Tony Dumped Jessica
Papa Joe won't be spending his afternoon in a bubble bath with his Crazy Daisy Love Doll like usual, because he'll be too busy begging Nick Lachey to get back together with Jessica Simpson so they can shoot another reality show together called Newlyweds: Once More With Feeling. Papa Joe knows that Jessica will have to find another way of staying relevant now that Tony Romo has dumped her ass after almost two years together.
A source said that Tony pink-slipped Jessica the night before her birfday. I guess that's one way of getting out of buying her ass a present.
Jessica was planning a Barbie and Ken-themed party for her birthday (and there's the reason why Tony quit her ass), but canceled it. The source went on to say, "She is heartbroken. She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."
Jessica took a break from drowning her sorrows in sheet cake (Jennifer Aniston already ate the country's supply of packaged cookie dough), to Twitter a little bit. Last night, she wrote: "Everyone needs to know that hope floats...grab the strings and pull it back to you." A few hours later, she added: "Falling asleep with my mom and the dogs. Please lord give all of my beautiful fans, friends, enemies, and family rest. Bring all of us peace."
What she really meant is: PLEASE LORD GET ME THE COVER OF PEOPLE THIS WEEK!
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Solaera,
It has been years, but I loved the book Hotel New Hampshire. The movie sucked. John Irving was my favorite author for a while with Garp and H.NH.
Now I don't know how to open a book, I only read Dlisted.
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I can't say you hurt me when you never let me near...
I came running when I heard! I'm all torn up about it! It's terrible!
She'll never go away now!
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
How many chances does this untalented hick get? 100?, 1000? I would have so much more respect for her if some producer would just come out and say, "Hey, we like tits and this girl's got 'em. We don't give a crap whether she has any other talent than what she can do in the boardroom, that's all that matters and the bottom line is 'We Like Boobs!"
Guys can b so insensitive sometimes...right before the B-Day...really? He didnt know anytime before then that he wanted to quit her funny shapped ass..it had to be then so he could ruin her B-Day....effing men!
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)**********(¨`·.·´¨)**********(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
*you've been far awaaaay. When I see your face my hearts burst into fire*
*Dont think too much just bust that thick*
slow day today???
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
Migraine: Back atcha.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Great. Here comes six months of her whining in the tabloids.
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Prostitution whore!!
Submitted by Provolone on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 2:03pm.
Obviously was spooked by the Steve McNair situation. Good move Mr. Romo, good move
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Ohhhh good observation, Provy. And there's this boxer who was strangled to death by his wife with her purse strap, right? Police suspected her because she couldn't explain how she could be in the same room for 10 hours with the deceased and not notice he was dead.
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Bottom-feeder.
Hope floats? Think Jessica read The Hotel New Hampshire?
Just keep passing those open windows Jessica!
I remember her saying on Newlyweds that growing up, she never even had to make her bed or do any chores that everything was done for her so you can imagine what a spoiled little princess she must be. The fascination with the boobs has a very short shelf life, then reality sets in.
A Barbie and Ken themed party should be fucking illegal for anyone above the age of six. And this breakup comes as a surprise? Maybe he found her sticking pins through the condoms.
And PapaJoe is already seeding the tabloids with rumors of a Nick'n'Chestica reunion, I betcha. Of all his idiotic managerial ideas, dumping Nick was the worst.
Tony probably got tired of being compared to Papa.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Obviously was spooked by the Steve McNair situation. Good move Mr. Romo, good move
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"Why would I love a couch?"- Joe Guidice
Won't be long till he finds a new receiver with better hands.
ISMU,
I like Hope Floats (covering face with arms and ducking). The little boy cracks me up, Big Delores scares me, and the grandma's stuffed pets tickle my macabre funnybone.
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I can't say you hurt me when you never let me near...
Im shocked it lasted even this long. She'll find another victim soon enough....
www.myspace.com/tharightgirl4u
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
As a diehard Dallas fan, this made my day. No more looking at fishface in her pink jersey and hat.
dramaqueen
you got the mail
After watching Newlyweds, I'm convinced she's incapable of having feelings for anyone, but herself.
On a side note: It's really low to dump someone the day before or on their b-day. Suck it up and wait.
