Nicole Richie Gave Birth To A Pirate Hipster Bird
Right now at a hospital room in the Los Angeles area, a newborn baby is desperately trying to crawl back into Nicole Richie's vagina after hearing what she has named him. People reports that Nicole and Joel Madden welcomed a baby boy early this morning and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Yes, this just confirms that doing massive amounts of the bad shit will eff up your brains for life!
Sparrow James Midnight Madden joins 19-month-old Harlow Winter Kate Madden as the newest member of the Our Parents Hate Us Club (The Madden Branch).
Nicole and Joel issued this statement that sounds like it was written by Edgar Allen Poe's ass lips: "In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009, Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7 lbs. 14 oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes."
Okay, okay, his name isn't that bad (Yes, it is). If I was still a 15-year-old faux goth kid on ecstasy, I'd completely be into Nicole Richie giving her baby a name that sounds like an Urban Decay nail polish color.
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It would have been cool if she honored her dead friend Adam or something.
Sparrow is okay on a girl. James Midnight is cool though. Not only that but Sparrow & Harlow rhyme. Its like naming 2 kids Sammy & Tammy. I bet he'll be just as ugly as his sister Harlow. Those 2 make ugly kids, then again both are special looking. and not in a good way.
I think Sparrow would have been a cute name for a girl, but that kid is gonna get beat up over that name. I do like the 4 names thing, wanted to do it too, but ended up doing the traditional Jewish thing instead. :)
¨°º¤ø„¸„ø¤º°``°º¤ø„ ø¤º°¨¨° º¤ø¨°º¤ø„¸
Pathetic Earthlings, who can save you now?
Hey, I know a kid named Hallelujah. Just saying.
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I've got to learn to live until no end
But first I must learn to swim all over again
-Live "Pain Lies On The Riverside"
Sparrow is a native name at least... and I have heard of men called Sparrow...but Zuma? THAT name is pretentious or something...
Could have been worse. She could have named it Swallow!
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Sparrow James, Zuma Nesta and Bronx Mowgli have to be the ugliest names I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I think Nicole will be disapppointed because this boy will grow up and will want to be called James instead of Sparrow...
Sparrow. Fucking Sparrow. Nicole, you disappoint me. It's horrible!
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I've got to learn to live until no end
But first I must learn to swim all over again
-Live "Pain Lies On The Riverside"
Submitted by kndall44 on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 11:19pm.
After Zuma was born to Gwen Stefani, the neighbor down my street named their kid 'Zuma Cruz' -
Zuma Cruz is kind of cool (if you have to have Zuma...but then again, it is a cool beach and probably better than being named Malibu). Zuma Nesta is just awkward. I predict extra rivalry between Zuma and Kingston. Kingston got the better deal by far.
i have to agree with a few people who have pointed out the unpoetic nature of these names. they don't roll off the tongue but just pitch and start and stumble and fart off. that's my main objection. but live and let live i guess.
Get ready for millions of 'Sparrow' copycats via moronic parents nationwide. After Zuma was born to Gwen Stefani, the neighbor down my street actually named their kid 'Zuma Cruz'. Doubly flamboyant wannabes..
Btw, is this another bastard child, or did these 2 idiots ever get married-?
What was she doing, looking up in a tree one day and thought...we'll name him Sparrow or was it the Pirates of the Caribbean that inspired them. Strange.
Shouldn't this be considered a form of child abuse?
SPARROW? Why couldn't they call the kid James Sparrow? Jack Sparrow even. Give the kid an eye patch, he'd love it.
Fucking ridiculous.
Submitted by Phoebe on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 9:44pm.
hahahaha. "Marshmallow" is perfect for these two hippies.
MK I missed the into this cruel world comment most of the baby post you used to write,you havent done it with the past unfortunate childs..I think your being considerate since they've had awful names right?
Next one: Marshmallow Mike Morning Madden.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 8:13pm.
Your kids eat dinner separately?
Stop being so logical. I was sitting at work, fried, trying to picture a parent yelling "Sparrow! Harlow!" You know how they say to give a dog at least a two-syllable name, so the dog can recognize it?
