Jessica Simpson Wants An Intellectual Man
In an interview with Extra (via UsWeekly), Jessica Simpson sounds like a generic eHarmony ad when talking about what she's looking for in a man. If I was her, I'd say I was looking for one that wouldn't leave my vag cold the day before my birthday, but Jessica is aiming high.
If you've ever wanted to win an open mic comedy night, just read this quote from Jessica word for word and you'll be rewarded with a hurricane of queefs, laughs and drink tickets. Now let's hand over the mic to Little Miss Chicken of the Sea:
"I don't want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men ... people that will always keep me intrigued. I definitely love a spiritual man -- somebody that is going to always inspire me. And, you know, I love artistic men -- somebody that really understands their art."
This is the true meaning of: TOO EASY. I mean, if Jessica gets bored easily, she can always try to spell "intellectual" in her own head. That will keep her busy for a few hours at least.
So if you can past the following test, ring up Joe Simpson and schedule a date with Jessica!
Intellectual: You must be able to write your own name in cursive without the help of a grown-up. Don't worry about writing your last name. Jessica asked for an "intellectual," not a genius!
Spiritual: Can sit through Oh, God! without getting distracted by a ball of yarn in the corner.
Artistic: Four words: Color By Numbers Graduate.
HAHA...Classic MK
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
You know what's most annoying about Jessica? When she sees a sign that says WET FLOOR, she does.
@zlisted:But what intellectual or artistic man would want HER? Talk about getting bored quickly!
_______________________________
Do you think she has EVER read a book.
Seriously!
"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."
But what intellectual or artistic man would want HER? Talk about getting bored quickly!
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Get the fucking ads out of the comments section!!!
Translation: My daddy wants me to marry a man with money who is too afraid of Big Sky Daddy and church to divorce me for being a slut. If he's an artist and has a wandering peen, I can take all his cash for "irreconcilable differences" because my career is over.
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:00pm.
Thanks again Tristam...so truly talented. She has quite a resume for someone only 24. I just hope that she gets the notoriety she deserves.
Welcome. I just like to look at her bends and slurs. :) 24 is faaarrrr too young for me to consider except in the musical sense.
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It was a sad truth about the world that only a sense of mutual vulnerability promised any shelter at all. (M. Crummey)
Submitted by Tristram on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 11:33am.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 11:02am.
Orianthi interview and pic (she's 24!!): http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/music/la-et-orianthi30-2009oct...
Thanks again Tristam...so truly talented. She has quite a resume for someone only 24. I just hope that she gets the notoriety she deserves.
I don't think Jessucka is capable of thinking about another human being. Its all, you owe me fame, you owe me attention, you owe me money. She will never satisfy a man.
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Oh please. Remember when she dated that "intellectual" John Mayer? His game was publicly humiliating her every week. She should stick to morons so that she'll at least be on the same level as the guy.
All I heard from that statement was "me, me, me", how he can inspire me, intrigue me, make me happy. No wonder men leave her. Needy bint.
@Deb:Also, Arthur Miller is dead.
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LMFAO!!!!!!!!
"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."
So basically she wants someone like Nick Lachey, right? Oh wait, she had him, got too big for her own britches, and dumped him. Poor baby.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
shut up chestica! no one cares about you anymore! go suck a dick with those big nasty lips!
I wish Daisy were alive and the coyotes took this dumbass instead.
"Is lame fish related to Gay Fish at all, because that would answer many of life's greatest douche mysteries." - MK
Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:13am.
lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 11:02am.
Orianthi interview and pic (she's 24!!): http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/music/la-et-orianthi30-2009oct...
ONT: Tony Romo was an intellectual who got sacked too much.
Come on Chestica, there's nothing better than having a relaxing evening with a good game of scrabble.
SPIRICHOOL
Ps, i definitely feel badly for her, particularly the crap she took after watching her dog get snatched and eaten by coyotes...people were pretty merciless.
Never understood the hate towards Jessica... it is like kicking a kitty. She is so cute.
If only Amy Pohler could say that exact quote on Parks and Recreation...it would be comedy gold.
I kind of feel bad for her. She's dumb, but harmless. I hope she finds a man.
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Douchechill!
People, I'm NOT a Jessica Simpson's fan.
But she can't be THAT DUMB.
