Wednesday, November 11th 2009

St. Angie Mania

Make sure to avert your eyes when you get to the checkout counter at the grocery store this week unless you're okay with being violated by a St. Angie ORGY! It must be "Shit On St. Angie Week," because she is on the cover of almost all the tabloids this week. Was Balloon Boy or the Gosselins' gardener not available for interviews? DAMN. To quote the wisest woman on reality TV, Zoila from Flipping Out: "YOU CRAZY JEFF!"

Anytheywillallgotohellforthis, let's see what the tabloids have to say:

UsWeekly says that Angie still hates Jen (and vice versa): If you replaced Angie with Alexis Carrington and Aniston with Krystle Carrington, I would've bought hundreds of copies of this shit. Seriously, Aniston & Angie will never be the Alexis & Krystle of this generation! I don't see them fighting in fountains and slapping each other with their Nolan Miller clutch bags.

OK! says that Angie is adopting a baby without Brad: St. Angie has already picked out a baby friend from Syria, but Brad does not want a different flavor of baby barf landing on his beard. Brad is telling friends that he's not ready for child #2,345,745. Brad can't St. Angie from putting together the most powerful child army on the planet, because she's going to GIT THAT BABEH without him.

The National Enquirer says that Angie fell down because she weighs less than a fetus: Ding! Ding! Ding! I think we found the new spokesperson for Life Alert! According to the Enquirer, St. Angie is 5'7" and weighs in at 104lbs. After St. Angie collapsed, Brad is worried and wants her to get some help to deal with her "emotional demons." And I think Brad needs to get help for using the phrase "emotional demons." Let's not make that the new over the moon. NO.

Life & Style says that Angie is faker than a porn star's orgasm: Let me quote Jennifer Aniston's thoughts on this one: DUH.

Star Magazine says that Angie still hates Jen (and vice versa): See UsWeekly.

Posted by: Michael K


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Andraya's picture

Jenny and Jolie should do a movie together; will probably sell more tickets than any of their dumb movies combined and they will actually have a box office goldmine for once.

julia pan's picture

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Centaurious's picture

PS -- I would also say in defense of Jen that she has a smokin' bod and is hella cute, so sure guys wanna tap that, but no man in hell is gonna be the guy who marries spinster, dumped, knitting-claw Maniston.

_____________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

Centaurious's picture

Jen is so goddamn boring.

Here is my take on her, for what it's worth: She hasn't spoken to her horrible mother in like, 20 years, her father left her mother, poor little Jen.

She wants a baby but is terrified she'll be a bad Mommy like her Mommy, so she keeps sandbagging opportunities to be in a relationship until her spinster clock runs out.

Then we'll have to hear all about how hard she "tried" and how the whole male race done her wrong.

What a victim.

The sad thing is, I doubt she knows it.

_______________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

literarylioness's picture

I think Brangelina needs to go back to swapping spit with her brother. Since she has brought all those children, she has become a dullard. I do not care how many children she buys, but how cuckoo for Cocoa Pops she is. Jennifer Aniston just bores me to tears and she should buy herself a nice man somewhere. I am sure there are many men she could buy to knock her up. It can't be that hard.

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None of the magazine headlines flatters Jolie. So she needs to stop payment to those rags that keep her out there for the public.

Madam Pince's picture

I'm more interested in Penny Marshall having liver cancer.

****************************************************

“Just pay the parking ticket. Don’t be so outraged. You’re not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked.”

zomay's picture

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Clarisse's picture

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zomay's picture

Jelly h8ters!!!!!!!!! Jolie is in the dictionary under selfliss.

____________________________________
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kiv's picture

wow are Angie and Jen starring in a movie together. I imagine it'd be something along the lines of sisterhood of the travelling pants. They look so cute together.

paris herpes's picture

Jolie is a total fake ass, you can tell just by looking at her. Anywho, man they brought on the hate but good for her! It really is way overblown, it almost sickens me (yeah, almost).

