Gold Digging FAIL
This is the most hurtful, disturbing and ridiculous news I've heard all morning! 24-year-old Kristin Hardy has officially divorced her 85-year-old BILLIONAIRE husband, because he wanted to fuck every minute of the day. Get our your abacuses, class! It's math time: 85-year-old heart + billions of dollars + copious amounts of Viagra + overexertion = AN EASY MARK! Why must I cry?
Joe Hardy, the founder of 84 Lumber, and Kristin were married in 2007 (after dating for a few months), but split up only 3 months later. Kristin says that the marriage immediately went south when Joe gave her a list of things she had to do.
Joe wanted her to spend more time with him and less time with her son from another relationship. Joe demanded that she not text message in front of him, walk around the house in sessy lingerie and give him sex whenever he wanted it. Kristin told The Mirror, "I just could not believe what he wanted me to do. He'd lean over while we were watching TV and grope me. That's not how married couples behave. He expected a feel of tit whenever he wanted, French-kiss him constantly and parade around the house in sexy underwear."
The day after she got the list, Kristin left Joe and went to live with her mother. According to the pre-nup she signed, if Kristin walked away from the marriage, she'd get a box full of NOTHING.
Kristin, who is now engaged to a 28-year-old IT consultant, said she married Joe for love and not for money, "I did not marry him for his money. People were calling me a gold-digger but that could not be further form the truth. I married for love and it is as simple as that." STOP! STOP! STOP! PUT IT DOWN! I can't listen to this anymore. You are hurting me, Kristin! Don't make believe that there's people out there with morals and self-respect. I'm not listening anymore....lalalalalalalalaaaa!
Okay, Joe sounds like a regular Creepy McGrossyOldHands, but what did Kristin expect!? She married a man old enough to be her grand pepaw after only dating him for a few months. It's not like they were the second coming of Brit Brit & Chester Cheetah (the love affair of our time). If only I was in Kristin's life, I'd tell her ass what to do.
All she had to do was tie Joe to the bed, spoonfeed him a delicious Viagra and caramel square shake, blindfold him, stick a vibrating rubber vagina over his geriatric peen and then take her kid shopping for diamond-covered toys. Rinse and repeat.
And if Kristin is truth-telling and really married an 84-year-old billionaire for love, then homegirl needs ten lifetimes of therapy. Marrying a creepy old man for money = SANE. Marrying a creepy old man for love = CERTIFIABLE.
(Thanks Soraya)
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But in this dodobird's defense, I do suspect this guy was a grade-A asshole.
See, I would have handled pepaw a little differently.
I would have pranced around in the lingerie and fed him bacon cheeseburgers with mayo and done shots with him till he passed out and taken him to strip clubs and gotten him hooked on the cocaina and partied his ass into the sweet hereafter.
Good lord, isn't there something you're not supposed to mix with Viagra? She could have done some research. I'm just sayin'...
Submitted by Chirio on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 4:03pm.
Oh since I see this is a the mind is boggled tab/post..this is my ultimate crush hahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTNJ38BLckQ
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Thanks for the memories, Chirio. My granny and I used to watch him on the Spanish channels in NY many years ago - we used to call him 'Camilo Sexo'
As for Joe, he had the proper license to go gropping at least.
♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥
elen sila lumen omentilmo-LOTR
congrats JustJack
hey hey now who just touched me???!!
Coma Caca!!
Submitted by WrathOGrapes on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 4:30pm.
Pardon me, but why is it in every case like this, the chick is a "gold-digger?" Why doesn't the creepy old bastard get the nasty nickname anymore? I personally hope this girl finds a way to bleed that pervert dry
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I agree with you in part: I think they're both to blame. One driven by greed, the other lust.
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"I smelled fraud from the moment I stepped into that shop. Actually, what I smelled was butter. Baker's butter. The high-fat, professional-grade Plugra kind.."~Will Upton, dessert blogger & whistle-blower.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:45pm.
Her first clue that he was a perv was that his Craftmatic adjustable bed had a setting for doggy-style.
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That made me spit-take my water. =D
Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
A twenty something and eighty something have nothing in common. And yes love does equal a lot of groping and hot sex. Bitch wanted the money but couldn't go through with it due to her weak little stomach.
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"Bird season is over butt-horns." ~ Gary Busey in "Bulletproof"
Pardon me, but why is it in every case like this, the chick is a "gold-digger?" Why doesn't the creepy old bastard get the nasty nickname anymore? I personally hope this girl finds a way to bleed that pervert dry.
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Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Submitted by Chirio on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 4:03pm
______________________
Team Valtrex is my ultimate crush
*giggles*
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 4:14pm.
macaroni salad from heaven
two cu mac, cooked soft, but firm
one can white meat tuna (or chicken) drained
one small cuke, finely diced, skin off
one tomato, ditto
onne 1/4 cu onion, ditto
two cu shred. ched.
enough mayo (miracle whi) to moistion
toss gently salt, etc, taste, cool for at least a few hours. serve on lettuce with crackers.
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I like the 'toss gently' part. Hoooly.
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"I smelled fraud from the moment I stepped into that shop. Actually, what I smelled was butter. Baker's butter. The high-fat, professional-grade Plugra kind.."~Will Upton, dessert blogger & whistle-blower.
He'd lean over while we were watching TV and grope me. That's not how married couples behave.
Uhm, yes you dumb whore, that IS how married couples behave. If you had married for LOVE and not MONEY, you would know this.
I have had my tit groped by my husband many a time in front of the TV.
hahaah, guess which keyboard button is fucked on my keyboard
lmno...qrs,tuv
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Fucka doodle-do.
hahaah, guess which keyboard button is fucked on my keyboard
lmno...qrs,tuv
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Fucka doodle-do.