The whole blond hair, big boobs, and no brains and personality thing isn't enough to "keep a man". Even her money doesn't help. That's because bitches like her are completely interchangeable, especially for a rich football dude. The fact that Jessucka seems totally needy and dumber than a box of rocks doesn't help either.
is it wrong that i don't feel so bad for her? i know she has it worse cos shes in the public eye, but we have ALL dealt with awful breakups. i know my ass has been dumped, incidentally also before my birthday on one occasion, i guess we both dated cheap ass men that didn't want to buy us presents. lol.
Was a penguin involved in the break up??
Yea, I know its a cheap shot. So what.
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
"Submitted by EatYourVeggies on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 1:45pm.
Now would be the time to break out all the "desperate, and unlucky in love" shit. Jessucka is completely defined by the men she dates."
ITA....this girl needs some time by herself, to figure out who SHE is, not let a man define her. But I guess some hos never learn!
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What's the opposite of making sense? The Comfort Wipe! -MK
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
Who are these "sources"???
Do they just have friends that give them a shoulder to cry on whilst simultaneously cashing a cheque with the other hand?
Me thinks Papa Joe has a hand in this (as well as other things).
--thanks awfully--
Wow, let me get this straight: big boobs, blonde hair, devoid of independent thought, and she CAN"T keep a man?
Excuse me, I need to go rethink my strategy.
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What's the opposite of making sense? The Comfort Wipe! -MK
aww that dog is so precious. poor thing is gonna witness her drunken rantings.
Ummm...wow...that was the most boring post ever MK!
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
"Jessica was planning a Barbie and Ken-themed party for her birthday"
Barbie & Ken themed party? Really? Jessucka, you're 29 years old, not 9.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Momma Superior,
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
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I can't say you hurt me when you never let me near...
Awwww, Tony ended their fake, PR relationship. Boo-fucking-hoo.
She had me a bit until I read that "hope floats" bullshit. It brought to mind that godawful punchbowl of SUCK movie that Sandra Bullock was in years ago.
Turds float, too but you don't see me trying to pull 'em up by a string, dumbass.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Now who are the Dallas Cowboys gonna blame for the team sucking so bad? HAHA!
Ooooo, ISMU has da ESPN visions. :P
LOL @ JESSICA. I don't have anything else to say about that but I love everyone's comments on dlisted and all the avatars. Everyone on here is hilarious and perfect. You guys forever keep me laughing! xoxo **Social trends are social engineering.**
All I can say is OUCH about him dumping her before her birthday...however, it was a Barbie and Ken themed birthday so now I can totally understand. He wanted to save himself from the embarrassment of going through that shit. OR maybe he dumped her because she hadn't taken care of the root situation...geez, Jessica, dye your hair brown...we know you're not a real blonde...duh!
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
I have a measure of respect for Tony Romo now. He got out before she got knocked up.
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“He who hesitates, doesn't get laid.”
--Brian Kinney
I wonder how many cocktails she had before she tweeted that retarded christian memo?
Perhaps if she had kept her mouth shut about how awesome her relationship was and how she was going to marry Tony and blah blah blah he wouldn't have dumped her fat ass.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
This makes me sad...I always liked the head filled with helium that is J Simp.
On another note, please get back together with Nick, please get back together with Nick, please get back together with Nick!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nick can write you a song to heal your heartache! He's great at emoting in music videos too!
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"Why would Brad leave such a beautiful woman to hold orphans for Angelina?" - Michael Douglas
I think her chesticles probably had something to do with it lasting this long
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O_o. Paris Hilton. Beware of my fucked up eye. It's bigger than the other.
Am I a horrible person for saying "yay" out loud when I read it?
"They" decided? Buahahaahaha
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Ahhh...nooo.....heartbreak is terrible! Mehhh....I'm in the breaking up mood too and don't make jokes about the penguins and Jess. For today. ;)
Now would be the time to break out all the "desperate, and unlucky in love" shit. Jessucka is completely defined by the men she dates.
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Mon, 07/13/2009 - 1:43pm.
She is so unlucky in love
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She is also unlucky in talent.
Now her and Nick can get back together.
"She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot herself."
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Whoa. Sorry, that's how I first read it.
Must.Have.Coffee.
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Bottom-feeder.
Wouldn't it be funny if he broke up with her for some dude named Pepper?
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City and Colour: The Girl