JLo Is Lola | Dlisted

JLo has decided to give the music thing another shot. She's got a new song out called "Fresh Out of the Oven," but she's releasing it under her new alter ego "Lola." That means JLo is dead, and LOLa is now here to terrorize us with her high-pitched shrills that no amount of auto-tune can hide. When JLo, I mean, JLola, hits those sky high notes, angels cut out their ear drums.

The title totally works since this song makes me want to push something fresh (it's not-so-fresh) out of my butt oven. Sorry, it was necessary. And why is JLola singing about her cookie?! Instead of singing about cookies, bitch needs to make some to give to Skeletor.

VIA Idolator

Posted by: Michael K

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Jennifer Lopez • Truly Awful Music

Submitted by yoly on Sat, 10/10/2009 - 6:12pm.

Fresh out the garbage.

Submitted by seekinggreen on Sat, 10/10/2009 - 8:55am.

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Submitted by Nuharoo on Fri, 10/09/2009 - 12:47pm.

www.businesslinkshere.com

"What is with all thise delusional celebrities coming up with fake identities for themselves (Sasha Fierce, Chris Gaines, now Lola)."

Deep down all of them want to do porn and they have these nicknames to compensate for the fact that they can't do porn or they would lose their careers.

Either that or they are about to be exposed as former porn stars and their nicknames were their acting names. They also have brief pyschotic episodes while on stage and their nicknames are a way of explaining their less than stable actions.

It's really the only thing I can come up with to explain their decisions.

Submitted by tojo on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:48pm.

Submitted by yoguimonster on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 1:06pm.
Despite everyones hatred for Marc Anthony, I will be the first to say I've always been a fan of his Spanish music. He's a fantastic singer and performer until he went crazy and left Miss Universe for the hooker from the block. Anyone notice how every guy she gets with she turns into total douchebags?? Anyway this "lola" busines... Being a Marc fan, I do know this: while he was with Dyanara Torrez he used the name "Lola" in his music as a code-name for JHo. He's always said he refuses to call her Jennifer, Jenny or whathaveyou and REFUSES to call her JLo so he says Lola just fits because she's his queen or some stupid mess. If only hed shut his mouth and just go back to the old salsa singer we all loved. ..::We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public::..
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lol, you started out saying you disagreed with most people here and yet I think you summed it up perfectly! And I think many would agree!

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the end...

Submitted by Tatiana on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 3:13pm.

What is with all thise delusional celebrities coming up with fake identities for themselves (Sasha Fierce, Chris Gaines, now Lola). Any non-famous person who suddenly announced "Hey guess what everybody, I have another identifity, I'm not just Susan, I'm also Gigi! Susan is good, and Gigi is the one who does fierce things!" would be put in a pysch ward.

Plus J.LO's voice sucks.

Submitted by Whatever on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 2:04pm.

I wish she would just stay home and raise her dragons.

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 1:42pm.

That is unbelievably BAD. Not good bad, BAD BAD.

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by yoguimonster on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:06pm.

Despite everyones hatred for Marc Anthony, I will be the first to say I've always been a fan of his Spanish music. He's a fantastic singer and performer until he went crazy and left Miss Universe for the hooker from the block. Anyone notice how every guy she gets with she turns into total douchebags?? Anyway this "lola" busines... Being a Marc fan, I do know this: while he was with Dyanara Torrez he used the name "Lola" in his music as a code-name for JHo. He's always said he refuses to call her Jennifer, Jenny or whathaveyou and REFUSES to call her JLo so he says Lola just fits because she's his queen or some stupid mess. If only hed shut his mouth and just go back to the old salsa singer we all loved. ..::We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public::..

Submitted by Centaurious on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 11:32am.

Maybe those shrunken apple heads fresh out of the oven...is this her Halloween single?

Submitted by Laughyoulongtime on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 11:17am.

Maybe Lola is really JWild[enstein]. Dare to dream.

Submitted by Plecostomus on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 11:16am.

I see Skeletor has finally driven her into madness.

At least he was good for something.
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Bottom-feeder.

Submitted by just a floozy on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 11:15am.

She and Bey-whore try too hard. they just try too hard.

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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.

Barbado Slim 2008

Submitted by Laughyoulongtime on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 11:14am.

Haha, omg! Is that an 'official' Lola pic? If so, she happens to be wearing the same slut heels as J.Wildenstein on the next page... http://dlisted.com/node/34264/images/jocelyn_wildenstein_005_wen.jpg

Submitted by MyBFlvsPeanutBu... on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 10:17am.

This sounds like the next new jingle for Quiznos. Hot out da uuuuuven. Break a piece of of your sammy.

Submitted by TEE on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:49am.

Truly Awful Music - Nuff said.

Submitted by fruitloop on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:42am.

Submitted by zomay on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 7:03pm.
Fresh out the oven.

How soon will Dominoes use this for a commercial?

:D
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Lol, I can't stop laughing. The music would fit an ad as it sounds like a shitty jingle :) The song is abysmal.

"Put the muhfucka down...and gimme miiiines."

Submitted by thereplacement on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:40am.

this alter-ego shit reminds me of the song lola by the kinks. i think jlo is trying to tell us something...

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:24am.

I could only make it through 16 seconds. Fuck JLo.

Submitted by sugar free on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:22am.

the middle is a rip off of nelly furtado's promiscuous.

try again.

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:11am.

O sorry. I din't realize I was offendin' y'all.

♥ Threadkilla!
Chaka Khan wrote me a theme song!!!

Submitted by PussyCow on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 9:08am.

