Elegance In Action: An Empress Of Lucite Sex Tape Is Coming Soon
Start digging my grave and polishing my coffin made out of lucite, because I think I'm about to drop the fuck dead! TMZ gave me a serious case of the vapors by announcing that a Shauna Sand sex tape is about to hit the world! It's going to be the Sistine Chapel of sex tapes! HOLY LUCITE!
On October 19th, the second coming of Jesus (HELL, HERE I COME!) will arrive in the form of a sex tape starring The Empress of Lucite and her current boyfriend. Vivid Entertainment will put it out, but Shauna is trying to stop it from seeing the light of day. Shauna issued this statement:
"Yes I did make a sex tape with my boyfriend earlier this year. In fact I've made several sex tapes, but I certainly didn't sign off on this and Vivid has no right to put it out. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney now."
Shauna knows that the world cannot handle seeing her in all her glory! I mean, imagine Shauna doing sexy times while wearing a pair of exquisite heels. It will cause mass hysteria! Souls will explode, genitals will burst and millions of pairs of exquisite lucite heels will melt! The Empress of Lucite cares about mankind and she's trying to protect us!
Just thinking about it is giving me heart, soul and no-no palpitations.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: And now there's a trailer. I had to watch it with a defibrillator pad up my ass, because it was almost too much for me to bear. (Not safe for those with a weak heart) Click here to see it. And in case you're wondering why it looks so professionally lit, it's because the light from Shauna Sand's lucite oyster shines bright!
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God she is so nasty! A makeup-streaked, gristly, beef jerky Barbie doll covered in football leather & whore tattoos. How any human male could find this CREATURE attractive is completely beyond me. Shame on you, Lorenzo Lamas. Her nipples look like PEPPERONI!!!
Submitted by govt_cheese on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 10:07pm.
Not interested in seeing flapping gray labia any time soon, so thx horz for the preview. Is it true that as a woman gets older gravity affects her labia, as well as other things, making them head south of the border? This is something I don't feel up to investigating on my own. Any old horz know if this is true?
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Honestly? And I don't have a floppy vag but I've seen lots, sadly. I often wonder if I had paid closer attention, if I would notice how it's changed down there - but if it has it's not so noticeable...
But I think it's wear and tear. If you keep stretching and pulling and tugging it's just gonna get floppy. Women who have lots of kids or stick lots of things in their hoohaa, have a lot of rough sex are gonna see this kind of aging there. You can even see it in anuses that get plunged on the regular...it's like things fall out of place in there...(sorry, gross, I know but on topic:)
♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!
Oh jeezus what a skank!! She looks like a bored soccer mom having it off with the pool dude. Her implant scars alone are enough to yell 'skank!!!!!!!!' That 'sex tape' is a 'profexxional' job. Like she didn't know it was being made right? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
@whiskeyrivergirl:I just looked at her MySpace page for the hell of it and noticed that her age is listed as 102. I don't know why I find that so amusing.
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I find it so amusing, I just spit hot tea all over my knees! LOL...
Like she's really gonna go swimming with all that makeup plastered on her face and her hair looking like that... they look like a couple of lizards.
I just looked at her MySpace page for the hell of it and noticed that her age is listed as 102. I don't know why I find that so amusing.
what the fucki s wrong with shauna sand??? i mean who the fuck wears lucite heals to the beach? a dumb fuck wit is who. honestly - she's an oxygen thief.
it is! its complete BS. i graduated from college a few months ago and i STILL cannot find a job. people who have an education (unlike those skanks) can't find work and these hookers can?
in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please don't breed or buy while homeless animals die! and support animal shelters<3
Submitted by KT on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 1:08am.
It's rather infuriating that the rest of us have to work to earn about one-thousandth of what these skanks make just for lying on their backs.
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Now we are the crow which contemplated the silence...
khenshu - i agree with everything you said. its so pathetic. kim and parasite are no talent skanks and look at all the bucks they're ranking in because of their so called LEAKED tapes. its disgusting. and while i'd love that money, i'd rather keep my dignity and class thanks
in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please don't breed or buy while homeless animals die! and support animal shelters<3
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This woman seems like she'd be FAIL in bed.
She'd probably just lay there and need to check her makeup (as if it even helps) every five minutes.
This is so a publicity stunt anyway. I like what get serious said. Like Kim Tardashian and Embarass Hilton, she's going to swear up and down that this video was "accidentally" released all over the place and whine about negative publicity until she makes a buck off of it. Then she'll own up to the sex video being all her idea.
