Tuesday, July 14th 2009
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For July 13th!
20 years from now Maddox is busy baby-sitting embryos at St. Angie's egg farm. - starvis
Runners-up:
Jon, I know you're desperate to get your balls back since leaving Kate, but this is overkill, no? - sophie_003
Dear Alan,
The next time you're standing on a ledge, wanting to end it all and you're wishing to be buried surrounded by melons...
BE MORE SPECIFIC!!!!
Sincerely,
God - ISprainedMyUvula
You'd scream too if you got stuck the middle of Wonky McValtrex's latest outbreak - sparky nemesis
ShareThis
Masanobu Sato, the 2009 Masturbate-A-Thon Champion, has decided to use watermelons instead of his Tegna sex toys to prepare for next year's contest.
When Jesus Martinez asked Maxim and Complex to pay him in "melons", he was taken a little to literally.
-------------------------------------------------
either anything goes or i do
Jon Gosselin has a recurring dream where he wants all the huge melons he can handle. He wakes up screaming when he realizes he's stuck in Kates over ripe ovaries.
Ohh LAWD! I musta died and gone to heavens!!! Now if only I could find a slice of cornbread and I'd be set.
Guy Ritchie still can't find his balls in the divorce settlement.
************************************************
"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
************************************************
As Bill slowly woke from his haze, he realized that the drink that watermelon bought him may have been spiked.
We always knew Jon Gosselin would leave Kate for someone with nicer melons.
You stupid fucking genie! I said "I wish I was worth a lot of loot," not "I wish to birth a lot of fruit!"
Why do people even tell Maury what they are afraid of? It never ends well for them.
"Me Chinese. Me play trick. Me put pee-pee in your... nalgene bottle while you're passed out in the neighbor's watermelon patch. Hold up, that's not how it goes."
This weekend, 'Lost in Translation 2' goes straight to DVD.
Melon-Omar.
Where you wake up after a night out with Hohan.
You can always tell which hatchlings are gonna turn out to be mutant ninjas.
STOP CRITICIZING MEEEEE!!!! I FERTILIZED EVERY ONE OF YOUR DAMN EGGS!! I DESERVE A NAP!! - Even Sea Turtle husbands get nagged.
Jon Gosselin's Recurring Nightmare: The Cabbage Patch Kids Adoption Center
John and Booze + 155
The foot stomping method is the best way to make wine. Here we see a worker at Boones Farm taking a break from delivering that authentic watermelon wine taste
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"Why would I love a couch?"- Joe Guidice
inside paris hiltons brain
...His fart scared them seedless.
----->Ghosts Wear Boo Jeans<-----
The A. Loha Virus
THIS is why they tell you to always rinse your fruit before eating!
At long last, Jon Gosselin finally gets his balls back, and then some.
A quick look inside Kate Gosselin's uterus reveals one baby that didn't want to leave.
Gotta wonder what the spit rag on his shoulder is for?
Waiting for Gallagher.
So many watermelons, not enough screaming Asian men.
George Takei releases his load after winning the Ultimate Ben-wa Balls Championship.
Watermelon margies. Why do you ask?
Me thinks I’ll drown me loneliness with my favorite brand of piss-juice.
"Fortune and Glory" ~ Junior
Jon Gosselin's recurring nightmare - revenge of the watermelon sperm.
"Prune!"
Why can't they let me be great?
In an earlier, fruit-centered series, Spencer Tunick frequently had trouble getting all of his participants nude
This wasn't what Julio had in mind when his friend gave him free lawn tickets to see Mellencamp.
Jon Gosselin is over it. Kate can throw her overies at him all day long but never again will he make the mistake of fertilizing them. Instead he'll spend his days drinking Christian Audigier's urine in an attempt to get that Crisco tan.
After dumping his longtime girlfriend shown here: http://www.dlisted.com/node/32265 Hung shows poor judgement in playing the field.
Hilarious!!!
Submitted by Provolone on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 3:46pm.
"...this year there will be no Easter egg hunt."
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"Why would I love a couch?"- Joe Guidice
Jon Ate Kate
and this was the aftermath...
While a necklace of garlic might work with most blood suckers, it's going to take a fortress of watermelons to keep Kate Goselin away.
Little baby watermelons are just as scared of swallowing a human seed.
Fruits and a loon.
Nighty!
NoAnjlxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyouknowit.
Ooooh, I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
an onion patch, an on... hey! Wait a minute, these aren't fucking onions!
Wow...I didn't know that Jon Gosselin was starring in The Gallagher Story.
In a surprise attack, North Korea launches millions of watermelons over the Pacific, injuring one Hawaiian man.
Aw c'mon! Now you're just taunting Lance Armstrong.
Jon and the grandkids.
Not to be outdone by Michele Duggar, Kate Gosselin's eggs move in for the kill.
"...this year there will be no Easter egg hunt."
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
"Why would I love a couch?"- Joe Guidice
Takeru Kobayashi - " Well, Joey Chestnut won the hot dog contest but i'm gonna win the AssMelon contest...right, ummmfffffffff gaaaaaaaaaaah jeeeeeeeeez...thats 1 "