"Is lame fish related to Gay Fish at all, because that would answer many of life's greatest douche mysteries." - MK

snowball's picture

Check out any pics of Zahara - that bitch carries a shank. Yeah, when St. Angie bought - oops, I mean adopted Pax, she said it was so Maddox could have a similarly cultured sibling. And at the time, she said they were going to do the same for Zahara - buy - shit, I mean adopt another kid from Africa.

Then Angie burped out three big fat white babies and Zahara gives everyone the stink eye.

_______

Think of all the amounts of dick butter, ass jelly, nose dingles, taint cream and pit wine he has produced. (MK)

de Cosmos's picture

Saints have to suffer, and our Santa Angelina has to suffer even more than a run-of-the-mill saint, her being a Living Saint and all.

ScarfnBarf's picture

Has Angie had an HIV test lately?

Bda's picture

For the love of god will they give it a rest with the Jen,Angie thing? My god how long ago was it? They have like eighteen kids now. I don't know of any other celebs who were in some so called "love triangle" or whatever it was talked about for years and years like these three. Give it a break! 10 years from now well still be hearing about it. And do all the mags get together and meet about what stupid story theyll be concocting this week?

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:32pm.

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Lol, damn you really hate her huh?

EatYourVeggies's picture

How is fucking Billy Bob the most embarassing thing Angie has done? Billy Bob may be a hick and a douche, but he's a better actor than Brad and Angie combined.

moomarse's picture

Isn't this all for a book promotion of some sort?

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pussies going spastic usually make me feel queasy - MK

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

I love US Weekly, they are now reporting Jon Voight & Skeletina Voight have reconciled.

Next up, Skeletina breaks up Palin's marriage in a gayelle affair caught on tape!

YOU BETCHA!

/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

iHeartHaters's picture

Holy motherfuck, I just walked into LA's bedroom, what hideous wallpaper.

*walks the fuck out*

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Reeter's picture

I have to admit, I'd rather read about this silly threesome shit than the Gosselins any day! But, really...it's always the same old thing with Brangelina and Jen. : /

Molotov Cocktease's picture

Sorry Bradi, I'll stop now!

*********
She told me not to step on the cracks
I told her not to fuss and relax
Well, her pretty little face stopped me in my tracks
But now she sleeps with one eye open

BootsieBug's picture

Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:55pm
Bootsie - I liked Love Angelina. She was nuts and brought the full on cunt but these tough bitches in here can handle their own and gave as much as they got. All in all, it was entertainment for me

Molotov Cocktease, I totally agree- she was batshit crazy but she made me laugh during a time in my life that I could use some humor. Made my problems seem less important.
All in all the dlisters saved my life, literlly...
Thanks awfully for always bringing the laghs MK and horz!!

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Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today...

xerquina's picture

loooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnsssssss.

anyways,did they have to pic the worst pics of Jennifer and put next to Angie? now that just cruel.
brangelina has become the Tom Cruise of relationships.

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

Ok stop with the Loon nostalgia!

i don't miss her drive by cunting.
And, really now, you think she doesn't post here anymore????
Really?

Trust, they never leave.

Skeletina's bad voodoo mojo keeps them all high all the time.

/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

snowpiece's picture

I miss her sometimes and comingback all the time

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

Molotov Cocktease's picture

Angel - I know! I need consistency and dependability in my lunacy. And I am sorry, sometimes when she was on a roll, that girl was fucking hilarious.

*********
She told me not to step on the cracks
I told her not to fuss and relax
Well, her pretty little face stopped me in my tracks
But now she sleeps with one eye open

angel_i's picture

Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:55pm.

Bootsie - I liked Love Angelina. She was nuts and brought the full on cunt but these tough bitches in here can handle their own and gave as much as they got. All in all, it was entertainment for me.
******************************

And she was committed to us! Not like those other skanky, fairweather JJers like mslewis and TerriAnn...you know...you could always count on her to come with the ammunition. Every time. *sigh*

♥ Threadkilla!
"[The informant] is the tit sandwich that visited Hank the other night. It's gonna be hard to listen to anything she has to say" ~ Bubba's thoughts, Lonely Street

BootsieBug's picture

Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:53pm.
doesn't st. angie ho need a black baby for zahara

I remember in an interview that Skelatina said that she wanted a black baby for Ms. Zahara "to balance the races".
Sumpin like that lol, I didn't save the article cuz I ain't no loon!

