Wednesday, October 28th 2009
I'd Hit It
Meet Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken, and he's absolutely real. Finally, Mattel has let Ken drop the act and be who he really is: A Florida florist who loves to spend his nights throwing crisp bills on the hairless buttocks of blonde twinks while an Ethel Merman record plays in the background. That bitchy cunt face he's making is absolutely perfect. He will spit at you with his eyes if your shoes don't match your purse.
The description alone sounds like it was written by Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is most definitely not dreadful:
"Cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie doll body (Ed note: aka Palm Beach Fag Hag Barbie). Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity. For the adult collector. Order yours today!"
If you throw a little brown hair dye on Sugar Daddy Ken, he can pass for Kevin Spacey Ken too!
VIA The Awl (Thanks Molly)
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Oh bugger! He's not going to be available until April, 2010 and going to cost $70.00!
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Get the fucking ads out of the comments section!!!
Now I know what to get my sister for Christmas! She is a major fag-hag.
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Get the fucking ads out of the comments section!!!
This was the most hilarious post ever! I laughed a hundred times over this!
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Aww this Ken reminds me of Martine's best gay, Henry Conway. So cute!
http://www.myspace.com/andrinaaldape
gays can't get married but at least they can have a doll. sweet.
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We can do it, it's all up to us mmmkay
With a little plan we can change our lives today
'That bitchy cunt face he's making is absolutely perfect.'
haha MK isn't it tho? The look that says, "Why, you piece of shit....." or "You infinitesimal prick..." This doll is fuckin hilarious in a subtle way. I want one.
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
I want one!!! Please!! For my birthday or Christmas. I would really want this doll. I could have my Grammy (or Gay Uncle Ed) make more clothes for him. He would be the best dressed Ken doll ever!!
This better be real because I am so going out to look for him!!!
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Kevin Spacey Ken, LMAO
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Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 3:47pm.
I want Alabama Man to commit hate crimes against this guy
I suspect you, Provy, have never had a hate crime committed against you. I have, and I can tell you it fucking hurt in more ways than you could possibly imagine. STFU.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
oh mike he looks like you!
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"she is lucky to be alive, because that ugly stick almost beat her to death".
hotmess119's dad.
I would buy a Kevin Spacey Ken!
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"I DON'T NEED ANYONE TELLIN' ME 'PLAY ON WORDS' I'M A MOTHERFUCKIN' LYRICAL WORDSMITH MOTHERFUCKIN' GENIUS"
To avoid the appearance of racism, should't Mattel be creating an "Atlanta Dwight Ken Doll" immediately?
A "Wish He Would Stay in Europe Ken Lagherfeld" doll could be lots of fun too.
OMG, it's totally Sparkle Josh from HGTV's Design Star with a haircut.
the only thing "straight" about this ken doll is the crease in his pants...
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A new kitty lapping up milk trumps old pussy coughing up hair balls any day.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 3:54pm.
Since when is Ken the new Karl?
*bombs Mattel*
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ahahahahaa! thank you. I was about to comment with a karl like situation happenin too.
Coma Caca!!
Since when is Ken the new Karl?
*bombs Mattel*
Oh I am so suing. Even my little Simone.
I want Alabama Man to commit hate crimes against this guy
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/151509/?tag=Liberace
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Wait a minute...is that silvery hair I see on this 12-inch plastic muneca?
This is none other than the top secret Mah Boo Doll! MK, you sly one, you. Hinting ever-so-subtly what you want for XXXMas.
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 2:58pm.
Was the name Fire Island Ken already taken?
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hahaha good one!
♪ ♪ ♪
cuz this is thriller, thriller night and I can thrill
you more than any ghost would dare to try ~mj
Why don't they just call Ken(instead of boyfriend)Barbie's shopping buddy?? They were never seriously dating. I think Ken had a thing for GI Joe also.
I'll take the little doggie!
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Are you sure this isn't a Charlie Christ doll, complete with lifetime pass to the Blue Iguana in his pocket?
MK, you really know to paint a picture. even down to the soundtrack.
♪ ♪ ♪
cuz this is thriller, thriller night and I can thrill
you more than any ghost would dare to try ~mj
Ken is a hot bitch. I love it. lol
What? No love for the Jeff Stryker doll???
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 3:12pm.
I thought Billy Dolls had this one covered since the 90s and those dolls are anatomically correct...lol
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I had the Carlos doll. lol
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"Publicity is one hellova drug."
-RecessVillain
If you throw a little brown hair dye on Sugar Daddy Ken, he can pass for Kevin Spacey Ken too!
I love you MK! Genius!
"They've lost their equilibrium because they've lost their faith in love."
I thought Billy Dolls had this one covered since the 90s and those dolls are anatomically correct...lol
It burrrrrrrns!!!! - Miss Coco Peru
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKNZICoKSdA
I hope Santa stuffs this in my stocking this year!
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"Publicity is one hellova drug."
-RecessVillain
I want! By 'swim trunks', I hope they mean it comes with a cute little speedo!
Little girls always want a best friend just like Barbie, but this girl wants a bestie just like this Ken doll. He's like Beverly Leslie on "Will & Grace"...or as it should have been named, "Karen & Jack."
does it come with a bottle of poppers and a butt plug????
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 2:58pm.
Since when did Barbie become a fag hag?
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Ken has always just been one of Barbie's accessories - an armpiece, a walker.
In the 70s, his inner queen finally busted out and threatened to grab the spotlight away from the Plastic Princess in his "Earring Magic Ken" incarnation.
But Barbie's no fool. Every kid knows she takes Ken out on showy dates, but she's been banging G.I. Joe for years.
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 3:04pm.
Mattel aın't no fool.
They know who ıs really buyıng those Ken dolls.
And ıt aın't lıttle pre-pubescent gırls.
It's Mr. Smithers from the Simpsons!
Fucking LOL! Loves it.
Mattel aın't no fool.
They know who ıs really buyıng those Ken dolls.
And ıt aın't lıttle pre-pubescent gırls.
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
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Damn, I Googled "Fag Hag Barbie" (I was gonna get it for Katherine Hag-El for Xmas) and my computer froze!
Sugar Daddy Ken: Sips mimosas while chit chatting at brunch with the "girls" by day, professional "walker" to rich old bits of gristle in need of escorts for charity functions by night. A small trust and generous gifts from his rich bitch friends keeps him in a steady supply of rough trade from the wrongside of town. That doll's face is pure cunty.
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I am not a pussy.
TheBreakdown!! Ruh? Open Post is blocked?
Oh honey!! Be well, I have to bounce - but much love *hug*.
Are they serıous?!
Ken never had any balls and now he most certıanly never wıll.
And on a sıde note, Turkey has banned me from the Open Post. At least ın thıs cafe!
My cıvıl lıbertıes here are lackıng!
Sluts, help!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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And if they are going to advertise Ken dolls for the "adult collector" then barbies need to start coming with ball gags and leather masks. I'm just sayin'...
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"SALT THE SNAIL"
Was the name Fire Island Ken already taken?
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"SALT THE SNAIL"
Since when did Barbie become a fag hag?
No words lol
"For the adult collector," eh?
So, does that mean he's finally anatomically-correct?
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Bottom-feeder.
this has completely made my fucking day. Best. Post. EVER.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Daniel Craig looks like he'd angry sex you into a coma!--astute observation by ISprainedMyUvula
Gay Al Reynolds will be wearing this ensemble in a minute.