Please Send Fishsticks A Thank You Note For Making GOOP Free

Today is Thursday, which means it's time for your weekly brain colonic, because the new issue of GOOP is out. Although, let's leave this week's newsletter alone (it's about books, blahg) and talk about an interview Fishsticks Paltrow gave to People Magazine at last night's Champions of Hope Benefit Gala in NYC. Cacaness.

Somebody needs to hand me a sharp needle, so that I can pop the gigantic fart bubble Fishy has been living in. This ho said that she's a gift box of OMGamazing information and that people get on their knees and thank every God for GOOP. Fishy queefed, “People are so grateful that it’s free. It’s just nice to share what you have. And I have all this great information. It’s just a gift. People want me to do all this other stuff. But right now, I just really love doing the site. I love thinking about the letters, what I’m going to write about, what kind of information we can put in there.” You know where you need to put that information, Fishy? Fart to get a clue.

Seriously, what is she teaching the world?! How to roast a stupid ass dumb ugly chicken? Even Sandra Lee's drunk ass could probably teach us that. The keyword being "probably." And what's with this "grateful that it's free" mess? People who read every line of GOOP are paying dearly. They are paying with their soooooouuuuuuuuuuuuls. Seriously, ask for a receipt.

Here's a few pictures of Princess POOP last night wearing a dress decorated with Glamberace's glittery jizz load.

Wenn.com, Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Laurel on Sat, 08/01/2009 - 4:34pm.

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow...

Submitted by fez on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 10:11pm.

I'm not a deeply religious person but, God please make it stop - WHO are these people who want her to keep spouting her basic knowledge that any moron would know? Please just concentrate on acting, because you really haven't conquered that - Shakespeare in Love? I don't know what the Academy was thinking, but NO!! Less teeth, more (real) emotion and no recipes. Ummm, thanks....

Submitted by Tristram on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 9:08am.

You all need to recycle and conserve more. See how I drink takeaway chai in a free-trade ceramic mug? Except when it's something that I deem important, like my flying to an event in NY.

Submitted by commentonthis on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 7:39am.

I heart the DListed, but I can't stand the Gwynny hate. Gwynny is a boss. She's the epitome of NY awesomeness: chic, slightly prissy, and completely self-centered. I get her. Why don't you?

Submitted by Zoe-in-Atlanta on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 7:19am.

America has no real fashonistas (except Gaga of course).

Gwenyth is boring, blonde, 5'11" and has designer best friends. Stop taking fashion advice from her.
Stella McCartney is so much more fashionable, smart and cool as hell.

I heart Dlisted.
~Zoe
http://www.myspace.com/misszoesimone

Submitted by cuchini on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 6:20am.

Submitted by sushi on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 12:18am.
I think she's only beautiful to homosexuals. Otherwise, this bitch is below average.

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i'm gay and she doesn't do much for me

i only admire her perfect spanish accent, something hard to do

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 6:04am.

yeah that's a good angle Fishsticks..hold it... ::rams a sharp object in her throat::

Submitted by cadebra1961 on Fri, 07/31/2009 - 12:14am.

I always thought Fish Shtic had cold, dead eyes - even when she's smiling - like a corpse. And what's with the Adam's Apple? Beotch is looking rather harsh these days, dontcha think folks??
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←

Submitted by sushi on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 11:18pm.

I think she's only beautiful to homosexuals. Otherwise, this bitch is below average.

Submitted by Sibsi on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:36pm.

Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 11:23pm.

She's best friends with Vadge...need I say more?
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No, you needn't, my dear!

That, right there, says it all really.

Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:23pm.

She's best friends with Vadge...need I say more?

::And as God as my witness, I will never shampoo your hair again!" - Blanche Devereaux::

Submitted by areyouok715 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:07pm.

she is so beautiful.. but someone said she joined the famous online service !!!.sugarscupid. c o m a place for rich men to spoil and support sexy women..

Submitted by quickkill on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:59pm.

She really thinks she's all that...With those surly looking kids, Apple and Moses, ( How did you think those names were cool ? ), she just thinks her farts don't stink....bitch.

Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:14pm.

What a delusional twat.

Submitted by interriav on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:06pm.

many nice and single girls have a account on __c lassymingle c om___. so dont miss them. dont miss your classy lover!!

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:50pm.

