Michael Phelps Had A Little Accident
Last night in Baltimore, Poseidon's true son and my bong's favorite swimmer, Michael Phelps, accidentally did anal with a woman's car. The police say that at around 9pm, Michael's Cadillac Escalade collided with a Honda Accord. The two cars also hit a parked car which was empty. Hos on the scene say that the accident happened, because someone ran a red light.
The lady in the Accord got a little banged up and was shuffled off the hospital. Homegirl said her head, arm and wallet was hurting. I'm joking about the wallet part. She's not going to sue (she's totally going to sue). The Associated Press added that there were two passengers in Michael's SUV and neither of them had owwies.
A Dlisted roving reporter (aka a reader named Jay) was on the scene shortly after the accident and here is his account of what happened:
Hey Michael K,so I'm leaving my apartment tonight in my shithole city of Baltimore, when just two blocks away, I see someone has just wrecked his Escalade into a fucking PARKED car. This guy is hobbling around on the corner, looking drunk and very smug, with no shoes on and rocking a very bro-ish purple football jersey. I then realized it is the world's fastest drunkard/highard Michael Phelps. The whole time he had a stupid shit-eating grin on his face, no doubt induced by the body shots he was probably taking as he ran his Escalade into a parked car. My friend took some photos, only to have Michael Phelps get in his face and demand, "Dude. Delete that photo. DELETE THE PHOTO NOW!"
Definitely drunk, definitely shoeless, and definitely wearing a football jersey. I'm so INTO Michael Phelps right now.
Just for the record, the police say that booze was not a factor in the crash and that they didn't feel the need to drunk test Michael. Personally, if I was a police officer on the scene, I would've tested him. But I wouldn't rely on the regular "field sobriety tests" they usually do. You can't really tell with those. I would've done a Peenalyzer (aka a "Does the jizz taste like vodka" test). It works every time.
By the way, Michael was not having a Chico's kind of night. GONG! Or should I say, BONG!
• 
You shit-talkers have no idea. Baltimore is awesome. You're welcome for the John Waters AND the Dolphin Boy, America.
I am suprised he didn't get cited for DUI/DWI because with that slurred jacked up voice from his quazi moto jaw he sounds drunk even when he is sober. I have heard him give interviews when he sounds like he came from a bar at 2 am even know he was as sober as a new born baby. For Real though his face looks like someone took a bat to it... his voice sounds like it too.
Hey there,
Are you looking for business partner or wealthy great looking soulmate?
To be a gold member to join _____WealthyChat.com____ to search them out! we have more than 1200,000 members including: lawyer,CEO,manager,model,actor,doctor,hollywood celebrities,althlets,investors.
it is totally Romance to communicate with each other,money is not important!
Because DUI/DWI is meaningless in crime-ridden Baltimore.
-----------------
Metric, "Gimme Sympathy"
I used to live half a block from where this happened. The traffic lights are long there and people blow the lights all the time cuz they don't wanna wait. I love the fact that Phelps admitted he had a beer but didn't get breathalyzed.
Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? Putting that face on that body - no amount of photoshop can help that mug. I wouldn't kick him out of my bed, but he damn sure would have to wear a hood!!
If he had a football jersey on he had probably come from the Balto Ravens vs Wash Redskins game played in Baltimore last night.
And he was probably on a high because Baltimore beat the skins 23-0.
If he had a football jersey on he had probably come from the Balto Ravens vs Wash Redskins game played in Baltimore last night.
And he was probably on a high because Baltimore beat the skins 23-0.
i grew up in baltimore...towson actually, just like mikey. there is a street called phelps way in my neighborhood. barf. we graduated high school the same year, ran in the same circles, and swam at the same club- nbac- for years. and yes, he is just as much of a pompous ass as everyone says.
http://wjz.com/local/Michael.Phelps.car.2.1127960.html
i can do better than pictures...a local news station has video from last night.
who cares if hes in trouble or something? all i did was stare at his glorious body in this picture... its not that swimming pool thats making me wet
Submitted by Terrapwn3d on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 11:52am.
Baltimore doesn't suck that bad.
-----
Have you BEEN to west Baltimore? Right. Putting battery acid on the playground sides and burning children isn't bad at all. Nope...
Baltimore doesn't suck that bad.
-----
"IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!" - Kanye West
How did everyone forget this fuckhead got arrested nearly 5 years ago for drinking and driving? He's an asshole.
-----
"IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!" - Kanye West
Oh I thought the weed incident was just a nerd trying to get with the cool kids kind of thing but it looks like this dude is a screw up for real...
Submitted by holyrollernova on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 10:41am.
a friend of mine from college went to high school with michael phelps and she said he was a notorious stoner and a drunk. he got a dui sometime between his 1st and 2nd olympics.
she also said he had a big wanggggg.
---
I'd LOVE to milk his wang :))
No surprise there.
I always knew he was a drunk since the Sidney(?) Olympics. So yah... he was drunk and stoned and smug and involved in a car crash?
Thank God it was a parked car. Dumb ho.
a friend of mine from college went to high school with michael phelps and she said he was a notorious stoner and a drunk. he got a dui sometime between his 1st and 2nd olympics.
she also said he had a big wanggggg.
