A JLo "Sexy Tape" Is Coming Soon
Every hair on JLo's ass is standing straight up, because she is so filled with the rage that her ex-husband Ojani Noa is planning to release an 11-hour tape of some of her private moments. I think he's marketing it as a companion piece to Planet Earth.
The eyes at The National Enquirer have seen the tape and claim it includes footage of JLo staring at herself in the mirror (OF. COURSE.) while wearing nothing but bra and panties. In another scene, Ojani chases JLo around the bedroom and spanks one of her thunder dome ass cheeks causing a 4.5 earthquake.
Sources say that JLo is incredibly embarrassed and can't believe her ex would do that.
You know what I can't believe? I can't believe that JLo wouldn't pull her eyeballs out of her own culo to see the Amazon jungle growing above her ex-husband's eyes. If JLo stepped out of her own world for one quick second, she would've seen that MAN DOWN CODE 10 eyebrow situation. My teeth are chattering, because I just want to jump onto his face and gnaw off those Sasquatch brows.
And honestly, I don't think JLo is THAT upset about the release of the tape. Most bitches forgot about her ass after that shoot out with Diddy, so this will be a nice little item to get her back on Google Alerts.
Where did her big fat ass go?
scary... but i'd watch that video. jlo had a giant behind back in the day.
Now isn't he the one who is gay? How come JBlow never gets angry with Chris Judd for spilling the beans about her inability to conceive? Didn't JBlow pay this one off like she did Chris Judd?
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You kill me!!
LOL...
That boy has sucked a cock or two - you can tell by looking at him.
JLo probably paid her ex to release that tape.
He looks like the type who would chase you around the bedroom eyebrows or not-isnt he Cuban?
My husband is Cuban and Im constantly being chased around.
I cant think of anything more boring than a J Ho sex tape-she would be crap in bed you can see that-way to into herself but I agree at least it might make her relevant for another 15 minutes...
Hey JHo-love that blue eye shadow!
He "NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
is it going to be on PBS?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Hahahahahahahahahah!!!! *breathing in *bwahahahhahahahahaha!!!*
Look at those brows! I'm talking about HERS!!
I'm not buying it. I doubt theres any actual sex in that video. It'll be more like that mcsteamy tape. Boring and going nowhere.
This husband used to manage one of her restaurants after the divorce.I guess they're no longer on good terms at all.
She doesn't want the tape to be released because it only emphasizes the fact she has two facial expressions even while having sex; that supposed sexy one she uses on the red carpet (you know the one with her mouth open and I'm supposed to be overwhelmed with her sultry self) and the other which is the I've got something uncomfortable stuck in my ass but will maintain this awkward smile.
Oh the good old days when Jlo really was a blue eyeshadow wearing, married for the sex, not status, from the block princess.
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Christmas is right around the corner.
Submitted by OurMissC on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 10:12am.
He ain't bad. But 11 hours? Isn't that about how long they were married?
HAHAHAHAHA
here she is with a different face- but keep denying having work done - that is for all celebs.
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So now my love to you, baby, I surrender
Get ready tonight
Gonna make this a night to remember
- Shalamar
and this is interesting because... maybe if it was full monkey contact other than that- YAWN.
The funny thing about being a porn star is that everyone automatically assumes that they can sleep with you. This is what I do for a living. I don`t just let anyone get into my pants.
Submitted by MDW on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 11:38am.
Submitted by Pers on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 11:19am.
Who cares about JLo anymore? Seriously, *yawn* Who gives a fuck?
I do...I'd love to fuck her!
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Sure hun, I support you in that endeavour - but do you CARE about her? LOL
.•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•->
"Let this be a lesson. Don't hit a ho with a rum bottle! Drink all the rum instead and then take a nap!" MK, Aug. 22/08
Submitted by Pers on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 11:19am.
Who cares about JLo anymore? Seriously, *yawn* Who gives a fuck?
I do...I'd love to fuck her!
Fucking furry fur monglers bumping hairy fur patches is Hawt!!! Not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Take that with a silo of sarcasm" MK 10/21/09
Who cares about JLo anymore? Seriously, *yawn* Who gives a fuck?
.•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•->
"Let this be a lesson. Don't hit a ho with a rum bottle! Drink all the rum instead and then take a nap!" MK, Aug. 22/08
Submitted by PatriotsPrincess on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 11:02am.
She looks like a drag queen in that picture.
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LOL
any of you hoes ever been to the QUEEN MARY on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City? JLo used to work there.
oh yeah. on topic... CHOLA BROWS!
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 10:37am.
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I LoooooVE your Brad pic.I'm gonna rent Kalifornia tonight.Great flick wit a craZZZZy,seXXXy Brad!♥
She looks like a drag queen in that picture.
"I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it."
Carrie Bradshaw
11 hrs??!! I already feel exhausted!
haha MK great Barrio picture. hehe.
and what a dumb ass...other than having that ass.
when there is a video tape involved, too bad cause she agreed to it back in the day. if she doesn't want that, well I am sure she can afford paying him off to oblivion if she wishes...unless she has some album out now?
