After 67 Hours Of Labor, Kelis Has Finally Given Birth To A Baby
Kelis' rep tells MTV that she went into labor on Monday at 2am and didn't pop out a BABY!!! friend until last night at 9. LAWD. I've never given birth to a baby (surprising, I know), but I think I would need heroin, crack, a vodka drip, a dozen morphine lollipops, Mah Boo's soothing voice on a loudspeaker and six epidural-tinis just to get through that shit! Labor doesn't sound like a party.
Kelis had a natural birth and the only people in the room were her mother and sister. TMZ claims that her estranged husband Nas tried to get in to see her on Tuesday night, but he was too drunk, so they turned him away.
Nas and Kelis named their new baby boy Knight Jones. Her rep added: "Weighing a healthy 7.8 lbs, the beautiful baby boy and his mother are doing wonderful."
No wonder labor took 67 hours. That baby knew what they were going to name him, so he didn't want to come out! Okay, okay, the name isn't bad. It could've been a trillion times worse. Nas could have named him Nasmajesty. You know it crossed his mind.
Besides, sharing your name with a David Hasselhoff character is kind of awesome.
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Wth? I would think that doctors would say, "fuck it, you're getting a C-section" instead of waiting that long.
Is it wrong for a man to have sugar baby?? you know it is an absolutely extramarital relationship, but more and more services c ome out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship..like !!!.----SugarsCupid. C O M----what will the world be??
Misplaced modifier: "Weighing a healthy 7.8 lbs, the beautiful baby boy and his mother are doing wonderful." Oh, well.
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Flower is to keep but not to take. Girlfriend is to make but not to break.
Submitted by annobanano on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 2:04pm.
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MUAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
NAS was just ordered to pay her 44k a month.
Nasmajesty! hahahahaaha
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Black Tambourine
Natural birth is the way to go. The last thing when you're in labour that you'll be thinking about is the afterbirth in the water with you....whatevs! Seriously the trauma to mum and baby is much less than a c-section and or supposed "natural" birth practised in hospitals in most of America. Putting you up on stirrups is ridiculous and limits - reduces the pelvis - the birth canal - which is why it's so "painful". Docs are too lazy to squat and catch! My ex's sis in law stood and the midwife was there to help catch the baby. I'm squatting or standing or whatever my body decides but I will not lie on a table with my legs in stirrups! LOL...no seriously i wont.
_________________I <3 STEWIE!____________________
Shoulda named him Nas-T
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:54pm.
Momus _ I pinched them off and ate 'em. Maybe that gets me runner up?
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Still a winner. See, you cleaned up your mess, groomed your young'n, and didn't waste any food.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Team Valtrex on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:56pm.
Yeah, we've all seen the pictures. Now I know why KFC won't let you back in.
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My lawyer took care of that.
;) xoxo
M.E. on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:52pm.
Same, exact thing here.
I no longer give a shit who see's me nekkid.
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Yes! It's like the brain just forgets what it was like before.
@PicklesnCream yeah no autism, no ADD no all the made up diseases blamed on western medicine.
@TV LMAO!!
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:48pm.
Before having my daughter I was so modest. Just getting a Pap smear was hard for me. After popping out a baby in front of a bunch of people? NOTHING modest about me anymore. Something changed.
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Yeah, we've all seen the pictures. Now I know why KFC won't let you back in.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Team Valtrex on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:50pm.
I was child number six, when I was ready to be born I just rode out on the bicycle my sister left behind.
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LOL.
Momus _ I pinched them off and ate 'em. Maybe that gets me runner up?
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Sometimes we should wear other shoes and stand up and feel it by ourseleves. Thanks - PERLA
Submitted by PicklesnCream on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:52pm.
I was just about to say how its funny that not one penis made a comment on all the birthing asshole tearing comments so far, then Team Valtrex rides in on his tricycle lol
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I actually fell off the bike when I got to the escalator.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
I was just about to say how its funny that not one penis made a comment on all the birthing asshole tearing comments so far, then Team Valtrex rides in on his tricycle lol
TV - LMAO! Cigarette in hand too?
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:48pm.
Before having my daughter I was so modest. Just getting a Pap smear was hard for me. After popping out a baby in front of a bunch of people? NOTHING modest about me anymore. Something changed.
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Same, exact thing here.
I no longer give a shit who see's me nekkid.
Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:48pm.
That sounds awesome lol. Sometimes the most primitive ways of giving birth are the best, no drugs or machines or intervention.
I was child number six, when I was ready to be born I just rode out on the bicycle my sister left behind.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Before having my daughter I was so modest. Just getting a Pap smear was hard for me. After popping out a baby in front of a bunch of people? NOTHING modest about me anymore. Something changed.
Submitted by PicklesnCream on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:44pm.
Xerquina, which country?
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It was on the Libya/Egypt border.nomads know no boundaries LOL.
I hear they give you icy pads for your chocha after the delivery. That sounds pretty darn awesome.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:37pm.
After I had Thing 3 I was starving and they brought me a plate of spaghetti and garlic bread. I'm chowing down and realize after I polish off the bread that poor Tug has crumbs and shit all over his head.
