The Empress Of Lucite Brings Her Elegance To France
The Eiffel Tower was extra sparkly last night, because Shauna Sand clicked her exquisite lucite heels three times and was magically transported from Los Angeles to France! The Empress of Lucite was there, because President Sarkozy realized he made a major mistake by marrying Carla Bruni and asked Shauna to be the new First Lady of France. The true First Lady of France. It's what history intended. NO! The Empress of Lucite was in the city of lights, because her estranged husband Romain (the beauty hater) is on the French version of Big Brother called Secret Story.
While in the house, Shauna's ex has been slapping his buttery skin baguette all over Angie, a ho some bitches think is a Shauna look-alike. I'm sorry, but if the angels don't weep when you pucker your lips and mortal men don't kill themselves when you don't glance their way, you cannot be compared to The Empress of Lucite. No way.
Shauna was there with her new boyfriend, Antoine (who may or may not be a 4-year-old weasel with bad mange), to tell Romain that she has moved on. And Shauna tells him this in fluent French!!!! You haven't really heard the French language until it has passed through Shauna's elegant lips. I think every French speaking slut immediately went mute, because they knew they could never make the French language sound as eloquent or beautiful as Shauna does. It's like I'm gently being butt fucked by a croissant. Pure poetry. Somewhere in heaven, Victor Hugo just cut off his tongue.
Below is a translation from my friend Chloe of Shauna's conversation with Romain:
Host: Do you hear me? Romain, Angie, hello again!
Angie and Romain : Hey!
Host: Oh, you're cute! I've got someone special to introduce you to. She wanted to talk to you. She made a long travel. She comes from LA.
Romain: Ooh la la!
Angie: Gosh! She looks like me!
Shauna: Hello.
Romain: Hello.
Shauna: How are you?
Romain: Fine and you?
Shauna: Fine. Are you having fun?
Romain: Yes it's nice, and you?
Shauna: Haha.
Angie: She looks like me (Ed. note: Bitch, slap yourself for that!)
Romain : It's huge
Angie: I thought it was me... modified! (Ed. note: BITCH, stop it now!)
Shauna: Yes I'm having fun!
Romain: It's cool then.
Host: Shauna made the trip from LA to talk to you and to make up with you. She has something to tell you tonight
Shauna: Yes, i wanted to introduce you to Antoine.
Romain: I know him, we already met.
Angie: Hey Shauna, I'm glad to meet you.
Shauna: Me too. Pleased to meet you, Angie.
Angie: You're beautiful.
Shauna : You too.
Romain: I wanted to introduce you to my girlfriend, Angie.
Host: So everything is ok. I'll let you gather around for a nice dinner! Thanks for coming to France. Thank you Shauna. Thank you Antoine!
Unfortunately, Shauna did not destroy Angie by simply flipping her hair. No. Shauna has the heart of a million Care Bears, so she would never do that. She couldn't even a hurt a fly. Even if the fly is the gutter tramp version of her.
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J'ai juste eu des relations sexuelles avec un caniche et j'aime bananes mieux!
I love that this is tagged under "elegance has a name" hahaha.
Zomay > Oh yes they do!!Ever heard of Loana?
(ps : i can't say "we", as i'm not french but belgian :D)
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I don't want more choice, I just want nicer things!
I could actually see her with Sarkozy.
pumps on Sat, 07/11/2009 - 2:25pm.
Zomay > You don't have to be sorry. You haven't see all the skanks in that show.
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So the French have skank issues too?
:D
TIGERLILLY! WE MISSED YOU!!!
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
I'm baaaaaack...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
La grande putaine de tout le monde certainly puts the "gall" in Gallic.
And now a few words from the Merovingian:
" I love French wine, like I love the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it. "
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Bottom-feeder.
Wow. Now i know i really made it : MK quoted me on Dlisted! Wow.
Anyway, the funny thing is that Shauna speaks french better than some participants to this "show"...
Zomay > You don't have to be sorry. You haven't see all the skanks in that show.
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I don't want more choice, I just want nicer things!
I can't tell which of the two couples are made of silicone and which are made of compressed air.
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Bottom-feeder.
Um...dat ees sum beezarrrre sheet.
The guys and the girls look the same. What's the point of changing partners, really, except travel?
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
I am floored that she speaks french! Pas mal, sale pute...
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I said good day, sir!
Note to the French:
So sorry.
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Too much plastic, silicon, hair extensions and self-tanner on the screen. Meh.
Amazing where Lorenzo Lamas's money will take you hmm. [Insert NBC's "The more you know" sparkley comet and tinkley music here.]
MK you are hysterical!! "It's like I'm gently being butt fucked by a croissant"
Oh, man. I was just in Paris and saw 'Secret Story' one night and thought he looked kind of familiar. I'm glad it's him because it's one less douche that's out there.
I'm shocked that she speaks French! I'm frankly shocked that she can actually speak English to begin with.
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"F*CK OFF!" -- Harvey Yorke Price
Oh oh! Ce qu'un stupide putain!
Why doesn't this get the "SKANKS" tag?
I tried to read/watch that but all I got were Charlie Brown's teacher sounds.
<"Romain: I know him, we already met.">
THUD. So much for the fireworks. Her current skinny looking heroin addict ain't no Roman, Romaine, whatever.
Skank. Skank. Skank. I hope I have made myself transparently clear.
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Her French is not bad, but accented.
i will never get bored of shauna!
What fresh hell is this?
MK brilliance! "It's like I'm gently being butt fucked by a croissant." Good times indeed. LOL!
The flies are always prettier than Shauna.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Some wimmins like a warm baguette.