

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madam s.'s picture

I just don't think she's hot, and I've never once thought she was even remotely good-looking. Her mouth is always sagging open like she is BEYOND slow. There are tons of beautiful women that model for the Victoria's Secret catalogue, and she is definitely not one of them.

____________________
ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!

Genny18's picture

He looks like a cartoon

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

nousername on Mon, 11/16/2009 - 4:59pm.

She was brilliant, humorous, generous, and crack a smile sometimes. This image of abundant emotions, absoulutely outpace her "HR manager, Monthly income over $10,000 " life tag image. Express your emotion, let youself, life change to a poetic picture.

-WTF? HR manager?

/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

Snoogle's picture

And I hope she has stretch marks, because I'm feeling really mean this afternoon. There I said it.I'm glad I did.

♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

And alas, this kid will look like a Spears babeh thing.

Don't think she's hot and well he is just Speshul looking.

/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

Stoney's picture

This ho got knocked up the minute she lost her virginity, right?

_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

Snoogle's picture

They must hate their new baby friend. They arent over the moon.

♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

putsomestankonit's picture

This is news to snooze to.

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nousername's picture

She was brilliant, humorous, generous, and crack a smile sometimes. This image of abundant emotions, absoulutely outpace her "HR manager, Monthly income over $10,000 " life tag image. Express your emotion, let youself, life change to a poetic picture. A woman ★★★S ugarl oves- c om★★★ like that always reversed all sentient beings, got the love of whole world man

MissJaneTexas's picture

he must rock in bed. ick.

i'm not her biggest fan but i'll concede she is hot.

**************************************************************
Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009

For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009

Provolone's picture

Awwww, he has his fathers beady eyes

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"A man with crushed or cut-off testicles shall not enter into the assembly of the Lord"-Deuteronomy 23:1

Centaurious's picture

Salma Hayek's gonna shank that bitch.

_______________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

xerquina's picture

Congrats to Adriana but her man is fug. hopefully her babeh isn't unfortunate.

Centaurious's picture

Matthew McConaughy with a toupee and snatch hair stuck on his lip.
__________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."