Madden is such a fucking poser.
If the baby were named James Midnight that would be perfect and still cool enough.
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I just can't believe these two are still together!
Take THAT, Paris!
Submitted by Tristram on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 6:20pm.
The third and fourth kids should be Borrow and Marrow.
Srsly, it's not good to have both kids' names so similar. It gets confusing when you scream at them to get their asses downstairs for dinner.
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Your kids eat dinner separately? ;p
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one more thing I want to know."
Aww, Harlow and Sparrow. Maybe they'll both be closeted drug addicts and homosexuals like their parents or possible namesakes. Wonder what the odds are?
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Are You A Goddess? If so...
These people are just stupid asses...
Nothing says "Douche" like a Madden twin.
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Moo!
Looks like she misses all the attention she used to get from the media. I guess giving your kid a dumb name is an easy way to get publicity. It's sad that celebs use their kids this way.
*chirp*
This whole celeb baby name kerfuffle always reminds me of "The Naming of Cats" by T.S. Eliot.
They are giving kids deep and inscrutable singular names.
Submitted by gia: "If one of my friends or even just a just a non celeb used the same names I would be much more accepting of the whole thing because I know it would be because they just genuinely liked the name."
Agree with you as per usual, gia.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 6:19pm.
Her kid's name is clunky and pretentious, but it could always be worse.
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Clunky Pretentious Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Now there's a mouthful. :)
Cockatoo? Blue Jay? Cardinal?
*cackling*
The third and fourth kids should be Borrow and Marrow.
Srsly, it's not good to have both kids' names so similar. It gets confusing when you scream at them to get their asses downstairs for dinner.
Her kid's name is clunky and pretentious, but it could always be worse. Like Gwen Stefani's son's runny diarrhea of a name
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by birdgherl on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 4:13pm.
When did people suddenly start getting 4 names?
it's been going on years now. not a new celeb trend. i read the announcements in a hawaiian paper once and there was only one kid with less than five names. also, i've met some brits with quite a few. i have no problem with it. wanted to do it to mine but conceded to my husb. on normal names and "normal" number. it does make things easier, that's for sure. can you imagine having to write that many names on school forms?
I guess it's better than Lark. Or Pigeon. Dove?
Starling? Finch?
WHAT A *BEEP* STUPID ASS NAME!
Submitted by Stock Broker on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 4:37pm.
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LMMFAO
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
Congratulations to Nicole and Joel.
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hey stock broker, i personally think pigeon and camel toe would have been far better. they should have let you name them!
you all know they threw in the kate and james so they could pull those out their asses when sparrow and harlow aren't cool anymore or they're in they wrong social settings for that shit. at least have some conviction behind that dumb shit- fuck the kate and james bullshit- dummies...
Honestly, I fully expected this one to do Google searches on how to induce labor so she could be the center of attention during her exes memorial service.
Stupid twats, trying to be cool. FAIL.
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“I tune out self pity, it makes my dick soft.” --Brian Kinney
At least they didn't name the poor kid Pigeon Camel Toe.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
Well Ange und Brads sons all must have an "x" in their names, with these two it's the "ow".
Suggestions for No. 3: "Sorrow", "Window", "Heathrow"...
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Auri sacra fames
Submitted by A Noun _is a pe... on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 2:57pm.
Submitted by 2Di4:
> Having a baby D-Lister like any second now...
Now *that's* a name I can get behind.
Welcome, Baby DLister James Cojones BeaArthur DrakeAndJosh Condor 2Di4!
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LOL! And Almost congratulations, 2Di4!
And congrats, Nicole and whatsisname!
♥ Threadkilla!
As an Evil Overlord, I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one more thing I want to know."
When did people suddenly start getting 4 names?
As happenstance would have it, the naive Sparrow befriended a little girl named Robin in kindergarten and another young lady named Raven in the first grade....and from there, the jokes have never ceased....
"People are strange when you're a stranger..." ~ The Doors
i'm sorry but she sends me into anxiety/rage mode...bitch does tons of drugs and gets pregnant at the drop of the hat...