________________________________________________________________________
what do i think? i think why not. rock and roll.
________________________________________________________________________
Meh! too bad he didn't die, specially if he was high and/or drunk. My bet is, the cops let it all slide because it's inbred Phelps.
**************
-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
I couldn't make my way through the text on that posting because I was too busy staring at the FishMan's body. True, I had to scroll down a little to cut off his head, but POPAZAO! I'd like to do my laundry on that torso.
**************************************
"F*CK OFF!" -- Harvey Yorke Price
i actually want to see the photos of him with the tranny...
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~ so many people are interested in an ageless relationship.
young girls want to have fun with 40 man and young guys want to have fun with 40 women.
There are many sites focusing on this kind of relationships such as
http://www.Sugardaddylove.com
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~ so many people are interested in an ageless relationship.
young girls want to have fun with 40 man and young guys want to have fun with 40 women.
There are many sites focusing on this kind of relationships such as
http://www.Sugardaddylove.com
Nice work Jay DRR (Dlisted Roving Reporter)! You should have business cards made up.
____________________
ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
HI JAY!
Thanks for the scoop.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
hey ya'll,
this is Jay. Phelps got his bro bros (the popo) to back their bro up and demand the photos be deleted. daaang ya'll. And this entire city is like one big tranny district, so it would have been more newsworthy if he managed to wreck his car outside of the tranny district.
Submitted by Stock Broker on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 9:03am.
Menyc ~ you're visiting the wrong site. If you're a Dolphin Boy fan, go to: www.chickenofthesea.com
Hahahaha.
jock assholes like phelps only get in trouble when pictures or renegade reporters tell the tale. go jay.
Menyc ~ you're visiting the wrong site. If you're a Dolphin Boy fan, go to: www.chickenofthesea.com
_______________________________________________
"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
I find him Hot.
-------------------------------------------------
"Dying is only worth it, if you have something to live for..."
Non-driving SOB!
I think Jay is an asshole, personally. And the pics should be deleted. I hate the mentality that everyone wants to drag someone down.
That's the best looking picture of his face that I've ever seen. He should walk around like that all the time to lessen the butter face.
*-*-*-*-*
"Oh hellllll yes! I just bought a ticket on the RobPatt crazy train!!! Chooo-Fuckin-Chooo!!!"—Clarisse
"Eyebrows, you in danger girl!"
Nice reporting Jay. Pics, please.
Sounds like he was driving a Cadillac Escandalo! (complete with exclamation point!)
!!!!!1!!!!
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
The testimony of him sounding like a douche makes my dick go even more limp than when he opens his mouth to shoot a fug smile at everyone.
Ahhaha mike,
Wow. Baltimore sounds... awesome.
____________________
ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
Young guy without much driving experience who no doubt thinks he's invincible + Cadillac TANK = a very fucking bad idea. He should be forced to drive a Yugo.
____________________
ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
Phelps can suck it, dumb ass.
Too bad he didn't bust his face, he could have gotten that shit fixed proper.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
That's probably the same face Phelps made when he smacked into the parked car.
I remember being a passenger in a car with someone so wasted that ahe didn't understand that the car in front of her wasn't moving. I actually had to tell her we were sitting behind a parked car.
Baltimore's an awesome place to visit. It's grubby in parts like few cities (it's not all Disney-fied and Middle American suburban-looking) are anymore. I once went to a strip club in one of the bad parts of town adjacent to the Inner Harbor and (I swear), there were strippers with track marks and bruises, and I even saw a stripper give a guy adjacent to the stage a bj.
This man is the reason they invented paper bags.
well, him and groceries.
_____________________________________________
"Don't be tardy to the party"
I def. need to go party this weekend in Baltimore (i'm in DC)
Hang out in the tranny district and get the phelps with his peen caught in action
do you think he's packing???
I don't... but he's ugly so he must... who knows
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Is this real life?
My opinion of Mr. Phelps dropped completely thanks to Jay's invesigative reporting. And dweebnuts drives a Cadillac Escalade? No self respecting weedhead would drive an Escaladieeee. We like bikes and slugbugs.
Must have thought Paul Biedermann was chasing him.
------------------------
Auri sacra fames
I'm so sick of this cunt of a man. Gawker claims this accident was in the tranny district. I hope we find out that he likes a little dick with his tits.
P.S., I love Baltimore. Certain parts are crap like any big city but by the water is awesome.
A Dlisted roving reporter (aka a reader named Jay) was on the scene shortly after the accident and here is his account of what happened:
Too bad Jay doesn't work for CNN...best reporting ever!
There goes his Midas endorsement.
-----------------
Ursuline
The police didn't give a celebrity a breathalyzer?
=========================================
@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Yah I wanna see the photos!!!! C'mon Jay!!!
***********************
"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I`m f—king my dog!" - Gerard Butler
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!" -unknown
He's done it before, he'll do it again and again untill someone gets killed and then everyone will act mortified and ask "How di this happen?"
On another note, I'd totally do the nasty with him (but really hate myself in the morning)