*takes self out of running for mother of the year*
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Reinstate yourself if you licked the crumbs off of his head.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Flattery gets you everywhere! Last avi is me and youngest crotchfruit.
I couldn't eat for a day with either you lucky whores.
EEG shut up they look fine. You're effing 40? I thought you were 25 from your previous avi. Whore!
Xerquina, which country?
Hoff - Uvula - OMG! YES!!! The hunger you feel after childbirth is the most INSANE thing ever! I could have eaten an entire fucking cow, and asked for seconds.
pickles, you are on it! get all that shit done, make it very clear that you want a natural birth if at all possible.
I did it after a c-section for heaven's sake..
they need to know what you want/need and tell them you want a nurse/midwife if at all possible.
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Fucka doodle-do.
I refuse to give birth in anything other than a golden tub filled with champagne.
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:36pm
The midwife at the doctors' office I'm going to is super awesome but she unfortunately doesn't deliver and works out of the clinic. I think by my 7th month I need to go to the hospital I chose and make sure they'll have all that available and that they respect my wishes, and won't make me sign crazy shit while I'm in the middle of a contraction, as per the link I posted earlier. Imagine them taking your baby away because you didn't sign a c-section consent form!
ISMU,
That is hilarious! Poor wittle Tug.
Pickles I put up dif avi to show tits with no bra after two kids and I am 40.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:37pm.
OMG, I totally remember that, I was never so hungry in my fucking life... after two bites I was sending him down for a second burger.. then I bugged the nurses till they gave me a roast beef sammie from their secret stash... lol.
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Fucka doodle-do.
i was born in a sixth world country, born right on the desert. no IVs, no western medicine all ancient techniques.i turned rather healthy, weird ain't it. too bad about the water birthing i thought it would look romantic. but blood and all those other remains ain't sounding so good.
My first was very complicated, ended up having general anesthesia and did not see my son until 4hrs later. Now they are giving me the option of trying vaginal again.. Ohhh decisions decesions.
After I had Thing 3 I was starving and they brought me a plate of spaghetti and garlic bread. I'm chowing down and realize after I polish off the bread that poor Tug has crumbs and shit all over his head.
*takes self out of running for mother of the year*
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Sometimes we should wear other shoes and stand up and feel it by ourseleves. Thanks - PERLA
You ALL are some tough freakin broads in here. Damn tearing *ouchies*, that sounds so painfully burning, and stitches and staples, oh my.
Submitted by PicklesnCream on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:31pm.
Christine, be my midwife. I'll pay you in pickles and placenta.
I wish!
if you go natural, the hospital will give you a midwife, and I can tell you she will be AWESEOME, wiping your face, holding your hand, helping you work through it.. mine was fantastic.
I later found out she was unable to have kids, and working as a midwife was therapy for her...
that still makes me choke up ....
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:33pm
This sounds ghey but you guys are really making me feel better about my plans to go natural. I love you whores
The jacuzzi tub was soooooo epic during labor, made labor so much less painful!
pickles, it's mind over matter. With bebe #2 I had made a CD of my favorite slow songs from Sting and the Police. with every contraction, I'd put my headphones on, sing and sway back and forth. The singing took my mind off the pain and the doctor said, by me being in the standing position and swaying back and forth with each contraction, I actually was HELPING the baby move downward.
From admittance to the hospital till birth was 4 hours. And I felt AWESOME after. Up walking around, showering, etc. Sending BH down to the cafeteria to get be some fucking grub!
Oh I definitely came out fupa first!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:30pm.
Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:28pm.
okay MOM Squad, how is water birthing? i hear it's healthy/good... what say you?
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I said hell to the naw to that just for the simple fact that once the baby plops out, you are sitting in a bath filled with blood, placenta
LOL Exaclty!! My dumb cousin ( she is 17) was telling me that when she has kids she will have a water birth with beautiful candles around.. Uhhh Ok.
xerquina: When I got in the warm tub, it slowed down my labor so they had me get out. It is nice to float when you're hurting - I went into a little trance in the tub and an hour passed like 5 minutes.
In NY, they don't allow you to give birth in the water. It's against hospital protocol.
Christine, be my midwife. I'll pay you in pickles and placenta.
pickles, could you report me up a boulder holder, too? These fucking things are dragging all over my keyboard.
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Sometimes we should wear other shoes and stand up and feel it by ourseleves. Thanks - PERLA
Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 07/23/2009 - 1:28pm.
okay MOM Squad, how is water birthing? i hear it's healthy/good... what say you?
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I said hell to the naw to that just for the simple fact that once the baby plops out, you are sitting in a bath filled with blood, placenta, birthing juices and possibly poop.
*gags*
lelu: I can't speak for anyone else, but here are my reasons.
1. I was more afraid of a needle in my spine than the pain of giving birth.
2. For me, it WAS a little machismo. It was something I had to conquer, like a test. It was more about the fear than the pain.
3. I wanted the whole experience. I didn't want to be groggy or out of it.
Also, the endorphins kick in and I felt magnificent afterward. It's the best high in the world. Maybe that's what the "runner's high" is. It's very nice.
*reports ISMU's titty sacks*
O.K. My chocha aches just reading all of your "tore-apart" stories.
That's why the Pink Princess was purchased.