I was going to say "what happened to TOVA?"... thought that was Ernest Borgnine.
macaroni salad from heaven
two cu mac, cooked soft, but firm
one can white meat tuna (or chicken) drained
one small cuke, finely diced, skin off
one tomato, ditto
onne 1/4 cu onion, ditto
two cu shred. ched.
enough mayo (miracle whi) to moistion
toss gently salt, etc, taste, cool for at least a few hours. serve on lettuce with crackers.
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:45pm.
Her first clue that he was a perv was that his Craftmatic adjustable bed had a setting for doggy-style.
you never fail to slay me darling, move to Cleveland and you can throw out the Viagra, you won't need it.
shit, I'd be feeding the old fucker valium and telling him it's Viagra.. laugh all the way to the bank.
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:39pm.
Fucking Viagra ruins everything!
I was beginning to worry you might have been kidnapped by Kate by having Haley on your AVIE! where were you?
....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K
Oh since I see this is a the mind is boggled tab/post..this is my ultimate crush hahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTNJ38BLckQ
Coma Caca!!
Either way you cut it... the bottom line is she doesn't watch HBO's True Blood. This bird could've given him a massive does of V-Juice, which would've given him an unfortunate case of stiff eggplant dick... hence, making it painful and impossible to have ze sex. Duh. ;-)
"You suck, because your CIRCLE sucks!"
The only thing they had in common was that they both had a 5th birthday party with a dinosaur theme. Of course, his used actual dinosaurs.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Her first clue that he was a perv was that his Craftmatic adjustable bed had a setting for doggy-style.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:43pm
___________________________
Bitch...parking and aarp, ruthless
She was just in it for the Handicapped parking.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
thanks CTH, nothing will get done today. yay! I may need pasta salad soon.
its 14:40 here...when I said salad...i meant herbal salad..umm I can pass that along too.
Coma Caca!!
Fucking Viagra ruins everything!
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Oh no no no. Look at his left hand, he's giving us or maybe her the finger. that is uncalled for!
Coma Caca!!
HAHAAHA
it's four twenty here.
"hits bong, shares"
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Fucka doodle-do.
I can join ya JustJack...I am a free woman (for a few hours) I can do whatever I want ha. today is a pasta salad day.
Coma Caca!!
She's 24? She looks older.
*reports self for drinking before noon*
She was just using him for his AARP benefits.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Chinese food?
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:29pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:28pm.
grand grand daddy figure, eh?
"grosses self out"
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Hehehehehe....yeah there is *quite* an age differential there. But she loves him!!
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"I smelled fraud from the moment I stepped into that shop. Actually, what I smelled was butter. Baker's butter. The high-fat, professional-grade Plugra kind.."~Will Upton, dessert blogger & whistle-blower.
not yet, do I look drunk? thats sad. but thinking about it JustJack ha
Coma Caca!!
Chirio,,,are you drinking again?
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:28pm.
grand grand daddy figure, eh?
"grosses self out"
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:23pm.
maybe she thought he married her for her brain..
Borat voice
NOT.
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Hahaha...Well I suppose it's possible that she loved him. Some women look for a daddy figure. It's ahhhh...possible.
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"I smelled fraud from the moment I stepped into that shop. Actually, what I smelled was butter. Baker's butter. The high-fat, professional-grade Plugra kind.."~Will Upton, dessert blogger & whistle-blower.
maybe she thought he married her for her brain..
Borat voice
NOT.
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Fucka doodle-do.
Gurls like presents
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"Yes, as far as shitty music goes Michael Jackson made the best"- Howard Stern
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:19pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:16pm.
I find that odd too. aren't the first years of marriage (if you are in love ) about being all over each other? body and soul?
she really didn't think this thru, did she.
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Really. Who marries a lumber magnate assuming they won't get nailed?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Oh, he showed her a good time in the beginning, and she fell for it, and probably for him. She finds out he's an absolute monster and leaves. So what? Big deal.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:16pm.
I find that odd too. aren't the first years of marriage (if you are in love ) about being all over each other? body and soul?
she really didn't think this thru, did she.
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Fucka doodle-do.
why are some fighting over here? wtf! i'm about to slap somebody.
Coma Caca!!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:15pm.
She needs a better lawyer, that's fo sho.
and, who the fuck would agre to NO money?
even if dude wasn't rich. fuck that!
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But she did it for loooooooooooooooove, which apparently has a shelf-life of 3 months.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
She needs a better lawyer, that's fo sho.
and, who the fuck would agre to NO money?
even if dude wasn't rich. fuck that!
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Fucka doodle-do.
That guy looks like the spawn of Colonel Sanders and that guy from Office Space.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by yucko on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 3:06pm.
Sex would be unfortunate, but imagine if he tried to convince you to give him oral? I'd likely vomit (then again, I guess if you threw up on his gut enough times, he'd probably stop asking for it).
He probably insisted on being on top. She closed her eyes, held her breath, and dreamt of greenbacks, but her will (and her pelvis) was crushed.
Ouch!
I don't grow up, I throw up, then you lick it up.
*
What?
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Submitted by Karen Flatts on Sun, 08/02/2009 - 2:51pm
Thanks... I know that already.
Funny is to see them have a meltdown and resort to complete and utter childishness in lieu of having anything intelligent to say.
And law degrees are a dime a dozen, so I'm not impressed. Intelligence is the more rare commodity.
A couple of idiots make personal attacks, and are stupid enough to say they didn't - and to accuse others of doing so.
Brilliant!
Please.
Again, Karen - thanks.
lol @ DListed having "Charter Members."
If this is true, can I be the mascot?!
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
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