Coma Caca!!
At least he shaved the top one off.
"JLo: So easy, even a caveman can do her"
=-=-="Wah wah wah, I was attacked!"=-=-=-
yuck. only...yuck.
RFLMAO @ "If JLo stepped out of her own world for one quick second, she would've seen that MAN DOWN CODE 10 eyebrow situation." Step away from the news, MK!
This is so off-topic and random... CNN just reported that there's a bill in the house to prohibit PYTHONS from being allowed in the U.S.
ON TOPIC - TEAM THUNDER DOME ASS CHEEKS!
LOL at the picture of JLo pre-nose jobs.
hhahahah Jill at first i thought you said you dated a 14 year old at 40 OMG OMG ESCANDELO!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Jaysus, can you imagine if those two had babies? SASQUATCH!!
I can't imagine doing anything for eleven hours. I'm sure she judged him the entire time.
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
You're not the only one who just smiled like a farting toddler~~ M.K.
nice eyeshadow!
Submitted by Jill-The-Ripper on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 10:36am.
He reminds me of a 14 yr younger guy I dated when I was in my rebellious stage at 40. Ick. (mainly at myself)
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LOL. Desperate much? xoxoxo!
RADIFUL BITCH on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 10:37am.
"Or privacy laws don't apply to celebrities only "regular" people? How screwed up is that?"
How is it screwed up? There are plenty of trashy videos on line of random everyday people doing fucked up shit that they did not film themselves.
Or are you a bleeding heart for Celebrities only?
Now that IS screwed up.
I agree with Bradful they are websites dedicated to uploading videos of regular people everywhere look it up
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
I wanna see the thunder dome sized azz. Yay.
Silly Figgy
celebs have it all drawn on a board prior to speaking with media ( publications +PR teams = celebutard)
Lohan crap and Jlo crap is all legal because its a brand
that being promoted!
Jlo sextape isnt shocking because noone gives a crap stick about her getting married,having twins nor whatever else shes been in a press with
she is a hasbeen with somewhat few coins being made from her perfume and whatnot
so now comes a sextape and denial
Girl has to do what she has to do cuz those crystal chandeliers wont pay for themselves
<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
I doubt anyone would want to motorboat in Kim Kardashians bush garden
but no doubt some would want to swim in Paris Hilton's crab buffet
"Or privacy laws don't apply to celebrities only "regular" people? How screwed up is that?"
How is it screwed up? There are plenty of trashy videos on line of random everyday people doing fucked up shit that they did not film themselves.
Or are you a bleeding heart for Celebrities only?
Now that IS screwed up.
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
also, I think new celebrities are such fame whores they don't realize their acting out can come back to haunt them 20 years hence. Madonna caught on after she had to sing in that thick brocade coat thing in the boiling sun because she was embarrassed over her the leaked/sold nude pics of her. From thence forth, she had IRON CLAD agreements with EVERYONE who worked with her to NEVER SPEAKETH A WORD NOR PICTURE ABOUT HER that she does not approve of. She occassionally leaves some open gaps - like when she gets married.
He reminds me of a 14 yr younger guy I dated when I was in my rebellious stage at 40. Ick. (mainly at myself)
LOL Katt "where would all the woodland critters go?"
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
what a horrible picture
Privacy laws actually DON'T protect celebrities (up to stalker stage) because celebrities are in the PUBLIC DOMAIN. That's why gossip sites like Dlisted can exist.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 11/06/2009 - 10:13am.
I don't understand how her bewbies became so much bigger over the years. Will mine grow too? Do they ever stop growing?
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Mine kept growing along with everything else...well...almost everything. ****************************************************************************************** I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.
Hunter S. Thompson
Those are some CHOLA EYEBROWNS!!! I CAN"T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!! This is the only sex tape I've ever been interested in. She's so full of herself.
What I don't get is how these people can do this to others legally? Like Michael Lohan releasing tapes of private conversations with his daughter. Aren't there any privacy laws that prohibit people from exposing others this way? Soon people won't even dare phone each other, for every phone call, private tape made can be exploited by some scum. Or privacy laws don't apply to celebrities only "regular" people? How screwed up is that?
She is STUNNING! What happened to her, the poor thing? Life is hard.
And yes - I think a sex tape is just the enema the doctor ordered for this poor woman's career.
OR she could bring the eyeshadow back. I would like that more.
♥ Threadkilla!
"[The informant] is the tit sandwich that visited Hank the other night. It's gonna be hard to listen to anything she has to say" ~ Bubba's thoughts, Lonely Street
Jesus, did the photographer use the jaundice lens on that picture...why are they yellow?!
Her ex looks like one of the Geico cavemen...I kinda wanna attack those brows with a weed whacker but dude's probably got a small forest going on in there, where would all the woodland critters go?
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"All of us are lying in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars."-Oscar Wilde
I love her subtle peacock colored eye shadow which was slapped on her face with a horses tail.