Not only will this land her a contract with E!, but just a year or two later, she'll become a household name and appear on the front cover of People Magazine and attend the Teen Choice Awards while expecting to be taken seriously.
Also, it's really clear that by the lighting, angling, and makeup that she was expecting this tape to be seen. If kept for "personal" purposes, she wouldn't have made all that effort and if in the odd instance that she did, then she's pretty narcissistic, I think.
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Now we are the crow which contemplated the silence...
Ick!
Her vag looks like a tangle of gummi worms.
How old is this whore? I say she's pushing 50, they haven't done that through-the-nipple implant surgery for at least 30 years.
@Harley
Good Article!!
http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/09/jon-gosselin-loves-his-kids-his-gir...
whoops. meant to post that on the gosselin story.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Yeah that's like hypnotizing chickens.
Not interested in seeing flapping gray labia any time soon, so thx horz for the preview. Is it true that as a woman gets older gravity affects her labia, as well as other things, making them head south of the border? This is something I don't feel up to investigating on my own. Any old horz know if this is true? Could be Shauna's a little older than, ah, you know ... heh heh heh. Maybe the labia don't lie. :)
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
Submitted by Pimpcessa on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 2:11pm.
I would much rather watch a video of this whore tripping in those shoes on the beach landing face first in the sand and coming up with sand plastered to her over glossed lips. Now that would be a video to watch!!
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Seconded!!
This is not elegance, this is a slut-bitch who has no shame or scruples!
She has DAUGHTERS for god's sake! What about the daughters???
I'll bet if offered the right price, slut-bitch here would whore out her own children and film it!
I cannot even begin to describe how much I hate this piece of trash and hope she dies before she infects he kids any more.
Where are their fathers?? Do they want to see their little girls end up like this slut-whore?
what a trailer trash bitch. i won't watch the preview because what is there to see but doesn't this whore have 2 DAUGHTERS?! scum. people like her need to use birth control because she has no business spawning.
in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please don't breed or buy while homeless animals die! and support animal shelters<3
OMG - I can't believe I'm defending The Empress but she didn't have any part of this particular *ahem* film, I'm sure. It's easy enuff to find slutty pictures of her to add to it seeing as taking slutty pictures is what she does for a living....the rest is just music and editing...anyone can do that....and I only think that becuz she's whining. I'm sure she had every intention of making money for HERSELF from those vids but Vivid beat her to it - I think it was, most likely, her boyfriend that got impatient and emailed some clips "by accident".
♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!
Throw Verne Troyer in the tape with Megan Fox and I'm there.
Slightly off topic, does Lorenzo Lamas have a new show? And why?
Doesn't anyone have sex and just enjoy it in the moment anymore?
That was pretty bad and extremly gross there is something wrong with her face it looks like her neck threw up!
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 6:43pm.
@ peaches
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My little girl wears pink or red ribbons on her head every day. I also got her a little pearl necklace with a tiny silver bone in front, but she tore it and chewed it up! :-)
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planning trip to "visit " lil_rascal and then steals cute puppy .............. ends up in jail : ( hahhahahahaha nahhhhhhh jokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen !
so cute poodle loveeeeeeeeee!
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suckandfuck on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 4:51pm.
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Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 6:43pm.
@ peaches
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My little girl wears pink or red ribbons on her head every day. I also got her a little pearl necklace with a tiny silver bone in front, but she tore it and chewed it up! :-)
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giggles and claps like crazy .............. awwwwwwwwwwww cuteeeee hotness !
i can totally picture a perfectly groomed poodle with necklace and ribbons , i think i just melted inside .
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suckandfuck on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 4:51pm.
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Riddle me this - if you're in a sex film shouldn't you at least LOOK like you're ENJOYING yourself? Isn't that what most people get off on, the reactions?
That woman looks like she'd prefer to be looking into a mirror and applying another coat of lip gloss.
Funny too how she had the photoshopped to hell nude pics to go with the film she DIDN'T want released. *mega eye roll*
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Yeah that's like hypnotizing chickens.
Why I love the Internets
Mira, I love how bitch said she didn't sign off on it. That is because her attorney probably did. This is a porno and she looks totally in her element.
@ peaches
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My little girl wears pink or red ribbons on her head every day. I also got her a little pearl necklace with a tiny silver bone in front, but she tore it and chewed it up! :-)
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 6:16pm.
@ peaches
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Hi peaches!!!! My doggy is a teacup poodle, she is a tiny white creature, and she is a very happy playful silly sweetheart. Woof woof!
How are your bulldog puppies doing? Are they boys or girls?