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Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today...

Aphid's picture

Submitted by BootsieBug on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:49pm.
I have a secret to reveal...

Omg sometimes I miss LOVE ANGELINA and her epic rants in her defense of Skelatina.
*hides and ducks rotten tomatoes*.
She entertained me endlessly, she was one mental bitch.

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I was just thinking that! I haven't been on here much lately and I was just thinking, I wonder what ever happened to that crazy bitch. She used to entertain the hell out of me and my friends.

Honey Beats's picture

She stole Brad cuz Jen wasnt good enough. Get over it! Plus Brad has a mind of his own....she he obviously wanted to leave Jen.

**My mind may refuse to believe**

WWJDFAKB's picture

Haha, I'm so sick of her, it's about time they show AJ for what she really is, like doing all of the humanitarian shit is going to make me forget that she made out with her brother and had sexy times with Billy Bob...also, why is she supposedly such a damn bully to JA? Isn't taking her man bad enough? I don't like either of them, but I never could get why Jennifer Aniston always gets the wrong end of the stick.

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I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum..

letinstar's picture

the brangelina public relations team is on fire this week...
_____________________________________________
A new kitty lapping up milk trumps old pussy coughing up hair balls any day.

Molotov Cocktease's picture

Bootsie - I liked Love Angelina. She was nuts and brought the full on cunt but these tough bitches in here can handle their own and gave as much as they got. All in all, it was entertainment for me.

*********
She told me not to step on the cracks
I told her not to fuss and relax
Well, her pretty little face stopped me in my tracks
But now she sleeps with one eye open

doesn't st. angie ho need a black baby for zahara?

BootsieBug's picture

I have a secret to reveal...

Omg sometimes I miss LOVE ANGELINA and her epic rants in her defense of Skelatina.
*hides and ducks rotten tomatoes*.
She entertained me endlessly, she was one mental bitch.

------------------------------------------------
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today...

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

Why isn't The Brad the one adopting without the cuntface?
Why is it she is always the one????

I keep pointing it out, the non-bio kids have The Brad's name only, he can't go for custody when they break up.

*carefully placed blood in the water for the loongoon squad*

/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.

vidz's picture

Or Angie can just burn jen to a crisp with the glare reflected off her tenhead... whatever works.

************************************************************

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Centaurious's picture

Reading all this Angie shit is worse than eating a dirt sandwich.
____________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

vidz's picture

Argh! AJ VS JA. When will it ever end? there was a time i used to think that angie was hot, now she could go crawl into jen's chin for all i care.

Yeah, i think kimmy K might have done SOMETHING to her face for the worse. just can't put my finger on it. too bad, she was REALLY beautiful and exotic before.

************************************************************

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Cake666's picture

I love Angie, crazy bitch of doom and undiluted awesome.

jack-n-the-hat's picture

I googled the shania billy joel thing.... it's a picture of them at some award thing... VERY awkward picture.
_____________________________________________
MOTHERFUCKER WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? KEEP IT COMING. 10/27/09, the great philosopher, Dr. suckandfuck

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

oh, an AJ/JA post...

i can only express my overwhelming feelings truly by saying... meh

-----------------------------
"So sleep tight, baby.
Unfurrow your brow,
and know I love you.
We're alright for now"

angel_i's picture

Submitted by Jeepster on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 1:34pm.

In other news - "Mariah is Fat"
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LOL! Yeah, I noticed that too. Haha!

♥ Threadkilla!
"[The informant] is the tit sandwich that visited Hank the other night. It's gonna be hard to listen to anything she has to say" ~ Bubba's thoughts, Lonely Street

jack-n-the-hat's picture

Has anyone gone to JJ and sent out invitations to the 'discussion'? hmmmm?
_____________________________________________
MOTHERFUCKER WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? KEEP IT COMING. 10/27/09, the great philosopher, Dr. suckandfuck