Her clothing and shoe collections are sold in Macy's, Nordstrom and Dillards, and she's made some very smart investments.
In this awful economy her current net worth is around $80 million.
Not too bad for someone with 2 brain cells.
INNUHLICKMAHHOLE!
This is what she really means.
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:34am.
So. Nick Lachey and Tony Romo are intellectual, spiritual and artistic?
Are THEY her bar, or is she shooting higher now.
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Hey, don't forget Johnny Knoxville!
Here's a newsflash, Jess. The intelligent, spiritual types don't stick around long after having to explain what Chicken of the Sea is.
Also, Arthur Miller is dead.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Isn't this the same dumb asshole who held a Barbie Birthday party for herself AND allowed a coyote to "play" with her Bijon? I'm sure an intellectual man would just love to date her.
And this is why Chestica is alone. It's all about her and her tits.
"I don't want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily", and " I love intellectual men".
Too bad "intellectual men" won't put up with her immature behavior for longer than the time it takes to put their pants back on and leave.
I'm sick of her and her goofy face.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:52am.
Let's face it, if she finds a guy with a 12 inch dipstick...the other requirements will take care of themselves.
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Or a 9-figure bank account.
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And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?
Let's face it, if she finds a guy with a 12 inch dipstick...the other requirements will take care of themselves.
@tristram:She's so dumb you could talk her into letting you inject her with something to make her smarter.
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Yeah, a retard could inject her and still maintain his integrity.
"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."
@disraeliears:My guess is that she is aiming high...probably too high...
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She's the exact opposite of me. I always want to date dumbasses so I seem brilliant...
Wasn't she in that Douche Cook extravaganza Employee of the Month. That went straight to the crapper, no surprise.
"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."
She's so dumb you could talk her into letting you inject her with something to make her smarter.
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Bring on the Night
"I don't want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men ..."
I soooo knew this about her.
;)
Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:34am.
So. Nick Lachey and Tony Romo are intellectual, spiritual and artistic?
Are THEY her bar, or is she shooting higher now.
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My guess is that she is aiming high...probably too high...
She should really know her limitations after seeing herself in that cinematic abortion, "Major Movie Star." Didn't that only come out in the Ukraine or something?
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And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?
For her, being able to recite the alphabet = "intellectual"
So. Nick Lachey and Tony Romo are intellectual, spiritual and artistic?
Are THEY her bar, or is she shooting higher now.
"I never should have switched from scotch to martinis.."
Maybe she should've said " I look for a man of the sea".
Coma Caca!!
Jessica Simpson Wants An Intellectual Man
Well, Sorry, She Can't Have Me.
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Everybody Loves a Clown, So Why Don't You?
GO YANKEES!!!!!!!
:p
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Tristam> Yes! Especially that! *kicks rocks*
Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:13am.
" These boots are made for walkin' down to Mickey D's, gimme a #1 and supersize it please" *******************************************
LOL! Even though I really don't think Jess is fat...she strikes me as the type who could ballon up at the drop of a bonbon.
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And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?
BUY ME A BOAT JESS!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8T095mFdW8 ************************************************************************************* "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" Homer J. Simpson http://www.aquaescorts.com/
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:14am.
ESE
*drools*
*picks nose*
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*notice the Kanye*... I'MA LET YOU FINISH, BUT THE KID IN CADDYSHACK PICKS HIS NOSE BETTER THAN ANYONE!!
OT: she still has a great rack... what?.. i'm a guy!
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"Got up next morning and I grabbed that gun,
took a shot of cocaine and away I run,
made a good run but i run too slow,
they overtook me down in Juarez, Mexico."
ESE
*drools*
*picks nose*
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
" These boots are made for walkin' down to Mickey D's, gimme a #1 and supersize it please" ************************************************************************************* "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" Homer J. Simpson http://www.aquaescorts.com/
nick & jess forevah!!!
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:07am.
no, it means CAN GET THE BOOT MOVE IN THE SOCK SLOT
HEY! DON'T YELL AT ME! I NEVER SAID I WAS "INTELLECTUAL"!!LOL!
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"Got up next morning and I grabbed that gun,
took a shot of cocaine and away I run,
made a good run but i run too slow,
they overtook me down in Juarez, Mexico."
no, it means CAN GET THE BOOT MOVE IN THE SOCK SLOT
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown