Because We Really Need A Barbie Movie
There's really nothing shocking about this since we've already been farted on by a Transformers movie and a G.I. Joe movie. So why not Barbie?! Variety reports that Universal Pictures and Mattel have decided to get into bed together and produce a movie starring everyone's favorite plastic tittied blonde (sorry, Kim Zolciak).
Apparently, this shit will be a live action movie. They are looking for writers now and trying to decide where to take the movie. Lawrence Mark, one of the producers, said, “Barbie may be the most popular girl in the world, and has always been a wonderfully aspirational figure, so we must do her proud."
All "Why?Why?Why?" comments aside, this could be an Oscar-winning role for a very lucky actress. The Barbie movie could get into some deep shit.
Think about it. It could start off being all about pink corvettes, rubber heels and pearl earrings. Then shit will get serious on Barbie and Ken's wedding night when they find out they don't have any goddamn genitals or nipples! Ken and Barbie will try to fuck, but they can't! Bitches can't even take a shit! That will fuck you up.
So Barbie and Ken fall into a deep depression which leads them into a dark world of drugs. Barbie and Ken grow more and more hateful towards the world, because everyone else has fuck parts but them. So they pick up strangers in bars promising them a wild night of sex, but what they really get is their genitals cut off by Barbie! If Barbie can't have a vagina, neither can you!
I'm telling you, Oscars all around!
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Ken doesn't look like he would be a very good fuck. Just sayin.
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Man, you are fucked up in a surprisingly refreshing way. I salute you!:)
Haha! A look at this ad for Club Orange aired in Ireland should serve as a warning on how badly the Barbie film could go!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTB1e5D1AFM
Hilarioius MK!!
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Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
Submitted by Janice Second on Fri, 09/25/2009 - 11:12am.
Oh also: Barbie is a hard workin' bitch. In 50 years, homegirl has been a doctor, President, a cheerleader, a McDonald's employee, a model, a nurse, a dentist, an astronaut, a ballerina, a rock star, a teacher, a Paleontologist, a pilot, a Radio City Rockette, a tennis player, a yoga instructor, a figure skater, a veterinarian, a Nascar driver, a chef, and an American Idol contestant, plus a fuck ton of others. I think she was also in the Army.
I hope all of these jobs are included in the movie, hahahaha...
so funny...i was almost peeing in my pants after reading the actual post, but this was icing on the cake. just what i needed after my terrible day
Ken is anatomically correct.
Oh also: Barbie is a hard workin' bitch. In 50 years, homegirl has been a doctor, President, a cheerleader, a McDonald's employee, a model, a nurse, a dentist, an astronaut, a ballerina, a rock star, a teacher, a Paleontologist, a pilot, a Radio City Rockette, a tennis player, a yoga instructor, a figure skater, a veterinarian, a Nascar driver, a chef, and an American Idol contestant, plus a fuck ton of others. I think she was also in the Army.
I hope all of these jobs are included in the movie, hahahaha...
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Tracy: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
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Kinda off topic: Has anyone ever seen that short film that Todd Haynes did called Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story? It's like, 45 minutes long and its about Karen Carpenter's life/musical career/anorexia and all the actors parts are played out by Barbie Dolls, hahaha.
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Tracy: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
http://cutebandalert.tumblr.com
Oh you know I'm there LOL
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2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
Heidi and Spencer are creaming their panties right now.
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Well at least I hope they make things realistic. If I think back to what my barbies were like then some nice images come by. The actors should also have removable limbs, their plastic hair cut short ( come on, who didn’t shave their barbies??) and naked most of the time.
Oh man, that is the Ken with the Donald Trump hair, thats a limited addition..
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There are already Barbie movies. Lots of them. Trust me - I've seen them all *gag*.
♥ Threadkilla!
LEAVE LADY GAGA ALOOOOOOOONE!
Since Barbie and Ken have no genitalia, I assume all the sex scenes will be dry humping?
Although almost impossible to find, I highly recommend Todd Haynes' movie "Superstar:The Karen Carpenter Story" which is entirely acted by Barbie and Ken dolls. The Carpenter family sued Haynes, which is proof enough that the movie is pure genius.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
isn't the whole barbie and ken line really a set of dildoes
with detachable parts?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Spence would make the perfect Ken, Bradi
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
We know what Heidi Montag is rehearsing for now.
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I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
"Think about it. It could start off being all about pink corvettes, rubber heels and pearl earrings. Then shit will get serious on Barbie and Ken's wedding night when they find out they don't have any goddamn genitals or nipples! Ken and Barbie will try to fuck, but they can't! Bitches can't even take a shit!"
That was fucking HILARIOUS. ahahahaa
It always bugged me about the missing genitalia, even when I didn't know what it was for.
I saw many hot sexy photos and videos on
http://www.afrobiglove.bravehost.com/
Many hot sexy big boobed beauties, big booty hotties and big handsome
guys like to mingle there for fun and romance!
Wait a minute. For there to be a story there needs to be conflict and crises. How da hellz dat gonna happen wit Barbie? I'd have to write it dark, like M.K. would: her 1st crisis would be that her future husband is GAY, but that's okay because he doesn't have a dick. This would have to be a horror movie after she discovers that plastic flesh-colored chastity belt secured tightly around where his dick isn't. Crisis #2 would be her discovery that she doesn't have a pussy, so crisis #1 is now null and void. This would cause crisis #3 - identity. Resolution #1 would be blow jobs, however, with resolution #2 being oral for everyone and #3, the search for a no-no hole.
Does my world seem to revolve around sex? Is everything that's important to me of a sexual nature?
My answer: what else is there?
See, this sreenplay could actually be done, but it definitely would not be for children. I'd give it an XXX and then XX just to be on the safe side.
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
They just need to...stop. There are plenty of brilliant writers and film makers everywhere who can't get a break because of these very people.
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“What’s friendship’s realest measure? I’ll tell you. The amount of precious time you’ll squander on someone else’s calamities and fuck-ups.”
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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
stuck up pretentious whore
ball less pretty boy
my Ken and Barbie were always slutting it up. who needs genitals?
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We can do it, it's all up to us mmmkay
With a little plan we can change our lives today
Oh hell no. and anywais, why does barbie have 2 pieces of leg, it's not like she's gonna blow Peniless Ken. Stupid!!! (shuts door)
Coma Caca!!
Coco and Derek Hough on Dancing With the Douches!
MK's idea sounds like "The Barbie Murders" by John Varley. It's a science fiction short story about genital-less people on the Moon.
erm. Ok.
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"Stop! Don't touch me there, you know that is my no-no square" - Cheerleader chant at Mississippi Abstinence rally
why do i automatically think this shit would be AWESOME if it were done like "Team America: World Police"... other than that... yeah, this is gonna suck
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"I won't be nuts for you. Do you get what I'm telling you?"... Thanks to DiamondDawg for making me remember and watch this movie again!
I hope it is XXX rated and stars Sophie Monk. Other than that, I doubt I will cough up ten bucks to see this... (quoting MK) F-U-C-K-E-R-Y!
you take the red pill, you'll be rollin in 45 minutes. you take the blue pill, you wake up with a hardon...
One of my barbies turned in pregnant(barbie sized pillow up barbie's shirt), prositute, orgy barbie who eventually was hung for a ceiling fan at my friends house.
No, why would I didn’t say hi? I’m not that friendly.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 09/24/2009 - 5:20pm.
Anybody but Zacquisha. Jonathan Bennett as Ken would be sooo much better
***********My pet hates: Vadge, the Holie-Shitts, Katherine Hagel and Terribly Retarded Knight*********************
I'd watch if they made it into an arty film, with the plastic figures not humans initially and then they come to life, and do all sorts of shit and then they go back to being dolls after a while.
Could be a nice kiddie movie also.
***********My pet hates: Vadge, the Holie-Shitts, Katherine Hagel and Terribly Retarded Knight*********************
TEAM Jem movie
i'm stealing this idea from someone on gawker, but they mentioned zack efron as ken...i think it's genius!
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
........
Fer sure maybe, fer sure not, fer sure eh, fer sure bomb...
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Mon, 06/15/2009
It's like trying to put Herpes in its place, when you're syphilis.
The animated Barbie videos I'm sometimes forced to watch with my nieces are bad enough... I wish they'd do a Jem movie instead, though that would probably look a lot like the Runaways movie they're making.
No navels, either. Maybe they're angels.
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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull
Submitted by Provolone on Thu, 09/24/2009 - 5:09pm.
Hire Paris Hilton so i can watch her get shot with a B.B Gun
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looks for "House Of Wax* for Provy
Hire Paris Hilton so i can watch her get shot with a B.B Gun
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THIS- this right here- is the reason WHY little girls grow up with dilusional ideas about body size!!! Fucking Mattell asshats.
back to baby Phat thread for me!
FUCK FUCK FUCK!
That "Girls Next Door" hair has GOT to go. Ken's, too.
Is Ken gonna sprout balls for the movie?!
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*yawn*
SOMEBODY give that bitch a SANDWICH, STAT!!!
Oh if only the Hollyweird writers read Dlisted, as I'd certainly watch your version in the cinema.
Alas, I feel it will be a shower of shite.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?