"JIMMY CHOO BOOT MANEUVERS" <---THAT is fucking sweet poetry right there Tiger:)

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:48pm.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:44pm.
omfg LOL at the commingback posts. In my mind, commingback watches over us whores like a guardian angel. And that bitch better come back one day and post for real!!!
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Coming Back was THE HWATEST DListed slut who ever existed...

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:47pm.

If she tilts her damn head back just 2 more degrees, we can look up her nose to where her brain should be.

heh, I rhyme

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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:44pm.

omfg LOL at the commingback posts. In my mind, commingback watches over us whores like a guardian angel. And that bitch better come back one day and post for real!!!

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:36pm.

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:24pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:20pm.
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Penis interruptions and temerity? HAHAHA!!

TAX THAT, SALLY MACK!! BLACKS!
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WOE BE TO THOSE WHO CALL GWYNETH A BLACK...TAX YELLOW SQUASH...YOU SIMPLY ENVY HER JIMMY CHOO BOOT MANEUVERS...AND CHRIS MARTIN'S TESTICULAR VIRILITY SALLY MACKING HER ANGELIC VISAGE IN THE LOO...LOUIS VUITTON BODY SPRAYS...CASHMERE SOCK SLOTS AND BRASS FIXTURE TOILET HANDLE MASK FLASHES WHILST MAKING GODIVA CHOCOLATE TIMES ON LA TOILETTE! TAX YELLOW PILLOW CASES!

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:46pm.

"I WOULD WIHOUT HESITATION MAKE WITCH EYES AT MY VAULTED CEILING"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by Jonster11209 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:45pm.

Bow down in your Blahniks! Dame Gwyneth has arrived to dispense moronic tidbits of useless information. And it's FREE !! We don't even have to PAY her!! A real life has-been movie star will tell you where to find that $400 veggie burger in Paris. Oh joy. Oh rapture.

Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:34pm.

Oh let's just face it: Gywneth is a low level functioning moron who probably masturbates with her Oscar when her emo-band hubby is on the road. Two words sum her up: "William Joel". Fuck off and die Gywnnie, no one cares about you.

"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"

Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:33pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 8:18pm.

Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:29pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:20pm.
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I don't appreciate that. Gwyneth has worked hard for everything she has. It takes a lot of soul searching to hate fat people and to carry yourself in a superior manner. Don't talk about people that you don't understand. Unless you read it in "People" magazine then it's NOT A FACT! Duh!

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hehehe...I mean where ARE the Gwynaloonies??? Surely they exist, right? Right? *sound of crickets*...Oh wow Fishy, you one not so likable bitch there, aincha then?
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Y'all are just some jellis, fat-ass, Mario Batali cookin' mofos. Gwynie doesn't need a comeback with ass fat and a slot tax. As Gwynnie would say just like a "real" Merkin, "Just sod off already. I won an Oscar so that means I'm better than you!"
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.

Submitted by Sibsi on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:21pm.

Nothing like someone who was born privileged telling people they should be grateful when they give us back so much.

Fuck you, Gwyneth.

You're not important, you're not curing cancer and most of all: your contributions to mankind will never, ever, ever amount to anything.

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Chungking - Stay Up Forever

Submitted by Toonkinstein on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:19pm.

*fart*

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:18pm.

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hehehe...I mean where ARE the Gwynaloonies??? Surely they exist, right? Right? *sound of crickets*...Oh wow Fishy, you one not so likable bitch there, aincha then?

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by stake_spike on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:02pm.

I hope if people are actually going to read this shit for a laugh they get it elsewhere and don't contribute to Fishshit's site traffic. All the people that flood there on Thursday or sign up for the newsletter so they can laugh at what a pretentious cunt she is, are just adding to her numbers.

DON'T DO IT!

Submitted by ChubbyWubby on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:58pm.

The sad thing about Fishsticks is that she really has an incredibly beautiful face that can't overcome her horrible bland personality that completely turns guys off! How unfortunate....

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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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Submitted by Mawy on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:43pm.

"And I have all this great information..." Is this bitch serious? Her site is pathetic. She tries so hard to sound so cultured and intelligent. She has a list of exhibits her friends like, "And some of them came from friends who I trust in all matters of culture." Who talks like that? Pretentious ho. Don't take yourself too seriously, cuz no one else does.
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Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.

Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:29pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:20pm.
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I don't appreciate that. Gwyneth has worked hard for everything she has. It takes a lot of soul searching to hate fat people and to carry yourself in a superior manner. Don't talk about people that you don't understand. Unless you read it in "People" magazine then it's NOT A FACT! Duh!
_______________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.

Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:26pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:20pm.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
Smiley Faces

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:24pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 7:20pm.
----------------------------------------

Penis interruptions and temerity? HAHAHA!!

TAX THAT, SALLY MACK!! BLACKS!

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:20pm.

I'm thinking Gwynnie needs her very own DListed version of "Coming Back"...Can you imagine 'Coming Backisms' remixed into some uppity, pretentious, pseudo-British non-stop BAT SHIT CRAZAY???

MY, HOW THE COMMONERS DO LOVE TO COMMUNE IN THIS LOWER CHAT...TAX PURPLE GERBILS...WHAT WRETCHED SALLY MACK BUM SLAPS YOU BESTOW ON THIS ANGELIC WOOD NYMPH! THE TEMERITY!...TAX PENIS ERUPTIONS...WHY IF I WEREN'T SUCH A LADY OF BREEDING...TAX BROKEN LIGHT BULBS..., I WOULD WIHOUT HESITATION MAKE WITCH EYES AT MY VAULTED CEILING...TAX CHICKEN SEX WITH TOP HATS...

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:58pm.

Submitted by sparkys nemesis on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 6:45pm.

Go with the flow on this one, I have met her and experienced FIRST hand her pretentious, bitchy ass self. She is getting everything she deserves here and actually should get more.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:56pm.

Same twat, different day.

I'd love to shoot her father's friend that cast her in her first movie.

Submitted by sparkys nemesis on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:45pm.

Seriously Michael K, with such a fabulous online blog as yours (my fave), why would you find it necessary to waste space slamming our Gwynnie every single time GOOP comes out??? I thought you were smarter than the others:((( I l-i-k-e GOOP; it's informative. I l-i-k-e Gwynnie; always have. Even if she's a bit pretentious (not as much as Sparky though)...she's a NY girl at heart. Pulleeeeze cut her some slack.

Submitted by gnarlyone on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:36pm.

Is she positioning herself to be the next Martha Stewart?
In her old Age?? I think that must be it...

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:35pm.

SHE should be grateful it's free. If it cost money, no one would read it.

The hubris... *shakes head*

Submitted by squiggles on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:18pm.

wait...people are grateful "it" is free? what exactly is she giving away...recommendations for $500 napkin rings? her "thoughts" about blackberry usage? Goop is really (and unintentionally on her part) the perfect name for that thing.

Submitted by one square on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:16pm.

ha ha, what a great photo. stuck-up? moi?

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i am courtney love's original face.

Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:40pm.

Why does she tilt her head back? Is it to prove she cleaned out her coke nose?

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
Smiley Faces

Submitted by yoboo on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:37pm.

I want her to get divorced SO BADLY

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:24pm.

BlueOrchid, you and me both. PFFFTTT!!

Submitted by zuum on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:23pm.

i hope chris dumps her white boney ass..

then she'll have even MORE time to do us the favor to show us how to properly clean a kitty litter all f*g day long

Submitted by BlueOrchid on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:22pm.

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:25pm.

How about sounds? It never ceases to crack me up.

http://www.fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm

Ah-hahahahaha!!!! I've decided I'm either very immature or I'm missing a chromosome or something.

_______________________________________

Ever see a man's stump? Guy's like, "Go on, man. I want you to know how it feels. Touch it. Touch my stump." Disgusting! So don't tell us that Bucky Haight wasn't shot, 'cause we were there. We touched his stump.

Submitted by justjane on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:20pm.

What's up with her face? The teefs look new, but she's definitely had work done...and why "GOOP"? Is it some condescending homage to the common people? Bitch.

Submitted by Talula on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 5:18pm.

For being all organic and macrobiotic, her skin looks like shit.

Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:18pm.

Fishy needs to take her own advice and eat a little fiber. Either that, or get the stick out of her arse. Ugh.

Submitted by sybil on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 4:13pm.

I need a milk & molasses enema to cleanse my system after looking at her! While she is "doing all this stuff," who is doing Chris Martin???? She is such a self righteous piece of shit!

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"It's Michael K's world, we just live in it!"-God