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soooooooooo cute i just died , tiny curly puppie !!!!!!
mine are boy and girl , so cute your girly poodle i am jelly you can totally put hair accessories in that lovely head ! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww cute .
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suckandfuck on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 4:51pm.
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LOL! I clicked on the link and then chickened out...I am so lame!
xoxoxoxo
hugs y'all.
This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.
@ peaches
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Hi peaches!!!! My doggy is a teacup poodle, she is a tiny white creature, and she is a very happy playful silly sweetheart. Woof woof!
How are your bulldog puppies doing? Are they boys or girls?
I'm such a dumb ass for clicking "Click here" . LEARN HOW TO READ CHIRIIIIIII.
and thats no home made video. that is some Porno video cam shoot. Yes...I know porn oooooooooooook!! I need a life.
Coma Caca!!
Her poor kids, just knowing that your mother made one sex tape must be bad enough. But knowing she makes them on a regular basis? I'd petition the court to live with Lorenzo if I were one of her girls.
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"I'm a black robot, motherfucker."
Wow...she's just as vapid and boring during sex as she is in daily life.
thanks little rascal. i got my hazmat suit and i'm going in (so to speak)
her poor daughters must be SO embarrassed.
@ hi lil_rascal
how is your doggie , spoiled hotdog eating doggie !!!
sorry i forgot to ask what breed she is or he ?
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suckandfuck on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 4:51pm.
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@ Big Bertha
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You really want to see her no-no? It's not a pretty picture! Remember you've been warned!
Okay, when you click on that link that takes you to the sex video trailer, underneath the video you'll see a dozen close-up photos of Shauna, click on those photos and you'll see her peepee, it looks like gray wrinkled hemorrhoids.
When you go to the preview page, check out the still for the vid - doesn't it look like Shauna's making out with Beyonce (with some chin stubble)?
I know I shouldn't admit this, but I got to see her vajayjay! Where on the link are those shots?
you mean to tell me, there is a guy in South Dakota in his basement that actually cares about this train wreck? that's touching.
"I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle."
"Yes I did make a sex tape with my boyfriend earlier this year. In fact I've made several sex tapes, but I certainly didn't sign off on this and Vivid has no right to put it out. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney now."
Who is this ho trying to fool?
I smell a series of Shauna any second now.
I'm not mad at her. Get that check! It's a recession!
I just hope the curtains and drapes match.
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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It would be a total shock to see this aging skank fully clothed in age appropriate clothing, hair and makeup WITHOUT THOSE FUCKING SHOES!!!
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
I'm also in favor of abolishing the plucked Turkey look. I remember this comedian's joke about it once:
"So my wife decided to shave all of her pubic hair off now since it's the in thing to do and, oh my God!...TALK ABOUT THE UGLY TRUTH!"
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Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
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Viva la shaved...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Celebs are normal people, minus reason and accountability...
Submitted by TheStraightMan on Mon, 10/12/2009 - 3:58pm.
TheStraightMan
Uuuhhhgghhh...the shaved pushay never did it for me. Ever
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Submitted by Pimpcessa
Wonder how many other guys feel the same?
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*raises hand*
I like a little sumpin-sumpin... Not a Creature from the Black LaPube or anything, just enough not to look like a pre-pubescent girl... I CAN NOT DEAL WITH THAT!
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I tell you this, no eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.... So KEEP FUCKIN THAT CHICKEN!
TheStraightMan
Uuuhhhgghhh...the shaved pushay never did it for me. Ever
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Submitted by Pimpcessa
Wonder how many other guys feel the same?
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Submitted by kokoskitten ...but recently mr.koko just asked verbatim "can you please just grow a 70's bush"
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My buddies call it 'porno pussy'. Used in context 'My wife thought she would try the porno pussy look...I'm going to be tired for a few weeks until it grows back...' (actual conversation)
On behalf of myself, Mr. Koko and 95% of the other pushay-hounds out here, I respectfully ask all you fine ladies to stop shaving, no more implants and buy some Lucite heels.
Submitted by Dr. Dick
Who would fuck that trailer trash skank?
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Apparently, that dude in the photo has no problem with it. What we probably don't know is that he's terminally ill and just doesn't give fuck about life anymore.
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Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
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I don't believe I have ever laid eyes on a more hideous being. Who would fuck that trailer trash skank?
You know what would have been shocking? Video of her taking her kids to school, baking cookies and helping them with their homework. Knowing this skank, her kids were probably in the next room while she was getting all sloppy with a pint of Ben & Jerry's whilst getting her bunghole excavated.
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Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
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