"Fresh out the oven"? People who intentionally try to sound ignorant of the English language and sentence structure make me want to hit them. Idiocracy! It is here!

Submitted by NYone on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 8:49am.

aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that shit is horrible !!!! JLola haha

Submitted by idiots drive me loco on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 8:22am.

caught the tail end of Selena...JLO looked hispanic--it was jarring, as she's nearly unrecgonizable. Selena SHOULD've had JLO's career--she was actually talented, and was so likable and a natural performer.Instead of international crossover star selena, we are stuck with Jenny from the block.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Daniel Craig looks like he'd angry sex you into a coma!--astute observation by ISprainedMyUvula

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 8:13am.

hfn that puppeh!!! ♥♥♥

I don't hate all Jlo's songs, I have my guilty pleasures (I love Let's Get Loud, LOL) but this song SUX!

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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Tupac is about to get into a grave, so he can roll over.. MK
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton

Submitted by AgentM on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 8:09am.

que chista.

Submitted by anonymouscrazyc... on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 7:49am.

The movie Selena was on TV for about 2 weeks so I caught bits and pieces of it. JLo looked good then...she looks nothing like that woman anymore. She looks like Jessica Alba now!

RIP Selena, that girl had talent!

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash

Submitted by hfn on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 7:09am.

see my little dog avatar?? he was laying in the chair next to me sleeping. i turned on Lola's? song and he got mad and growled at it:) i don't think that can be a very good sign, imagine just driving down the road and that song comes on the radio? every dog in the neighborhood will probably be mad at you:)

Submitted by daisydaisy on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 6:51am.

Jennifer Lopez aka Jenny from the Block aka JLo aka Lola (cough, cough)has a pathological need to be considered sexy. All the time. By everyone.
If Skeletor doesn't act like she's the hottest thing that were ever born,it shouldn't be hard to find somebody who will. With her money, I mean.

Submitted by Meth-freeq on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 6:51am.

I kinda hoped she was dressing up before killing herself, no such luck.

He is best. He has been worse than that, when he is worse he is little better than a beast.

Submitted by KD on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 6:47am.

She totally took that idea from Beyonce.

Submitted by Mawy on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 6:20am.

That is one of the worst songs I have ever heard. She never convinced me with her whole straight out the hood image. Maybe because she comes from a middle class family and was raised in a decent part of the Bronx. Maybe also cuz she's a multimillionaire and any memories of not being filthy rich must be long gone for her.

Also, every time I hear "Let's Get Loud" I wanna puke. Another horrible song.
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Submitted by Dj Tenn. on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 5:32am.

Stick a fork in this heiffer ..

she is DONE.

I mean, its like she hasnt bothered to even listen to the new trends in radio . Pop music even though 90% of it is shit today, still changes every 6 mos and you either change with it or fall behind.

Daddy Yankee is forever damaged goods for ass kissing on McCain , and plus Reggaeton hasnt bothered to progress in any way shape or form, same ole 4/4 drum beat, the whole sound and image she is going for on this single is so 2 yrs ago. Honestly , like these are outtakes on her last album that didnt make the cut.

I dont know why she bothered honestly. I am going to laugh myself sick when she hits the TV show circuit whore stroll and starts trying to peddle this CRAP as a legitimate single.

Jennifer, be Mrs. Marc Anthony, and a mom to the twins and give up. try again in 5 yrs. Or not.

"You ARE a whore,darlin"- Cristal Conners, Showgirls

Submitted by Festefool on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 5:17am.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Is she trying to be like Sasha Fierce or something?

Eat My Nuggets!!! www.eatmynuggets.com

Submitted by notreallyworking on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 5:12am.

I am so glad I witnessed the late 70's to the 90's music. The music today really sucks. You would think that with all the technology that the music would be better and more creative. No more great BANDS? that play instruments? this is crap that is forgettable at best no matter what skin you put on it.

Everyone, Ashley Tisdale and this crap is stealing the "sexual Britney" sound. I don't know whether to laugh or cry?

you take the red pill, you'll be rollin in 45 minutes. you take the blue pill, you wake up with a hardon and believe whatever you want to believe...

Submitted by liverwurst on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 4:50am.

Classy.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 3:32am.

is this real?was she at someones house drunk in the studio?

Submitted by raolan on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 2:26am.

Wow, that song sounds like it could be a skit for SNL. She sounds like a middle-aged soccer mom trying to come off as "gangsta". She should have stuck with some dance type music if she wanted to even try to make a comeback.

Submitted by KT on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 2:19am.

jho is 40 years old.. time to give the music thing up sweetheart. don't you have kids to tend to?

in the united states alone, about 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year for lack of homes to adopt them. YOU can help stop this.. spay or neuter your pet. please don't breed or buy while homeless animals die! and support animal shelters<3

Submitted by mrblayloch on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 2:06am.

wow ... that is all sorts of awful..
yeah, thats right

Submitted by Lutrelle on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:59am.

It's fresh out the oven, not fresh out of. homegirl is hood like that.

Submitted by YourClothesAreDead on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:55am.

Yeah, she's given music another shot alright, this time right through its temple.
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The purpose of existence is to maintain its purposelessness.

Submitted by Noelegy on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:17am.

With the exception of musicals, I generally make it a rule not to listen to any music where the lead vocalist is expected to dance* as well as sing. Hasn't steered me wrong yet. Of course, that means that I don't like most new music. But I'm okay with that.

*or have backup dancers (shudder)

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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull

Submitted by Lutrelle on Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:14am.

Are y'all sure this ain't Danity Kane?

SHOWSTOPPIN SHOW SHOW STOPPIN